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I'm tired of this never ending pain, the realization that I have nothing left to gain,
from the heartache and shock stemming from that fake love.

And that's all it ever was,
          fake love.

It was there masquerading as the one and only feeling you get when your there curled up against your lover.

It was disguised as that hand that pulls you out from the deep depths of your own mind.
It paraded as a savior from your own viscous thoughts of self deprecation.

Those lonely nights where your fake love would whisper in your ear how amazing and loved you are until those thoughts suddenly cease.

For a while it's great, you believe every word of ******* this person is pedaling until one day you see through the lies.

You realize how oblivious you've been to the fake smiles, the eye rolls, and sighs of "this again" when your insecurities arrive full force.

Suddenly, you're awoken to the truths of how much love hurts. You wish and pray for someone, anyone, to take all the pain away. And as always your cries are met with silence. You come to the startling realization,

I'm alone again.

Only this time, no one is there to save you.
Alexis Elizondo Oct 2018
Her eyes no longer hold that twinkle that was there in her younger years.
Her smile doesn't reach her eyes.
Her laugh doesn't transform her entire being.
In a crowded room she feels so, so
She's tried faith, hope, and love, but it just made her feel worthless.
The age old question continues to come up,
"Are you okay?"
She wants to tell them no.
She wants to tell them how its so much harder to breathe,
how she's drowning and there's no one there to save her.
She laughs, smiles, and lets them know everything is fine.

She lied.
Alexis Elizondo Jan 2017
Despite my outer appearance, I am desperate
calling out for someone,anyone to see me.
My cries roaring loud for anyone to help for it
the desperation becoming unbearable but they leave me be
they leave me be, to deal with my sorrow and disdain
they leave me to deal with my regret and anguish
but its my own fault so why should I complain?
When I bring it up they look at me as if i speak a foreign language.
Everyone I love always goes away,
Everyone I cherish never stay.
Whats so unappealing with me?
What makes everyone turn and flee?
These are my constants thoughts everyday,
and so I am so alone so I am begging, stay
Why don't you stay?

— The End —