lmbf Oct 29
she and i are separated by three hours and two thousand miles. when i see him in the halls i smile, even though a small part of me is dying inside.

plato once said that we exist in two worlds: the intelligible and the sensible. the intelligible is what we see and can tangibly describe; in other words, the things we know to be true. however, this “intelligible” world only pales in comparison to the sensible, which are the Forms present within all of us. love, hatred, ****, desire. these Forms transcend human awareness of their existence. so she may never know how the curve of her back stirred something within me, but that lack of knowledge doesn’t make it any less true. and although i may not know it yet, i’m hoping someone is thinking of me, too.
Fall Freewrite Sessions 2018 //
inspired by sophie's world: an introduction to philosophy (jostein gaarder, 1991)
lmbf Oct 14
there’s a girl in california who knows my name
and her voice sounds like caramel on a sunny day
i don’t really know what i’m doing, but neither does she
let’s forget our time together is shorter than it needs to be

and so
i’m walking to the lake when i catch
a raven-haired girl gazing at me from the side of my eye and i
notice you were staring at me all this time
but if we’re living in the same place, you’re 2000 miles on the other side

there’s a girl in california who knows my name
and when we laugh together, everything falls into place
as if we met somewhere in our past lives
like when she told me, “i really like your vibes”

you see, i am new to this
i am not used to this
of experiencing love that just feels right
and even though ninety-six hours don’t seem like they matter
it mattered to me that we danced at midnight

call me back, tell me what’s in your heart
darling, what time is it wherever you are
i’ve got family across the world but lately you’ve been feeling fur-
ther away
like two boats colliding, then drifting astray

there’s a girl in california who knows my name
i hope one day i can (again) see her face
and tell her that she’s been the light of my life
even 2000 miles on the other side.
Fall Freewrite Sessions 2018 // I'm a firm believer that most people only stay for the season. This past season was particularly eventful.
Dear M, if you ever read this, know that I am grateful for last summer. You taught me the ropes and you taught me to love. You and I are both hoping we will see each other again, but if we don't, know I will be thinking of you.
Yours - always and forever, l.m.b.f.
lmbf Oct 5
When I look into his deep hazel eyes, I hear a thousand unspoken words.

This year broke my heart and in turn, broke something within me. Nothing's quite been the same between us since that February day. Maybe it was my fault for distancing myself after, maybe he was to blame for never speaking of it again. His eyes betray him, as if  he feels guilty for hurting me. I know that when I see him I can't be who I once was with him before. There is just too much distance between us now.

I met a girl from the Eastside this summer. She is beautiful in every sense of the word; yes, beautiful, present tense. The way her brown eyes beckoned me toward her in the moonlight made me believe that one day I could stop loving him, forget him even. It had been a while since I saw him, but now I realize I still feel the same.

All I know is that he still has a part of my heart, and I don't think i can get that back.

I have loved you for the last time. Maybe a part of me always will.
2018 broke my heart. it's 1am and I have a gig tomorrow and I can barely sleep. because every time i try to forget, our memories play on repeat.
Fall Freewrite Sessions 2018 //
lmbf Aug 29
Dear,

Our paths only intertwined for a few days at a time, but in those ninety-six hours I got to know - and got to love - someone who knows and understands me more than quite a few people on this sinking earth. I can only hope I was as good to you. I wish I had had more courage to smile back in the same way you did when you said how much you loved talking to me down by the water, where the setting sun was our backdrop. I wish I had had more gut to say something, do something after you asked to dance with me in the moonlight and kissed me goodnight. But I was scared.
Seeing you, laughing with you, being with you was like a couple of days out of another life, one where I could tell you openly how much I liked you and you could say "I like you, too." Don't worry, though; when we meet again underneath the glow of the city lights of your home, I'll tell you all these things and more. I promise.

Until then, stay golden.

Yours,
lmbf
Summer Freewrite Sessions 2018 //
Autumn is fast approaching, which means this mini-series is coming to an end. I'll try to do a Fall Freewrite Series as much as I can.
Written August 11, 2018
lmbf Aug 26
Dear me,
Your whole life is out there. It's just waiting for you.

Even though your life is still short, you've done so much with the time you've been given. Can't you see? You've written endless poems about friendship and love. You've lived in many places too. Even though it did affect you a little bit, you still did your best to make lasting friendships, despite knowing that you might only have a short time to spend together. Others might have just kept to themselves if they were in your place. And though you got hurt at times, your heart never became angry towards the world. The way I see it, that's the attitude of some of the strongest among us.

That's why you shouldn't be hurt if sometimes you don't get the things - or the people - you love the most. It only means, they weren't right for you...yet. What will be given instead, in time, is not what is right but rather what is best for you. Just trust in it.

You are stronger than you think.

Yours,
lmbf

-

Originally written in Tagalog.

Nandiyan po ang buong buhay mo. Hinihintay ka niya lang.

Kahit maigsi pa ang buhay mo, nakagawa ka na ng marami sa oras na binigyan ka ng ating Diyos. Di mo ba nakikita? Nagsulat ka ng maraming poems tungkol sa pagkaraon ng kaibigan at sa pagmamahal. Nabuhay ka sa maraming lugar. At kahit ikaw ay naapektuhan ng kaunti, pinilit mo pang magkaraon ng kaibigan, kahit alam mo na baka maigsi lang ang oras na kasama mo sila. Magtatago na lang ang mga ibang bata kung palaging ganyan ang sitwasyon nila, katulad sa'yo. At kahit minsan sinasaktan ka, hindi kailanman naging galit ang puso mo tungkol sa mundo. Sa tingin ko, yan mismo ay ang ugali katulad sa mga mas matapang sa ating lahat.

Kaya, huwag kang maging malungkot kung minsan hindi mo nakukuha ang mga bagay - o ang mga tao - na mahal mo ng sobra. Ibig sabihin, hindi pa sila bagay para sa'yo. Ang ibibigay na lang ay hindi yung mga bagay, pero yung tamang tama para sa'yo. Tiwala lang.

Ikaw ay mas malakas kaysa sa tingin mo.
Summer Freewrite Sessions 2018 // A letter to myself. i realize now how much of my work is centered around sad topics and felt I needed to remind myself of a few things.
lmbf Aug 15
In the pale blue veins of my wrist I spot my parents' joy, her smile, my friends' laughter.
In the pale blue veins of my wrist therein lines a faint outline of the Manhattan skyline at night; all natural and manmade wonders intertwined.
In the pale blue veins of my wrist I see myself speaking to a family of immigrants, and changing their world by offering them the same pathway into this nation of immigrants that I was afforded so many years ago.
In the pale blue veins of my wrist I see the afternoon sun glistening on her back by the water, and I see the thought of seeing her, loving her once again.
In the pale blue veins of my wrist I see the potential for regrowth.
Repair.
In these pale blue veins I see the possibilities of learning to live and love once again.
Summer Freewrite Sessions 2018 //
When I was 10, I had recurring thoughts of wanting to hurt myself. I wanted to fully visualize the pain I felt inside by seeing it play out in front of me. But everytime I do, I think of pale blue, and how in this world there is so much more I have to give and do. Hope this helps at least one soul out there.
"There are always more reasons why not."
PS shoutout to my English teachers for teaching me literary terms/techniques, this brief return to poetry wouldn't have been possible without you all!
lmbf Aug 3
Dear good old friend,

I don't regret a minute of it. Being given the chance to play with you, laugh with you amidst the grassy plains of our old schoolyard. Fifth grade mancala and sixth grade basketball games, the people may have changed but the memories stay the same. And I remember you, me, and our group of friends, and all I can associate with it is the feeling of finally being free.

Who would've known that just four years later, we wouldn't be able to recognize the person standing in front of us?

I let go a long time ago, but try as I might I can't bring myself to forget those years; and every moment is conflated with the kindness of your smile. Almost like it's a portrait frozen in time. While now I know that's nostalgia casting its rose-tinted spell, part of me still wonders whether you think of me, your good old friend, when those years come to mind, too.

You taught me the meaning of seasons. That every season ushers in new people, new meaning; and that what is given sometimes has to be taken away. Though I questioned this truth for a very long time, I no longer hurt over the year we fell apart. In fact, I embrace it. You taught me how to see the joys in life (even when I wanted no part of it) and you taught me how to love. And in doing so, you taught me how to let you go.

People often say that someone might leave your life after you have learned something from him/her. But you always were the exception; you made sure I knew that life goes on no matter who's in it. No matter if you've learned your lesson right away or not.
That just as we learned in seventh grade biology that the human skin repairs itself, we, too, will learn to heal - and maybe even to love others again.

Thank you.

Yours,
l.m.b.f.
Summer Freewrite Sessions 2018 //
though now i can't even recognize the man he has become, here is an old friend whose memories and whose lessons i will always treasure. the wisdom he (albeit unknowingly) imparted upon me before we said goodbye forms a central part of the progression of "SFW 2018" and of my personal growth  this past summer, too. so i felt it necessary to honor him through this piece.

if you have been reading my works this past month - through trending, through your home page, or through a friend, thank you so much! thank you for receiving SFW Sessions warmly and for sharing it, it means the world to me.

if you haven't, i encourage you to check them out. it would be greatly appreciated! (and also some parts of this piece might make more sense.)
Next page