words from a conversation we had days ago echo in my mind turning into a lullaby, softly coaxing my eyelids shut. welcoming deep sleep to my weary heart.
each part of our souls intertwine to create a perfect panoply facilitated by the moon.
you and i under the same sky, all of a sudden the displeasures from the day before slowly melt away into the dark nighttime.
in the syzygy of our cosmic hearts we bask in the ethereal glow encompassed comfortably by the stars and moons.
involved in a state of a constant somnambulism so i never have leave the blissful reality conceived in my subconscious.
dreamers indulgence, walking hand in hand, free and filled with halcyon in the safety of sleep.

you are a work of art to me.
masterpiece soul.
watercolor tears.
bone structure a meticulously crafted sculpture.
brush stroke hair imperfectly contrived.
calligraphy dripping inked words.
musical melodious voice.
filmography flashes within your eyes.
i wish i could frame you as i see you…
displaying the beauty that that i see…
for you and all to see...

emancipated, sunken, lost in the fog.
I am in love with an eternal concluder.
no, sorry,
I only love the fact that you took that imposter from this world, it is disturbing that he would even try to impersonate my papa.
cheery, rosy tinted memories, shifted bleak.
you embody total contentment through such a simple life. you are a true treasure, that is now swallowed in the mist of time.
once these remarkable things became shadowed by the empty desolate version of yourself i decided i was in love in with deaths act of nullification, to clear off the gunk that tainted my papa's clean soul.
I love that you put an end to a fraud who tried to make my papa look so far from himself.
I love you, yourself, my papa. before the shadows. before the fog.

-Raymond Pendergast 2018-

a sad story:
my mind is too full and preoccupied to do art.
to do what i love.
to function.

oh you silly silly girl!
you must ache for heartache..
don't you know better after all you've seen and been through?
of course not, far to naive.
over and over again we put ourselves through so much pain in order to find bliss
ironic isn't it?
oh you silly girl images of beautiful roses float through your dizzy head
remember silly girl, roses have thorns, that cut and sting.
something so sweet and pure as a rose can hurt quite badly.
but it is so worth it to plunk a pretty, bright one from the grass, right silly girl?
even if we get a cut or two.
oh silly girl, you always find a way to heal, but never to learn.
oh silly silly girl.

oceans are so serene and beautiful.
oceans are so black and peril.
my ocean changes frequently, i don't have much control over the waves.
some days the waves are a sparkly blue, with warm sunshine warming it through and through.
it sways so calm and lazily.
other days not so placid.
just like that the waves turn black and freezing, and the water crashes, smothering any beauty or peace in its sight.
i on my small boat, have to ride the waves no matter what,
they are mine of course.
when the sea storm rumbles and brews i whisper to myself “don't drown don't drown”
don't drown.
i refuse to let my ship sink and go down.
why you ask?
well..
because i force myself to think of how stunning the ocean is on the good days,
and
how much my ocean can withstand on a stormy day.
even if it is easier to let the water push my body under and take me,
i will not drown.

and i love him

voice. intoxicate me with the sweetness that drips from your words, i cling to it.
eyes. your eyes hold me, dark and deep, a beautiful unknown world of exploration inside.
bones. the gorgeous outline under your skin creates a sculpture to me. your airy shadows reflect, absolute art.
hair. from that thick dark whirlwind, a twisted storm, perfectly placed on your head, down to midnight strands across your jaw.
mind. your deep sea, let me dive in, see the mystical creatures and mysteries that lie in the dark. i want the shining soft surf along with your torrential tidal waves.
oh my soul glows for you, lighting my heart up fully.
and i love you, absolutely.