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Natasha Dec 2018
the greatest things come from love,
I've witnessed whole miracles stem
from the fact that somebody
had someone to love them.

with love we find happiness,
sorrow, passion, intimacy, friendship,
willingness to give
willingness to be vulnerable, be our one true self.

there are different types of love,
romantic, friendship, the love of a mother to her child.
all bold and beautiful
all willing to risk it all for one another, without trial.

the way I love you is complicated,
simple words don't do it much justice.
but if I know not a single thing else in the world
I know enough to trust this.

if disease came rampant,
and locusts ate all of the trees tonight
if bombs rocked the sturdy walls of our houses
and shook our fragile perception of life

if the waves came to swallow the continents
and fires burned forever in the sky
if everything we know starts falling apart around us

the only place I'd want to be
is by your side.
Natasha Dec 2018
I cry for all the nights I spent without you
The nights I missed you, still linger deep within my heart.
Even now, it feels as if you’re still gone sometimes.
But don’t worry I’m fine
It’s all just tricks in my mind.
I suppose we both learn things
As we make our paths in time.

I just hate to say that I’ve missed
Any hours with you
That I was absent for the moments
In which you needed arms around you.

That you were ever not okay
That your knees trembled to the ground
That you were ever sad
And I was nowhere to be found.

I’ve let not only you, but myself down.

It’s my cross to bear, what happened
I’ll wear it with sadness and shame
And carry it through the dark, quiet night
Or through the thunderous pouring rain.

Until the day, sunshine breaks way
And I can forget all that happened yesterday
Until I can look in your eyes
And not let guilt break my gaze

Until you believe that I am willing to fight
For you, for us, for everything
Until my dying day.

I love you.
And that, is here to stay.
Just some 2am emotional stuff I don’t know what it even means
Natasha Dec 2018
set back in order
life at peace
warmth within, chilly nights
coloured lights and fast heartbeats.

close your eyes
let’s reset
and move forward
where we left.

the days get shorter,
like 4 years ago
we’ll wrap ourselves within one another
in wake of the quiet snow.
Natasha Dec 2018
I used you as a distraction from what was going on in my life, my heart has been taken since December 28th, 2014- not being honest with you, I will apologize for that.
and I apologize to the next person you end up being with because they don't know what's coming.
For their sake, I hope they're stronger than me.

I will not apologize
for how you broke me
how you manipulated me
how you made me feel that I was literally worth nothing sometimes
how you held my past over my head any chance you got
how you used my past addictions to pigeonhole me into something that I'm not.
I will not apologize for the fact that I couldn't take your mood swings, that I couldn't handle being told "that I would never be worth love because of all of my baggage" or that "every single other person I've been with was trash" that "you were the best that I could ever get, because everybody EVERYBODY loves you".

I will not apologize for staying longer, because you emotionally manipulated me into staying far past what I wanted to. You told me that I was "the one", that I could help save you that I could fix you that without me you would be broken forever. I never asked for that role, you tossed it onto me knowing that my caring nature would just accept it. You're a leech, looking for your next host to latch onto.

I will not apologize for not fixing you
in exchange for breaking myself.

I will not apologize for standing up for myself in the end, putting my foot down and leaving.

I will not apologize for the times you've cried and begged me to stay because only moments earlier you were threatening to leave me.

I will not apologize for my actions after or calling you as I see you.

A poisonous wasp dressed as a butterfly.

I will not apologize for the hurt you've caused me, for the mental trauma I am still going through after opening up to such a toxic person like you.

I will not apologize if you ever read this,
or read or see anything you don't like.
or if I ever pretend that you don't exist anymore.  

I will not apologize for the fury inside me. The sheer anger I feel towards myself to be so FOOLED into thinking you were any different. For being so ******* blindsided to the monster you truly are. For thinking you were different. You coated yourself in such a sugary sweet syrup only to reveal the bitter rotted core within.

I will not apologize for my lack of empathy because you have none towards anybody but yourself.

I will never, ever, EVER
apologize
for leaving.

I will never apologize for having to pick up the broken pieces of my self-esteem after I was in such a good place.

Why?

Because I will never get those nights back where I was crying from my very core over something I couldn't control.
I will never get the last 6 months of my life back where I felt completely and utterly powerless to do anything for fear that you would do something reckless or hurt me even more.
I will never. Never. Never. Get the memories, the places, the time wasted with you back.

I'm so angry, this isn't a poem, and I'm not ******* sorry.

I never will be.
Natasha Dec 2018
the moon, painting me in his glow

I, a moth to that flame
Natasha Nov 2018
everything will be alright
though I miss sleeping in your arms every night
I doze, mind floating like a kite
anyways, I'll see you in my dreams
for the rest of my life.

and I'm sorry,
if I get sad sometimes.

my heart aches for the moments we lost,
trying to figure ourselves out in time.

you're the part of me I didn't know
I was missing until I found you

you're the horizon to my sunrise
over a field fresh with dew.
I'm the sunset,
to your ocean, stretched so far, and so blue.

The sun would still exist without the horizon,
beating down hot and bright

and the horizon,
would still stretch faithfully
across the unwavering sky.

yet, without the sun
the horizon serves as an
indistinct dark line.

without the horizon,
the sun wouldn't reach its full beauty
of purples, pinks, and oranges in the sky.

This is why I cry,
for the moments I wish I was there
for all of the sunrises
in your warm arms

and all of the lost sunsets
in your eyes.
Natasha Nov 2018
the comfort of linen,

smoke & ***** mirrors

cracked porcelain

yet my vision has never been clearer

a man needs a maid,

on this harvest moon

like a beautiful bluebird

she'll come flying home to you.

whether the sky dull,

hypothetical

or falling one cloud at a time

just simple chords,

I am yours

and you will always

be mine.
neil youngxtragically hipxmexu
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