I am everywhere, the shadow remains of the girl I was supposed to be. This amazing girl, full of life and oh so sweet. She whispers to me sometimes in my sleep. I wish I could see her again, hear the silent voice before it cracks like a tweak underneath your shoe. In the park without trees, I remain still. I made my bed, crushed underneath my anxieties. The hope that washes away from me little by little, the sparkle in my eyes replaced by a deep understanding of nothingness. A hollow shadow that can only see. I am nowhere not now here. I once lived, really lived once. But once is not here now and once is not me. I am the shadow of something that was supposed to be me.
It is a crazy world outside these doors. And I feel like I am not connecting with it in the right way. Or in any way from time to time. Like I don't recognize myself surrounded by life. Like I don't know which direction to go or to just stay put. Await the storm in my head and in my heart.
Feeling like I am not even close to the hand writing these words down on paper. More like I am the paper, empty lines. Hopelessly waiting to be used or abused.
Or just there to wait.
Which eventually will make your thoughts scream louder then you ever have and trap you in it.
Or behind it.
Like if you are living your life from a little glass box tucked away deep in your self conscious and there is just no way out.