I’m just Oh


But also oh

Is this even a poem
I would rather be sad
than happy alone
Being happy without those you love is worse than being sad
You just ended your life
Not because of pain or demons
But because you didn’t want to die
Naturally and out of control.

In 2nd grade when I heard
“Spinning in circles will
give the world a few
more secs of time”
I started spinning every morning.

During recess I held
The most intense
Spinning competitions.  
My friends all running in circles
Blood rushing to our heads
Refusing to stop until
Dizzily we collapsed on the ground
Worries dissolving into giggles.  

Growing up people called it ******,
And maybe if I didn’t listen
You’d still be here with me.
Because you were my world.
And for even just a few more secs
I would’ve turned myself into
An eternal cyclone.
  6d Lightheart
You would rather pick the petals to put on my casket
Than take back a word you have said
My mom said my eyes
have that sadness in the back of them
that’s always there
even in my happiest photos
She said it’s the sort
that all hurt people have
the kind that makes you know
that they’ve been through a lot
of really hard things
even if they’re happy and okay now
its something they still carry
inside of them
And it made me think
that maybe that’s why I listen to sad music
to relax and unwind
maybe that’s why I search out
sad and tragic stories
maybe it’s the feeling of home
for a person like me
maybe sadness is the most consistent friend
that I’ve had this whole time
It made me sad but she said it can be inspiring to see too. Bc you know that person is happy now
  Oct 6 Lightheart
This empty bottle has told me all her secrets
Still I hope for more
Like a thirst unquenchable

I tear away at myself
At everything that I have become
The lining of my lungs separates
And I pull her out of my throat,
and she slips through my teeth
As a ghost in the night
And a final breath
That had been spent to soon
She was told to wait
For the ticking of the clock to be silenced

These dreams, they cling
To the corners of my skull
Knocking together in the night
For warmth, for stamina
If each be just a drop of water
It is still enough to drown all else out

Like change in my pockets
Clutched between clammy fingers
And rings that turn my thieving fingers green
Are these memories I hold of you
I dare not let them slip through my fingers
Yet here I find myself
All spent out

These thieving fingers
Have stolen days
Stolen hearts
And left nothing in return
But two or three petals from a fading flower

Such is life
But to awaken each day
And to look for sleep at the end
Yet we paint our faces
With our bleeding, broken hearts
Oh some smiles, how red they are
Try as you might
You cannot wipe away the pain
So let it bleed
Until it has bled out
And still scars hold things together tighter than your hands ever could
  Oct 3 Lightheart
You held my hands in your own
You looked down and saw the scars on my palms
And then looked me in the eyes and asked, "who hurt you?"
I quietly replied, "everyone who said they wouldn't."
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