To be in the same room,
To be within inches of someone else
To only feel a universe away.

My poetically
heartwrenching problem--
Entire disassociation.

It used to frighten me,
The crippling weight of
Weightlessness

Inessence and non-stimulation,
Bearing down on my soul in what I felt
To be a repentance of past-life sins--
For what did I do to deserve
Non-feeling?

The burden of nothingness
Is
By far
More burdensome
than the accumulation
Of feeling
Everything
All
At
Once.

Sparkling effervescent
At the bottom of a spring
Shot through with dioxide
Frothing in the mist
Of sleeping morning fog
I sit awake, alone
And witness you.

Humans:
Large sacks
of flesh;
****** bags of meat
Encased in a thin, stretched
filmy layer,
Like sausages.
And here I am,
An evolutionarily pre-packed sausage
Stuffed full of blood, bone and fat
Ambling around
Like everyone else
Indignant to deterioration,
Ignorant to the passage of time
Eventual collapse of functions.
Immune,
Even to love.

I keep chasing my demons
afraid to watch them
tire of me and
leave,
Because what would I be
Without them?

I fell from you

A limb overburdened with fruit
Spring's ephemeral light, windswept
that trickled in from first frost
left the juices of our bounty
Dripping from my twigs.

The ripening ****
passed her prime,
too rotten for the birds
Mulching the rootlets that lay
at your feet--

I fell slowly away.

Sluggish to snap free
Quick to embrace the descent,

I let go,
and the bliss felt
once I was returned to earth
earnestly began the decay of me
into a much more beautiful
Happenchance.

"Talk about it."

How can I if my soul is dripping with sweat

If every beat is an empty room

If the calcified interior of my mind

Is aching to find the darkest corner

Of the deepest place

And lay there quietly

Watching the world pivot above

In its starry dying dreams

As I stay

far away

And watch my own

With crackling lungs

Take a last, bird-***** breath.

I put on arcade fire and smoke and try to conjur the exact point in time
I became this way.
Right when it all rusted down and snapped and changed everything
inside of me.
I was formed from the salt of an ocean side town.
Rivulets of moon and star caked to the sound of waves,
pallid scape of sands.
It took all I had to not be washed away every night
fantasizing of forgotten wreckage with my soul plummeted deep
never to be recovered
That town stood quavering
listening to the winds change and the insects shift
as if we were all sitting on our last breath of air
From that acquiescence it takes moments like these
to recall how I broke
How I became the sad little girl,
How every granule of salt is still clinging
to the inside of my eyelids,
Asking me to sleep
So I can dream of things out of existence
That make more sense
Than this.