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Feb 2019 · 85
I CHOOSE FOR WHAT IS MINE
Little Peony Feb 2019
S o r r y..
for not taking the chance
for your heart

even a flower
never know how they worth
even a pretty butterfly
still learn how to fly

i'm not even both of it
i'm not the flower
nor pretty butterfly
all i had is this heart

and you asking for it
life is cruel
so as you
asking for what is mine

i never ask you
for your heart
i want you to protect mine
not asking for it
i can't love you forever

forever hurts
things will pass
i wont be there
for always
and so as you...

:)
Hope you would understand
My kind of loving is not that easy

so if one day, i'm loving you hard
you worth every beat, every second, every penny, every thing...
Feb 2019 · 255
YOU STILL WANT MINE (?)
Little Peony Feb 2019
the weirdest thing i see

the silly thing i found

at the most of people

who had & have enough in "everything"


they still got
JEALOUS
for what other people having


even to the
tiniest thing


c r a z y.
i feel sorry for them
for not seeing them selves, as the one who being loved the most
but still feel strangely lonely :\ weird you!

when you got all the things in life i want the most
but you still want my life

Hey, i wanna punch you! WAKE UP!
Dec 2018 · 103
HOW ABOUT MINE?
Little Peony Dec 2018
You said you got this kind of weird feeling
you thought about her feeling

i wish i was brave enough
to ask you
"How about mine?"
when you did the same thing

: )
Nov 2018 · 118
10 Months
Little Peony Nov 2018
Here goes the prayer
Things I can’t say
Things I never want
But maybe
It could be a new path
A path that leads
to the right new things

You’re the one
That truly hold my world
Guide me through this
Give me a sign
Serenity inside me
Inside this heart of mine

Lord
You see me through
All things in
In this whole soul

Let me
Walking out
And in with You
In any kind of places
Forever
*And always
Counting down to another 2 months
Oct 2018 · 133
THIS
Little Peony Oct 2018
T H I S
is what i scared the most
the radicalism
is it a good thing to be a little too radical?
to the point
where you put too much value... belief... ,
on that
in that

Things that'll make you
argue
disagree
disrespect
hatred
betrayed
sabotaged
even.. killing

See other thing with another negativity
JUST BECAUSE
people don't believe it the way you do

scary...
right?

:'/
just don't... please...
Oct 2018 · 76
Dear Daddy
Little Peony Oct 2018
Hello,
it's been such a long time
all i wanna say is just

i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i still do love you

too
much
:")
i still
Oct 2018 · 90
Unselfish is not fishing
Little Peony Oct 2018
Unselfish itself is difficult
Knowing the right thing to do
While weighing the best for you
is different, in understanding about
What other people might needs

They said it was easy
No it’s not
Knowing the pattern right in the eyes
Seeing all the clues and cliches
is like, knowing the difference
But blinded by all the merry

“Life never easy”
No one wants to admit that
For truly

But I do believe one thing
When there’s a way
There is a way
If there’s no way
Make your own way
If not, find the people
To show you the way
Sep 2018 · 966
Dear Andy
Little Peony Sep 2018
to the dearest brother of mine
yes, it's you
one of the three, the dearest
you're the star i've seen since i was a kid
you're the best place i could cling to
you show me how a good boyfriend should treat a girl like me
you're the kind of gentlemen i wish i could found in another guy
and the way you see things differently,

wise
thoughtful
responsible
yet kind

thank you for acting like a father in times of need
but still a child when it comes to the playground

somehow somewhere it hurts me seeing you tie the knots
it makes me feel like "you're not mine anymore"
and i'm not your first responsibility, first priority no more
you're hers, and i'm not the only sister anymore
she's too lucky to have someone like you

things might change between us
you might never wonder about what's happened in my life, no more
but you're still the best brother i ever had
the best sibling ever <3

wish you forever happy!
and i hope you wish it for me too...

thank you for always being there through ups and downs
to the darkest of mine, brokenhearted, even to the love i choose

:D/\:D
CHEERS TO THE GREAT LIFE AHEAD BRO!
i wish my future husband would be someone like you :") the great provider &
a good gentlemen <3
Sep 2018 · 81
Things I scared the most
Little Peony Sep 2018
Not a ghost
Nor a broken heart

It just..

The look in your eyes
Everytime I tried to talk.
That curious expression,
Each movement of your brows,
and the changing smile of yours

I am dying a little bit inside
Wondering about the thoughts inside your head
Will you understand about it
Will you.. will you...

I hate the sudden change in your eyes
The slow movement in each of your blinks
That sudden movement of your chin
And each deep breathe you take in front of me

Making me hate myself
and I already am
hating myself without knowing
blaming me for the mistake I don’t even made

.
.
.

That 30 seconds expression of yours
breaking me apart

</3
#you
Sep 2018 · 56
Dear My Insecurities
Aug 2018 · 102
Running Away
Little Peony Aug 2018
Running away
Hiding
Without no one knowing
For a day
For a day

Escaping from reality
Thinking about
all about the mess
all the thoughts
all the good and the bad
And you, maybe

Resting
But not sleeping
Walking without fear
Of tomorrow
Of the past
Even the future

The day today is much scarier
I need space
I need me
I need myself
Rebuild
Retouch
Reset
Aug 2018 · 58
Untitled
Jul 2018 · 269
Untitled
Little Peony Jul 2018
Is it weird to be sad When others are happy
Cause i am right now
It seems like everything goes wrong

Is it a wrong thing to be sad
When you hear about other Happiness
Am i jealous? Do i?

Is it weird When you desired about the thing you know you can’t have?
And you even feel mad about it
Cause you just can’t have it instantly

Is it wrong not to be in love with someone temporarily? Just because you’ve been hurt for like a thousand times, you tried so hard to stay, but you need healing so you just run away.

Is it wrong if you still miss the same love you’ve been fantasize about, the love that you wish you had somehow in someway.

Is it wrong to be complicated? Like you’ve been in love with the complicated things because it’s making you crazy in love with it.
Jun 2018 · 113
Toxic
Little Peony Jun 2018
Too much addiction
Too much distraction

You’re the mix of my
Addiction and distraction

I want to let you go
But I’m addicted

I don’t care about anything
yet I put too much focus on you

You such a good toxic for me
Jun 2018 · 152
. G R A T E F U L .
Little Peony Jun 2018
even the moon and the sky
can’t even describe
how grateful i am right now

how tiring
or
how unworthy it was,
i am happy,
i am smiling,

hope may lose
but the faith
still grow

cause
this is not
the end

:)

yet
May 2018 · 138
.the day.
Little Peony May 2018
you're not the right for me
you're not the part of me
you're not the whole thing
you're just for the day

don't blame yourself
it's all on me
because of me
you're hurting

because

i'm not the right for you
i'm not the part of you
i'm not the whole thing
i'm just for the day
it is all in vain
May 2018 · 101
Missed
Little Peony May 2018
Miss you like crazy
I dream a dream that i shouldnt
Remembering you hurts
Could you Just be here for a moment?
Talk like we used to before
Guide me like you used to before
Life with you for you is easier right?
And the pain will keep remain
In the Hearts of mine
Should i go with you
Wondering what you’ll do
Wondering what you’ll say
Seeing me like this without you
daddy little girl
May 2018 · 99
Sorry
Little Peony May 2018
I dont’t want this kind of Love
Too flat for me
It’s Just like Another specific “Love”
the bored-ness comes by to say Hi
Or maybe im Just not the one for you

I Just wanna be your galaxy
I don’t want to be your moon or earth
Much complex the better
I need you to be complicated
I need to feel more

Should i cut the ties
Should i push you away
Too comfortable with you hurting me
Life is Cruel, you’re Just too nice
I’m too young to be like you

Just Dont be scared
is what i want you to be
Im Just try to Live life
The life you Live is not life i want
Too young for this empty bottle

I’m not afraid of commitment
About the whole life you try to give
I Just can’t anymore
You’re too Good to be with me
I deserve more than this kind of feeling

I deserve more than the way you Kiss me
I deserve more than the way you care me
I deserve more than the way you hold me
I need more, i need to feel more
You’re Just too..

Too plain
Too Good
Too structured
Too static
Too predictable

Im Sorry...
Sorry Sorry Sorry
Apr 2018 · 101
Little things
Little Peony Apr 2018
you wish too much on such little things
like a tiny spec trying to reach the galaxy

little things matter the most
but sometimes, your heart matter too :")

don't go to far
don't expect much
just be a better self of yours each day
and keep on growing from yesterday

it's okay to be afraid on tiny little things
but it is much more better to be
afraid of much bigger things

little things matter the most
when you've overcome the bigger things first
little things
Apr 2018 · 92
try?
Little Peony Apr 2018
it hard to be someone else's star
you live like you're not belong
and smile like you're unhappy

you wish you were
but you are not
then why?

because you just love to
try,
try,
then you try for another try

you push yourself
you know not to
but for once, your mind and heart goes the same way

whispering your body to
"keep on trying"

in hope that
someday
you do.
#struggling
Apr 2018 · 68
HOPE
Little Peony Apr 2018
Then
i just hope
love will find me
once again
.
Apr 2018 · 54
PHASES NUMBER 1
Little Peony Apr 2018
and now
i know it's true

when you realise
there's something
bigger than
what you see

there's always
something more
in what you thought
you knew

it's deeper than
what you believe in

it's even hurts more
when the person you love
is right
but the time
was wrong

maybe
it was
a little too late
or
a little too fast

time is all you need
but when you're "late"
still
nothing much you could do

the saddest part of the story
is this
the "quote" once you heard
become a reality

right person in the wrong time

*cry
the first phase in the cruelty of love
Apr 2018 · 68
(0.0)
Little Peony Apr 2018
Love
sometimes
can be
.
.
.
.
so
scary
Yes, it is
Mar 2018 · 62
A Visitor
Little Peony Mar 2018
Meeting someone in life
is something
that's actually astonishing.

That's because
he brings himself
with his past,
his present,
and his future.

That's because
someone's whole life
comes along.

The heart is fragile.
Therefore, it might have been broken.

That heart
is coming too.
I was curious to know..what kind of paths..your heart went through.
The reason my heart hurt so much.. when i learned of the path his heart went through.. isn't jealousy.. nor frustration.

12 years ago, i dreamed of loving someone. The fact that you ended your love.. was a bit.. sad.

credit inspired : BTMFL
Mar 2018 · 102
does it?
Little Peony Mar 2018
how does it feel
knowing
feeling
hearing

does time really need
to be involved

does miracle
really does take time

or it just for
desperation theory
Mar 2018 · 99
dramatically
Little Peony Mar 2018
dramatically
yes it's true
i am all the drama
i am all the chaos
i am dramatically
fallen for you

dramatically
true
turbulence feelings
Mar 2018 · 240
I've loved you
Little Peony Mar 2018
it was hard, it is
cleaning up the messy part
you are the messy part of me
everything was great
but i was forgotten
i forgot who you are
i forgot your heart

hope you'll remember me
the messy part of yours
the part where i might not even there
or was there for once
hope someday you'll reminisce about me
on your happy day
and the saddest part of yours

always knowing that
my hands will always opened up for you
not to bring you back
but to heal you once again
cliche : to make you happy again
and again

now i am letting you go
thank you for being the best part of me
somehow i wish things turn out for better way
for better us, better we, better possibilities

i'll always pray for you
i am praying for you
whispering the best for you
and i hope you too, still
hoping for the best part of me

i wish you knew i much i longing for you
believing you're still the one for me
faith-ing all the things we've been through
but tears is tears, end is the end

your vision is not mine
and my vision is not yours
you see the light
i see the sky

maybe we could be
but enough is enough
you enough for me
but me is not enough
yeah, i know :')

enjoy your part

let me enjoy mine

for last and true :
i've loved you <3
so long :') my "Hello, how are you?" !
Mar 2018 · 97
i'm sorry
Little Peony Mar 2018
you're not belong to me
you're for someone better
i'm sorry for loving you
i'm sorry for myself for wanting you
i'm sorry for depending too much on you

i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
she's much better and worth saving than me :')
Mar 2018 · 90
brave love
Little Peony Mar 2018
i just want you to love me
fight for me
fight for everything that we could have
fight for the feeling
fight
fight
fight

:")
or maybe it just me?

or are u too tired to fall in love again?
afraid for what'll happen next?
afraid of the future?
afraid of me? :')

or is it me?

are you too tired to do matchy things with me?
too tired to get to know me deeper, again?
too tired to start over again?
too tired of these feelings?

i want you
you
you
you

to be honest,
yes, i'm too easy to fall in love
just give me your smile
care for me
and share your pain with me
i'll love you unconditionally

loving me is easy
loving you also the same

but maybe "fight for me"
would be hard for you

by seeing you love "easy" things
it made me realise that
everything that you want
is something "easy"

yes, i am difficult
yes, i got nothing to offer you
yes, i am dumb
yes, i am crazy
yes, i am such a loser
yes, i am "all the things you might want to throw away"

but loving you for me is also crazy

and i love crazy things

but i know you're not :')
it hurts so much when you simply lose to someone, physically & materially. sometimes what matter the most for the people is the "TITLE", right? ;')
Feb 2018 · 91
with you (?)
Little Peony Feb 2018
maybe i won't see any future with you
but i love the "maybe"-ness we might had
i want to feel an extraordinary love
i don't need the common love
maybe i'm naive
but i simply love all the chances that life gave
i want to feel it all
i want to try it all
with you or without you
i just want to bear it all
just hold my hands
i'll love you
with all of me
with all my heart
simple as that
Feb 2018 · 73
the feels
Little Peony Feb 2018
i want to forget
everything
everything that i had
everything that i have
everything that i lost
everything that i lose
everything that i love
everything that i want
everything that i need
everything that i loved
because
i need love more than this
i need love more than just this
more than the big blue sky and sun above the sky
more than the smile that once smiled by you
more than the laugh that i heard
more than the feeling that felt for you
because
i need everything above the limit
i want to feel a lot of feelings
and above of all
i want to feel you
Feb 2018 · 51
heart problems
Little Peony Feb 2018
this is my heart problems
my anxiety
and madness
insecurities kicks in

it just like
i don't belong
and never belong
to anyone or any other else

maybe what they say is true
people hate ugly person
i am ugly
i feel ugly
and they hate me

for once i just want to feel loved
i want to feel like i am wanted
i want to feel like me myself is enough
maybe i just want to be loved

i always make them happy around me
but then they will forget
they don't want to be with me
i know i am ugly
thank you
for making me realise
more and more
Feb 2018 · 66
<3 doesn't made for me
Little Peony Feb 2018
and maybe
love really doesn't made for me
it wasn't created for this life i had
and even the love i know can't even handle
the way i hypocrite things

</3
Little Peony Feb 2018
i want love to hold my hands
give me a another chance
to feel the love for once
and forever

i might be wrong
i might be misheard
i might be end up alone
but i always believe in love

i always thought
all the things i do
might bring you back
near to me once again

but i was wrong
i really wrong
i am the one who push you
away from me
away from love

when it supposed to be me
who receive the love you had
i regret all the things i did
because of myself i am alone
Feb 2018 · 58
karma
Little Peony Feb 2018
because of you
i believe in karma
it makes me afraid
to get to know you
to crave for me

but in the end
it's always only me
the one who need love
from the way you need love
like a bad karma

i used to push away
all the love that god gave
thought like i was worthy
setting a high standard
when all u need is just love

and now i think
i just need to be grateful
for all the people
who used to love me
before and now

cause i will never
never ever be
worth saving
:")
Feb 2018 · 48
tired
Little Peony Feb 2018
to think of you
when i know you're not
i want love
the way i see love
the way i feel love
and the way it makes me feel
but you want somebody else
not the love i want
Feb 2018 · 55
this is what i don't want
Little Peony Feb 2018
this is what i don't like
i open up to you
and you just let me hangin'
waited for you to make the first move
but you let me down

this is what i don't want
i don't wanna fall for you
but i do

this is what i don't want
to fall in love with you
so easy
like this

maybe i'm the fools
the more i don't want you
the more i crave for you

this is what i don't want
to see you with someone else
this is exactly what i don't want

but i do want you
Jan 2018 · 82
heart scream
Little Peony Jan 2018
it's been along time
i'm happy
and you too

i fall for you
but you're not
you already have someone
in your mind
not mine
and not me

it was easy for me
to fall for you
but you're not

and here I, again
adoring you
physically
mentally
but you're not
unaware of me
loving you
alone

it hurts
yes, it was
it is

but i love it
to fall in love

and maybe
i will, again

but not with you
maybe
i don't know
i'm hoping for you

still
always will

.

please don't care for me
please don't do anything for me
please don't make me fall for you

please

just please
Jan 2018 · 134
, Again.
Little Peony Jan 2018
so here's to the step i take
to the path i chose
i hope you're going well
hoping for you to be good
and your path may become
clearer than before
so you could see
how wonderful it was
to be broken
pieces to pieces
to be wounded and healed
over and over again

so

here are the pieces of life
that i chose to bring with
the remaining half of me
which i don't even remember

the pieces that've been glued in tears,
fake laughter,
and loneliness

in hoping that it could grow
into something new
once again
and again.
Oct 2017 · 142
Yes, i need it.
Little Peony Oct 2017
i need love to escape
escape from this hurtful reality
reality that brings me down
down to depression
a meaningless obsession
and lot of tiring occasion

*never been thirsty like this before
Sep 2017 · 295
it hurts.
Little Peony Sep 2017
it hurts me
seeing you standing
alone
without any hands to guide you

so then

there it goes

i'm giving you my hands
not to guide you
cause i can't
i'm giving you my hands
to make you stronger
to make you know
that i am there
for you
Sep 2017 · 182
w.h.y
Little Peony Sep 2017
Word of confusedness when something's not right
Howling inside your mind like there's no solution
Y*elling and keep on begging for the answers
.
when you know, there's no answer for it*
.
so,why?
when you know there's no answer for it, but your heart keep on believin it. WHY? TELL ME WHY? still no answer. WHY? keep on  going just like that
Aug 2017 · 122
let me be
Little Peony Aug 2017
can't sleep last night
i hate that
i can't meet you in my dreams

if loving you isn't right
let me love you in my dreams

the only place
i could be with you



D.R.E.A.M.S.
Aug 2017 · 114
last night
Little Peony Aug 2017
if i could forever dream of you with me
.
i
.
would
.
never
.
want
.
to
.
.
.
.
*wake up
Aug 2017 · 120
loved.
Little Peony Aug 2017
i just want to be loved
.
by
.
you
Apr 2017 · 281
too much for the ego...
Little Peony Apr 2017
up above the hill i stand
staring at the moonlight
sighing about how good my life should be

never ending thinking about the past
for i am here
sinking in the world you gave me

never found a way
to let things go
to let you go

loving the hurt that you gave
the scars that i take
breathe me in into dark of the light

for i am here
keep sinking
in the beautiful ego that you gave me
Apr 2016 · 434
...
Little Peony Apr 2016
...
would i ever knew
a winter in the summer
when the sun hidden beyond the mind
secretly sneaking under the springs

* blank
Apr 2016 · 522
*blank*
Little Peony Apr 2016
i can't resist
things that implies to you
my heart won't stop arguing
mind won't stop imagining
can't even differentiate
between whose and who
and how it had been
and what it should be now
Apr 2016 · 435
Notes to Myself
Little Peony Apr 2016
an emotional materials are good for mental life
good for the heart

i won't stop forgiving
accepting
praising
helping
keeping

and be a blessing for people around

for i believe
**a small kind of gesture
is like a big hero for some people in need
Apr 2016 · 534
Lady in waiting
Little Peony Apr 2016
now my eyes were wondering
how things were left behind
how it happened
and what the tomorrow will bring next

i open my heart to it
waiting for the next adventure
can't wait for the new chapter
for i knew it has begun

to what my life could be
and who'll be in it
who'll support me
who'll hold my hand to the end

and to see how good my life will be
and to be grateful for everything
that God had written
#life #love #ladyinwaiting
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