I get out,
And it's dark,
I can hear her whispering.
The darkness sheds,
And my heart seems to fade,
With each step I make,
Her shadow follows me,
I can't escape.
Where's my light?
I come home,
And she's redecorated the house again.
The rooms look the same but are rearranged,
Or do they look different but still in the same space?
I can feel her sink in and embed herself in my skin,
And I try to take a shower,
And I try to scrub as hard as I can to wash her away,
And I can feel my body cry and scream,
Telling her to leave,
As if depression could leave when you asked for it to leave,
But she just stays.
She stays.

And with my final words,
I tell her,
"Depression, please go away."

The new moon rises,
And the day has just end,
Here I come to my pillow,
And a worry filled bed.
The trees sing with the wind,
The wind floats and swims through the leaves,
My mind is ready to commit sin.
I must be insane for doing this again.

A lavender bed,
Where we were to lie in,
The soft green carpet,
That would tickle our feet,
Seems a bit expensive to keep.
The trees, they weep,
Because the birds sing,
They sing of their missing bird.

A hungry pup sits on the porch,
Forgets its appetite in hopes of its friend coming back.
The pup grows old,
And thunder appears one day.
The pup goes inside.
The pup whimpers,
Sad because its friend is not there to comfort it.
Poor pup.

3 years have passed,
The pup is a full grown dog.
The birds have stopped singing,
The trees have stopped weeping.
Pup no longer waits,
But just sleeps.

The bird comes back,
With a new tune,
The full grown dog,
Recognizes the voice.

"It's been so long",
Said the dog.
"What took you so long?"

"I got sidetracked,
And needed to see the world."
Said the bird.

"I wish you came back sooner."
The dog says as it takes its last breath.

The bird chirps their song,
And finally says,
"I wish I did too."

She managed to forge her way through my forest of tainted leafed thoughts,
Torn ****** memories,
And a ripped, corrupted bible,
She became the book I could read over and over,
While expecting a different result,
Am I insane?
The soft pillows of her smile crawled all over my body and landed on my collarbone, hipbone, chest, and forehead.
The small wrinkles I have around my eyes and smile seemed to always let her in,
Even when she's never asked to come in.
The curves I have fit perfectly into the cups of her sweet nourishing hands.
She left her fingerprints on me.
I swear I didn't see them sink in.
I don't know how they got there.
She left her thoughts in me.
I swear I shredded them.
I don't know how they got there.
How would I know that she could ruin me?
Her fingertips would fly across the frets and I'd sit there idly, wondering why she let me stay there.
The tips of her hair would reflect against the sun's rays and I would think they were little snowflakes.
She was the dark midnight sky,
And the trees would sway in awe because of  her pulchritude.
She was harmonious,
The way she blinked with her dark straight lashes fit uniquely with the way she stepped on the cracked, root showing, LA pavement.
The way she spoke and the way her lips moved made you wonder if she was singing.
And if she was singing,
Could she sing your name?
The way she wrote and the letters that were painted made you wonder if she was an artist,
If only she could sketch you.
The way she breathed with the slight sighs,
Made you want to breathe the way she did.
She made you want to write poetry.
And that all made you uncomfortable.
You wish you could just hit the restart button and have no saved changes.
You wish you could have just removed the tangling thoughts of her that slithered into your head.
You wish you could just walk away without second thoughts.
But there's only a tiny part that wants that.
Only a tiny part of this points to heart
Wishes she'd never existed.
The rest would let her slowly make your mind intact,
Even when you know that's not possible.
The rest would give up nights only to think if she was thinking of you too,
The rest would give up sleep so she'd have the best sleep ever.
The rest would stay up lonely, so she wouldn't be.
The rest would let itself be the paper she'd scribble on about how she wants to leave this dead end town.
The rest would do anything.
Anything for her.
Always.
I swear I don't know how this happened.
I didn't think she'd mess me up.

I feel your skin,
And taste your lips,
I see your eyes,
I hear your words,
I smell your hair,
You always linger on my clothes,
I hear your steps,
Walk along an empty broken road,
I hear your voice faintly yell,
My name,  
I think that's where I'll go,
I rush and run,
Wait for me,
I say,
Don't leave me behind,
I don't know what I'll do,
If you say you're not mine,
Look at your watch,
It's not time to go,
Just wait a little longer,
I'll come home soon,
This poem is a *******,
And I can't help but cry,
I can't help, but wonder why.
I wonder how much time you got,
And wonder if I steal some,
I wonder how long you'll stay,
On my empty path,
Full of cracks and shatters,
I wonder if you smell me when you're home alone,
Or if you hear my voice,
Laughing at what you'd think I'd find funny,
I wonder if every song reminds you of me,
I wonder if you think of me while doing laundry,
I wonder if I'm constant thought,
Or an occasional event,
I wonder if you want to scream my name,
When you break a dish,
I wonder if you touch your lips,
While thinking there's something amiss,
I wonder if you picture me in bed,
With me wrapped around your arms,
Do you want to be wrapped around mine?
Because that's fine,
More than fine with me.
I've felt your skin,
And tasted your lips,
I've seen your eyes,
And now I wonder why,
I heard your words,
And smelled your hair,
But now wonder why you linger there,
I hear your steps,
Walk along an empty broken road,
I hear your voice faintly yell,
My name,
Yet there's no one when I turn,
I'm going crazy,
That must be it,
It has to be a lie,
But for once,
I actually thought someone might have wanted me in their life.

We were both very close,
like two peas in a pod.
Me and you against the world.
Why have we drifted?

We used to go out on sundays,
movie was our weekend thing,
and now those times are gone.
Why have we drifted?

You said you were doing all these for me,
so I can have a better future,
then you're asking me when will I leave home.
Why have we drifted?

And now you're out with some other girl,
coming home late,
is there no more family in us?
Why have we drifted?

I used to want to ask for hugs,
and maybe you were my shoulder to lean on,
now I don't even want to talk to anyone.
Why have we drifted?

You were my anchor,
my support,
and now all I ever want is to die.
Why have we drifted?

I am no watch dog,
waiting for you to come back.
I am sick of all of this.
Why have we drifted?

Where are you when I needed you most?
I was your little girl,
and you my hero.
Why have we drifted?

We have we drifted,
and we will just keep drifting
                  
                                        and drifting...

I already feel sick, thinking of seeing you,
spending the night with you
and not even being able to really be with you
3 months still to go.
but I really want to go, and I can't let you hold me back
you're always holding me back,
from trusting, from loving from falling
3 months still to go.
what will I feel, what will I say, will I be able to read you
like you've always been able to read me.
I want to touch you, my body craves you
but I know you're not mine for the taking.
3 months still to go
they ask me if I can do this, I smile and say yes
yet I've never been more unsure in my life.
you were my person, you were my happiness
and you left me so empty, how could I ever move on...
3 months still to go...