I've always wished I could relive my life knowing everything that I know now. Well today I had that opportunity, sort of... I dreamt of you and I got to relive a day in our very recent past. And I thought "oh finally I can make some things right". The first time we lived that day you came up behind me and started tickling me and I squirmed away. I felt very self-conscious thinking I was overweight and didn't want you to feel my fat jiggling around. This time I let you tickle me and I started laughing so hard just with happiness of being with you and having your hands on me again. And then you started laughing really hard too, what a glorious sound that laugh is. And then you stopped tickling me and our faces were only inches apart and you looked at me for a long moment and then you softly said "that's enough" and you turned around and walked away. That's when I realized I couldn't do it. I can't relive even another day of this journey with you. Because I remembered the way you continually let me get close and almost let me in, and how you pull away and walk away every single time. I remembered how that makes me feel and how It makes me feel is small.
So regardless of how fantastic it was to see you, your beautiful hazel eyes, that amazing smile and inhale the wonderful smell of you, I forced myself to wake up and softly said "goodbye"