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Aug 2019 · 65
Kiss Me
Britt Nichole Aug 2019
..Kiss me like you love me in July.
I will kiss you into July
I will kiss you until my lips melt like July and August, and then when September returns I will kiss you like I want the leaves to stay on the trees
I am staying
I will kiss you until you are me
There are soft spots and then there are spots where my lips touch that make you soft like pudding
I will kiss there
I will kiss where you hurt and where you have healed
I will put my lips on your lips when you are hot and I am cold
I will feed you with these lips  
I will feed you until you are full of me
Kiss me and then kiss me again.
I will do it, honey.
I will
Britt Nichole Jun 2019
When I miss you
   I hurt well
I ache in my chest for the love we had in the moments that were pure between us
We were body on body
    Body in body
       Body with body
    We shared time
        We shared soft moments
What am I without what you made of me?
What are you without what all I gave to you?
Feb 2019 · 251
Confessions On Repeat
Britt Nichole Feb 2019
I kiss softly because I am afraid of commitment
I kiss lots of people because, why not?
I kissed a dead body before I kissed my first love
I miss flowers when the grass is brown
I miss flowers like how I miss you every single day
I missed my pills and now I just miss myself
I think infinity is a lot of sleep
I miss you now more than ever
Oct 2018 · 211
The Sore Poems
Britt Nichole Oct 2018
I know my love like I know the sound it makes inside of yours
I know my love like how I know nothing other than living it through you
The moving on will not happen
The moving out eventually will
Sep 2018 · 370
Low Noon
Britt Nichole Sep 2018
Sweet love,
If I leave now,
come back when time has forgotten forgiveness, would you still hold me?
Would you still reach out for my hands like you want to plant your roots in them?
Jul 2018 · 186
Cinnamon & Something Safe
Britt Nichole Jul 2018
..I love you
I love you more times than I have loved myself
I carry you with me like my body carries my own blood through these veins
Each time I wish myself away from this place I think of the way your clothes smell when I inhale them
Cinnamon and something safe
You are something worth breathing for
You are a thing that brings my heart to a glow so bright that my eyes reduce to water
Kiss me sweet
Jul 2018 · 163
Making Love (To Be Cont.)
Britt Nichole Jul 2018
All of my breaths stick to your skin when you move between my thighs
We make humidity
Our song gets lost in the haze
You cradle me like baby
You cradle me like broken body
I lose my thoughts when you push into me slowly, and I taste copper in my cheeks when you groan
You are a body like no other body I have been with
You are a love like no other love I have shared
I get dizzy when you kiss me sweet
Kiss me sweet again
Kiss me
Kiss me
The Sensual Series Three
Jun 2018 · 175
The Heat
Britt Nichole Jun 2018
This bed knows us
These sheets know us like weeds know dirt
These sheets know us like sweat on skin
We are dripping from every pore on our bodies
Your arms are entangled with my torso
Hands wrapped around my ribs
I am alive in each second you move me
You are nothing but a wave crashing into my vessel
You push into me hard and roll me in ways that make my brain spin
I am wasted on the way you kiss every part of me
You sing into me like birds sing out of trees
My eyelids are heavy with the smell of you, so I count how many times you groaned my name into ear
I think, Too many times to keep my heart safe.
Every time I sigh you kiss my tongue
This bed knows we are starting over again
The Sensual Series Three
Jun 2018 · 218
Hot Air
Britt Nichole Jun 2018
I hear you humming onto my collarbones when my fingertips graze your shoulders
Our goosebumps sing when they touch, and the song is a sensual one
We mix together and the universe tips into rhythm with our bodies
Gravity loses itself in each sigh
Time turns over with each moan
We are gone in it all
You are always wanting more
You are always giving more  
Filling my emptiness in a way that turns my heart outward
You feed the explosion swimming in my veins
Pull me closer.
I do
Two vessels morphing into two connected souls
Light up for me, baby.
Again and again
I do
The Sensual Series Three
Jun 2018 · 232
I Have More (Drunk Poem #4)
Britt Nichole Jun 2018
My heartache is a soft feeling
It starts in the chest, moves to the bone, and then dances slowly with my blood in ways that make me hazy
I am an entire skeleton vibrating lightly with every moment I had with you
It all hurts in subtle ways - in all of the ways I have you under my skin
I have ten fingers and each of them is achy for yours to be laced through them
My whole body wants yours around it
The time isn’t right for us.
You said this a lot - too often to count
Many more times than my lungs wanted to hear
They twisted into themselves with my imminent abandonment
Eventually, I had two timers in my chest
They ticked so loudly that I forgot the sound of my own breath - forgot how it felt to be loved by you at all
I think, The time was always right. You just did not want me for long.
I am still here, though
The ache tells me so
Jun 2018 · 241
Mr. Cicisbeo #3
Britt Nichole Jun 2018
The daylilies in my garden are pink this year
Pink like the skin over my cheekbones after you tell me that I am beautiful
You tell me many lovely things about myself and out of nowhere during the short moments we have together
I can love you better than that. Let me show you.
I believe you

I think about all of the things I had settled for not receiving before you happened to me
You give me these things
You give me these things and more
You do not make me beg for any of it
The love we make in your bed is both rough and soft
I am never unfinished and always the very center of your attention

I think, I could leave it all behind for you.
A hard human who is so soft with me and wants to show it to the world
I guess I am just not ready yet
You tell me that it hurts to be hidden in my spare time
I do not have much of it these days
Still, I have to leave you again
I will see you, I say
I forgot to water the daylilies
Britt Nichole May 2018
I have yellow bruises below my belt
All from the soft damage you carefully deliver
You are so gentle in the way you hurt me badly - so easy with your tongue when it comes to the crushing of my lungs
They are wrapped around each other a lot
I like to think that they are cuddling tightly
They are really just protecting themselves from pieces of your shrapnel
A beautiful pair nonetheless
You are no good to anybody who wants to be good to you.
Truths from a corpse’s mouth play over in my head
This truth always makes it back to me in some way
How many more pennies until my thoughts are all pretty ones?
How many more pills until these bruises start looking like butterflies?
May 2018 · 146
A(n) (Unedited) Feeling #2
Britt Nichole May 2018
I taste something bitter in my mouth when you kiss me hard
It is regret
Maybe shame
A soft loneliness just dancing slowly with my tastebuds
The melody feels like medicine on my throat
My chest wonders about which of your pretty words I should hold on to - which of them I should forget
I love you hard and then remember the night you made my innards twist up around my lungs
You burned me badly and I had to cough up all the charred pieces of my heart into these palms after you left
I have tried to swallow them back down a few times since then
They do not stick because my love ***** has scarred over
I guess it got tired of your damage
I guess those pieces don’t have a home inside of me anymore
Apr 2018 · 387
A(n) (Unedited) Feeling
Britt Nichole Apr 2018
Maybe your name in my mouth would taste sweeter if I chose to love you like how I feel when the sun kisses me

I could place my home in the middle of every word of yours I do not believe
I would have acres to garden - many miles of land to plant every flower I think is pretty
They are all pretty
& so all of my pretty could dress up each sad part of me you created
A flower to accent each hole you punched through my chest

There would be much more color in my face when you smile at me
A full spectrum of my heart sprouting from my cheekbones  
Maybe there would be more of me to give
Apr 2018 · 265
Soft Wind & Sun Kisses
Britt Nichole Apr 2018
I am on my couch having deep conversations with the wall again
I want to be held.
I don’t get a response
The wall does not get me like you get me
I think about how many times I tried to count all of the freckles on your face - about how the sun loved you so hard that it left small scars on your skin from where she had kissed you

I think that it is courageous of her to love this way- so painfully full of grace and warmth and then each moment you two shared left behind in a pattern on your vessel
You carry them all beautifully
You carry them like how I carry you with me
I tell the wall that I want you here
I tell the wall that I want you here like how I need air in my lungs
I will reset my boundaries in the morning
Apr 2018 · 284
A True (Abstract) Story
Britt Nichole Apr 2018
My love grows out of my spine
I know this because I do not have a strong one
I know this because every time I fall in love I fall into myself
Ribs and tissue all mushing together in an awfully metaphorical way
Trying to breathe strength into me
Trying to help me do it right this time around
You are no good to anybody who wants to be good to you.
I still feel this
I sink into your soul’s disappointment when I ruin something lovely
I think, I am good at this one thing. Even in death you can’t take it away from me.
Your ghost disagrees and small white flowers push through the skin on my chest
I am sprouting again

Look at you. Just see this.
I see her
I am her
I am the same she that you spoke into existence the moment you pushed this vessel in front of its own reflection and poked each bruise on its body
I was just many well worn constellations
I am much more now that I have fallen back in love
All bruised up but still breathing and that is the thing we all want for you right now.
I know
I am breathing but it hurts
If I could do this over I would learn how to love much more graciously
If I could love you better I would be the best me I have ever been
Apr 2018 · 280
Mr. Cicisbeo #2
Britt Nichole Apr 2018
My skin is on me like it was just on you
It is quietly all about you lately
My armor is gleaming now that you have rubbed against it relentlessly
I do not ever shine for no reason

I think, I could be someone new again if that someone belongs to you.
I guess this is what the aftershock is
We are a big one
We are wrecking ball to all of the sturdy we know

We should not be here
Apr 2018 · 205
Mr. Cicisbeo
Britt Nichole Apr 2018
There is a low light in this room
It is coming from the holy fire we just lit in your bed
It is coming from every hollow part of me that you just filled with your body - from the secret we are sitting on
I never knew a man could pull a hum so deep from his chest until you pushed one into my mouth
You hummed me back into existence
Back into feeling needed
Back into this body of mine
Apr 2018 · 1.2k
Another Wine Poem
Britt Nichole Apr 2018
I waste good wine on you and wonder why I am not hungover in the morning
My stomach tells me it is not worth it to wonder - to just be thankful the ache is not pounding through my head
I agree
I tell my inner self to settle wildly on the idea that all of my flowers will bloom for someone who truly wants to see my colors
I tell my inner self that the most familiar hand to hold is the safest hand to hang on to
She tells me I am safer than a seatbelt
I say that a seatbelt is always optional
I say that my fingers are wrinkled from the water I soak too long in
They keep little secrets in their valleys
Maybe I will know them one day
Maybe one day they will touch you and not feel so numb
Mar 2018 · 250
Queued #2
Britt Nichole Mar 2018
It is 2:30 in the afternoon and I am questioning your character
I am questioning my own for wanting to be the best part of your days from this one until the last one you live on this planet

I think, How dare you show up in my life this way - all you and what you are made of?
It is all of you that has each part of me underneath this skin on my body

I think, I have let love unfold me at each loose ligament.
This is how it awakens the least enjoyable parts of me

I think, I have stopped letting my teeth have my tongue because it mostly wants to be on your collarbones.
My hands are just greedy weeds
They look for your blue water soul for feeding and then this hidden sun to shine brightly on my insecurities
You are the fuel for my garden
If I was only a flowerbed would you still want to plant yourself inside of me?
Mar 2018 · 278
Britt Nichole Mar 2018
If I hold on tightly I think I might lose my grip
I fill my emotional holes with people because being alone makes my heart eat its way out of my throat
My brain rots itself away and my hands start reaching for things that will only haunt me
I teach you that the aftermath of learning too much loss looks a lot like me trying to keep myself busy
I tell you that my eyes are straws and after I drink you up with one glance I can be full for the whole day
I wait for the next one
I tell my reflection I love her and she does not reciprocate
She only tells me to hold my food down
She tells me you will not come back
She tells me I can only receive the waves from what tremors I create in our water
She tells me she does not love me because I do not deserve her yet
Mar 2018 · 235
Then & Now
Britt Nichole Mar 2018
I do not think I am standing straight
You say the sheets are clean but you will get new ones for me to sleep on anyway
A soul got lost in the thread count
Maybe two
Maybe even three
My skin is seeping sin
My eyes are wet stained glass
I think, If I turn myself inward would you still want to make love to me?
You say it is not making love if we don’t know each other
I say it is
I know you in this moment and that is enough for me right now
Mar 2018 · 136
A Warm Hue
Britt Nichole Mar 2018
Open my chest and then plant flowers in the hollow red
I wonder about how steadily you are breathing right now and which of my chest petals would match best with your undertone
My skin is olive like ‘Olive juice’
Your skin is not
Your skin is the blues
You are a good thing that hurts me badly
I plan to turn my heart strings into harp strings
All of this breaking would sound much better as a melody
Mar 2018 · 160
Spring Song
Britt Nichole Mar 2018
Honeysuckle knees and a dandelion tongue
You kiss me hard and my blood turns to chlorophyll
I am reduced into water
You are the softest riverbed - the stickiest of mud between my toes
I like the way you carry the tide with your body
Up and down and then all around me in ways only the seabed understands
There is salt on my tongue
Mar 2018 · 122
Another Soft, Drunk Memory
Britt Nichole Mar 2018
Your eyes are getting glossy near the lower lashes and you push your fingertips into the corners of my mouth
I am pulled up into a forced smile
You are quiet.
I tell you that I would be less quiet if I could have my pills
Your lower lashes are a little more wet than they were before
You will get sick, you say
I argue that to be sick is to be something better than only quiet inside
Your finger points to the bathroom door
You are something better than those pills.
I do not feel so empty anymore
Mar 2018 · 315
Achy Mouth & Dirty Water
Britt Nichole Mar 2018
My tongue is rubbing against the roof of my mouth
I think, I can still taste you, and so I brush my teeth for the fifth time today
I only brushed them three times yesterday
The days of clean are up and down lately
I scoop water from at my feet in the shower and pour your mistake back onto me
This is a bad habit I choose not to break yet
Maybe it keeps me going
Maybe eventually your mistake will tell my skin it was not made for carrying a thing so hurtful
Maybe soon it will beg me to let it settle in the pipes
Feb 2018 · 190
Honeydrops Joydew
Britt Nichole Feb 2018
I think bees bees bees until honey begins to drip from my skin
It leaks from me like sweat in hot July
The flowers in my belly shimmy their leaves at the sound of sun shining through my window
I am in love with the light
I am in love with anything that feels like you
The Soft Poems
Feb 2018 · 284
Tipsy Flower
Britt Nichole Feb 2018
I have dandelion dew in my mouth
Woke up early and the sun condensed my love for you into small drops
It is all on my tongue now
You taste like sunflower honey - the best kind
Bittersweet on my teeth
Soothing remedy for my sick soul
I drink you up in a moment of need and I am sated for the entirety of the day
You are in me like my own blood is inside of my veins
I have a weak heart but it pumps a strong song for you
Maybe always
The Soft Poems
Feb 2018 · 383
A Soft, Drunk Memory
Britt Nichole Feb 2018
...Touch my lips, you say
I do
You smile with closed mouth underneath my finger pads
Touch my hands, you say
I place the back of my hands into your open palms
You lean in close to my face and ask me if I can feel you thrumming
I tell you that you are too warm to be so close to me
Not warm, just really fired up with *****.
You whisper this into my neck and I am dizzy in my tummy again
I squish my eyelids shut and curl into your lap
You smell like something cinnamon and safe
Do you feel full?
My brain is busy with your scent, but I know that this burial ground of a bed is beginning to feel like my only most alive place to be in
I nod into your chin and fall asleep to the sound of your body breathing with mine
The Soft Poems
Feb 2018 · 159
The Bad Tired
Britt Nichole Feb 2018
...I am tired and need to be held.
This is a question
When The Bad Tired hits me hard in the belly this is how I say, I am tipping like hot teapot and need someone to sturdy me before I fall over completely.
I am exhausted down into salty water and loose change in a glass jar
The coins make a terrible noise when I rub them between my palms
I crush them together anyway because it warms up a memory I have in my head
Stars become moon
Moon becomes light
The light illuminates a picture of your face behind my eyelids
I give up on your memory and scrub sad ones off of me until I am red and feeling hollow enough to become dirt
My heart is wilting
Feb 2018 · 396
Britt Nichole Feb 2018
...I have not healed entirely, I say
You know this already
You respond with a nod
I ask you to be my first date again and we eat takeout on the sofa we frequently make love on
Maaaking looove
It comes off of my ******* long sound - one stretched moan
When you are here I can feel the salt in my unfinished wounds turn to sugar
My blood is just Kool-Aid
You say, I am parched, and because I am sweetened you drink me up until my legs are heavy and then we are back to making love on the sofa
The Soft Poems
Feb 2018 · 355
Kissing Lips & Rainwater
Britt Nichole Feb 2018
You smell nice and kiss me good enough always
Lips like how flowers turn their faces up to the sun in midday May
Lips like how your I love yous feel in my belly
You touch me softly and I am a puddle of cool rainwater at your feet - a vessel to cleanse
Should I slow down?
I think the tapping sound is coming from my chest
This heart is on again
The Soft Poems
Jan 2018 · 147
Simple Concepts
Britt Nichole Jan 2018
I coughed into my hands and bits of my heart got caught in my palms
A simple concept
If there was a coffee table in this room I would be swaying around it to the beat in your chest
I am starved
Your lips are dessert before everything
Your lips are hot water on my hands
I taste the good in you when your tongue is in my mouth and this is why I love you better when you are hard to love
We do not have to worry about that right now
My shoes are well worn
You take them off of my cold feet and make love to me like wood in a lit fireplace
My fingers are only empty air without yours laced through them
Your eyes make my lungs feel full
Another simple concept
The Soft Poems
Jan 2018 · 239
Britt Nichole Jan 2018
Here we are
Underneath this light blanket
Playing hide and seek with our words
I want to ask you to love me slowly
Lots of careful caressing
Gentle between my legs  
Soft enough to alleviate my ache
The ceiling fan is spinning quickly so I am dizzy
I put my forehead between your shoulder blades and pretend you are hearing me from inside
I put honey in cold tea and think of you when I am drinking it all up.
This means I am in too deep
This means we are most fresh in the morning
My forehead is hot from the heat of your spine
I think, I am a hothead.
I think, You are my favorite audience.
I know that now I need you here to make feel better
I think, That is okay with my heart.
The Soft Poems
Jan 2018 · 272
Dr. God & Drone Bees
Britt Nichole Jan 2018
My feet are cold against your legs
You ask, Not enough blood down there?
I tell you that I have plenty of blood
You just make it all go to my head
A major side effect of loving you
Still, I think you are the best medicine I have ever been prescribed
Your hand is at the small of my back and it makes me think about simple things
The First Book Of Bees is just a lot of sketches and elementary facts about honeybees.
You do not understand
I do
I ponder bees as you touch my hipbone
The sole duty of a drone bee is to love the ruler of its hive - to always to give and support the growth of its home
It is unable to sting and is also most abundantly alive in the afternoon
My hand moves to your hand
I say, I am a drone bee.
Again, you do not understand
Again, I do
The Soft Poems
Jan 2018 · 342
Inner Thigh Songs
Britt Nichole Jan 2018
... I get dizzy after I ****** hard.
Your lips twitch up and I am spinning again
I can hear the ticking of my love ***** in my ears
You are the soft thud
You are wet clothes in the washing machine
We are freshly showered and back to making love on my ***** sheets
You kiss on my inner thighs and your breath is warm like tea on my flower
My hips come up underneath your rough palms
I say, I think I love you the most when I am lonely.
You say it right back to me and that is how we know that we love each other the most always
You pause the singing between my thighs and ask me how much I love you  
I love you like the sun wakes up every morning and that is all I know for now.
You continue your song inside of me until we are harmonious
The Soft Poems
Jan 2018 · 228
Soft Damage & Scar Tissue
Britt Nichole Jan 2018
I lost my eyes in the way your mouth moved when it said my name
When I am in the shower I scrub hard at my skin
and memories of you collect at my ankle bones
I still love you, I just do not love who you have become.
Light damage to my chest
The water down there is cold and I get goosebumps on my legs right after shaving them
It is also pink from the dull razor meeting my shins
This towel is the tightest hug I have received in days and now I am in love with an overused towel
The Soft Poems
Jan 2018 · 172
We Will Start Here
Britt Nichole Jan 2018
My lips are chapped from my tongue trying to get a little more of you one more time
Sometimes your mouth tastes like the good things I remember about being in love
Sometimes it tastes like I give more of myself to you than I should
You leave me in the quiet too often
I need to be held, but please do not hold me.
My brain is tired from all of the wrapping around you it has been doing
You whisper into me and my body is quick to split itself at the spine
I become two halves of the many halves I have made parts of myself into
Affirm me lightly
Tell me often
We will start here
The Soft Poems
Jan 2018 · 673
This Is My Only Soft Poem
Britt Nichole Jan 2018
My fingertips touch your skin and listen to the stories coming from the lines pressed into your flesh
I feel you tenderly and fragments of words splay out onto the floor
I weave my fingers through yours
In my head I am weaving myself around each scattered syllable
I am afraid they will disappear - afraid they will evaporate like the sweat on our bodies

We are subtle in the anger we carry
You make love to me in a gentle way and afterwards I have bruises shaped like apologies on my arms
The sheets are wrinkled like my heart is on paper - like it is in my chest
I am so dizzy from you inside of me that I can feel my heartbeat in my fingernails
I think, This is what being in love feels like
My muscles smile achingly
I think, I was not prepared for this
My lungs fill up with agreement
I think you can hear my brain spinning too
I sigh so lightly that my ankles begin to float
New series - The Soft Poems! Yay!
Dec 2017 · 272
Britt Nichole Dec 2017
Many miles
Stepping stones
Steps taken in the direction of each other
Toes tapping on crunchy earth
Feet rubbing together in the cool sheets
Every corner turned is another memory of a smile
The glow of the kitchen lights look more like a soft kiss
Chapped lips
Warm bodies become only bodies
because there is suddenly only one body that can truly heat you up
Say it is okay to give more of yourself away than is left inside of your glass jar heart
Pop the top and let your innards spill out over the rim
It is never guaranteed that I will catch them
but you are forever promised my two hands to help clean up the mess afterwards
I am a safety net body
Fingertips on collarbones
Wine on my tongue
We will pick little bits of you off of the wood floors
I will refill your jar heart with lame jokes
You feel like home
I may forget to love myself but I know how to love you in all the right ways
All broken and healed up with the scars on my tongue
There are knives in my teeth but I will be gentle on your lips
Battle scars
Grass stains on blue jeans
Cool water  
Settle between my comfort and panic
Being in love is not ever going to be easy
I have tough skin and weak bones but I am strong enough to always hold the weight of your heaviness
I know how to carry the quiet
Warm breeze
Stiff spines
Palm kisses
Remember that I will always know how to be tender with you
Britt Nichole Dec 2017
I have grown so comfortable with hiding in my own ribcage that it is now protecting me from myself
There is nothing sexier than somebody who can give a good **** even when they want to die
I was sexier when you were alive
My mood always tipping the edge of a forevermore
A persistent cycle of worry coming from within your chest and splaying out all over me and the bed I was killing myself in
Your bed
My blood
Your place
My casket
Your home
My heart
When I am at my loneliest I try hard to remember what it was like to be wrapped around you
I cannot recall anymore
But I do remember the last conversation I had with you
It is so odd to know that in any given moment I may be looking into the face of a human being who could be nothing more than an absolute memory in the blink of an eye

Eyelash kisses from the rug
The best place to hide is between the couch and the coffee table
You taught me that
It is less painful to romanticize the last place you slept than to think of it as a terrible place to walk through
I still turn the fan off when I eat
Can you remember earthly things in heaven?
I am mundane and hope you can think of me from time to time
When I am alone I practice stoicism in my face and count steps to the shower and back to my room until the numbers sound like something you once said to me
You are always giving yourself away...
I would still give it all away to trade places with you

There is guilt inside of me every single day for the things I enjoy that you cannot enjoy with or without me
The car is too quiet in the absence of your silence and I feel it in my bones when the music is low
If there is one thing I have learned from God
it is that he knows all and tells nothing of what all he knows
There were no warning signs to the end of you
I left you in a small moment and then you left for always
There is nothing more of myself that I can give to your memory other than the final piece of myself I have to give away
I need to save it for somebody who will not die -
someone who will not leave this earth when I become too much for them to love
I hurt badly for you every time I think of the last seconds I looked into your eyes and did not recognize the end in them
I feel better when I can hear you sleeping.
I guess I am **** now
The Sensual Series Two
Dec 2017 · 222
Drunk Poem #3
Britt Nichole Dec 2017
The only thing that gets me off lately is the memory of my face in your hands when I would panic
Your hands in my hands when I was wrung out and dying
Fingertips grazing my scalp
Reviving the parts of me that I gifted to my chosen ill

Little snippets that create a feeling so hot
So crazily undoing
It feels like every unforgiving truth you spat at me in moments of my self pity
I am hot and bothered and without you
It is the only thing that gets me off lately
The Sensual Series Two
Britt Nichole Dec 2017
If there is love underneath you then let me down gently
Sometimes you smell so nice that my eyes water and my mouth begins to salivate
I want you so badly in those moments
You allow me into other moments that make me want you badly
I accidentally burrowed myself too far into your shoulder blades
My only excuse is that my feet were cold and
you are warm
You feel like a maybe home
Maybe here
Always there
Minutes behind
Hours too far away from when I need someone to hold me steady in my own destructive silence
You are soft whispers I try to not hear
When your tongue is in my mouth I can taste your intent
Our teeth clash and it knocks me back into my body
My ******* give me away even when I do not want to be vulnerable
My truth feels unleashed
I am then too naked to look you in the face
You have learned how to work me in a way that tires me into heavy eyelids
Tender awakenings
I just want to learn how to walk lightly
The Sensual Series Two
Dec 2017 · 969
My Heart In Mania
Britt Nichole Dec 2017
I sometimes wonder about how your chest feels when you pull away from me in moments I reach out to touch you
Mine aches
There are parts of me that have learned to attach themselves to people they can hide away in
My burrowing burdens
I always misinterpret this for love
It inevitably ruins me in the end
I am not one for leaving when it gets hard
You are
You are reminders of what I could have
Something I left behind in a moment of unwelcome honesty
I want to be vulnerable
There is such bravery in being truthfully raw
I am not brave but I am trying to be
I feel small when I am bare
Naked to you
Insignificantly present
The smell of a memory wakes me up every morning
I scrub it off of me and pretend I do not remember
I recall everything
I have you momentarily
Filled up
Still starved because I am not fulfilled
I whisper into you sometimes
You cannot hear the I love you in my tone
I put it there purposefully
Quiet enough to keep my heart safe
I am not yet capable of the words but will still attempt to say them
Am I as soft as I am intolerable?
Do not answer me
I just want to be held
Nov 2017 · 161
Britt Nichole Nov 2017
I know now that you loved me with everything you had within yourself
I am sorry I made you compete with the ghost of another man
Nov 2017 · 1.1k
So I am
Britt Nichole Nov 2017
There are so many things I should say to you
Every syllable is hiding in my teeth
Give me feel goods
I will let them loose and spill them out into your palms
Ask me if I have found a new someone to call home
You know the answer but will ask me anyway
Can I kiss your thighs?
Kiss me anywhere anytime you feel like it

I frequently dream about drowning
I see your hands just under the surface of the water I am losing myself in
You are not reaching down to save me
You are scrubbing me off of you
I cannot help but think that is what it is like
to be in love with who I am

It is much easier to romanticize all of the sad things that have happened to me
My heart does not feel so hard if I keep it drunk on misgivings
I wonder about the amount of time I have been tolerable
Being violently soft when it is reasonable to only be violent is not easy for me to do
I have managed
I hurt badly and hide it well
It helps to dance on the low days.
It does

There is a little hole in my chest
The universe placed it there purposefully
She does not want me to forget what it feels like to have the wind pushed through me
She wants to keep me quiet because she knows my rage and feels it is better if I am left incomplete
I lash out at her when I wake up in the morning and my insides ache to get high
Let me hold your hand.
She has me again
I feel every reason I have to be clean
So I am
The Sensual Series Two
Nov 2017 · 241
Tall Tree Shades
Britt Nichole Nov 2017
Purple spots
Soft lines
There is love under all of this madness
You are finding it with your fingertips
I can only give you what you want
Take what you need
Do not tell me
Leave quietly
Come back
Do it over again
I fall over myself when I drink wine
Wet wine
Dry wine
All wine
Your moans and whines hit me hard between my thighs
I get all of you on a good day
Selfishness is the only constant that stands in this mutual territory
The lies of mutuality
I am selfless and you take
& that is not mutualism but I will give it to you anyway because I have done this before
I was where you are now
I took & gave
and now I give away all I have inside of this body
Be where I am underneath
The sky
The stars
Then you
Around and above and inside of me in ways only air and the particles of this universe have been
Do you not know what it is like to be in love with somebody who is okay with giving everything all at once?
Real love is not what you have inside of you
It is what you have in moments you do not overthink what is occurring in seconds you are with the person who wants to be in those seconds with you
Read it again
I know real love and it is not you
but it can be in a good moment of truth
The Sensual Series Two
Nov 2017 · 268
An Hour Of Dry Wine
Britt Nichole Nov 2017
I lift up my hands to reach you but yours are on fire
Bonfire in the autumn night
I have tender curiosities sighing underneath the glow you have graced my skin with
I drink wine and then drink you up
I am drunk
I am damp shirts on a clothesline
Bodies together on a body of water
There is no water
I am damp like dew
You are old socks in my sheets
You are my heart on hot pavement in the middle of November
Holidays and holy days spent underneath you
There is joy in all of my hollows
My chest knows you like our lungs know air
I am tipsy with tiredness
Rest up next to me
Awake with soft light on your face
You bring the soft
I will open the blinds and convince the light to come on in
Morning mouths
You taste like I could be in love with you
You are breakfast in bed
Nothing to eat
Only clothes on the floor and damp breath in my hair
The nape of my neck likes you there
Are we still petting heavily?
The Sensual Series Two
Nov 2017 · 142
Things You Said (9)
Britt Nichole Nov 2017
”I get all of you on a good day and then barely anything the very next.”
Britt Nichole Nov 2017
“I am so tired.”
“.. exhausted from evading the demands coming from my vessel.”
“I wake up and my skin is *****.”
“The water in my shower will not ever be hot enough to clean his hands from my mouth or out from between my legs.”
“I pull at my skin until it is red.”
“... stretching myself too thin for the emotional load I am capable of carrying.”
“Where is the afterglow?”
“I have taken so many steps in the right direction.”
“... away from the memory.”
“There is an ache in these open closed wounds.”
“Monsters create monsters within monsterless people. I was the people.”
“I wish he could have witnessed my resilience - the great wave of healing in the wake of torment.”
“I still seek salvation...”
“I pray but cannot find the forgiveness I want to give him.”
“I pray but I do not feel forgiven.”
“My hands are ablaze because I hold his sin in my head.”
“The fault sleeps with him,
but it is my body, so I do not sleep at all.
My scars always remind me of this
and I have not stopped listening to them...”
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