I lost little bits and pieces of the woman I knew over the years. It wasn't noticeable at first. A few forgotten things in rooms. A few stories retold for the third time. But now it has become something that stands out when you talk to her. The woman that raised me. Sometimes forgot about me. Forgotten things were left everywhere as she didn't remember putting them there. Sometimes she forgot about me for the day, only to remember later.
No one raises a child with the thought that their parents may forget them. But it happened and nothing can change that.
Her mind seemed to have lost the parts that I loved and so did she. But I still love her. This complete stranger that raised me or at least that is who she sees me as. As I listen to her tell me the same story for the 10 time in a row. I still love her. Even if she has forgotten me.
What is this feeling? I can't describe it and I haven't ever felt it before. It is like I am upside down but right side up. Everything hurts but heals I want to cry and laugh at the same time. I love me but hate me What is this feeling? It is almost like I am conflicted on everything. What is this feeling?
Feeling a lot right now and I am having a hard time sorting out my feelings.
Leave your teeth impression on me I like it rough so make me feel it I wanna scream Your name in the air at midnight Scratch your name into my back Tie me up I am okay with all that. Do be afraid to let loose. I want to be yours So go rough on me. This might not be love But tonight is all about us So make me scream And go rough on me.
I came to you for a taste of what I liked. It didn't have to be love or the sweetness in your eyes. I came to you with **** in my eyes. You were the first for me and now I am addicted. I loved the moments we had and how you made me laugh But I am even more addicted to how you make me feel. I came to you to have a slice of you. And you did the same. I am addicted to you and everything you have. You can break my heart and I would still keep coming back for more. I came back to you for a taste of what I liked. And I know I will keep coming back. For a taste of you.
My young arms held around him tight. I couldn't say what was wrong. I was raised that being weak was ****** and to always be strong. So I held him tight. Wanting to cry but not going too. All the issues going on. Sometimes I wish I could bury myself. But there in his arms I felt safe. Like my mother's arms before old age came and took away her mind to never land. I hadn't felt this way in a long time. Secure Wanted I held him tight. He didn't say anything. Just stayed with me. And with that. I let out my first tear in years.
The most scary thing, at least to me, is being told you can't have kids. Now it is not like I wanted kids. But the thought of when my doctor told me so casually at a young age that I may never be able to, has always scared me. I wasn't that old. Someone who never got my monthly at the age 16. And a doctor just bluntly tells me I am messed up. Now years later it still isn't fixed and I stay worried That I will disappoint someone I am with. People tell me that is it fine. They were told the same thing. But it isn't fine! I am not you! And what happens if it is true. I am told by my friends that I am blessed. To never really get a monthly or to get it every few months. It isn't lucky. My bones are brittle and I always have a nagging feeling that I will disappoint my partner. But I won't say anything. It is too soon for that. But at some point he will click two and two together. He is very smart after all.
I have nothing to say on this. Just hating what the sky gave me.