I will never have the privilege to call you mine.
I will never hold you in my arms.
I will never kiss you.
I will never have those long talks in the middle of the night with you.
I will never wake up laying next to you.
I will see you being happy without me.
With someone that isn’t me.
And I just have to accept that we were never meant to be.

I am feeling empty
like the trees
that have thrown off
their leaves

Late night texts
Sleepy eyes
Small smiles
Butterflies

Stolen moments
Held inside
Beating heart
Stupefied

~

Left alone
Tear filled eyes
Chapped lips
Scarred thighs

Empty promises
Cast aside
Broken heart
Terrified

~j.l.

Why do I feel empty
When I've had plenty?
Didn't know when to take the last shot
Or when it was enough

All I want to do is to give up
No more strength in my body
To lift a single cup
Always trying to be someone I'm not

I've grown tired of pretending
And tired of existing.
I am empty
I am lost
I am broken.
I am sad and I am miserable

But no one listens to me
Please just listen to me!
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
Please!

Just listen to me.

I miss your eyes when they sparkle of joy
I miss your smile when it lights up my world
I miss your voice when you tell me you care
I miss the thought of you just being there

I'm longing for the feeling of your touch
The feeling of being in your arms and knowing I'm enough
I'm longing for you to pull me close
And place feathery kisses on the front of my nose.

I want you to lock your lips on mine
And you to tell me that we'll be just fine
I want you to hold me tight
And to love me with all your might.

I wish I could tell you how I really feel
But we both have layers that we still need to peel
Before I can open up completely
And our encounters can be more than just briefly.

I wish I could tell you all this
Everything at once and not only in small bits
I wish I wouldn't only imagine
And that I would be your only attraction.

Cause I can't stand the feeling of being far from you
Yet I can't close the distance that's between us two
Seeing another in your embrace
I can't help the tears from falling down my face.

Wishing your words were more than empty
And that we'd talk when you had less than plenty
But I guess my wishes will never be heard
Leaving me to miss you with only half a heart.

The moment that I met you
Was the moment I let myself
Drown in your eyes
And drown in your words

Unable to breath
But not willing to swim to the surface
Scared of losing you?
Or scared of losing myself?

Why am I afraid?
Am I actually suffering?
The cold water is a comfort
Flowing around me and hugging me

Not being able to breath
I can give up
If it means I can be this close to you
And let myself drown in your eyes

The moment that I met you
Was the moment I saw a light
You gave me a smile
And I saw something shine so very bright

You gave me hope
You gave me comfort
You gave me a light

You gave me something bitter and sweet.
Sweet and bitter.
Joy but still fear
Fear of losing myself?
Or fear of losing you?

But why am I still afraid?
Afraid of drowning?
Not really
Afraid of fighting and reaching the surface?
Yes
But why?

Feeling the light slowly vanishing
And the darkness creeping up
Being ****** farther and farther down
The surface farther and farther away

up there
somewhere.

Why can't i swim?
Even though I really want to?.

I want to breath
I want to fight
I want to see and feel your light

But i guess it's too late now
It's dark down here.
The water is cold
And it is hurting my skin

My lungs are filled with water
I'm unable to breath
I am afraid of drowning
Now I know for sure

I should have done this
I should have done that
I should have put my trust in you
And given in to you.

Now I have nothing left
Now I have lost myself
And the worst part is
That I have lost you as well.