We said we’d be forever
that when the others crumbled, we’d be together
a dysfunctional trio, flying upon broken wings
trying our hardest to fit into the grand scheme of things

we wreaked havoc; *****, drugs, ***
only when they ran out could we truly forget -
waking up on strange sofas, in pools of our own *****
the night before our brains pickled, our minds with the comets

with rusty needles and plastic bags we laid our hearts bare
not really knowing the dangers, and if we did we still wouldn’t have cared
for the ***** lead us to high ecstatic stardom
to the land of whispering voices and seductive secret gardens

we never had luxuries, three low-life crooks
the kind of scumbags you’d find in classic period or thriller books –
except maybe we weren’t; back then things were less formal
just three struggling youths trying to make life seem normal

you see the drugs helped us forget
those murky days bloated with confusion and disposable respect -
***** orange substances in broken needles, so exchangeable
we sat away from life and instead fell in love with the angels.

I'll wipe away your tears when it gets too much
I'll kiss you softly when I've given you what I want
weeping rose, your sultry not mine but yours to keep,
exhausted and drugged we simply didn't want to sleep

high on adrenaline and forbidden lust
you took me to your garden and charred my trust
taking my decaying exterior, a mask corrupted and inferior -

stirring the freak inside with a stroke and ******

O' charred rose, you weeping liar
polluting minds with toxic desire
a dismembered head, horror's twisted invictus
a mind seething with cyanide and citrus

nights full of compassion and false respect
I take you as a friend but you know what I expect
I'd say I'm ashamed, horrified, but then I'd be a liar
for this sick addiction burns within like fire

you're disgusting, infatuating, twisted and vile
I'm full of obscenity, my heart beating bile

telling myself that you'll be a friend when I see you again
but deep down I know I won't be thinking with my brain.

Make your way on over
don't need to bring nothin'
apart from your best clothes -
I'll work away your worries,
breathe away your woes.

It wasn't what I confessed,
god looks upon me
but I'm far from being blessed.
My heads in a spin,
fingers jiving and jigging
my mind focusing on your soft chin.

Blue eyed monster,
black hair chasing down your back
body to die for,
my heart beating
like a race-horse on a track.

You're chemical treasure
You're tainted but ****,
I'm a Lykos for pleasure
show us your prize
and I'll show you mine.

Blood-red lips, sleek, unmissable
soft pale skin
so smooth, so kissable.

Make your way on over -
I'm a Lykos for pleasure,
a predator for treasure,
and a hungry wolf in full fledged measure.

This heart
this heart
this heart is black and broken,

these lips
these lips
these lips choked upon words that can't be spoken

In space things seem distant,
a bloated biblical womb of belief -
chemical confusion, twisted violence and illusion

our God is nothing but a thief

God's sinful monkeys and alien babies
fed with drugs and frothing with rabies

what's black and stains the most sordid of lies
a torrent of angst, a thousand children's cries,
some lucky, some born survivors
others born to die from the disease their body harbours

for you were my mechanical example, no use but lust,
living a lie in this world so ******* devoid of trust
as death lurks around us, inside our closets, beneath our beds
the tendril of insanity curdles our pathetic heads

God's sinful monkeys and alien babies
fed with drugs and frothing with rabies
stealing newborns, fresh blood to medicate
creating new Gods to **** upon and hate*

and now I sit here in my little tin capsule above Earth
an Alien among my kind, such is open-mindedness' curse

when the days burn white and there's nothing but eternal numbness,
you wonder if it would be easier if you were six feet under.

Meet Delilah,
she's infatuated with Lilies,
out in the courtyard she'll play
upon every hour,
for every day,
until she suddenly flips with the sillies.

I would not say she's pretty -
more like pretty ******* strange!
With a wrinkled old head, and sticky-out ears,
an inhumane goblin that's twisted and deranged.

Because, to Delilah,
you're as strange to her, as she is to you,
she'll always be one step ahead
of anything that you may do...

Delinquent Delilah,
strangled her puppy in cold blood,
and mowed down her cat -
inside her mind they were no longer;
Fin! Gone! And that was that.

I mean -

She just sat there, stroking the petals
on her stupid beloved Lilies,
as those poor animals writhed in pain...

so I'd remember that,
when she next offers you a daisy chain.

Two o'clock in the morning
and again I can't sleep
my IPod's playin' the internet's callin'
I wanna indulge, I wanna just weep

when you can play out your fantasies
of sordid lust and rough *** through
a video player on your phone, all on your own
or get the real thing with a text

midnight conversations of the perverse kind
desperate ***** hookers whispering in your ear,
Tommy Gunn licks Rosie's behind as she
burns your libido with that naughty sumptuous leer

as a teenager it was fun, apparently normal
but you know it's become a problem when
you're calling lights-out at twelve
but falling asleep at two-thirty AM

once you had to pay, now it's free,
festering in the crevices of the Web
swollen, bloated and growing
from its dank hiding place it begins to ebb

a drug manufactured from
the vilest sins of the mind
prefabricated drool, a vice blackened and cruel
forbidden but not exactly hard to find

---

now here I lie
my flesh blistered and rubbed raw
fat tears run down my face
but not knowin' what it is I'm crying for.

A dying sun descends upon the horizon
and a faint northern breeze prowls,
fields of ever-greens and poppies whisper
as in the distance a rogue wolf howls

a lone ray of golden light fades and rises
as the setting sun gradually goes down
and from within the caverns underneath
a shadowy creature ascends without a sound

humanoid in stature, coal dust and sweat
stained upon its soft grimy skin,
it's heart thumps and shudders erratically
from inside a chest concave and bone-thin

it feasts upon the crying eyes of children
and the ******* of pregnant mothers -
such does it become a mother itself
drawing upon the blood of its many unfortunate lovers

oh but she must find a surrogate
she must find a healthy womb
for the climate is harsh, her body hath perished
waters due to break, the contractions to start soon -

alas all the people flee her horrific presence
too weak to chase in her sorry state;
and as the pain rips open her putrid flesh
the trail of blood down her leg tells her it's too late

so she squats and pushes, pushes, pushes -
intense white lights blinding her eyes
she births her offspring dead
and collapses to her knees in a fit of anguished cries

caught unawares by the first ray of dawn
surrounded by her babies, the end hath finally come -

an earth-shattering scream piercing the diminishing night
as mother and children burn beneath the rising sun.

He comes every rainy day,
when all the outside is dull and grey -

a glorious smile killed by a frown,
he's Misery Pessimist
the Ever-Weeping Clown.

He peers through the windscreen at me,
breath fogging up the glass,
his hair slimy with greased sweat
his rictus grinning mouth as bold as brass.

Droplets of rain
making him look as if he's always crying
in bone-grinding pain,
smiling that sickened smile -
never knowing who it is he should blame.

I try to ignore him
but he doesn't go away -
he's a sadistic little puppy
that just wants to play.

[Maybe he'll go away if I fall asleep?]

but I can't rest at the car wheel
and besides, he'll just creep

[to the door handle]

What do I do?
Where do I go?
Is there any window where his face won't show?

Those charred eyes, always -

CRYING

[lying]

That bloodstained rictus -

LIKE CHEWING ON BROKEN GLASS

A torrent of angst, a tidal wave of rheumatic arthritis
spreading like noxious -


GAS


I can't laugh at the Clown,
can't laugh into his rheumatically mauled face -

thick oil running down his cheeks,
a face of mutilated insanity,
of a thousand screaming freaks

leaking eyes burning,
desperately pleading to be set free -

I can't laugh at Misery the Clown,
because I secretly know

that Clown is a true reflection of me.

AJ

It’s been so long
Since I’ve woken to an empty bed
It’s been so long
Since I’ve had septic thoughts suffocate my head

Your eyes so blue,
I could stare for endless years

Cutting through the fog, you make me feel
Make me feel like I’m close to tears

Once seeking comfort from those
Who closed their blinds on my twisted mind
You wouldn’t understand what I’ve been through
And the pieces that I’ve left behind

The time has finally come
To move forward and forget the past
Like the cigarettes I used to smoke
That façade is now nothing but ash

It’s been so long
One foot in heaven, one in the grave
Shackled by a pain
this lovestruck fool you’ve willingly saved

Your eyes so blue,
I could stare for all of time

The time for change is now
I am yours, and you are mine.

I ripped my heart out to make way for a new one 
the future is bright and the past is done 
I destroyed myself, yet I still brush off the dust
the new year's started and I've found someone I can trust 

countless exploits I've tried and failed 
and when all seemed destroyed my strength prevailed 
there have been days bleak, nights filled with tears
times I have broken down, myself I've feared 

and yet through all black, still I saw something bright 
a promise of hope that danced from my sight 
gathering my thoughts and my shattered pieces 
I snatched back my life and started ironing out the creases 

the downward spiral is but a tempest of inner fury 
all of a sudden you become judge, executioner and jury 
there were days where it was too easy to give up
there were days when I prayed my eyes would stay forever shut 

But I'm still here
still beating, still breathing 

I am my own god 
death will have to wait to start his thieving 

I'm still here, I'll shout it again, I'll shout it aloud!

I've re-started my life

and finally, of myself, I can say I'm proud.

Prising through the fog like creeping fingers
headlights approach slowly, glaring and foul
from beneath the obscurement of mist,
a demoniac engine gurgles and growls.

A 1958 Plymouth Fury, one beauty of a car,
spoilers whistling, axels whispering

[THIEF]

ancient, but without sentiment -
the grills above her bumper curved into slender-hooked teeth

blood-red and fat, a body that's sleek,
bloated, ready to chastise;
one twisted zygote, a devil's reject -
from the depths of a broken heart, tendrils of fury begin to rise

blue-smoke billowing behind in transient swirls,
my mind bends as reality curls,
still lay here and she's getting closer -

and closer -

[- oh leave me be -

- just let me go -

- crawl someplace where your face won't show -]

She can't understand that my love for her is no longer,
she can't seem to understand that my resistance to her charms is so much stronger -

and still she speeds along the highway
taking the night and violently painting it red,
her wheels squealing towards
the dusty asphalt where I lie my head,

speeding along

not slowing down -

["Hey stop! No please STOP!!!"]

///CRUNCH///..-.

Locked away in the dankest corner
bloodied fingers frantically pawing the ground,
a lonesome girl of nineteen, distraught and weeping,
too afraid to utter a sound.

With filthy hair matted upon her forehead
and an eyelid that's split in two -
all she wears is linen rags tied around her waist
whereupon the crotch, ***** slowly seeps through.

It was always her dream to be a singer
to cherish a life of fortune and fame -
alas one nasty twist of events changed everything,
subjecting her to a life of abuse and excruciating pain.

Once a sweet little girl singing songs in the school yard,
now a schizophrenic teen, living in warped fantasy -
care workers leaving her to lie in her own faeces
as doctors discuss psychosis, and even lobotomy.

Fast-forward to seven weeks later,
wheelchair-bound, with nails so long they've began to curl,

gazing at this giggling black-eyed freak,

never would you believe it's the same girl...

I want God to tell me
how to silence the shadows around,
I need his angels to show me
how to drag myself up from the ground

when everything around you is shattered
broken and resolute, and
the world carries on piling the weights
even though it knows you need a hand

when the people you thought loved you
have played you down to the last pound,
when it's only through humiliation
that the bitter truth is found

am I the only one in this place
who is decent, true and pure
cursed to be a shape-shifting wanderer
wallowing with the sick and poor?

Tell me, does God really exist
and if he does why make this place?

Oh why allow a world so promising
to fill with anger, jealousy and disgrace?

The 21st Century's breaking down
It's evident, and sadly it seems
that simple truth and honesty
are only possible in my dreams.

When the moon descends and takes you in it's grasp
knowing you must go but still you ask,
swallowed by the bloated night sky, the promise of a future near gone,
but in the darkness your hope still shone

I love you, and so does everyone else
oh what I'd give to steal your degrading health
asking the Lord why, why can't he just set you free
why did he give you cancer when he could've given it to me?

I've lived 20 years of life and experienced it all,
you're only 15 and are yet to discover more,
the unfairness is sickening, unjust and cruel,
but heartbreak seems to be life's golden rule

our loving god has taken everything before my eyes
ignorant to the pain and suffering, ignorant to my mother's cries
now here I am, breaking up over pathetic thoughts and creases
as the Pariah of Death blows our lives to pieces.

*[soon to be glittering in the nights sky above, a distant world afar,
your voice singing upon the wind - good night my new killer star]

Are my words too hard to swallow?
Did I offend the offense in which you wallow?
We are quick to judge, to blame those in power,
yet we break our own rules, every hour

The truth is too scary so it's not a fact,
slowly humanity dies from a heart attack -
we are oh-so-happy to believe all the lies
and yet recoil in horror as we unleash the flies

Satan's on speed dial, but he won't pick up
too disgusted with this world we've fully ******* up
fear spreads to every nation
but progress is contagious, so it's stuck at the same station

In a world when diversity upsets the masses
in a stagnant society that kisses the ignorant ***** -
What have we become, has it really been here all along?
Are we forever doomed to sing our own swan song?

Keeping beneath the streetlights she strides
hugging herself within a warm winter coat,
checking alleyways and shadows,
shaking, nervous fear tickling the back of her throat.

There she goes -

past broken beer bottles and empty cans
drunken pedophiles rubbing together twitchy hands,

past doorways where scumbag teenagers lie
sharing needles, and half pills just to get high -

ahead of her frantic police sirens wail,
followed by the sickening glow of blue flashing lights,
heading off to another seedy club;
a minefield of fury and bloodied, brawling fist-fights.

There she goes -

past the policeman ignoring the crowd's cries
as his suspect chokes and dies

past the little girl running and crying
saying that Daddy got angry and Mummy's now dying -

Oh there she goes, now indignant and ignorant,
a soul as transparent as the night's sky,

one monument to our sins

from a world now long gone by...

WARNING - Hints at suicide

Corpses floating slowly above the waters,
swollen and bloated pachyderms -
my dreams curdled septic and dying
polluted to death with stagnant germs

so many of my ideas and glittering hopes
now smothered, tainted vile,
the insides of my twisted and torturous soul
just stinking, liquified to nothing but bile

countless negatives and secrets
past and present unwanted strangers,
bringing both temptation and sin;
writhing with sumptuously naked dangers,

sometimes I get fleeting thoughts that seem promising,
break into my mind shouting "Como Estas?"
Alas, within a few seconds they stick
in the large web where everything rots and festers

for my mind is sick,
demonic giggles echo down the corridors of my head -

just another ****** night

where I wish I was dead.

AJ

[Inspired by Them Crooked Vultures; Elephants - "Pachyderms of germs, unable to hide or even dream of it." One brilliant song]

A man is not a man without a heart 

but a shell, wherein loneliness rips apart 

every morsel of truth, infecting with lies 

bitterness and longing buzzing about like flies 


there was a time a few years back where I could not see past the wall

a mental structure I built to crawl away from all

I grew cold, I grew callous, I did not care 

at the corpse in the mirror at which I stared 


the days were black and the hours mundane 

with each setting sun my lust for life waned 

I was broken, devoid of strength, seemingly through 

then everything changed the second I met you 


you know I care not for expressing feelings or emotion 

or should I say, expressing is something which I struggle 

but our stupid jokes, the little quips and kisses 

are something I've so long been missing


you're perfect to me, and that's the truth 

and I just wanted to say I love you

When the world implodes and the nights fill with screams,
she drapes a hand over my shoulder
opens up my mind, takes a blind plunge into my dreams...

Inside the main room of my soul
lies a whimpering naked child trapped in a cage,
silently crying as its terror pools around in one big sick tide -
the animal within it rips and gnaws
seeking a hole where it can curl up and hide.

My girl ignores this creature, following the signs
to my heart, and far away from my head;
away from a festering tumour swollen with pulsing nightmares,
leaking life and soon to be dead.

For there's a fire among the horizon
that's pushing her naked body closer to mine -
in the dark, cold, November nights
our love - oh it did burn and shine!

Alas then she was gone, and I was depressed
nondescript, useless, a piece of junk to her fleeting fancies -
that night she left...
I blew my gasket and she lost all her chances.

So I ignored her when she crawled back and cried,
'twas only two weeks but I was over her

now she's much less picturesque without me by her side.

God look upon me, I so need you right now,
reveal your love, oh please please show me how,
I can't fight past this festering wall of decay
I'm tired, aching and lonely, I won't make it any other way

this heart you gave me is desperately ill
without your strength I'll wake in the morn to it still,
never have I had such luck with love, oh why,
do I find myself falling asleep begging to fade away, to die

you can't stop the tears that will no longer come
cupid's fell from grace, swapping his bow for a gun
and now here I stand as the moon lights up the callous skies
surrounded by deceit and pathetic lies

seeking reverence within cigarette smoke, my ignorance deadly to some
caring less and less, I think my time has come
to either forget the past and look to the future ahead
or to wallow in the self-pity that bloats my head

I'm so sorry for everything I've done wrong
I'm selfish, I'm self-loathing, I don't deserve it but for forgiveness I long -
my sanity is twisting, my honesty it crucifies and bends
for it seems any happiness I ever find goes away in the end

I'm not stupid, I know this is my last dance

oh Lord I'm begging you, please, give me another chance

Poppies...

Fields of red.
Memories of unrelenting dread.

Poppies...

Pillows of consequence, of loss
of love.
A memoir to our mistakes.
And fury.

Poppies...

Fields I tread.
Resting place of the dead.
Blood of a thousand stain their leaves,
little embodiments of death -
little life thieves.

Live off the deceased,
beautiful scavengers -
some drink their juices, liquid energy.
Liquid Poison.

Poppies,
pure poison in its rawest form,
***** field of heaven
conflict field of the past,
present
and future.

Stick it in a needle,
give it a shot -
but remember, these plants
grow on bodies that still rot.

Striking, turquoise genetics,
douse my cries in grieving resplendency,
for my naked soul
weeping has become almost a dependency //.-

familiar devil's hands
tucking me into home-made bones;

conscious, automatic,

////-..f-feelings sporadic ///.-.

I..-///.-..     ..I.///.-./.

I am not on my own,

shambling skeletons, rocking out upon the dance floor,
twerking to a cathartic post-punk sound -
jagged multi-colour squares flashing spasmodically,
jumping and jiving all over the ground,

crowds of pretty girls in leather tops,
thrashing their hips to the beat,
moving in fluent passion
skin blushed, dripping and sweaty from the heat,

whilst the darkness spoons out mousy doe eyes,
trading them in for introspective sight
colliding souls gyrating blindly
beneath schizophrenic light

curdling their kaleidoscopic hearts, tainting them homologous -
rubbed raw from a crass reflection,
hammering lips to robotic DNA

.//-. dr-...dru- //

drugging our minds for a complexion that's perfection.

AJ/SF

#cheekyrepost

A great mind departs into the winter's night-sky
wreaths and shrines adorning the ground where he may lie
died doing what he done best, knowing his time had come
now he traverses the stars with Ziggy and Major Tom

sitting in his tin can far above the likes of you and me
gazing upon our world through tears, alas now he's free -

wanted eagles in his daydreams, diamonds in his eyes
escaping the black side of reality he so very much despised

['Look up here man I'm in danger
I've got nothing left to lose.']

carried away upon a tidal wave of fame
albums meant nothing 'cause they'll sell again,
defying sexuality, pioneering the glam-rock scene
achieving goals only the common man can dream

['Ground control to Major Tom -
your circuit's dead, there's something wrong!']

now his voice is followed by the chilling whisper of death,
sang to the end with his very last breath
body failing but soul very much alive
empty silence filled with his hazy cosmic jive -

and yes, years will pass from this day, but we will never forget who you are

farewell Ziggy Stardust

our brilliant shining Blackstar.

AJ

["I'm happy... hope you're happy too..."]

RIP David Bowie

From a room empty it shines
surrounded by impermanence and deceit
for my mind is blank and empty
and without poetry I am incomplete

my writing has grown old
the grotesque horror genre stale -
the ideas I once relied on
now cease to all but fail

I can't think of anything to write
I guess I'll be this way for a while
but like music's greatest chameleon
I'll burn it all and crank up the style

[say goodbye to the Beautiful People
say goodbye to all the horror and gore,
I'm completely shedding this harsh skin
because I want to be that flat writer no more]

yes big changes are happening
oh changes are taking place
anticipation runs through my mind
as total reinvention I've finally come to face

so forgive me if I bore you
forgive my absent presence,

for when I finally return
I'll have something extraordinary to present.

Did you mistake empathy in my eyes,
my face deathly white and dead
as deep down something broken cries

I shattered myself and was born anew
from the blank numbness an epiphany grew
for why should I care about others
when I'm dejected by all, the darkness covers,

there are rings around my sockets
but I'm wearing designer shirts with fortune in my pockets
my words, once cracked, now slyly lilt
embers of mistrust glow from what I was built

the Thin White Joke has returned
and away the fog of depression he burns
a depreciated figure approaching from the darkness
his strength and bitterness I harness

for I'm desperate, I needed a way out
when I reached to those I loved they ignored my shouts,
so now I've turned to the cruellest corner of my mind
for I know with the Badrock Lover happiness I will find.

Home every night about half eight or nine
hand in hand with my latest design -
so super-sonic, he's angelic, he's demonic
my new name's feature, uh uh

sometimes the light is grainy
his face so pallid, hazy

I know he's in there somewhere, where there's no pain nor shine
oh so despotic is this thin-white-joke of mine

transmission inbound to the newly deceased
the chimes are ringing, he's been released

hopefully we'll go to the Haven where
we can be tied together -

*I know he's in there somewhere, where there's no pain nor shine
oh so platonic is this thin-white-joke of mine.

I stare up at the ceiling, cracked
for I am not myself
surrounded by broken promises, pity
and empty wealth

the perverse constants throughout
my narcissistic days,
I awake every morning
to an alcoholic drug fuelled haze

sleep deprivation my volatile Jesus
licking my wounds, ignorant to my prayers,
I express my shattered soul to millions, only
for it to fall on ignorant ears that don't care

[YEAH! YEAH! YEAH?]

stitched up eyes, stitched up pride
sensibility running away to forever hide
capitalising on pain, that contagious emotion
an obsessive by-product of loves caustic devotion

f-falling for all the pretty ones
injecting sultry thoughts in my sick brain //-/-

f-falling for all the pretty ones
dragging me through acidic pools of disdain //-

LO' BEHOLD ANOTHER HUMANITARIAN CRISIS!

Most personally known as COMPULSIVELOVER-ITIS!

It sticks like spit, kills my sleep
something I don't want but really need to keep

and the desperation will make you a million
but also burn you inside out -

stuck in this loop of blackening silence
it's a revolution of the broken heart so let's scream, let's SHOUT!!!

They arrived with grins on their faces
***** blisters upon their cheeks, cataracts in their eyes,

shambling side by side their former shadows
bringing along swarms of rats and flies

skin woven from the finest flesh
breath stolen and rattling,
mud and decay ran down their mutilated faces
washed by a downpour of rain that was battering

no longer human and not quite beautiful
frazzled brains driven by the lust for perfection,
hair twisted static-charged nylon
covering their faces marred by nightmarish complexions

fingernails grey, attached by permanent adhesive,
teeth black, gums bloated and oozing
septicaemia and gangrene
spread by the inferior equipment they were using

oh they stole unattended babies
farming them for fresh stem cells and skin,
crawling around beneath Manchester's sprawling city
living in their world claustrophobic and dim -

what is the meaning of their existence
where did these freakish misfits spawn from?
Ah that is a question we already know the answer to -

'tis from the paranoid mind of a greedy schizophrenic they were born

and they exist to serve as a constant reminder
that total perfection we will never gain

and to try such an impossible deed

would leave any man bereft, inhumane.

His head lies in the sunlight
grease-paint and mascara smeared in flecks,
passed-out upon room 5's windowsill
whilst all around his friends frolic and have ***

he stinks of Michael Kors'
with his designer suit and dip-dyed hair,
he thinks the girls dig a guy in a suit
but sadly they simply don't care

for class is overrated, manners belated,
he went out looking for a bit
instead he threw up on the karaoke machine
and now he just looks like a ***

disco lights schizophrenic, blinding,
covering his face burning with embarrassment
simple childish fun curdled sour
stumbling through a crowd hurling harassment

passing by drug abusers and rich fixers
taxi cabs beep, run-down and stained,
prostitutes sell in ***** horns and bunny suits -
his need's dire but his wallet's drained

for money can buy pretty much anything
but with one tiny exception -

no amount of printed-paper notes
can buy a life of true, honest, perfection.

Quietness caresses the Tulips,
the Roses all stand in abstinence,
the colours muted,
their leaves dripping with silence.

The wind's kissing the tears
that are running down my featureless face -
in an ageing body life departs
as death slowly takes it place.

Breath of an Angel,
catching as it sticks in the tide,
crumble does the rotten wall
behind which manipulation hides -

Pursed lips bloodied but clean,
one incarnadine stained soul
so beautifully sanguine

a single Ivory Rose, extracted
from the sweet substance of prayers,

choking and dying,
suffocating in a world that no longer cares,

standing its ground,
silently doing its hidden duty,

failing the infallible
being it's true blackened beauty.

I travelled straight west
to the epicentre of the southern wastelands
and 'twas with mind-numbing disbelief that
I found an Oak table propped upon the sands

and it was not alone either
for three beings sat it, seemingly nonplussed -
one was a skinny old man
wearing a linen suit faded and powdered with dust

his collar frayed around the edges
a moth-eaten hat sat upon his head,
he had a daisy poking from his breast pocket
so very much preserved, so very much dead,

to his left sat a one-eyed Hare
the sole eye ecstatic and wiggling -
he swore and blasphemed each time the man spoke
from a mouth toothless and dribbling,

sat to the right of the man
was absolutely (absolutely!) nothing,
however I observed with mild humour
that both man and Hare were convinced it must be something

for the man was profusely adamant
scorning the Something for dissing the Hare's hair,
although the Hare was too busy rolling around its one eye
to even notice the man, or simply give a fu- care

"Hey hey talk to I! Hath thou seen my missing eye?!"
Hare asked from a voice shrieky and shattered
saliva running in rivets
upon the table it slopped and slavered -

then suddenly the man started singing encore
his voice cringe-worthy, out of tune,
sounding like a cat back-broke and on steroids
rocking and waving like a spastic-loon;

"If Father Time has no end,
does he even have a beginning -
oh, if there's pain is there gain,
which one of us is it that's winning?"

alas, that's when my attention was brought to the mounds
of surgical needles cluttered on the ground,
feeling sickly aura lick the back of my throat
I started backing away without a sound

["Hey hey talk to I -"]

["If there's pain is there gain -"]

["Hath thou seen my missing Missing MISSING EYE?!!"]

#FLASH!#

the dystopian landscape around me melted
into a field of bloated poppies -

serene, scarlet and blinding 'neath the sun,
feasting upon our charred bodies.

AJ

I had a dream of things that
could sometime be -
one sharp glimpse across
shimmering waters of an other-worldly sea,

with skies of the brightest blue
and fields of emerald-infused wild grass,
a field of dreams that's so pure
amidst a world that's sardonic and sickeningly crass

come join me my friend, sleep away
from a world that burns, and a life infatuated with gloom,
run through fields of clover and lilies
and buds swollen and golden, ready to bloom,

O' frolic upon crisp-white clouds
soar with me through the sky,
just enjoy this sweet paradise for all it's worth
ignore the fact that all you see here is a lie -

be grateful that you can escape
to this place with no sin,
for once you finally awake

you'll be plunged into a world you no longer want to live in.

She's dainty
she's dark
she's serious but doesn't care
her skin silk white
eyes unjust yet fair

her voice whispers
with a hint of charmed humour
ignoring the catcalls
and all the rumours

oblivious to a lie that's sordid
dispelling anything destructive or morbid
a sensitive beauty watching from eyes electro-blue
whenever she speaks my heart jumps en-que

I'm not sure what attracts me to her side
any longing or passion she seems to hide
is that chemistry, I ask myself, or just friendship
curiosity dragging me out of that blackened pit

for I withdrew into my mind and a world of horrors
chasms in my brain feeling like long lost corridors
I forgot what it is to love others and myself
floating in the void of ill health

alas, I looked into her eyes and saw light
the eternally absent stranger, arcane, bright
thought the end was nigh but is this a fresh beginning?
It's hard to see who's losing and who's winning -

she's dainty
she's dark
she's serious yet fair -
I don't care where she is
I just want to be next to her, right there.

[Swearing Alert]


- INTRO; Angel Of Grotesque -


They say they need my help.

Can you believe it, MY help?!

It seems the crimson **** tide has finally turned - now here they are, tails between their sorry legs beg-beg-begging me for help.

Here I am, chained to a steel bed post and clothed in nothing but orange dungarees and socks - I stink of stale sweat, the odour mixing with the backed-up toilet reeking in the corner of the cell. I haven't seen daylight in over 4 years (I think) and I burn away the hours sharpening my nails and quietly ******* -

(often the latter first, don't want a paper cut down there(!))

I'm a man of no mercy. I have no 'better' nature or gratuitous soul - my ego is wholly puerile, at times pugnacious and others vile. I'm a self-centred beauty, a dancing Angel of grotesque. Grinning behind this mask of smiles, in leather and chains I love to dress.

I've long forgotten my name, there's no use for it when you've been stuck alone in a metal box for half your life - the only connection with the outside world is the crude letter box the guards shove food and drink through. Well, I say food but it's debatable whether the floury **** they give me is edible. Then again anything's edible when you're starving - toilet paper, clothing, even your hair and nails.

How did I get here, I hear you ask. Well basically once-upon-a-time in the ****** underbelly of Manchester there was this blindingly vivacious dealer who got in a teensy bit of hot water - resulting in some ******-off yobs dismembering his wife and kids for ***** and giggles. Said handsome dealer (yeah you guessed it, me) was then framed for the ****** of his whole family and locked away in some mental institution for just shy of 35 years.

It's safe to say I went stir-crazy - my brain sicked up all logical sanity and shat it out along with any humanity left in my heart.

What should a man fear when he has nothing left to lose?

I didn't **** my family, but I did the two officers when they took me to the station for questioning. I got tired of the twenty questions game they were playing so I snapped the lock on the inside of the door, slit the first copper's throat with the hook of my handcuffs (had to dislocate one of my wrists to get it free) and choked the other ponce with his own tie.

It took ages for their colleagues to get in, I guess it goes to show that reinforced doors do work.

Shortly after I was carted off to court, restrained in a straight jacket and chains (oh I did love that **** look) where the judge declared me insane and sent me to Greyhound Infirmary For The Mentally Insane.

And the rest is pretty much history from there on - I've slaughtered 4 nurses (one was an accident, I promise!) and a couple of patients, although I don't hear the Infirmary complaining about that.

I can't stand people anymore, when I look into a living face - be it man, woman or child - I see the killers that took away the only people I've ever loved, took away anything I've ever had and locked me away in a world of emptiness and dark.

All I want to do is carve the pain that gnaws at my stomach into their disgusting skin, make them feel how it is to be the freak that's laughed at, locked away, all alone.

That's why I've been incarcerated in this little metal box, left to rot away.

Forgotten.

Until today, when the seemingly dead cell door finally clicks open and I peer up at the first human face I have seen in over 20 years.

And ****, was it an ugly one!

When all your morals die

and even if one survives

your beauty taints the stars

a sickening smile like a scar

a corpse by the side of a moonlit road
hiding from the horrors that lie beneath your robe
I can feel the devil within your blood
grasping my dreams with your twisted glove

so just smile like a banshee -
and melt with the setting sun
just smile like a banshee -
and click your loaded lover's gun

****** tongues defy what's right or wrong
innocence a word merely pathetic and blonde
we take risks to live and survive
but I touched your heart and now I writhe

carving the walls of despair to where I've been driven

oh what is love -

and can love ever be forgiven?

I awake to a light shining upon my temple,
bask in the amber hues of dawn -
in the throes of fascination I gaze out
to a land magnificently vivid and beautifully drawn,

clouds that are semi-crescent wisps
remnants of a giant silken web spun,
mountains and mountains of pumice rock
from which crystallised water runs

field after field of emerald lemongrass,
hundreds of bovine cattle that stroll and graze -
a sky so agonisingly blue it near blinds the sun,
a picturesque paradise which can never be erased,

and as the trees around sway and bend
so does my fragile mind;
enthralled in this utopia and believing false perceptions
I take a step forward and leave reality behind -

heart crashing to a shuddering stop
as I catch a glimpse of my battered reflection -

alone in the semi-darkness of my bathroom
riding alongside the Devil on a one-trip road to perfection.

Silence is the comfort of a conflicts hush
silence is the sound of a dead crows caw
silence ain't abatable, so don't even try
silence is thy lord's voice and his word is law

It's unquestionable, deadly, doesn't care what it kills
a force gradual and steady, from the dark our night it fills
it reeks of loneliness whilst exhuming sweet beauty
modest and loyal, quietly it does its hidden duty

crying through eyes non-existent
it's love invisible, so painfully distant
all alone, comfort gone from that old favourite song,
it's presence tranquil, opening your eyes to where you went wrong

It's neutral, doesn't take sides or excuses
a poignancy so strong, bitter and raw
twisted, life and death somehow entwined
I gazed upon its face and 'twas the most beautiful thing I've ever saw

- - - -

a vision flickering like a fuse in an abandoned house
it's rooms gas filled, primed for explosion -

I sleep and walk amongst the fields of dreams
as silence drips upon life and starts its graceless erosion.

AJ

Please tell me my Lord
if I have something to live for,
oh help me dear God
my sanity pertains but my hope thaws

hello there silence
you old friend,
you make me seek reflection
when happiness is at end

but I'm afraid my vision's blurred
I can no longer fight
the strength I was proud of is gone
images of the future erased forever from my sight

I've ran my body through the mechanical grinder
that is this thing we call life
now here I sat upon my throne of despair
surrounded by shattered thoughts and empty strife

too many times did you puncture
the throbbing ***** that is my heart
if this is the nearest I'll get to heaven
then I guess I'd rather be dead from the start

I'm not living but surviving
disillusioned by what everything seems
so please please dear God, tonight when I sleep,
allow me to escape to the world that exists only in my dreams.

There was once a stuttering freak,
who floundered at every syllable he tried to speak -
many people called him queer
so he lived in fear;
fell down at life's knees, fragile and weak.

Every cold winter's night he'd kneel and pray, wishing
for the freedom to walk the streets without being called gay -
judged by his clothing, odd stride and hair
swallowed up in a world that's disgustingly prejudice and unfair

Oh, why live in a world writhing with sin?
To be ridiculed by merciless ******* that just want your dreams to collapse, cave in -

shot with ***** looks from blackened eyes,
living with luxuries that some despise -
alcohol, drugs, morals becoming less and less
the human race spiralling out of control as we indulge in ***,

and so our stuttering hero spat in the face of strife,
alas in a cruel twist of fate, that person carried a knife -

with a swift punch to his head,
he was knocked to the floor and hacked at until dead -

seems that in our shattered world, not even courage wins;

sprawled upon a paving slab in his own blood

floating away from our sins...

AJ

Face of stone she gazes at it's reflection
begging the darkness for its lurid affection
the silence doesn't care, for years secretly she's known
clearing the space where the bitter fury has grown

her bloodshot eyes hides a butterfly of crystal
fragile and delicate, majestic yet wistful
the world turned, her strength shattering like glass
a beautiful psyche intoxicated by its past

["Oh please! Don't go!"]

singing upon the banks of heartbreak's river
a voice once so strong now trembles and shivers
fingernails drawn, skin white, ribs concave bars
she gazes to the night's sky into a sea of stars

her babe flew away and left a whole
black and gaping in her heart and soul
whisked to another planet, a distant foreign land,
his kiss a statement forever lingering upon her hand

["The non-existent angels sing
I beg of them to guide me home -"]

and there's something in the skies above
there's something lurking in those stars

["but my ship's burnt, my virginity dead -
#sob#
oh baby what have I become?!"]

something watching from within the black
a transparent symptomatic entity masked by a farce.

Face of stone she gazes at it's reflection
begging the darkness for its lurid affection
the silence doesn't care, for years secretly she's known
clearing the space where the bitter fury has grown

her bloodshot eyes hides a butterfly of crystal
fragile and delicate, majestic yet wistful 
the world turned, her strength shattering like glass 
a beautiful psyche intoxicated by its past

["Oh please! Don't go!"]

singing upon the banks of heartbreak's river
a voice once so strong now trembles and shivers
fingernails drawn, skin white, ribs concave bars
she gazes to the night's sky into a sea of stars

her babe flew away and left a whole
black and gaping in her heart and soul
whisked to another planet, a distant foreign land,
his kiss a statement forever lingering upon her hand

["The non-existent angels sing
I beg of them to guide me home -"]

*["but my ship's burnt, my virginity dead -
#sob#
oh baby what have I become?"]

When your face drains to white
and black grows around your eyes,
when you continue to live in mid-night songs,
even as your heart beat becomes a surprise.

When the weekend's velveteen fields
are filled with resentment, and stained blue -
every **** text, upon every eve,
two years straight and still I hope it's you.

You were the painful medicine,
replacing my October-distraught sinews,
two hearts beating blindly
one out of synch, starting to confuse;

oh I'm running, I'm crying
and I'm racing the dawning clock -
you're so transfixing, and surprising
lurking where reality stops;

loving you is like loving a blade,
one lone westerner
comforting, stroking, fulfilling his own demise -

I'm useless, pathetic,

and you're still Pretty Crystal Blue Eyes...

Your tongue's not needed to make me bleed

I've got razor blades to cut me

the drugs don't soften only silent me -

the writings on the wall


Oh Christ,


how long do I have to fall?

- - -

I took a bite of the apple and it soured in my mouth
again my mood has plummeted, dived South

the world stands with shifty feet and itchy gazes
as upon my mind the Archangel grazes

using his claws to separate my dying thoughts
his sly tongue lilts and distorts

The Pale God is dead, and so are all the other jokes
I grasped my nastiest and mercilessly choked

the nights out of my constant nightmares
but now I cannot think, now I am scared

I've destroyed so much I no longer cease to exist
just floating in this universe like a pathetic mist

I have tasted lust, I have tasted perfection

I have been betrayed by trust and ridiculed by deception

Happiness, if only.

I want to thank you friends, wanna thank you family
for burning my dreams, filling me with verbal dysentery
my thoughts never hated, I'd hoped you'd known
If I'd gotten my own way all the people would be gone

they said they wanted freedom, said they wanted hope
so using chloroform I choked
their pretty little mouths, ignorant to the pleas
desperate panic running down their knees

I'm the god of extortion, of twisted violence and distortion
a pathetic lie, a ******* let down
sat atop the throne of shattered dreams,
rusty nails and surgical wire my makeshift crown

falling in love with thy blackened abnormality
cauterizing the exposed wound of human morality

they say God loves you, say he's always there
I say God disgusts me, he never ******* cared -
pariahs of false dreams, society's preaching rejects,
building holy structures of false promise and respect

the antithesis to every moral you've been told
if God were alive I'd shoot him lifeless, bang bang, cold

oh yeah I'm the designer of death, the superstar of disdain,
killing in the name of love so others never feel my pain.

I can feel him clawing at my insides
a Swan blackened and broken -

lurking, he does hide

a figment of my deranged imagination

volatile, bruised, tortured, shattered

the altar of self pity, on which 
dead Angels wings are splattered 

help me, 
for I cannot think right 

help me, 
for all that is true hides in sight 

help me, 
I don't know who I am 

oh friend, where is thy former man?

Sorrow gnawing holes in these summer days 
nights passing trains, thoughts meaningless haze 
it itches my skin, contracting like muscle sinew 
the ***** dilapidated and cold from which he grew 

they wanted beauty, perfection, so I will giveth it 
the outside glitters like gold, but the inside stinks like **** 

who am I to stop the man that wants to come forth
for is it not true life will be better -

and so, if not?

My heart doesn't feel so good,
I can't think or see straight anymore -
my chest aches and skips,
I'm trying to sleep but my eyes are burnt and sore.

It seems that everyone I love
or had ever known,
has now betrayed my trust
packed up their bags and just gone -

I'm so ****** independent,
I ain't got no friends -
hell, who needs them?
Relationships with loose ends and frayed dividends,

portraying care that has a flair
for going sour and stale,
compassion that cries in corners
as love suddenly collapses and grows frail.

Are our lives determined by the shadows
that plague our sorry pasts?
In this black void of a world,
is there truly a happiness that can ever last?

Cawing crows as black as tar,
pick and feast upon my naked soul...
it's alright though
'guess I'll never be fulfilled whole,

never have a girl, nor a family,
I'll probably die alone in these faded clothes in which I dress -

once upon a time I cared...

but now I just want out of this life that's a sorry mess...

Age Of Apostasy

I was born with the sun shining upon my skin
I was born into a world saturated with sin
pestilence shone, through his void grinned
for the second I broke from the womb the sky above dimmed

birthed not from a mother but a sick man
my coming heralded an end, the age of apostasy began -
those I loved killed by the evil inside
cursed by a Devils backbone, there was no where to hide

[but inside their minds]

now I live with the beautiful people and their screeching cries
I avoid their clumpy fingers, their black empty eyes,
vying for flesh and choking upon lungs of rubber
floating with a ghastly gracefulness that makes the north wind shudder

[bullet wounds
gunshot holes -]

with the devil inside I know only fear
knowing nothing of love, my soul bedridden and queer -

[maggots and live thriving
between fleshy folds]

in the distance a woman cries, piercing the silence like a bell

surely that can't be -
surely that can't be the scent of *** I smell?

Alas 'twas only wishful thinking, my pretence playing unfair,
the beautiful people finally had prey and were stripping her bones bare -

ruthless, ecstatic, bodies twisted and vile
clutching strips of flesh only then did they laugh and smile.

The Beautiful People & The Mannequins Of Plague

I walk amongst the beautiful people
hide my face within the shadows around,
with lungs of rubber and skin that's latex
they drift about our world without a sound

[so deliciously dark
twisted and vile
they grin from faces ghastly
rotting and puerile]

formerly they were perfect humans
whose selfishness strived for more,
so they re-constructed their bodies and faces
using skin harvested from the dead and poor

[bullet wounds
gunshot holes
maggots and lice thriving
between fleshy folds]

organs replaced with mechanical components
immortality sewn together with surgical stitches,
greed and jealousy bloomed inside our narrow minds
thus we began practicing the work of witches

but the stolen skin rotted upon their ancient bodies
leaving their yellowing, pestilent, bones bare -
to defy death plastic and rubber were used as replacements
but of mortality they were now forever aware

[clumpy fingers, bloodshot eyes
midnight dreams plagued with their shrieking cries]

for upon the pursuit of immortal living
we lost the people we once used to be -

now I flee their hungry gazes and grabbing fingers
living only with empty shadows for bittersweet company.

The Beautiful People II*

I add insult to injury and bleed into the glass
they've starved this world and left me 'til last,
only through alcohol and drugs can I truly escape
but now I sit here knowing it's all too little, too late,

I tried curing them with injections of compassion and remorse
alas they only mocked me with smiles that were forced,
with greedy eyes that lingered upon my untainted flesh
'twas clear their resentment was caustic, broodingly fresh

hating their bodies and all that could be seen
so precociously perfect, but with souls disgustingly unclean
infected with an obsession mutating into disease
humanity swallowed by the cravings they strived to appease

they are the Beautiful People, yes I have spoken of them before,
but I must mention their ghastly existence once forever more,
for now I have been abandoned in this world barren and dead
my body digests itself as my nose and ears drip red

I'm not well, my skin has grown pallid and lumpy
my fingers twisted, knobbly and clumpy
they scream in the night, they scream in my head
my mind polluted with the paranoia the drugs have bred //--

[come with me, take my hand
I will lead you to the promised land]

wind howling, breathing heavy, lazy
visions of hope going increasing hazy //--

oh please-

please-

listen to me before my conscience fully dies

whatever you do //-


DON'T LOOK INTO THEIR EYES!

THE THIN WHITE JOKE -

A martyr to love you can hear his cries
killing the joke he's always despised

bruised, battered, bloodied, broken
dwelling in the void where hope is woven

here are we; oblivious, transparently caring
blind to the torture at which we're staring
fooling him again, injecting pleasure into his silly brain
you do nothing but smile as he grows insane

what is it I should feel now
loss, anger, sorrow?
Is it normal to feel this uncaring
fixated on starting again tomorrow?

Here am I
eyes flashing in fury but without thunder
hot bathwater rising up my face
ears blind to the world I slip under

nothing but the muffled beats of my heart,
at first she was interested
but in bitterness now we part -

the 12am chimes call shrill and loud
in the pale lover's abyss he can be found
a figment of my ego, he's cold, pallid in state
stealing innocence he twists and pulls and manipulates

dressing in suits and designer attire
luring any woman that takes the time to admire
ignorant to society, forging his own fashion
dangerously devoid of any emotion or passion

sick from the sleep deprivation
sick of waking up with eyes bloodshot red

he collects the souls of his many lovers
sipping at their lives as their bodies lie frozen dead.

- THE PALLID BADROCK LOVER -

It's cold and dark but he no longer cares
probably safe to say he no longer feels
the lights are turned down dim
no sound 'xcept the wheeze of the wind outside

the walls are bare, at emptiness he stares
you only realise what you've lost when it's gone
nothing but half drunk cocktails and *******
within his callous pale facade he hides

what's done is done, but never forgiven
he gave it all, all of what could be given
they spat it back, threw it all in his face
now here he rots in isolation suspended in disgrace

conniving vultures they tore him apart
ridicule upon ridicule lashed upon his heart
bought them diamonds, gold, anything a woman could ever need
rather than love they acted out of jealousy and greed

---

once there were birds that sang at the start of every morn
right outside his bedroom window
oh how he regrets their sudden passing
their joyful tweets made this world seem so kind

now he wakes with a head crippled, a face tightly drawn
hunger being that of gnawing addiction
caring for nothing but the *Caviar and it's forbidden magic
helping him leave all the pain behind

guided like a train to its next station
total self-destruction his only destination

languishing in drugs, *******-out ***
that it was all his fault I guess
the Pallid Badrock Lover will never accept.

- THE FINAL STATION -

There he sat at the Grand Piano smoking a joint
eyes eclectic blue, narrowed to a point
a lover in season, expressing attraction in rays
woman after woman falling under his gaze

[Oh here are we, transparently caring]

shirt casually unbuttoned, chest bare, white
radiating beneath his own spotlight,
thinking he's adorable, pledging their hearts to him
with the grace of an Angel he takes them in

[ignorant to the torture at which we're staring]

a masochistic shark of society devoid of a fin
addled with ******* and getting under everyone's skin -
cutting with words sharp as razors
thanking the Lord and his many ******* saviours

hammering away at the keys he sings a song of pure devotion
whilst sorely lacking in any physiological emotion
failing to see beyond this act, succumbing to all he may ask
it's only when the drugs ran out did he accidentally drop his mask

only a quick slip but a slip was enough
the smooth facade suddenly becoming corrosive and rough

backing up from the devilish contempt that had flickered through his eyes

the crowd around him exploded in startled cries

a thin white joke he cares for nobody but himself

forever dwindling into the abyss of eternal ill-health

with a crashing bang he threw his glass to the floor
erupting with anger in a blistering roar

reaching
chasing
hands clenched into fists

laughing in the face of death he blows it a kiss

["ARGH!"]

falling to the floor

clutching his chest -

heart suddenly stopping dead and, well,

I suppose you can guess the rest.

*RIP

I add insult to injury and bleed into the glass
they've starved this world and left me 'til last,
only through alcohol and drugs can I truly escape
but now I sit here knowing it's all too little, too late,

I tried curing them with injections of compassion and remorse
alas they only mocked me with smiles that were forced,
with greedy eyes that lingered upon my untainted flesh
'twas clear their resentment was caustic, broodingly fresh

hating their bodies and all that could be seen
so precociously perfect, but with souls disgustingly unclean
infected with an obsession mutating into disease
humanity swallowed by the cravings they strived to appease

they are the Beautiful People, yes I have spoken of them before,
but I must mention their ghastly existence once forever more,
for now I have been abandoned in this world barren and dead
my body digests itself as my nose and ears drip red

I'm not well, my skin has grown pallid and lumpy
my fingers twisted, knobbly and clumpy
they scream in the night, they scream in my head
my mind polluted with the paranoia the drugs have bred //--

[come with me, take my hand
I will lead you to the promised land]

wind howling, breathing heavy, lazy
visions of hope going increasing hazy //--

oh please-

please-

listen to me before my conscience fully dies

whatever you do //-


DON'T LOOK INTO THEIR EYES!

I walk amongst the beautiful people
hide my face within the shadows around,
with lungs of rubber and skin that's latex
they drift about our world without a sound

[so deliciously dark
twisted and vile
they grin from faces ghastly
rotting and puerile]

formerly they were perfect humans
whose selfishness strived for more,
so they re-constructed their bodies and faces
using skin harvested from the dead and poor

[bullet wounds
gunshot holes
maggots and lice thriving
between fleshy folds]

organs replaced with mechanical components
immortality sewn together with surgical stitches,
greed and jealousy bloomed inside our narrow minds
thus we began practicing the work of witches

but the stolen skin rotted upon their ancient bodies
leaving their yellowing, pestilent, bones bare -
to defy death plastic and rubber were used as replacements
but of mortality they were now forever aware

[clumpy fingers, bloodshot eyes
midnight dreams plagued with their shrieking cries]

for upon the pursuit of immortal living
we lost the people we once used to be -

now I flee their hungry gazes and grabbing fingers
living only with empty shadows for bittersweet company.