It comes and goes like thunder in a fiery storm
A roller coaster ride
That is my mind

A state of constant is not the norm
More like whirlwinds and constant storms
And a peak of sunrise before the weather drifts

My bones shaking from tiredness of constant defense
Constant battle and constant fear
The mountains are high
So I climb and I climb
But It doesn't feel like I'm getting near

And a thought of you might seem like constant bliss
But you might be just a jeep in the middle of the wind
That will take me to another place
That has it's own taste
It's own storms
It's own painful trace

And you might be a mirage
Cause the sun is shining too bright
And my head is gone loopy
And I need anything to soothe me

And we will see
What it might be

But hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have

But I have it.

I wrote you down in detail
5 years ago

A character that came to life

I wrote a story once
And it had you in it
The pain
The confusion
The talent
You're scrapbook

And I swear I wrote you down
5 years ago
And I didnt know

I didnt know my words had this much power
And why did I write my and your life this sour

And this is a beautiful magical miracle
But a curse in disguise
I love this much power if I had power over my mind
But I dont want this much power
When a gray cloud is following my mind

And I wrote you
I detailed your detail to the detail
I swear I wrote you
5 years ago
And I dont know what to do with that

Define what you want to be.
Write it down
Imitate it.

And you will be.

But decisions are hard to make
I know . .

And the world made this heart of yours break
I know . .

And seeking happiness ***** you in situations that end in a big cut that leaves a scar.

Now fear is instilled within you
And it's hard to shake it off
It's hard to move it on
Again  

It's hard to control the brain.

But write it down
Define it
Then imitate it
And it will be
You have nothing to loose.

Either move on with purpose
Or keep trying to replay history
Or purely rely on destiny.

I choose purpose

A sky full of stars is only seen in the darkest of lights. . .
And there is so much sense to make out of that
But I cant explain it
Write it down
As it drains it

Of its unhuman like complexity
As everything in life is merely a reflection of its essence
The universe is a reflection of the atoms in your cells
And it's so complex yet so simple
If you dont explain it
It's so simple

Sink into it
As it is what we define as truth
It is the essence
It is the core
And it is within you

Observe and listen
And let it be

And what shall happen
Shall be

And we might be as harmonious as the blue sky and the sea
As the stars shining at night in the dessert

Or we might just be a passing like the weather.

Life is meant to be lived
And living is not the made up myth
Seizing the moment and feeling constant bliss
Life is meant to be lived
And living is what this is.

The calm after the storm
I am not one to stay with the norm

You're like the salty wind at the sea
A nice breeze

I'm finally coming to ease
Up

You're that flower growing in the street crack
I want to pick you up
Smell u
Put in a vase
And plant you in my vains

For a dose of dopamine
Talk a little
And feel a little something

You're a cute flower grown between the cement.
I want to pick you up.

Heart clinch
A gut pinch

Look at the screen
Can't see clear
My phone is shaking
My hands are shaking

Sounds amplified
Hearts pounds magnified

Narrow vision
And eyes that can't focus

**** I wonder if anyone noticed.

Neurons linking and multiplying till it becomes a crowd pit
Thoughts smooshed to the edge of the stage
Screaming quick solve it!

They shout and they scream in support for existential fear

Sounds amplified
Heart pounds magnified

Narrow vision
And eyes that can't focus

**** I wonder if anyone noticed

They're still talking
Walking
Chilling out smoking
It's not that big of a deal
There's nothing to fear

Just another panic attack gone
Un-noticed