You were never mine
But my heart is always yours.
The shattered parts of me continue to be beaten
My crushed emotions and little strength are slowly vanishing
The fuzz light of hope dims as time goes by.
My bones are weak;
My voice is getting small,
My fingers find it hard to grasp,
and my legs begin to tremble.
I am ablaze with sadness,
fear, longing, and doubt
The days are becoming slower and longer
My gaze is getting blurred.
Will I be able to find my way home?
Is this really it?
Won't I ever see your smile again?
Won't I ever have to hold your hand
And kiss you when I can?
Is this really it?
Is this really it?
I can feel your hand on me fading
And I can no longer see....
June 30, 2015
You were once a stranger to me before
A person I usually see;
Someone I barely talk to.
But why do I suddenly
find myself longing for your presence?
Why do I suddenly notice how
your eyes widens when a joyful word
slips from your mouth?
Why am I suddenly wanting to see
your smile all the time?
And why am I sitting here
finding myself missing you
*and your smile?
July 8, 2015
For with you my gleam
and gray days turned into fairy tale;
For with you,
My pain is at ease,
And I can finally breathe again
July 19, 2015
"You deserve to be with the best, and I am not the best for you. You deserve someone who is prudence and just, not someone like me who is messed up and ****** up. You deserve to be happy. And I will always be happy for you.... Even if it's not me who can make you happy--but someone else."
Good bye, Hanna
Ease my pain
For I will endure
the days that i'll see you,
*loving somebody else.
August 4, 2015
Out of reach
I saw you from afar
And iv'e never felt
this urge to kiss someone
and tell them
*"You are wonderful."
December 31, 2015
From the moment you stand
and walk from the bus
I saw you outside the window;
standing; your hair was firm
and your eyes were searching
And I looked up,
saw that you faded.
And as I return my eyes to nowhere
I once think,
How much I love the
way you walk
and the way your shadow beams
How much I love the way
your eyes lit up and see;
How much I love you,
And how much
I look forward to
*I'll see you again.
August 22, 2015
In the midst of cold air and rain we sat beside each other
I put my head on your shoulder;
closed my eyes--savoring and holding
to each second of this moment
After a while
You held my hand;
And suddenly my breathing stopped and
my heart skipped a beat,
I felt a tingling in my stomach and
my heart is pounding and unstable;
Your skin on mine felt comforting and just;
your hand on mine felt like it was made
for each other--like it was meant to be
held by yours.
And for the first time in my life I felt,
that time stood still and stopped,
The noise became quiet and everyone faded,
Like there's nothing.... But just
the two of us
"Is this for real?" I utter, and as I open my eyes
I saw you beside me and your hand
And I wished for you to hold me,
*And never let go.
August 29, 2015
You kissed me,
And I thought I was driven
To a place iv'e never been before.
You hugged me,
And all of my broken pieces
were squeezed back together.
Suddenly all of my pain faded
And I said to my mind,
*"Hanna, I love you..."
September 4, 2015
"I always want to thank you for what you've given me.
Time is still long, i'm not sure if you'll still be by my side in the years
that will come, or whether you'll get tired of me too.
But right now, all I want to say is thank you...
*For the every minute and hour you've always given me."
October 25, 2015
What in the world did I do to have someone like you?
You are my light,
The reason why I live and survive
You were my strength;
The reason why I look forward
To every sunshine
The reason why I find happiness in
The reason why my hope
in this cruel world is built.
*What in the world did I do to have someone like you?
You are my home,
Shelter of my strength,
The ones I keep coming back to,
Zone of my comfort.
To love you now means to love you from distance
My eyes swelling,
Heart desolate and longing
For the sound of your voice,
Warmth of your embrace
In the midst of despairing days,
And sorrowful worries
Here, I love you from afar
In loving you there is no tomorrow;
If the world crushes on a beam of light in this moment,
Will I ever see you again?
I am not yours and you are not mine.
You belong to someone else.
But you're here, by my side, and in this cold and rainy night we embrace
the warmth of each other's presence.
Thank you for giving me the chance to be in this moment.
I know this won't happen again in the future, that's why I am truly grateful.
I love you.
The world was not prepared to meet me.
My mother listened to soldiering footsteps; not to my inner cries.
Ears were deafened, and hearts were clamped down on.
I was conceived in double darkness; my fingers formed in midnight and stars.
My father ran away without plans of coming back.
My house was shattered inside my mother's womb.
I fell away from earth like wings made of flesh,
Fevered and forgotten.
They sifted through my mother's body and did not find me.
I was nothing but nothing died.
I died in the deaths of many people.
I died in many dyings.
In this society, the beautiful is more loved
Held so dearly.
Oh how difficult it is to hide
and ill favored sight.
And after all the fights
At the end of the day I will
wanting to be with you
And love you
I ever did before.
— The End —