she asked me where I work
I started crying

the doctor would not see me today
the receptionist
sitting in front of me
wouldn’t book an
appointment

she told me to
call now
the same clinic where i was
physically at
in front of you
call now

after looking vaguely
for the third time in five minutes
at her computer screen
and tell me
for the third time in five minutes
no doctor could see you today
the nurse asked me
where I work

she thought she could distract me
distract my pain
by asking me about work
don't you have somewhere to be?
go to work
come back tomorrow

I know it *****
but I wont do anything more for you
maybe you could skip work
I could hear her say
just don’t go to work

I went downstairs towards the exit
I stood by the door for two minutes before walking out
I had to cry more
I had to go to work

I did not know what I had to cry about
I was not in more pain then I was the day before
my last day with amoxillin

the same pain

it was just longer
tomorrow will be even longer

Make something stupid
bad, wrong, disrespectful
Something to hurt me

I am consumed by anger
But I got manners
I come from the worst type of polite family
The kind that cares too much
about others, others
that we don’t care about
We are highly
educated
rational
We keep anger locked and silent

Allow me to give anger some reason of being
Then we can exchange roles
Anger takes control
and I can finally explode
finally allowed
to be angry
at you

Tell me what you’ve done wrong
Ignore me
Leave my expectations unfulfilled
Allow me to be cruel

Anger does not want to be wasted on anyone
It wants you
You, who get my best
Provide me some with good reason
To get some of my dark matter
I expect nothing more than you being 10,000 times better than me
Eat **** and smile
Show how much you will endure

My normal self is
75%
nice, too nice, terribly nice
25%
nauseous of pleasing
And I know you cannot be as nice as your words
So let’s play a game
I will be allowed to show my ****
And you will stop all this chitchat