I wish you’d defend your own body
Like you do those of animals
I wish you’d love your own special quirks
Like you do those of animals
For if seals can be fat and zebras can have marks
Why can’t you?

And if that animal isn’t ugly despite its oddness
If those things make it beautiful and fun and amazing
Why doesn’t the same apply to you?
Why do you insist such mean things about yourself
When animals are exactly the same?

My love I believe
beauty applies to you too
and I’m hoping that you’ll start to see that
you’re just as beautiful as the animal kingdom

So stop shaming yourself
with thoughts that you aren’t

We’re so quick to defend animals called ugly I wish we’d do the same for ourselves

If even the sun
way up in the sky
needs to take a break every night
and have overcast days
where he’s not as bright
then love don’t you think
it’s okay for you
to take a break sometimes too?

If even the sun
way up in the sky
hides behind the moon every night
when he’s tired and sad
and needs a friend to lean on
then love don’t you think
it’s okay for you
to lean on others when you need to too?

It’s okay to rest and have days where you’re not at your best. It’s okay to lean on and get help from other too, after all even the sun does it. <3

Some days I wear makeup
just to be sure I won’t cry

If your eyes are covered in glitter you won’t mess it up with feelings

One month and you’re still gone
One month and you’re not here
One month and I still miss you
One month and I’m still grieving
One month and God knows how many tears
But it’s one month still the same

Some days I wondered how I’d keep going
Sometimes I could barely hold myself together
Somedays I thought maybe I was healing
Sometimes I thought maybe I wasn’t
One month and God knows how much pain
But it’s one month still the same

I still don’t sleep well and I’m still afraid of dreams
I still can’t listen to your music for fear of breaking down
I still see that everyone misses you
I still cry and grieve and wish it wasn’t true
One month and God knows how it hurts
But it’s one month still the same

It’s one month and you’re still gone
It’s one month and you’re still an angel
It’s one month and you’re still missed so much
It’s one month and it hasn’t really mended
One month and God knows how you’re doing
But it’s one month still the same

We miss you, one month, two and thirty
We miss you, cause you’re way up there
We love you, though it hurts like hell
We love you, one year, two and thirty
One month and God knows that we’re healing
But it’s one month still the same

It’s one month, and I know we’re hurting
It’s one month, but time still heals
It’s one month, and I’m still crying but
It’s one month, and we’ll keep going
One month and God knows all that happened
But it’s one month still the same

We miss you

1/18/18

I wanted to buy you a rose but no one was selling. I’m not sure what I would have done with it anyway, but...I thought of you a lot today.

What are you doing
up so late?

Making a new Spotify
won’t erase the past

Finding more accounts
to delete and start over

Isn’t actually changing
anything you feel

I know it’s tempting
to run away

From everything you have
and everyone you know

But at the end of the day
or the start of the morning

You’re still sad
and stupid
and anxious
and not sleeping like you ought to be

What are you doing
up so early?

Staying up the whole night
never fixed anything

Not speaking up or
ending things

Has always left you
feeling this way

So why won’t you just
say you’re done?

Reinventing yourself somewhere else
online is futile

Cause at the start of the day
or the end of the morning

You’re still sad
and stupid
and anxious
and you never sleep like you ought to

More often than not the person who frustrates me most is myself.







I tried posting this when I wrote it yesterday morning at 5AM but the site wasn’t working, sigh

seek immediate emergency help
if you are hearing voices
having urges to hurt yourself
or feeling suicidal

but emergency help
won't always help

you can't call a hotline
in the middle of lunch
can't leave your job for a
week while you're in the hospital

can't stop everything
just because the thoughts
that follow you around don't
quiet to a dull roar

the dishes must be done
even if the knives are screaming
to be used on skin
the medications must be taken
every morning and not
swallowed in handfuls

the dog must be walked
leash attached to the collar
and not wrapped around your neck
and showers need to be taken
even while you feel yourself
drowning under waves of
things you do not understand
and emotional hurricanes that
threaten to destroy your cities

the world must keep turning
as you keep resisting

and you
must
keep
resisting

please
keep resisting

i can't say the fog will
someday lift and leave a
golden vista every morning
for the rest of your life

but i promise
it might be worth your
pain to find out that
some days are distinctly
lighter shades of gray
even when it rains

copyright 1/15/18 by b. e. mccomb

It’s almost been a month
Since you died
Since you
Took your own life

It’s funny how I really
Didn’t know you at all
Before you died
But even now
I miss you

Even now I’m scared
To sleep
Because of what I might dream
I don’t want those dreams
Where I could almost
Save you
But am just a little
Too late

I don’t want those dreams
Where it’s not only you
But him too

I don’t want dreams

I try not to think
About you too much
Because avoiding my own grief
Is what I’m best at
But when I do
I keep wondering
Why can’t I wake up?

Why isn’t this a dream?
Why can’t you come back?
Oh ——, why did you have to go?

And there’s my grief
And their grief
And her grief
And his grief
All of this grief
And still I try to run

I can’t escape
Like you did
Or did you?
I’m not so sure

Because you can’t end your pain
It just lives on
In
Everyone

Including me.

I miss you
I’m sorry
I wish you were here
I wish we all didn’t have to live
With your loss
And nothing we can do
To fix it
Or make it better

It’s just awful
And painful
Forever

I guess that’s what suicide really is
The eternalising of pain
In everyone

It still hurts

Even now I avoid your music your mentions your pictures.
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