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Lilywhite Jan 19
Take the pain away
Wash it from your face
Erase the days of questioning your own self worth

Unbutton your shirt
Lower your skirt
Grace the earth with your body
And bare your soul to the world
Be anything but unforgiving of yourself

You are more than your scars for
They are merely affirmations
Of a path well traveled on
And you wear them well

Don't let anyone tell you different
Just be the difference between then and now

Be unapologetically thankful that you are never alone when you're at home with yourself

Shower yourself with love,
Beyond limit,
Because you deserve it
I wrote this after my ex cheated on me
Lilywhite Jan 15
Hate.
It grows the stomach weak, it claws at your insides, and poisons the thoughts you think.

Hate.
It blackens one's soul, deteriorates the body, and leaves a lifeless void; a hole. You're susceptible.

Hate.
When you hate, hate becomes you and you, hate.

You become nothing more than a living, breathing, sack of flesh-
completely ridden with ill-vibes and bad intent.

Hate.
You're now a sad, lonely, and self-obsessed incubus.
A bottom feeder who preys on the weak, stealing all that's good among the meek-

Hate.
You're a modern-time frankenstein
minus the remorse.

Hate.
Smiles; they're contagious.

But hate; hate is worse, hate devours all that is beautiful, it damages and distorts what otherwise could be clarity. . .
Lilywhite Jan 5
2018 was an extremely tough year for me. I've been through some unfathomable things in my life, but last year was by far one of the most trying.

I learned that boundaries are important and more people should practice establishing and respecting them.

I learned that ultimatums aren't love. If someone cared for you, they would be understanding in their approach to your existence.

I learned that people are going to do what they want to do regardless and the only thing you can do is be a positive force or influence that stands along side someone else in their trying time.

I learned that it is important to always strive to forgive because it relinquishes another person's control over yourself and your emotions. Forgiveness isn't for the person that hurt you, it's for your own peace of mind.

I learned that it's easier to sleep at night when I did everything I could.

I realized that it's okay to have bad days, it's okay to ask for help, I don't have to be so ******* myself, and I deserve the best because I refuse to settle for less.
Just some random rant I guess
Lilywhite Oct 2018
Where there is a rhyme there is a reason. There is always a reason, even if we aren't aware of it yet. You can't force the truth to come to light. You can only slowly open your eyes. It is with the understanding of time that you may find deliverance.
Lilywhite Oct 2018
What if I told you that...

my brother, well he's older than me
but he has a mental disability
he isn't like you and me
he learns, thinks, and acts differently
so at 23, he's a little brother to me

and growing up, a little brother he was . . .
THE MOST OBNOXIOUS THING ON THE PLANET
always taking things without asking!
THREE YEARS I NEVER GOT TO EAT MY HALLOWEEN CANDY, THREE YEARS.
and there's no telling how he found it because by that age
I had him beat in hide and go seek like no bodies business
EXCEPT THE TIME I ALMOST DIDN'T MAKE IT OUT ALIVE
he turned the dryer on while me and my poodle, baby-girl, were still inside

but even that isn't as bad as the time
HE COMPLETELY ERASED POKEMON GOLD AFTER I BEAT THE ELITE FOUR.... man ~
I CRIED AND I CRIED AND I CRIED AND I CRIED AND I CRIED  until there were tears no more

and

No more did I want to watch dragon ball z, no more
No more did I want to play another card game of yu-gi-oh, no more, not after that whole debockle, no!
I didn't want to play hide and go seek and I definitely did not want to go trick-or-treat

"You're too big to receive any candy" the neighbors would say as they shut the door in his face
and as he walked back, tears in his eyes, confused in his super hero disguise as to why he got denied

It was then that I realized I was growing older and even though he could be the biggest pain in my neck, he's my brother.

so, to me it was as if I had to protect him, from then on out,
to look after and defend him,
to guard against all the rude comments and hateful tauntings
the other kids would try to impress upon him

It was then I became the rubber that stuck to his shoes, that kept his feet placed firmly upon the ground
So he would know how to stand up for himself

because it was then I watched my mother tell that lady to try again
and when she came back, in one hand, she carried a bag of candy and in the other, a bag of apologies

oh and it was then that I knew
when she wasn't around, I would be
and that it was up to me to be his rock and not to roll
in and out of his life like everyone and everything else
that out grows him

IT WAS THEN THAT I KNEW
February 17, 2015
Lilywhite Sep 2018
I find myself
and I feel myself
slowly falling down
into your gaze,
but is this right?
is this okay?

It's everything I'm afraid of,
everything I'm unsure of. . .
Am I? Am I even good enough?
to grow with you,
to move with you,
to just be-
with you,
in harmony?

to ebb and flow-
its hard ya know..?
to take the good with the bad,
not many can handle that.

it's a long, hard road paved by patience
with diligence, allegiance, and constant cognizance;
that's not to mention pure intent, unconditional love, and
always going beyond and above...

is this..
could this..
could this be what we're capable of?

when I think of the possibilities,
the places we can go,
the faces we'll see, the some that we'll know,
the many opportunities. . .

w      o      a      h

the thought;
it ties my stomach in knots
the tension;
its so easily broken
like a button upon cloth held by a thread

SNAP

I'm a wreck...
and its just waiting to happen
like the many times before..
I can't, you can't, we can't
they all end in divorce..
oh sweet, sweet discourse

who knows,
I can't predict the future,
but what I do know
is that you may be the one to sway me
but only I can save me from myself..

and the last thing I'd do is ask you
for any type of help
so give me the time I need
and maybe it'll be
everly after happy!
Lilywhite Sep 2018
I just had a realization. I was just as lonely then, with you, as I am now. The good days just distracted me from the time I held your gun to my mouth.
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