i am not strong
i am not wise
i am not
whatever they think i am

she said she saw me
and i believed her
and now i don’t know
where to put that belief

it doesn’t fit in my chest
it spills
it burns
it ruins the neatness i made of my pain

i thought if i kept everything
inside the lines
i would be safe
but love
doesn’t care about borders

i want to say thank you
but my mouth fills with apology
i want to say stay
but my hands are still shaking
like i’m holding something
i didn’t earn

i thought being soft
was a secret
but she held it in the light
and didn’t flinch

and now
i am undone
not ruined—
just
undone

I just want someone to love me enough
That the scars seem just as beautiful as my eyes to them

Stop blaming yourself
for faults of other people
Stop trying to save everybody
when you are drowning too

sure, it's a good feeling to be the savior
but slowly you're becoming the one that needs to save
Your emotions gather into a huge wave
and it will be late when you realize
you are the only one that stayed on the beach

Stop blaming yourself,
and make others taste their own medicine

Let yourself do the mistakes
you always excused others for
And no its not childish
to allow yourself not to be perfect

After all, we all are just
kids in a grown-up bodies

I wear a mask,
and so does everyone.
Hiding cracks with smiles,
pretending it’s fine.
Maybe one day,
I’ll let it fall—
but for now,
we all stay hidden,
behind the masks we wear.

i couldn’t sway my head around the fact
that my grandparents stayed together
for 54 years

it made me wonder
just how many times
they had to forgive each other
to last that long

I’m no longer a kid.
I care what people think of me;
the way I act,
the way I look,
the clothes I wear.

I’m no longer a kid.
Back then, letters were only building blocks used for spelling,
Why do they now mark the corner of my work?
Why do they determine my academic future?

I’m no longer a kid.
My tears are no longer spilled over a grazed knee
For now they pour over anxious thoughts-
Will they ever stop falling?

I'm no longer a kid.
We were told to be bodies full of kindness,
because everyone deserves love.
Why are some people treated differently?

I’m no longer a kid.
The world has opened up it’s true self to me
and now I drown in it.

-thelosstpoetjournals

Your eyes were deep oceans.
Salted with pain.
Drained from our veins.
I have a fear of drowning in you.
Silent confessions were like opioids.
The feelings that consume my heart
are now bone deep.
My cells know.
Why my blood runs slow.
When you kiss my pale
pouty lips.  
Further I slip into
the waves of you.

I often ask myself :

"Why is it so easy to die
for someone you love ,
and yet so hard to live on
for someone who cares?"

The feeling
In your chest
Of something pulling it inside of itself
Twisting it
Twisting it
Twisting it
Until it bleeds
It throbs
And it won't stop
It won't stop
Why won't it just stop?

But do you know the feeling
Of just wanting someone to notice
To care
To heal the wounds or at least tell me that they are able to be healed
That a certain amount of care
A certain amount of gentle, loving handling will be able to fix it

There is so much broken
And it hurts
It hurts like hell and no one sees
I AM BLEEDING IN FRONT OF THEM
AND THEY STILL DON'T SEE

I sit in class
Stare at my empty paper
Write the same words
Over
And
Over
And
Over
And they hand me a test
Or they talk about drama
Or they pretend I don't exist (are they even wrong?)
When I just needed a hug

I needed to wrap my arms around someone
And no longer feel like I was on a different planet than everyone else while simultaneously being directly next to them
I want our bodies to touch,
Our souls to entangle,
And our heartbeats to slow eachother down

And now I hug my pillow

I know I have people who care
But they don't see
And if they don't see
They won't have a reason to hug me

And my chest is still twisted
I want it to stop
I want it to stop
I want it to stop

H
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