It’s funny how laughing while depressed
leaves the same raw feeling
that crying does
Does everything have to feel the same
I took my dog for a walk
and cried
She carried a stick
I carried this weight
The weather was beautiful
my heart is not
A sickness doesn’t mean
all your progress is gone
but depression sure feels like it
it’s hard to believe you now
when you say you love me
when you say good things about me
I’m just not sure
I want to be
but I’m not
it’s this sickness isn’t it?
I remind myself it lies but
does anything lie all the time?
Recovery isn’t linear
but depression sure is
I wish I was dead
but I wish I was happy more
My dog has fun with the stick
I don’t have fun with anything
It’s exhausting
  3d Lightheart
Lexie
Maybe I'm not a good friend
And my arms are not open enough
Yet this heart still cares
Even if my lips do little of its bidding
I hope you can find rest in yourself
When you cannot find comfort in me
For you are still enough, alone
Be it I am able or not to remind
Lightheart Jul 14
I try to write, cry, talk
this heaviness out but
it stays like
the scar on my knee
from my childhood

ever-present and
old
and hardly
faded
at
all
It still stays
Lightheart Jul 14
My inbox is full
but my heart is empty
Inbox messages ful full full but I still feel so empty
Lightheart Jul 14
Did those last few weeks of school,
get me past my stagnation
or push me into an even deeper one?
Stuck again
Lightheart Jul 14
I can’t slow down because I don’t feel heard

I need to slow down so I can be heard


Everything is going too fast

and too slow


I am too much

and too little


It feels like I’ll be chasing balance my whole life
It’s overwhelming
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