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Natasha Jan 2015
The old house smells of a long lost past, inside- lined with chestnut oak floors, scratched and beaten as the years wore it down- love, compassion, friends and enemies stepped on their aged panels.
           Each ***** and scratch channeling some form of memories- the energy of the soles tread upon them & never a complaint but a mere creak in blatant spots where they've taken mighty a tole. Safe haven, home- a common fishbowl for each of our young lost souls.
          Here, we seem to find each other and lose ourselves, a happy balance of heaven and **** rises and falls amongst those left of us. All along I knew it was them I truly trust.
           All the years, all of us, every tear
We still, walk in the house unannounce, safe from the **** of all outdoors and pad contently across these old wooden floors
My girls
..... smokin a j in shellys room is dope too
Natasha Jul 2015
There is a world inside of me

life & pain it lives and breathes

endless fog, scorching heat

how am I to rule a world

that I can't even see.
Having some health issues :( old age catching up to me.. Ha ha ha.
Natasha Apr 2014
Speckling drops, of bathwater- lovely evening rain.
Patter melodically against
my open window frame.
The  water touches me not,
for my roof with gutters and onings.
But the dewy breeze saturates my room
like my face to an ocean breeze.
Mother Waters, send her daughters
to my window this spring night singing.
Distant puddle patterning ploops,
diameters mass expanses on the suburban streets.
The trees, the smile as they absorb the
moisture their brittle bones need.
Oh how I pitied the trees,
when the cold stripped and broke their branches
my heart grew sorrowful & weak.
The deserve to be enveloped, by this
unplanned storm.
All in the world, would agree when I say
that we are blessed
with this warm April rain
it was just beautiful last night, from my room that is
Natasha Oct 2013
I wake up

to the iridescent cascade of pale light
Through the

                                                               ­                 mahogany and tangerine stained leaves
A meridian oasis,



               dolloped with white
non-senses

                                        I roll wearily and sore


towards the warmth of your bare chest

In hopes,
                            That I will find

Solace
Where have I been for the last little bit. So much has changed
.
Natasha Aug 2015
.
You don't care


About the little things



That mean a lot


To me
.
Natasha Jan 2015
.
I suppose something as lovely as you, cannot be put to pen, paper & poetry.

I can't find enough beautiful words to simply describe you with my vocabulary

There is no way to emulate,
gramatically structure or describe

Exactly that feeling when
you're speaking volumes into my eyes

When I know the truth
is exactly what you say

That we're different books
on the same page

Smiling, flipping slowly
through the clearing days

Theres no pressure in the back of my head, yet how is my visions not a haze?

Theres so much more,
I've only given vowels to the entire story

So with that,
I'll tell you that baby I'm sorry,

But theres no love poem tonight
Its late,

I'm everso distracted by youre perfect face
And you've given me far too much to write
xoxo
.
Natasha Jan 2015
.
If you fell,
                   starlight

   I would catch you

                                     But,

    You just keep shooting across the sky
.
Natasha Sep 2015
.
Sometimes words cannot capture the feelings swimming in your head



so drown little thoughts


   drown
Natasha Feb 2014
please wait,
they don't love you like I love you.
Natasha Mar 2017
reruns of old shows just to distract me
providing some ease for my restless mind. my head aches, my eyes burn and sting and swell from the tears that spring up whenever I think of the past.
every second growing older, me and everyone around me.
Is it selfish to say, that I'd live the first ten years of my life until my dying day?
I just can't take people I love dying around me. I can't do it the thought itself kills me. It keeps me up at night.
I can't live this thing called life.
22
Natasha Jan 2015
22
I can relate to being afraid of the
long lonely nights
But hours turn into
sleepless darkness and
late mornings
dim lit evenings
turn into restless days
Those days to weeks,
Weeks to months
Months to years
Tell me honey do you not shed a tear?
When falling asleep
is your greatest fear.
The number that joins us, we needa get this girl to sleep
Natasha Jul 2013
i.
**** for him
Envy for her
Shame for myself

           ii.
Longing for him (in another life I tell myself)
Nothing for her
Anger for myself

        iii.
Indifference for him
Is there a her?
Curiousity about myself (I wonder if he was here, what could he make my body do)
Hm. Not sure what to say about this
Natasha Sep 2014
Like the seasons, we

                 flirt, ****, hate, repeat

                           an incredible future upon each of our shoulders

                          and who knew it'd be the thing that holds us

back from everything we've ever felt together

we both knew we meant forever

                                                                             but slowly, surely

                                                                                        day by day

I assure you darling,

*I'm fading away.
just slowly losing feeling. the feeling of what it feels like when he touches me. its feels the same as the first time, the same pain.
Natasha Mar 2015
I dreamt I were someone else
That my mind was just a little less of a ****
Instead of racing,
or being weighted constantly
It was as light as the sky,
and careless as the sea
Could that ever truly, once again be me?
For this feeling I can only write but poetry
Unless someone emptys the 8 pounds
From inside my skull
I don't know if I'd ever be free
Idunno sometimes
Natasha Oct 2018
I feel nothing is stable anymore
I went from shuttered entrances
to a room full of swinging doors.

All I want to do is hide my face
and curl up in a ball
as not to face the raging storm.

Shingles rip menacingly from the rooftop,
glass shatters through the window panes
my hair caught in the cross winds,
my skin misted by inevitable torrential rain.

It all happens within

For outside I feign
happiness, progression
"you're doing amazing!"
my former demons victim to my succession.

But that's the funny thing about depression,
you can have everyone around you convinced
that you are so very okay,
that nothing could happen that would make your emotions sway.

But inside,
you're living within the eye of the storm
just trying to survive another day.
#nationalmentalillnessday
Natasha Mar 2014
He
gives
me
the
best
*******
head.

Now
when
alls
said
and
do­ne,
I've
saturated
both
sheets
and
bed.

I
guess
tonight
we'll
crash
on
the
couch
instead.
true story
Natasha Jan 2015
I hope you like dancing in the rain
I'll spin you around and pull you back to me
I sure am glad you wore that dress
It reminds me of the night that we first met
And don't you love the evenings in July?
When I'm staring at you
through my blue eyes

And we could be fine,
We could be fine, fine, fine

So roll the windows down
and put the car in drive
Its starting to rain a little bit outside
And I've had you on my mind
For some time*


Sequoyah Prep School
Is, always has, and always will be one of my favourite songs
Natasha May 2015
I try and feel highly of myself
to believe every word you say
but I've been taught that
thoughts like this
only come bathed in vain.

You have to know my dear that
I try and believe when
you tell me I'm perfect, that
I'm worth it

but the chemicals in my brain
put me to shame
gently whispering
"you're worthless"

love, has always been a
losing game
yet here we are both winning
and I have no idea how to play

how to believe that
you're all mine
I could let my worrisome conscious
be free

if only I'd know I'd never
have to say
please,
please- don't leave.
Insecurities
Natasha Nov 2013
Yet,

                     every morning


                                                       ­           I know




                                                            ­                                          that just after dawns break


                                                         ­                                                                 ­                              
                                 you'd sing to me



&

                      
gift me



 with



                                                             ­                                    unstained



                                                              ­                                                                 ­                 felicity.
Natasha Jun 2017
restless nights of senseless intuition
wandering trails of useless fruition
binding branches, choke me
but it feels good not to breathe
somehow
it seems I've gotten used to
the useless tugging on frayed vines,
the ache and sorrow as I try to climb
the desolated mountain side.

it's better to feel sad then nothing at all,
it's better to try to climb then to let oneself fall.

put on your mask, you're okay.
you're fine tonight.
you don't need anyone to hold you through the
dark nights.
just keep grasping through your days,
you're alright
I'm alright
I'm okay
*I'm not okay
wide awake
Natasha Jun 2013
Pain rocks my body
A dry unrelenting feeling
Make it stop
The hopelessness
In this agony
I dread
Natasha Jul 2013
When I can't get me speed
Jack will do
Send me to sleep baby
Minds chewed
Natasha Mar 2014
**** never works for me
I'd much prefer
a detailed paragraph
something of raw passion, vivid words..
of exactly what you'd do to me

satisfy me with a tease
ouf. the ****** frusteration.
Natasha Mar 2014
My throat must a venue
                                       for The Lonely Hearts Club Band



I swallow my pulse
                                 and hold my tongue in my hand.


                                

Vivid lucid reality,  
                               popping all my stitches at the seams




on the other line, your consciousness fades
                                                           ­           as I envy your quest for dreams.





You're always in my heart though,
                                                      ros­ary beads in hand with your protection





for it is in nights like this, I simply wish
                                                         for a moment of undying affection.






Arms around me through the night,
                                                          ­ the morning sun in his hazel eyes;




filled with smiles for all eternities
                                                      ­& a stomach full of butterflies.




                                                            ­                                                   xo
Natasha Feb 2016
I feel like time is soaring by,
the clouds each day tumbling high
and with each passing breeze,
between them I sigh,
for I and all I love will someday
be one with the sky.

The walls once built for the
children of the past, have crumbled
leaving rubble, vast.
And home I reside, will eventually
fall, we all grieve- uselessly
at the impermanence of it all.

And darling,
you nor I can stop the clocks from ticking, but we can choose how to spend each moment
we are living.
Natasha Feb 2014
like these barren silk sheets
I reach out to grab you
and you slip out from under me
Natasha Dec 2013
Riveting, in so many aspects
Yet still you cannot seem to
Not float away from me.
Just like those clouds
in front of your eyes;
Your head dwells in them quite frequently,
Same for the pixie in your psyche,
You've discovered
the mess of her reality
Marking my heart when you sing
Want to mend
my broken wings?
With you, I have no suspicions
But **** baby,
You still lack-                              
**** (re) Ambition
Natasha Jun 2014
I send my hopes
and universal powers above
hoping you feel
nothing but
the eternal forces of love.

That your tired soul
may rest,
for its eternal age
letting all past pain
of long gone days
fade away.

For every soul that met yours,
and looked eye to eye
opened their souls
and spilled their guts
when they found out you died.

And I,
distant as I seem
hope that somewhere,  somehow
you are following
your dreams.

May his young soul rest in peace
One of my childhood elementary friends (a boy who used to tease me over my curly hair actually) just died today of a drug overdose.
It just so happens, that I saw him by mere coincidence yesterday walking down the street. Mere hours later he would be dead.
Never to ever accidentally encounter that soul again
life is so very very fragile
Natasha Dec 2014
He's scared of drowning in my eyes.
Because beneath their harmless
watery surface
I think he knows what he'll find.
Let us say,
they are like the sea,
ever so still on the surface
seemingly captivating and
wonderous to everyone excluding me.
Soon enough, the wear & tear
begins to show
But oh baby, only God really knows
That,
The darker it gets
The deeper you go
There are things that come to life
though my mind is dead & cold.
No one can seem to ever reach
Not a single successor yet
The bottom of the ocean inside my head.
No one will ever know me the way I do
Natasha Aug 2013
She smells of jasmine
And sea island cotton

Her haunting green eyes
And vivid ice blonde hair

Not even The Creator
Could believe

He had constructed something
So beautiful
Natasha Jan 2014
Baptizing her head
in a basin of ash
the stark white of her
angel hair
now smokes with cinder black
Her eyes
green once,
now lighten in dramatic contrast
piercing white, ice blue
that leave your heart to tremble when she laughs.
Angular and insecure
her body a mere wasteland
of what it was before
For when He banishes an angel
she will walk the streets
as a *****.
Natasha Jan 2014
There are angels
In your angles
There's a low moon
Caught in your tangles
There's a ticking
At the sill
There's a purr of a pigeon
To break the still of day,
As on we go drowning
Down we float away
Away..
The Decemberists
Natasha Jan 2015
I savour each unique, little patterned frozen water molecule resting on the tips of our equally generous lashes.
Though our lips and faces freeze, bare skin fairs poorly against this cold.
Your eyes speak of a summer time it seems was so long ago.
Those mahongany, chestnut irises- with them I can't wait to watch the sunset.
So much power, passion and talent in you rests yet.
Clear that troubled mind and embrace it
Accept the god given talents the gifts you are given
Modesty I can understand but needn't you keep it so hidden?
For love your character already has this little lady so smitten.
You can call me kitten, sir
Or whatever knocks on your mental door
*****, love, baby or your ***** little *****
Over each of these to my stomach my heart seems to fall
But, I'm proud to say
To you, I am them all.
xoxo- sir.
Natasha Dec 2015
You are so much to lose;
and for how I've gained
I'll accept all your burdens,
sorrow and pain;
but is it worth it for you?
with all my mistakes
I know they've caused you

melancholy and disdain.


It's mid-December,

but it feels like spring
such as the world, we are an
odd, complicated thing.


I just can't see you seeping
anything useful from me.
I am the raging forest fire that

mercilessly swept across the trees.


Lovely,

I don't mean to burn you,
I simply try to breathe


I can't help that it's within my nature
to destroy everything I meet


in time
with a heavy laden heart
my love

you'll fall to ashes at my feet.
I don't know what's wrong with me... I don't know what I do wrong... Maybe that's what's wrong with me?
Natasha Jun 2013
Trapped in a mind no longer myself
White walls, white sheets, white eyes, white ****
My friend over there is special, only I can see him
Red stains his clothes and all of his skin
His wide eyes are black, but they were once blue
Trust me, he used to live in this room with me too
All he does is sit there not making much noise
Sometimes I'm his *****, but mostly
He's my toy.
His teeth are missing, knocked out of his face
Dragged, through the hallways and killed without a trace
Well at least to me, it seemed he was gone for good
Till white turned red wherever I stood.
A part of me screamed as another one laughed
A sharp pain in my side, and my world turned black.
My head educes snide dreams with voices drifting sideways
Voices crossing each other like overpass highways
"What have you done?!" one of them shrills
For I have sufficed my inexplicable urge to ****
Different words, different voices leave me alone and reeling
Black walls, black *****, blackened faces, black ceiling
Room with a low roof, no bed, no feeling
Just space and empty
Unfurling to consume me
Until blinding light surrounds a dark figure
Long and Lanky
An outstretched arm
With something held in its bounty
I sprint towards it
Is it too good to be true?
Until a
Gunshot
Gasp
And drip
Then my life ended with you.
Natasha Jun 2013
The child creeps closer and closer
To the fire
Closer and closer
I watch and await
I know what's next
But yet I do not try to stop
Halt
Or warn her
For I will smile as she **burns
Natasha Jul 2014
Out of the corner of his eye he spotted,
                       a young woman,
        with dark red hair
                                    eyes of forest green
    and skin ever fair.

She smiled, her red blooming tulips.
               The sun in her gaze,
   for they shined.
                                             "and I wish they were mine"

                                                                    but,
what
he
  doesn't
   know
    is
     she's
      gotta
       man
         back
          at
           home
             and
               she
                 won't
                    wear
                       her
                         rings
                            when
                              she's
                                going
                                    on
                                      patrol.
I'd love to dress up as a bad cop,
cheater cheater pumpkin eater ;)
Natasha Sep 2015
you sang a song


              of love & life


       but I could hear


                         the hate & pain



    in your soulful voice.
Natasha Sep 2018
I'm so low
I wish I could say it's unfamiliar
but this place is like my old home;

here I reside and within it
a part of me dies,
every single second I spend
trapped here alive.

Everyone is thinking forward
and here I am trapped in my head
sleep, the sparse hours I receive
are the closest thing to comfort I get.

I wish I could just stay in bed.

I don't wanna die, not yet
no, not yet.
I just want to live a day where my bones don't feel like lead.

And my muscles don't feel like they'll contract
so suddenly,


and **** me on their own accord.

Or that my organs won't turn black
and start oozing from my every pore.
So when you ask me what's going on
I'll say, I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm bored.

But in reality, I'm hurting
every part of me is sore.

Please don't worry,
and please don't stress.
I hate to see you cry.
Don't stay for me,
you'll be stuck here forever
I'm just waiting to die.
Natasha Aug 2018
it's going to be a long day
long night
long morning
whats the difference
if you don't


sleep



anyways.
Natasha Jan 2014
Green with envy, black with beauty
Red with passion, the blues not soothing.

White to black, in three seconds flat.
Love to hate, in just a snap.

Choose a side, any side
As long as it's one

Bite the bullet faster
And prepare your own gun

Crazed, then organized
Grey matter in between

Choose a hand, any hand
And call her your queen

Tell her you want her
Then want her to die

So settle her off
With a bullet behind her eye

Feel sadness, then succession
A stab of painful regression

Heavy hearted,
Though your feet shall tread light

As you run, disappear
Into the black curtain close of night.
written when I was 13
Natasha May 2015
this way, can you tell me? why?
I am so terribly tangled inside
nothing to prove,
and everything to lose
surely, tis can't be I?

to have perhaps wandered up
the winding mountain top
too high
the foliage of thick branches
have always sheltered
my ****** eyes
and now- they water, and fall
from puddles into pools
in fear of finally seeing
the sky.
Hm
Natasha Sep 2015
in a world that
fights to stay fighting

wins to lose more than before

gnaws on bare gums- still teething  
and starves to keep feeding

tell me, my dear
will we ever stop bleeding?
Natasha Feb 2015
I have alot of opinions, this particular one I am about to share with you today is a seemingly less popular idea amoung the masses.
Let's take it back to right after the first world war- soldiers coming back from battle were ailed physically, but what drove many of them sadly to the points of insanity and suicide were the things they had witnesses on the battlefield. Scenes of people infected with festering diseases that eventually took their lives, some with arms and legs completely taken off- still walking around in the shock of it all, and most of all- the death, the brains and blood and insides of what used to be living breathing people now splayed out across the landscape or piling up in the trenches. The mere thought of it is absolutely horrific.
Today, we can turn on our various screens and witness the horror in high definition, excruciating detail. Human being desimating human beings. Killing each other for fun, taking another life for fun.
I know I am mostly alone on this, every single man enjoys his brutally violent video games, gore movies and zombie thrillers are the biggest thing right now.
Personally, I feel its disgraceful. A total disrespect for the dead and human dignity. Think of your grandparents, your parents, all of your friends and family. Would you be so excited to see them fall victim in the zombie apocolapse? Already dead, reanimated, rotting corpses of your loved ones attempting to take your life. Would you be so thrilled to have them pinned at gunpoint, because to the shooter- its a game?
This numbed human experience is insane.
I don't believe in it, and I refuse to live by it.
Yes, I have been exposed to blood, guts, gore & war
But I certainly don't absorb it for fun, or as a silly past time.
These are peoples lives.
My opinion
Natasha Sep 2013
Leaves pile lazily on the ground,
Their tawny red, and chocolate brown
Radiance
Like an unsolved puzzle
Wafting earthy aromas to my chilled nose
And awaken the eager little girl inside,
With her ebony hair
And baby blue eyes
Natasha Jul 2013
Day without substance
What am I to do with myself
Natasha Jan 2014
Please fix this
Hurt me, hit me, **** me
I don't care if I die or live
Stick a knife in my side and see if I give
Kiss the tears from my eyes and watch my heart skyrocket
Take it down from the stars, put it next to your lungs & lock it
I bet you've never seen someone like me
Who'd literally die to have their heart
Under your lock and key
Too bad my love was brutally hated
My life askew and over-rated
Did you honestly hate it?
**** responsibility to change it.
But there's only so long I can make it
Before
I
Break
To
****
written when I was 13
Natasha Jan 2014
Clear your hazel gaze; you are completely submerged in an underwater paradise, suspended in the motions of the current. No, you're not drowning, I've given you enough endearment & sustenance for you to breathe on your own- even in the abyss of my oceanic heart.
Of course, you always knew you could dear.
So smile & sail along the swaying tides of teal, graze my shipwrecks with your gentle hands & kiss along my roughest of reefs. Find a mermaid with an elfish face, maroon hair & red lips to taste. Feel no limitations of world above the surface, staying in this place with you forever would be oh-so perfect. The albatross of our concrete lives, lived out in cities made of glass and steel, would never be found in a place such as this- we are forbidden to sustain ourselves through more of such unhappiness.
For down here, we simply float on.  
We can get high in the waves, and sing all of your songs. For the water lifts all the worries we may have, in times when we are not strong.
You dove into me, simply chipping away at the stoical walls I've fashioned over time. The fortress comparable Alcatraz, I built to keep my demons in and every single soul out. But you, the flighty sea spirit (believe me we are birds of a feather), made your way to my castle among the waves; soaring over all misconceptions & doubts.
needing the ocean. I long. I ****. I love it.
more than anything, I need it
its not done eitherI'm just too tired
Natasha Dec 2013
I'm choking

                  Gasping

                                    ­I drown

For my lungs collapse in the water
Like my heart interprets your words
My adoration and **** for both
Leaves me breathless.
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