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Jun 4 · 1.7k
Candlelight questions.
Salsa Jun 4
The hazy hours, the break of dawn.
The candlelight kindling your living room.
The ardour of your fingertips, brushing my palm.
The question you asked me, hanging in doom.

"There's something I need to clarify, contest this but don't ask why.
Could you list five things you like about yourself?
The light is green, give it a try."

The shadows of lashes painting my skin.
My downcast eyes saturate to the brim.
The blocks in my head, the lump in my throat,
Why haven't I an answer to this simple poll?

Stuffed with self-loathing?
Weighted with doubt?
Could that be the root of my soft-pedal mouth?
I made a bid,
I lifted a finger,
The answer never came, the longer I lingered.

"Your silence has met my expectations.
I can't ask you for your love if you can't give it to yourself.
I can't pick up the tessera to put back on the shelf.
The mosaic is your own, here's the polish and a crown,
I'll stand by and watch, to fault my preconceptions.
I'll stand by and wait, in anticipation."
A typical "I can't love you if you don't love yourself" scenario.
Don't fall for it, it's *******. Everyone deserves to be loved.
Mar 31 · 1.2k
Visions of a life.
Salsa Mar 31
I see the stages of our days-
as markings in calendars and time stamps on calls,
signs of devotion, all in all.
I see them in reels of film
and picture frames,
playing on shut-eye screens,
and hanging, in the walls of my mind.
Visions of a life that passes me by.

The look in your eyes when you tell me "you're mine".
The sound of your laugh, how it melts like honey and warms me inside.
The taste of your lips, when you've had a lot to drink. Your saccharine smile, flushing china pink.
The feel of your hands, caressing the ivory. Dreaming up melodies so effortlessly.
The scent of your neck, of daisies that daze me, when you're all over me.

Enamoured with the way you walk, your hands in your pockets.
How you care for your dogs, and every living thing.
Your mind and the riddles it speaks, the genius of your thoughts sweep me off my feet.
And how you sleep so gracefully, how you reach out to me and wrap me in your arms unconsciously.

I beg my heart to capture this, to remember this,
I wouldn't want to forget it.
Like permanent tattoos and ancient wallpaper
I want you inked and plastered
in journals, poetry, & my psyche.
I do this just in case, for my heart's sake,
There's no doubt of you leaving my mind.
I can say it with candour,
There's no putting you away,
You, in all your symmetry, are here to stay.
About Jordan (of course, could I be more in love?). In the words of wolf alice- "when I see you the whole world reduces to just that room", and that's exactly how I feel. I notice everything about him when I'm with him. I never want to sleep or blink or look away. I love being in his home and just watching him live, he makes it look so beautiful.
Feb 28 · 2.1k
First kiss
Salsa Feb 28
I sit back, reminisce and daydream of our first kiss.
How it made my head spin,
and livened my heart,
took off with my breath
as we danced with the stars.
Swaying on tiptoes
in the grass to a song,
moving closer and closer
in your arms where I belong.
A smile escapes your lips,
you knew what to do,
entranced by the words
"You've got me wanting you"
You leaned down for a kiss,
to follow through.
For a sweet instant, the world fell to a hush
Stepping back, I couldn't help,
couldn't strive not to blush.

It's a moment that I keep
under heavy lock and key.
I dare not to share it,
I keep it just for me.
Count this an exception, I wrote it down this time.
Let the relic of our first kiss never die.
Snapshot of my first kiss with Jordan. We spent the whole day together after meeting for the first time and it happened when we were back in my garden, dancing to sugar sugar by the archies. Perfect ending to the perfect day **.
Feb 24 · 1.6k
J.M.R.
Salsa Feb 24
One look from you
dismantles my bones.
Jordan. His eyes send me to my knees.
Feb 3 · 1.5k
In dreams and reality.
Salsa Feb 3
Time and again,
at dusk or dawn,
I force my head to envisage
a mirage or an image
of your bones lying still in death.
That helps me sleep at night.
It calms my breath.

In my dreams, you're a phantom.
Torn away from me, inadvertently.
You didn't leave,
pick up and disappear deliberately.
You were poisoned, ill, murdered, killed,
you froze or passed in sleep,
you maybe drowned at sea.
Not in despair, in a life so unfair.  

You did what you thought was best.
Perhaps it was, I still can't tell.
It's what you do when you're young,
seek a new start, a chance to become
something you can't run away from.

In my dreams, I'm your companion.
Your muse, friend and lover,
we ran away together.
Travelled and settled, hand in hand.
Built a life that could withstand
everything that drove you away forever.

In my dreams, you couldn't let go and we didn't have to end.
In reality, I find it easier to pretend you were dead.
You'll live forever in my dreams.
My brain makes up stories to compartmentalise when I'm in pain, like imagining the love of my life dead when they broke my heart. Morbid yes, but it helped me start to heal.
Dec 2018 · 1.9k
I lost you in December.
Salsa Dec 2018
I left my heart in December,
in a strife that I surrendered.

I lost the wind from my sails.
Without your touch, my plight prevailed.

I lived in despair,
whenever you weren't there.

Against broken promises and disarray,
I remained loving you anyway.
I can't believe you're gone, Jordan. I still love you. I always will.
Nov 2018 · 7.2k
The blue.
Salsa Nov 2018
Dirt to Adam's ale.

As the ripples trace my skin,
the circling cyclones of my crown
lull and quell with my sinking breath.

The deepness of the blue
guarantees my sanctuary.
I swim and swim until I am free.
I've always had this almost supernatural connection to water. I adore it with all my heart. Whether it's the sea or a pool, I'm instantly at peace when I'm near it. The only time I can be truly happy is when I'm swimming. I live by the sea, my ancestors were pearl divers, water carriers, coast guards.. the list is endless. Even my name is derived from water. It just seems like a sign that it's where I belong.
Oct 2018 · 9.2k
Anxiety.
Salsa Oct 2018
It sits in my stomach,
rules the beats of my heart,
pouring under my skin,
and through my shaking limbs.
It grips me and waits
to tear me apart.

In public spaces,
the crowds and faces
spark its power over me.
I count to three
Still, I can barely breathe.
Engulfing my energy
until it's ready to leave.

It leaves me trembling,
as my eyes betray me.
Once more my fears
have brought me to tears.
My social anxiety was so bad today, I don't know how I made it.
Oct 2018 · 9.5k
3000 miles.
Salsa Oct 2018
I've heard that distance makes the heart grow fonder;
but somehow it seems to me,
melancholy is the mislaid piece,
for the pangs in my chest
have only grown stronger.

We're 3000 miles apart,
on separate time zones and continents,
your absence from my eyes
captivates my consciousness.

Replaying our memories
in an infinite loop,
my mind plays its tricks
to remind me of you.

As if I could forget
that spellbinding time we spent,
on the days and nights
right after we met.
Missing Jordan.
Oct 2018 · 11.0k
Richard.
Salsa Oct 2018
I was 20 years old,
Walking down the road.
You stopped me in my tracks
To say hello.
I said it back because what's the harm?
From that moment on,
I was a victim to your charm.
You called me pretty
And reached out to hold me,
That alone should have sent me running.
You refused to let me leave,
Until you had a way of contacting me.
Gripping on to my sleeve,
I did what you asked of me.
I wasn't scared
When I should've been.
I was taught to think
That was romantic of him.
If I could turn back,
I would untell myself that.
Shed light on my naivety,
perhaps protect my virginity,
From a 35 year old man
With an abominable plan.
Yes I was of legal age
But here's the common sense,
It still gave you no right
To rob me of my innocence.
Convinced we were friends
And I would always be safe
I let my guard down
Oh god, what a mistake.
You kept wanting to meet late at night.
In your car, in a park,
Anywhere out of sight.
I always felt compelled
During those meetings of ours.
Never like my own self
In those early morning hours.
The first time you laid hands on me
Was when I called and needed company.
Vulnerable and upset,
I needed a friend.
A shoulder to cry on,
A possible distraction,
A devil-sent ravisher
Was not what I asked for.
I was not in control.
I kept coming back for more.
The night you finally ****** me
Is my reoccurring nightmare.
A force and ****** feature,
The end of an affair.
I can't leave it in the past.
You left me aghast.
I want to tear off my skin
And rid myself of your sin.
It's been a couple of months,
Still I can't bear to be clutched,
Until now, I've kept my mouth shut
About the night I was touched.
I'm trying to heal.
Sep 2018 · 6.0k
Serendipity.
Salsa Sep 2018
Now I know how it feels: serendipity;
I sensed it on that 26th of June.
At first glance ecstasy,
by the drapery,
where I first met you.

Rosy cheeks and warm summer air,
Walking side by side,
beneath the daylight's glare.
Pulsing hearts and feeling shy,
passing smiles with our eyes.

Armours fall as stories unfold,
I linger on every word you say.
Laughing with you as time ticks by,
All I want is to ask you to stay.

Cigarettes at sunset,
the music blaring high,
dancing in starlight,
bewitched by your eyes.
You lean in to kiss me,
it's surreal as a daydream,
sweet, and laced with mint and nicotine.

It seems like fate was at play here.
We were meant to be, dear.
Easy marks of Cupid's arrow,
left a feeling I can't outgrow.
Can it be too good to be true?
Take my hand,
let's see it through and through.

Serendipity was a sign,
You're worth the try.
I'll love you, until I die.
To Jordan.
Sep 2018 · 38.8k
Poseidon's realm.
Salsa Sep 2018
Half a decade in
that was all I needed,
all the time it took to see
the world was an insult to me.

Was I cursed at birth
to live on the brink of death?
Trapped in this trance until
Poseidon's realm pulls me to its depths.

My pursuits to meet him have gone astray.
Countless trials that end one way:
under bright lights,
in a hospital gown,
tubes, tests, nurses pinning me down,
and a hundred voices asking me why
Why oh why did I want to die?
Well I was muting the agony,
executing my destiny,
see daylight please, it's meant to be.
You can't stop me.

And Plath said it best
I do it well,
my scars could attest.

Perhaps I'm not as strong
as everyone once thought
The echoes whisper
“You never did belong”
Neither here nor there or anywhere.

I fear I'm nature's mistake.
For the hands of fate, I must partake
in this sacrifice
to begin my demise.
This shouldn't come as a surprise.

I was only five.
I thought I could survive.
It's been a while. Some of my thoughts haven't changed.
Mar 2014 · 16.1k
Fifteen months.
Salsa Mar 2014
You left me stranded
in bleak oblivion,
Despite all the love
I planted in your core,
In faith for daffodils to bloom through your barren soul.

Your wielded words had crippled me time and time again
Paralysing my senses,
Until my sanity began to decay.

But now I've bled you out of my veins
And unto my paper for the last era,
Inking your name away
Untangling myself out of these chains.

The moment has come for me to let you go
After fifteen months, you’d think I already did so.
I'm finally letting you go after fifteen months of agony. I won't be writing about you any more.
Mar 2014 · 2.3k
Reverie.
Salsa Mar 2014
Don’t come crawling back

with the myth that it’s us you miss.

Don’t give me reverie

if there’s nothing to this.
Don't let manipulative people back into your life.
Mar 2014 · 4.4k
Acrostic.
Salsa Mar 2014
Scattered are the sentiments that float
About the galaxies growing within me.
Lurking in my veins, cascading down my spine,
Sending shivers to every fraction of my body.
An abundance of the heart never troubled me before, except now it is
Bruising, scratching and numbing my core.
Eventually I'll grow weary.
Eventually I'll quit. For how
Little can I do to possibly cease it?
Acrostic of my real name.
Mar 2014 · 3.0k
Solitary.
Salsa Mar 2014
When the night sets in,
when there's no more light to wish the darkness away,
here's when my thoughts come rushing,
intruding my peace of mind.
They, are coming to haunt me.

The voices all around me
utter continual sets of sounds.
Sounds that leave me open wounded,
sounds that bring me down.

Weakened, they leave me,
these words that crack my heart.
I'm trying to break loose but these times are just so hard.
I don't want to be left alone,
lost and scarred.

Whether I survive or not will forever remain a mystery.
I'm dying to know,
is there no end to this misery?
Depression. (This was actually the first poem I wrote since I started writing again. Not my best but I'm still proud of it.)
Mar 2014 · 21.0k
Isis.
Salsa Mar 2014
Many people have asked
why I seem so empty
and I found myself arguing
about how that wasn't true.
Yet here I am,
reminiscing painted blue skies,
nostalgic, for back then
for us,
for you.

When mornings began with casual long walks
plaid skirts,
black coffee,
the daylight's warmth.
Arm in arm, against all odds
we had laughed
we had sung
we were wild, we were young.

I'll remain yearning for those Bambi brown eyes,
long chestnut hair,
darling little dents of delight.

Distant yet close
for I think of you always.

Wishing for time to fly
to when I can hold you in my arms
again.
To my best friend. I wish you were here.
Mar 2014 · 6.6k
21 June - 22 July.
Salsa Mar 2014
Just when I thought I had it all
perfectly encased,
clutter free,
the loose string of my life came undone
leaving a dome of rubble at my feet.
Nevermore saw it coming,
nevertheless expected it.
Never asking why,
I accepted it.

I won't yield in self-pity
nor wither in pain.
Dusting the ashes,
getting back in the game.
I won't let your fire catch me.
I won't be burned alive.

I am a warrior
and I will survive.
Dear cancer, I won't let you **** me.
Mar 2014 · 4.5k
"I won't forget."
Salsa Mar 2014
Every now and then,
the memory of you consumes me
and I recall every phrase, every word, every syllable
you whispered to me
in the depths of all the agony.

With tears in my eyes,
you said you won't forget me; the true love of your life.
The one you spent hours talking to,
The one who never left your mind.

I think back to the time you said all this
and how I believed it was all true.
Has it never occurred to you that I still remember
that night you said "I promise you"?
I remember every word he said to me. I'll never forget.
Mar 2014 · 14.8k
4 AM.
Salsa Mar 2014
Tossing and turning
in this lonely bed of mine,
my heart is heavy
with the ache of missing you.

I crave your delicate words
like I crave coffee in the morning.

My soul feels vacant
without your lingering presence.

Time is ticking my life away
as my thoughts echo your name.

My eyes bleed out the bitterness
I've latterly felt towards you.

I'm still writing about you
and you haven't read a word.
I couldn't sleep because I missed Fahad so much.

— The End —