I'm not writing tonight
cuz I know I want it too bad
if I'm not here I'm never there
walls and birds they seem to carry
cages bars cast iron steps and stairs
over flowing flowers gowns and
temper tantrums
temporary tiles tilt and vary
this fight inside is meaningless
but necessary

what of the spiral that you throw
swims in the air and ends up one
like the slice in your eye blinks sweeping catastrophes
a cathedrals vines mixed with berries
bricks from a century long
and the field is a fire storm
and the wind is a hundred miles per hour
and a river is running through our house
just a swell
can't take all the blame for not wanting
to come down

your pushing me to stay
is pushing me away
you don't fear the same
for whenever I recall
you felt the fall
and by taking me down
not one of us compensates

I remember that part
now the answer is headed my way
and I don't want you to explain
just how far away

its not up to me, I have to get it out
with fall approaching
the sad songs wake
like a smoldering giant
they stay and stay and take

your pushing me to stay
is pushing me away
you don't tatse the same
for whenever I recall
you felt the fall
and by taking me down
nothing remains

nothing at all fills
arms that move me
I stand wanting

to listen
to thank
to spill
to cherish
all that I haven't said.

from here
that will begin
to piece together
as quiet forms
to feel sound

Drifting in a world
where no where has room
for me or her
"Only Wisdom" painted life ring
Floats ashore

Extracting rain from storms
How oddly they contort
Water only gathers
When it's cold
Displaced remains
Buried throughout the mud

Her wrinkled fingers fall
Reaching for both ores
Prayers never carried
Far from home
Bows her head
Yellow laced harbor crystal
Lights embed

Her tattoos are odd
Cover mostly scars
Her fingernails torn
Chiseled up her arm
Coming up on twenty-one
Houseless just another term

No architect has met them yet
No alchemist has been their guest
Hopelessness is best undressed
held by ransom
self neglect

Blame runs rampant when running out
Blankets wet
drenched in doubt
Hunger pains are familiar friends
Pills take place by giving in
Clothes hang like weights of rule
Holding cardboard
works for food

Wave to surrender
When a white flag is fate
Stars and stripes blue
War torn
Fade-          

5/12/23

I'm it's body
It's breakfast
it's guest

Slice down the middle
I'm waiting for your blade
This rusted tin of yesterday
The serrated back and forth
The crumbs of my existence
Lay open like butter dripping from home
Lubricated salty and thin

Somewhere in the hour
of this festival of sad
The bleak never-ending shame of living
Thrives in its meaningless fits
When that minute reaches me
I hold my breath
Wondering if it's leaving for now
Or climbing back

I'm outta songs
I'm standing in the middle
of a melody that isn't fit
for a jewelry box made by hands
holding costume pieces
for one night stands

On the corner of nowhere
begging for change for a taxicab
I told my mind to come along
Leave my heart outta this
Leave a reminder for my next fare
Flow to the meter tick

Somewhere next
His field seems amiss
  (he lights a cigarette)
And all his loved ones are best kept
In his heart
On a journey
In a vest

Somewhere out there
Maybe around a bend
A tree will capture a kaleidescape
   triangles togetherness gems

It keeps changing
pools just above the water
A flood he's been
for too long

Currents of him
pours waters depth
His heart is many pieces

to wed
    to chest
        to collect

R- I- P-
rest in peace
for those that don't read
this street long from home
its on top of me
a half century has past
my *** still clasped
ftom surviving the last half  
stroll stops away
the mere existence remains tucked
its framed
this habit day to day
miracles tame
firmly in place
to take the next bite of me
that last piece is cream
and everything you loved
you set free
caged your thoughts
moments you wanted to recapture
a daunting task of has beens
side ways faces with half grins
just words in the diary by then
craving more nights
with Anaïs Nin
the next binge
you light your last singe
pretend your not him
when back home hits
it's best not dressed
in clothes that don't fit
there's no meaning in six
the sighs in the quest
moving you to do things
you have not dreamt
better yet resent
all those days you gave away to merly live
under a blanket of faces you call friends
but where you been?
why you lost?
make sense of half thoughts
and garbage bins that sit
in the ally you live
pile up like the bottle you've hid
recyclable bins
empty tins with pop lids
pop hits
years of the same song
with no meaning
no lift
want in one hand
the other one ****
One smells like you
the other one stiff

So you feel like being a **** with a gun
For ******* yourself
The man you've become
Angels avoidance
the dark is upon
The blood is a boil
The past is gone
Reiterate stories
YOU ARE THE ONE
Foam for the fire
Lamb on the bone
Skin in its teeth
Breaking the bond
Searching for guidance
Voices grow long
On your back
Floating this pond
Mornings you yawn
Checking the mirror
Begging for more

Spit on my tatt
The heart tap taps
Look at me now
Get through this
Another day grips
Manic and Fits
Wind up the clock- Tic Tic Tic
Passions have left
Burnings in me
See through my soul
Cap-tiv-it-y

Oceans scream
Dolphins laugh
What I want from me
Must pass

A gift
A smile
A wave
A dream
All encompassed
Accosting me


And this was just a test
A word proof vest
Complications of someone
Dreaming of a place
Better left

/lifesjump poetry © 3-3-23

a stranger in passing
I recognized his voice
crumbled pencil lead
crush beneath my head
let the day escape from me

Conversation can't keep
Fifty years of memories
So I begin with hi
Wait for his reply
It's a task I've yet to complete

Another ******* song
With a rope just as long
But I turn up the volume instead
Let the tears find my teeth
**** that salt from me
And find you wrapped in
everything

Faces are just that
Notice how we stand
Alone but together
So lonely

I thought I knew you when
We were making pretend
We found in us a place to land
It turned to tacks and glass
Because we are just our past
And missing you is better
Than giving in

Eternal
Optimistic
Unsolved
Intrigued

Searching
Involved
Infatua­ted
Discreet

Bound
Conflicted
Inspired
Deceived

Accosted
Simple­
Stubborn
Believed

This day
Pregnant with hearsay
and most of us
with out reason
relate
to that which inside
we debate
Conclude in truth
Or perceive
That facts somehow
can deceive
Wait in the wisdom
Walls the room of new terms
Let them crumble
rebuild to learn

If I come across as honest
I think it's time
If I dampen this flue
The fire may go out
So I'll resist building hearts
Just to turn them into fuel

I find leaving is an option
With out plans on where to stay
Swallow,  i keep moving
Circle "rest-stops only" lane

My neighbor is a parking spot
Painted white stripes wave goodnight
And the pillers that tower roof tops
Invade my racing mind

Not sure if I'm waiting
To follow rivers falling down
Or the guitar that keeps me going
Is from my fingers or my soul
I feel the wind when I can
Start with no beginning
It's hard to tame the evening
So i let it slowly end

It's a map of many highways
Traces of me, travel you
And the further I get from turning
Mimics compass need to move
Tires fill the highway
Vacates my rear view

Resting by this curb
Maybe my way
of holding you

Seclusion
Fearlessly Guided
Streams of then and now
The frame I reamin
is that day

Years I lived alone
Share their toll
My escape in bursts came
I long deep down
but giving up
is holding out

Moments we sought
Constrict
Something to attach
My mistake was giving you
The chance to love me back

Hours upon hours rush
Begging me to get up
A soft pillow surrounds
Quiet necks fading pulse

Like old boxes placed in the ally
You cling to being found
Trying to recapture then
Wrapped in contents of now

Let us down easy
The world is busy
What once was
Is slowly disappearing

Learning to make sense
Law and distance
Respect and kindness
No knife or gun does

Stumble but searching
For those that are lifting
Combined with guidance
Peace, love abide us

Cover your head in the rain
Take time with your day
Consider the outcome
Or turn away

Warm and safe
Plumes of smoke form a wave
Chasing sleep
Light from the window taunting me
It's pink and bright
The wave like floats comes alive
Its sticky sweet
lingers thru the cracks
Laughs and stings
Like a hand upon the forehead
Eye lashes slow retreat
I sink into the middle of my peace
It sounds like rain
but I can't seem to stay away
A new neighbor seems to
Drape across the floor where I sleep
And I'll stay
Waiting for the words to come again
Or if I can
Bare to sail
The thoughts of you that I'm in-

Moving past pieces
Faces looking back
A sweeping second hand
Continues a perfectly placed
Thought
I feel the alastic around my waist
I live in the acoustic of your surround
pills and betaryers in pans of aluminum
Distract my mind
Exact tempo and time
layers of loss
Fill discount bins of art
The chime of steady work
Hope and faith
Accompany cellos bass

In her hands
She folds
Strands of her former
Unless she's holding
Her head in cover
On her lap
Napkins lipstick samples
shades of wonder
Eyes wet
not sad
She's surrendered
Her dress mostly fits
Seven seasons through washers
and dryers
Her smile only worn
In pictures
If she could hold a memory
It would be that
When she forgot he loved her-

There's a calm of sadness
Abandoned in your eyes
The weight of the morning
Never left your side
The tour guide is nearing
The crowd of your surround
But you feel your knees
Soaking in soft ground-

You spare your hallow
For that of which you seek
Your heart and your head
Water contrasting weeds
And your arms feel better
Pretending you have wings-

Lost in your departure
You keep from looking down
But there's a world on your menu
A moment you consume
As you regain your chest
A crippling harvest
For your guest-

Count and pace over your past
What's left of your life
Continues to crash
And the subtle wings
You invision won't bring
You back-

You pray to get well
rainbows aren't for you
They once were a promise
Now something new
You keep digging in and they
keep changing views-

Remember your heart
is not for giving way
And what matters most
will never stay
And the tarnish that blankets
your out come
Will fade-

I'll take my way home
to help me ready the words
my steps are soft and slow
a contrast mixing compassion
I'm giving up on us
was never my intentions
I feel the rush of blood in my cheeks
I'm scraping my fingers along a rock wall
my emotions competing with tone
Of being alone
Beautiful things sit as I pass them by
my pace and my head down
Couples line my pathway
Wishing I was one
I follow the birds gathering
Branches and blue string
wondering where it came from
My eyes through half tears falling
sometimes closed, roll
Salt the taste of sadness
Memories taking hold
Songs wash over my stomach
Melodies breaking soul

There's no gental way to stay
No plans for tomorrow
It's coldest just before the sun rise
Tips on poise and what to be
Pass from them to me

Like devastating news
That note of wound waits
Getting to know yourself
By the weight of your compassion
Trying to explain the past
Through strangers expressions

I lie to you about what
I have been
Not to make myself look better
But to hide what I've lived
Comparing their reaction
To what I said

So I swallow
look for a way to fit in
Eventually realizing
They never did

People like us
People like us
Have lived
Lives like fiction
that they fact

Expect us not to bite
while biting back
Standing on a landslide
cage in hand

Traped in your wave of dirt
No clear path
Cut myself on the way down
But I come back-

We recover
to suffer
To start again
we shiver
turn over
go again

I know about these days
Take my hand-

She swayed in the candles
Curing
Honest
Obeyed every flame smoke for
Softness
Intwined like the pages missing
Sonnets
Fetal
She laid in her absence
Coming to
Just to peek in the
Mirror
This time it was something
Different
Her vice like grip whispers
Solace
To remain what was left
She's become us

Eat with me
That treasured chest
The kind that loves
But buries us
I've sent for doves
With sonic speed
Maybe their not listening

Outlined with chalk on your sidewalk
Outlined with chalk on your sidewalk

Sometimes clear
Your voice's soft
The one that grows
No matter what
I'm here with you
To catapult
This constant fear of
Giving up

Outlined with chalk on your sidewalk
Through Yellow hearts
Pink arrows crossed
Outlined with chalk on your sidewalk

And when that sun sets
In your eyes
My arms extend
Your purple sky

Touch your face
Our tears may fall
You might feel
We're moving on

Through rainbow color
Covered walls
Shapes that capture
A broken soul
Rains erase mostly thoughts
Oh this chalk don't last long

Share with me
your emptiness
That kind that comes
from loneliness
I hide mine
I must confess
I'm not used to times like this.

Out here with chalk on your sidewalk

I gather strings for
For many things
For my guitar
And mending wings
For kites that hover
Ropes for swings
Clothes lines and
For beaded rings
Adhere the catcher
Of twigs and leaves
It's catching everything but dreams

just as we are
alone in this
together
thoughts of forgiving
this shade
satisfying work hangs
where the cupboards once
held enough

sometimes hello on a walk
a wave in contrast colors
blur thoughts
and for a while
a place appears to rest
to give
to leave

and tomorrow is just a photo
that has been prettied up to tempt
the slower pace hesitates
our feet walk without direction
but place us where we need to be

at a gravestone
at a shore
at a mirror
at a ledge

whatever you thought you were going to be
is the same thing they were thinking
no matter how many steps lead you to this
it's that many that take you away

there is music and there's traffic and sometimes
it sounds the same

the heart keeping time
the mind trying to forget
your stomach rearranging mood
evacuations

black berries stain
mixed with blood
and rain
decades of dust storms climb
in wait.

yesterday was hard
tomorrow maybe the same
but the places i go
remain.

i imagine simple
ways to reflect
grip my shoelaces
and spit
try to hide from  
days of then

i don't mind thinking about
you,
i make myself sometimes.
but the road i travel to get there
takes hours for me to
get back.

i took my book to the field
and didn't open it
i had plans to call
you back
i was uncomfortable in the sun
i couldn't.
i left after a while
every place i found to eat
there was a line
by the time i over thought it
i finished the watery iced coffee i had left.
when i got home
i felt ornery
i smoked a while
and sat

it's want
it's fear
it's vast
i swear

these clouds are mine
with distance they'll find
the rain and a few voices from then
with a clap
it begins.
who do things belong?
why isn't rainbows curve
curing the past?
is all we have,
diluted and sad?

hands wave, a few are touching faces
cranes building surrounds blocks of sirens
at 3 AM, there is a life to save
while they seek escape
touch, it slips away
wounds guide bullets crave
the needles pave
asphalt, a soft embrace.
this really complicates  
the reasons to stay.

and in my day
it's clear
i take what i fear
turn it into words
release it to the world
and pretend we'll be fine

handle my butterflies
from inside.

My pen fetish
My spiral note books
My need to stop
Searching
That perfect tooth to ink
Ratio,

The control a perfect ink has over me
As vivid as my thoughts following a
highway stripe at 88 miles per hour.

Silence drips forethought in abbreviations
And the need to quiet the road noise
In my head.

I stand in wait, approach when it's safe,
I built a fire, I made the flames and burned
Everything I wrote.

I don't know how I feel yet. It was 40
Years of poetry thoughts and journals, art scribblings, and songs. Outlines of hands and fingers, shapes dates, and questions
Phone numbers addresses pencil shades and notes, old book marks and blued lines spreading from wet. Coffee stains and half pages of everything.

Stencils in spirals circles on horizons
disappearing block letters and band logos. The word **** and **** and hate but not as many times as love.

Hearts stars and that classic number 2 lead along old blue ink. And a rainbow with a 4 way blue green black red pen that had my favorite click..

My head was light for a while..
I stood up and felt sick
I was lost..extremely sad
sorta laughed..

A half a century has passed..

Where I sleep
Where I pray
How the sounds find ways
To keep you
The pace and feel of yesterday

I portray
Where I find
Monuments from outside
Spare and think
Waste and break
Accumulations over me

And I wake
With the sound
Of explosions meant to speak
Commence
in the sky
Colors ring
pour and bring
Cellos bass and
Strings

I hope tomorrow gets better
I feel it could be

Aware

Lift silently
Rows of hope
I lay here

Rails roll with cargo
Fields of ash
And flood mimic
Both.

I follow the rules to hell
Dance the roads grey quiet
Hill

The years

Like
Echoes
Sound
Compel

Tame this summer
**** your socks
And rest

This is water and it's moving
This is fire on it's own
This is close to perfect
This storm

I mimic sounds
find place to shelter
Fight myself
force my head up
No where lives
just over that mountain
That's where I want to live.

Spend a little
so I have some time for next.
That's when I'll be somewhere
money has no vice.

Cradle you my girl
because you came here for that
Even though your smile is missing,
It matches the fight I'm living.

But, here for now
let's get to know you
Open your phone book
let them hear you
Call until they answer
I'll be the dial tone we dance to
as long as we can pull through

However long as it takes
To find that quarter
With lines content  
Our operator

you died
where you could
still shifting  

love you destroyed
keep weeping
long your death
seeds reaching

the way you went so fitting.
gasping for air
dense breathing

two needles crochet
veins dripping.
foam, from your mouth
eyes milky.
bumps on your tongue
lips spitting.

never worth the life
your mother gave you,
or the ones she gave up
to save you.

long, dark, sour.  
leaf and petal free,
rusting sinks, wires
             tangle dead flowers.

                               your remnants tower.

pulse throbbing
clinched fist
size of the yard
when i came to

bystanders
      fountains
           fingertips

erased
private
saved as-
tame
sitting this hard
locked in a story
most of my day
soaking neat textures
in words

some expressions
overtures
and love

The universe has its way
of making things right
if you don't believe yourself
nothing will.
I love you all the way
just like this
from this far away
I write songs
through out my day
They come too fast
To look away
I'm texting this out
as I go along
to the safest beat
to the saddest one
My voice whispers
the words I type
What's Going On
just a song to love
to a life I long

keep me alive
long enough to live,
let my compass rust
on thoughts of us,
something new.

fear when things are good,
starts when it hurts.
wild, this garden
was make believe?

we can't know forever
but for us,
it was our day.

brackets for contemplating
where we grow
where words belong,

how it feels like
holding on.

Touch my face,
I'm in the middle of my obligations.
Not necessarily my own,
So i'm told-

But if the wind is my companion,
It's growing cold.
And these days are flying by
And everything i do
Annoys you.
This i know,
So i'm told.

But there's no gold solid enough for you.
And there is no diamond cut from your mold.
And a frame hangs
Waiting for your face
In the wall of my home.

And if i'm not alone
Am i ready for you to hold?
I'm not leaving this wind,
I'm not used to the warm.
I'm not anyone you're ready for.

Whatever you felt when my hand reached yours,
Was nothing but a poem, awaiting your return.
Every word spoken from my core,
So i won't feel anymore.

This i write to the alone-
Those waiting for someone like you.
Even though their words fail to keep,
I pretend you are next to me.  
In the world we made for you,
From solitude.

This frameless work of art,
Captured by beauty in thought.
Just alone as we are.
A rearranging polaroid
Developing you
From afar.

What we share
feels safe.
The limit of our nights
playing out.

We are guests of our thoughts
Providing our hearts
big enough.

If we go too far
maybe all we know
is how to hurt.