The vacant stare
sunken in eyes
sad eyes I saw
sitting at a table during prom night.
Right now you could really sue  shoulder
hanging on to the edge till its over.

So much going around but you were
too calm
too collected.
I knew that blank expression from experience.


I knew when no one else could guess.
you put it all on me, didn’t you.
but I was not mad.
Heartbroken, yes
scared, yes
alone, yes
mad, no

My mom told me not to worry her.
My brother told me I was scaring him.
My bestfriend...I hit her and told her never to speak to me again.
I wouldn't let me boyfriend kiss me.

They all wanted to help
helpless
They all wanted to care
selfish
They all tried to comfort
they weren’t you

I yelled and screamed
I couldn’t breathe.
I shut them out,
I cursed at you.
I hated you
I cried for you
I resented you
up there by choice, how dare you.
But now I know you are my angel instead
you look after me in trouble and I do miss you.
So do they
you had to have it your **** way.
I only see you in my head
but for now that’s okay.

Something about the way you were
You were broken from head to heart  
but I needed saving.

I wish you wrote a letter
I wish you ran away,
left me out.
I wish you said goodbye
I wish you never told me
I didn’t want to cry.  
Is anybody out there?
I wanted you to stay.
Sometimes I wish you would have taken me too..
far far away.

We were 1 week to late weren’t we,
funny how things play out.
You knew all the steps, you hid it well.
When I got that call I wept and fell
on my knees and cried and pleaded,
please please come back
that’s all I needed.






You weren’t all there, in that head of yours.
dark and empty
you were sad but you lived like you would die
tomorrow
tomorrow came too soon and it was up to you.
it was always up to you.

I started to go crazy
I saw A’s on the floor
and had prayers that were answered in seconds.
I had bets that wouldn’t lose.
The wind surrounded me.
Songs of u s played on repeat.
I thought it was all you.

Your color was blue,
and everyone knew
but no one was as blue
blue as you.

I wake up
a shiver runs up my spine
because you are not there
to calm me back to sleep
to lull me back to dreams

I shiver because you are gone.

the sea mist,
slurs
in drunken lisps.
off the white wave lips
and the wind
takes
the salt an' chinese whispers
away
to the mountain ridge
to meet the clouds
the sea roars it
denial
of all the gossip
sent
and pounds the sand
in frustration...
thus
begins this
discordant day...
forecast  
to end with stormy tantrums.

there is lead in the sky
and the lead, spits and cries
and the birds don't fly.
they huddle wet,
on branches, of dripping trees.

there are tears, pooling
on the ground.
puddling, muddling,
flowing down,
to the craggy, creviced
incurvate creek,
which is growing, swelling
and about to breach,
boggy, bullrushed borders.

the water dragons, are fleeing upwards,
to sit with the birds,
in among the trees.

the frogs they are singing hymn to the great watergod...
as the leap and dance along....
to the rythmnic revival song of the pattering, puddling rain.....
time of plenty hath come again.
          come.....again.

heart, encompasses, soul
acorn & oak my life,my loves
blessed by days better & free
you both a treasure given me.

by the way ...don't forget to
feed the cat...

ten n' two past three,
my mind slips from it's
domesticated fetters,
flys free into the star stitched night..

wandering, effortlessly
to climes of restless insanity
and step-stoning away from
garnered life.....

....it finds the scurrying creatures,
hovel featured and scrawny
eyes ......beggars @ the feast.
tired of the hide-away life...
wanting just a moment's grace.... a smidge of light...
pickpockets of slumber's ease.
abram, palliard, mendicant.
all asking for alms to ease their plight...

all.... wanting succour in the dead of night.
.....yet, at this time,as the darklight,
thinks and hopes desperately for dawn...

....i find my mind poor.. ....careworn and a cupboard bare and paltry...

...so again my night's thoughts . ..wend their way home hungry and sad....
black and grey wraiths,
of thoughts...... i never really had....