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Jan 2017 · 403
The Pale God
Lexander J Jan 2017
A subject of a black disinterest
from the corrupted mind of perverse ******,

he's a key that's opened up my sorry thoughts
a narcissistic God that warps and distorts

a pale tyrant absent in the cold light of day
instead he leaves me only with sorrow to play
it's when the sunlight dies and the darkness consumes
that his spell awakens and fully exhumes

abstaining filthy needs I meander to the pool of obscurity
in the dark corners of the Web seemingly lies security
interacting with my dark desires, I cannot think,
from the cup of a personal Judas do I slowly drink

everyone around is dying, my ego I have hidden
everybody makes mistakes but can a God be forgiven
for unable to punish others I'm punishing myself
terrified of the future that is confusion and ill health -

if I succumb will he be merciful and grudgingly help
steal the other's pain and inflict it upon myself?

Or will he plunder my soul for my most lurid temptations
and fill my world with the void of his true destructive intentions?
Dec 2016 · 413
Au Revior Moth-Girl
Lexander J Dec 2016
The best kept secret is the fact you've never known
I've suffocated the truth but like a disease it's grown,
you're the only thing that's kept me going, but my love's taken,
tied to something that's not true and I'm breaking

funny, caring, eyes that laugh and shine
heart aching because I know you'll never be mine,
an evening star, sweet sweet beauty in everything you do,
never truly knowing how happy I am when I see you

inside I'm rotting, subjugated by my own poisonous ego
caring for what's best for me, an alien not to this world but freedom,
wallowing in self-pity and alcoholic drinks, for
some reason I've found I actually care what you think -

what is love and why do we really need it?
The greatest drug of all, romantic junkies always looking for a bigger hit,
I'm sure you'll find someone and I wish you both good luck and good health -
but please please know I still wish I could've done something else.
Dec 2016 · 336
Hunger
Lexander J Dec 2016
Pour more sugar on my wounds
in the mid of night your face still exhumes
thought I'd cut the cord, forget you exist,
but even bleeding my desire insists

inside I hide a heart of pure arsenic
the most poisonous persona, nobody denies it,
but now you've turned against me I've tasted the pain I spread,
obsessive dispositions I can't get out of my head

it's like an itch under the skin that just won't go away
I've got to have you, in every way -
thoughts of your body lingering upon my lips
a ravenous dog that just wants a kiss

the taste of your flesh, of your hair, the feel of your soft skin
this jittery malevolence that hungers within,
I'll devour your beauty, taint and manipulate your trust,
oh baby, I'm just a filthy predator led by lust.
Dec 2016 · 551
Night, My New Killer Star
Lexander J Dec 2016
When the moon descends and takes you in it's grasp
knowing you must go but still you ask,
swallowed by the bloated night sky, the promise of a future near gone,
but in the darkness your hope still shone

I love you, and so does everyone else
oh what I'd give to steal your degrading health
asking the Lord why, why can't he just set you free
why did he give you cancer when he could've given it to me?

I've lived 20 years of life and experienced it all,
you're only 15 and are yet to discover more,
the unfairness is sickening, unjust and cruel,
but heartbreak seems to be life's golden rule

our loving god has taken everything before my eyes
ignorant to the pain and suffering, ignorant to my mother's cries
now here I am, breaking up over pathetic thoughts and creases
as the Pariah of Death blows our lives to pieces.

*[soon to be glittering in the nights sky above, a distant world afar,
your voice singing upon the wind - good night my new killer star]
Today my sister was diagnosed with cancer.
Lexander J Dec 2016
Tate and Lyle were the very best of brothers
but one hid a secret unbeknownst to others,
for Tate had hidden a sick infatuation since the age of 10,
a ***** manifestation that had evolved into ****** pleasure with men

alas Lyle had known this for quite a while
in more ways than one he was manipulative and vile,
distancing his brother from the rest of the sugar pack
his sanity twisted from the overbearing secret strapped to his back

oh is homosexuality completely incorrect?
A taboo subject only understood by the superior intellect -
sugar cubes don't have brains, but they are cunning,
for when the spoon came, Lyle trapped his brother as the others fled running

and as the pendulumns of time did eventually sway
Lyle allowed his brother to be taken on the spoon up up and away,
and 'twas sallow anger, not sorrow, Lyle felt,
his sugar crystals bristling as he saw his sibling slowly drown and melt.
Dec 2016 · 639
The Perfectionists
Lexander J Dec 2016
Sashes on the pavement, lovers in a ditch
singing their own love songs in the highest pitch,
the Heartbreak City banks, full of disgusting ****** and tramps -
welcome to your new Empire of dust, forever lit beneath low phosphour lamps

strutting down those streets with your hands on your hips
filthy smile smeared over those tempestuous lips,
stinking of the latest high maintenance fragrance
the ****** arrogance that flips and fits

the hottest ***** I've ever seen
from a nobody to the penultimate Killer Queen,
champagne, diamonds, expensive tastes,
spending money on luxuries and other waste

oh I love your exotic ideas, your shattering impatient thoughts
spreading the *** craze that warps and distorts,
your people slumber in poverty, weep at your knees
instead of mercy you gift them with drug addiction and disease

children crying upon high streets
lawyers demanding prostitutes for tax receipts -

oh here they come -

the worst is un-seen

oh here they come -

both unjust and un-clean

the beautiful people are mannequins and they hide in shadows
birthed from ****** within Satan's abysmal gallows
clicking fingernails rotted and curled
whispering everything makes sense in a senseless world -

this perfection is not what it used to be
your quest is useless, for can't you see -
the beautiful people are plague, and they hide behind trees
and sooner or later they'll catch you, steal and contort your dreams.
Lexander J Nov 2016
Herbert O' Doyle was a very simple man. Simplistic in his ways, simplistic in his tastes, he believed all good things in life were earned, rather than gained. You would think a rich man of his stature in his early 60's could sit back, put his feet up and relax. But Herbert despised the idea, for he was one to never be seen doing nothing - as he often quotes, doing nothing 'made his teeth itch'.

No, Herb was always doing something; from building new furniture to tending to the gardens, he was up and about 24/7. So much so, people who visited his Manor grounds surmised he ran on clockwork, an unfeeling machine unable to do nothing but grind on methodically through the day. Sadly, what the people didn't realise is that he was, in fact, at the mercy of his obsessive compulsive disorder - his own snarling little demon he'd had to live with for his whole life. If the hedges were not trimmed perfectly, the demon would snarl. If one of the visitor rooms looked too empty, the demon would snarl. If, goodness, a spoon was laid out of line, the demon would snarl, make his head whirl, only in correcting the anomaly would stop it gnawing at his stomach.

There was one advantage to having OCD, however, and that was he knew every corner and cranny of both the O' Doyle Mansion and the gardens outside. Well, that was what he'd thought, anyway.

For upon the morning of Saturday the 2nd August 2016, Herbert discovered a secret his predecessors had hidden, even from himself. A secret that defied common knowledge and that had probably brought about his late family's considerate wealth.

A secret that he would later come to wish he'd never known.

- - -

It was by sheer accident he'd discovered the shed. Upon clearing out the weeds and grasses that had started clogging the miniature river that ran through the gardens, he had slipped, tumbled into the water, and been left facing the back end of the river. The fall wasn't severe enough to hurt him, but enough to dislodge a few rocks in the river bank's side.

At first he saw nothing but dead leaves, mud and moss covered sandstone, but upon further inspection his eyes came across a sharp glint that caught in the sun's glare. To him it looked like a metal plate, or maybe a blade, rusted up and stained near beyond recognition. But, it was unmistakably metal. And whatever it was, it was horrifically out of place.

To say that it had been purely compulsion, not curiosity, that had led Herb to clear off the mud and rock from the bank could possibly be a lie - but to say that curiosity had not proceeded him to open the metal door behind definitely is. For as soon as Herb saw the sand chewn handle his mind immediately wanted to know what was beyond. And before he even knew what he was doing, the door was open and he was climbing inside.

- - -

It turned out the door led directly to a series of catacombs beneath the Manor grounds - something Herb had been completely oblivious to. Ever since a child he had lived here, brought up with his parents, shown the many secrets that hid within the grounds by his late father.

All apart from this one.

His father had disappeared long ago, his mother explaining that he'd found another woman and had left. Herb hadn't believed that, from the almost desperate plea in his mother's eyes to the fact he knew his father had loved his family, he couldn't help but think of it as a lie. And up until now, he had dismissed that thought - for if his father hadn't run away, where was he? But finding this cavern of wandering tunnels, he realised maybe his gut instinct had been right all along; could his father have got lost in these tunnels, unable to escape and subsequently died?

Or maybe he was still here, alive but not quite living.

Herb had shivered at that point. Thinking such thoughts in a dimly lit place like this would only cause his minds to play tricks. If he lost his head, or his way, he would never get back.

There was a very real danger he would suffer the same fate others down here probably had.

He shook his head, cleared the thoughts, and walked on - tirelessy trundling along until he finally came to a dead end where the rocky walls collided together.

- - -

What he'd found was far beyond amazing. Where the walls had closed together someone had crudely chiseled out a door way, 6ft high with a curved arch reminiscent of victorian architecture. The method was clumsy, the jagged stone sharp and even dangerously dagger-like in places. Just like teeth guarding a gaping mouth.

When Herb had finally gone through that doorway he had entered a vast hall, supported by limestone pillars, half eroded, and a floor lined with smooth granite slabs. The air inside was musky, almost miasmic, and stale. The very atmosphere itself was of death, as if the very oxygen that it consisted of had deceased. Even the stone walls resembled long abandoned corpses.

But these things Herb quickly disregarded, for lined in two perfect rows down both sides of the hall were twelve golden statues, sun-kissed and glinting amber in the light of his torch.

There were six on either side, some missing arms, other devoid of heads, but what tied all these masterpieces together was the deliberate attention to detail. And that they were all female.

He could pick out the minute hairs upon their bare arms, the slight bumps under the skin where the arteries knotted around their wrists. For those with heads, their hair flew out around them, as if caught in a summer breeze, and, most fascinatingly, Herb could gaze into their eyes and see the brushed lines of the iris and the miniscule veins around the edge of their sockets. The attention was precocious, compulsively perfect, and the result was dazzlingly beautiful.

When he'd eventually torn his eyes away from the statues, Herb's gaze fell upon the dankly lit shed sat right at the back of the hall. It was ugly, falling apart in places and obviously riddled with wood rot. Surrounded by the statues of gold, it looked sorely out of place, like a stray dog that's wandered onto a Crufts show.

Not even realising, he started towards it, by-passing the statues and their grimacing faces, instinctively seeking to open the shed door and peer inside. Why would this be down here? The sculptures are unexplainable but having a garden shed locked deep in some catacombs is even stranger. Maybe it's owner forgot about it... or wanted no one to ever find it.

And that's when he realised something was stuck to the bottom of his shoe, stopping him merely a few yards from the shed. Reaching down, he ripped it off and opened it up, the sprawling hand writing instantly denoting it was a note of some kind.

Ignorant to the sudden wind behind him that wheezed through the archway, Herbert started to read the final words of his long lost father.
- - -
1st story of my 'Tales from the Otherside' book - it's not finished yet.
Nov 2016 · 818
Amber Hues Of Hope
Lexander J Nov 2016
Aging adolescent, can you hear my cries
feeling the love that for years I've despised,
seeking happiness now finally it's here
ah, but how to mend a shattered heart that's no longer there

she's perfect, she's warm, funny, caring
seeing the good at the darkness she's staring
her eyes sparkle, a beauty that can't be sold
but still inside I hide, rotten, worthless and cold  

I've ascended my throne of isolation and barbed wire
for she took my hand and led me higher
blinded by the world above I gagged, I choked
an exfoliation of pure adoration, the amber hues of hope,

our passion burned deep as the crimson sands of Mars
she grabbed my dying self and raised me to the stars,
but now it kills me whenever I'm not around her
for upon that night I've simply never been happier

the past may be full of stagnant memories and regret
but hopefully I'll forge new ones that for the right reasons I won't forget
gazing upon life and for once I've found I care -
this world is an amazing one, if you have someone with you to share.
Oct 2016 · 452
Superstar Of Disdain
Lexander J Oct 2016
I want to thank you friends, wanna thank you family
for burning my dreams, filling me with verbal dysentery
my thoughts never hated, I'd hoped you'd known
If I'd gotten my own way all the people would be gone

they said they wanted freedom, said they wanted hope
so using chloroform I choked
their pretty little mouths, ignorant to the pleas
desperate panic running down their knees

I'm the god of extortion, of twisted violence and distortion
a pathetic lie, a ******* let down
sat atop the throne of shattered dreams,
rusty nails and surgical wire my makeshift crown

falling in love with thy blackened abnormality
cauterizing the exposed wound of human morality


they say God loves you, say he's always there
I say God disgusts me, he never ******* cared -
pariahs of false dreams, society's preaching rejects,
building holy structures of false promise and respect

the antithesis to every moral you've been told
if God were alive I'd shoot him lifeless, bang bang, cold

oh yeah I'm the designer of death, the superstar of disdain,
killing in the name of love so others never feel my pain.
Lexander J Oct 2016
Seeing from eyes bloodshot and marred
my tongue twisted, acrid and charred,
the thoughts seeth like despotic marauders
jack-knifing from station to station, my pretty little disorders

I bleached my teeth and hair today, no reason
a ****** predator my sin's in full season
fleeing the past and all that may cause pain
indulging in chemical filth to mask the disdain

when the black sky opens up and swallows you whole
you begin to realise that home is not home
you burn the old photos, from the memories you run,
forgetting who you really are, mistaking death for fun -

have you ever fallen so ******* hard
that you can't breath for days
have you ever been kept awake at night
so that when dawn comes it's a washed out haze?

I've branded Senseless onto my skin
so that I'm reminded no matter how much I care I'll never win,

my mind a cavern full of decaying stories and flesh,

oh sweet baby Alex, good night and God bless.
Oct 2016 · 308
The Origin Of Badrock
Lexander J Oct 2016
Give me a reason why I should still breathe
explain what it is I should still believe -
all is not worthless, carry on even though it stings
is it not true that I had the Angel but broke her wings?

Oh here are we, one trans-androgynous moment in time
burying their dissident egos I over-inflated mine -

I'm sorry, but does my face show some sort of care?
You should know by now the world's both selfish and unfair

It doesn't need no explanations or excuses
reality is both exquisite and abusive,
as mere mortals how can we claim complete control
relying on hearts where spite hath grown?

Here are we, stood before the changing tide
rather than leap at the opportunity my heart simply sighs

Confusion! Confusion! Clarity where hath thou gone?

All is cold and dark, oh Lord why do I feel so alone?

Alas I sit alone beneath the stars
revealing both physical and emotional scars

the chance to start again has finally arisen

but do I still want to live in this world so disgustingly sin-ridden?
Sep 2016 · 445
I'm Designer!
Lexander J Sep 2016
Roll up, there's another piece on sale
of rotted trendyness, in absence it prevails
sitting atop the throne of a plucky survivor
my mind useless, my body designer

I'm not a hero, I'm not a ***** - probably both
changing skin like fashion, both corrupt and gross -
oh do you like my hair, my bulging ****** excess?
I moisturised my face today with feaces and ground insects

eyes diamonds swamped in a pool of lies
followed by a scent of longing whilst inside swarms flies
thinking we know beauty, we ****** for fear others will take
but on the outside its easy to fabricate, to fake

I smell of roses today, oh yes I'm soo exquisite
killing in the name of love, juvenile and disgustingly delinquent
destroying myself to create a new persona I can own
but how can you have something that's already gone

one thousand suits I have with no happiness to show
I'll sell you a million, it's in desperation greed grows,
smiling sweetly as I descend into the land of sensual dreams
whilst inside my morality fits and screams

there's another piece on sale
no longer fashionable but frail
dragged from the tears of an unlucky survivor,
my mind's useless, my body bedazzling

*oh I'm designer!
Sep 2016 · 525
Please, Last Chance
Lexander J Sep 2016
God look upon me, I so need you right now,
reveal your love, oh please please show me how,
I can't fight past this festering wall of decay
I'm tired, aching and lonely, I won't make it any other way

this heart you gave me is desperately ill
without your strength I'll wake in the morn to it still,
never have I had such luck with love, oh why,
do I find myself falling asleep begging to fade away, to die

you can't stop the tears that will no longer come
cupid's fell from grace, swapping his bow for a gun
and now here I stand as the moon lights up the callous skies
surrounded by deceit and pathetic lies

seeking reverence within cigarette smoke, my ignorance deadly to some
caring less and less, I think my time has come
to either forget the past and look to the future ahead
or to wallow in the self-pity that bloats my head

I'm so sorry for everything I've done wrong
I'm selfish, I'm self-loathing, I don't deserve it but for forgiveness I long -
my sanity is twisting, my honesty it crucifies and bends
for it seems any happiness I ever find goes away in the end

I'm not stupid, I know this is my last dance

oh Lord I'm begging you, please, give me another chance
Sep 2016 · 312
Sorrow
Lexander J Sep 2016
Please tell me my Lord
if I have something to live for,
oh help me dear God
my sanity pertains but my hope thaws

hello there silence
you old friend,
you make me seek reflection
when happiness is at end

but I'm afraid my vision's blurred
I can no longer fight
the strength I was proud of is gone
images of the future erased forever from my sight

I've ran my body through the mechanical grinder
that is this thing we call life
now here I sat upon my throne of despair
surrounded by shattered thoughts and empty strife

too many times did you puncture
the throbbing ***** that is my heart
if this is the nearest I'll get to heaven
then I guess I'd rather be dead from the start

I'm not living but surviving
disillusioned by what everything seems
so please please dear God, tonight when I sleep,
allow me to escape to the world that exists only in my dreams.
Sep 2016 · 418
I've Got A Feelin'
Lexander J Sep 2016
I've got this feeling in my bones
it makes my eyes wiggle and it makes my lungs shake -
I've got this nuance inside my body, oh
it makes my voice giggle, oh baby put on the brakes

I said ah, don't shoot -

I said yes, darlin' let's dance to the roof

Oh!

I've got this tingle deep on my insides
the music jives and it makes my **** sway
oh baby let me take you to the vertigo hillside
of brash disillusionment, I'll take you all the way -

I said ah, no don't shoot
I said yes yes darlin' let's dance to the roof

Oh!

I've got this excitement deep in my body
you thrash your hips, you tease and you pray
you beg the God of my fascist inner core
pouting those lips, hoping under the stars I'll take you away

asking questions we know the answers to
what is love, hah who really cares
I've got this snazzy feeling inside I just can't hide, oh
take off those heels and follow me up the stairs!
Trying something different!
Aug 2016 · 317
Sensitive Beauty
Lexander J Aug 2016
She's dainty
she's dark
she's serious but doesn't care
her skin silk white
eyes unjust yet fair

her voice whispers
with a hint of charmed humour
ignoring the catcalls
and all the rumours

oblivious to a lie that's sordid
dispelling anything destructive or morbid
a sensitive beauty watching from eyes electro-blue
whenever she speaks my heart jumps en-que

I'm not sure what attracts me to her side
any longing or passion she seems to hide
is that chemistry, I ask myself, or just friendship
curiosity dragging me out of that blackened pit

for I withdrew into my mind and a world of horrors
chasms in my brain feeling like long lost corridors
I forgot what it is to love others and myself
floating in the void of ill health

alas, I looked into her eyes and saw light
the eternally absent stranger, arcane, bright
thought the end was nigh but is this a fresh beginning?
It's hard to see who's losing and who's winning -

she's dainty
she's dark
she's serious yet fair -
I don't care where she is
I just want to be next to her, right there.
Aug 2016 · 309
Fury
Lexander J Aug 2016
Old friend, I've just killed a man
painted my spirit ****** red, cut the cord now it's dead

Oh adios dear friends, it's the final half of the show
the Thin White Joke is here and now it's time to go

desperation lingers, unwanted and with regret
I'm sure with time I will forget
but I look at the flowers, unfeeling but born to be free
holding against the tide, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
born just to be

what have I done, destroying my only ally
leaving this carapace wounded and fragile
I'm standing against the tide, simply
created not to live but to survive

what's the point in this world
born to suffer
with your ghastly grace
you smother;
homeless eat from bins
the wealthy flounder in their sins
morality bruised battered swollen
dwelling in the void where hope is woven


I cannot see what I cannot forget
a society sickened and upset
bouncing flouncing to the point of no return
in their graves the unholy turn

and turn -

and turn -

So do you think you can lean and spit in my eyes?
You think you can tarnish me with your pathetic lies?
Oh lady, sweet sweet lady -

I was born to be alive
I was born to hurt
I was born to sin and look up skirts
I'm a man, I'm a man
can't you see I'm on the edge
of psychopathic health and sweet nothingness

the birds are there to fly
tears made just to cry
one caring/hatred abomination
jackhammering from station to station

I care not what you think
nor what you say
infact I care not for you in any way -


the flowers were born uncaring and free
but now the world lags, cut
finally -
finally it no longer matters to me.
Aug 2016 · 1.3k
IS; Idiosyncratic Stupidity
Lexander J Aug 2016
Fleeting eyes of despotic marauders
desensitised clones bound to extremist orders
martyrs to a God non-existent, fake
pretending to liberate but instead they take

bone and flesh flying like bits of confetti
killing anything be it two or twenty
spreading their faith with blade and explosive
ideologies sickening, unjust and corrosive

unsung heroes, are we forever in their debt?
Their sordid acts spilling blood, tears and sweat -
tell me Radical, does God really give a sh*t
whether the bullet from your gun misses or hits?

They care for no one but themselves and their kind
stomping upon our future and leaving destruction behind -

watch out my friend, any stranger could be one of them
for its not a matter of 'if' but a matter of when.
Aug 2016 · 1.2k
Deaths First Kiss
Lexander J Aug 2016
Plastic bags with bombs in
distorted lies addled with sin
gunfire, controversy, gay meditation
Deaths first kiss gripping the nation

Europe in disarray, refugees fleeing war
people battle for their identities behind makeshift walls
grey stained weatherfronts, conflict that's never dead
panic reverberating as our streets run red

oh old friend what has the world become
infatuated with power massacre reigns beneath the sun
ignorant to the future our forebearers fought for
we blow each other up as sanity thaws

but amidst the battles, bloodshed and gore
hope still blooms, albeit crippled for
the answer's simple that'll leave all this behind;

*nurture your own faith and I will mine.
Aug 2016 · 460
Little Wonder
Lexander J Aug 2016
I paint on my face a smile with gaunt eyes
let the thick black paint run as I then cry,
powerless, hopeful, juvenile and woeful
mouthing lyrics full of idolisation and little wonder

It wasn't what I'd confessed
intoxicated with *****, both cursed yet blessed
a Pariah of the teen age, from twisted adolescence reborn
weeping as pride lies at my feet soiled and torn

cross-dressing to impress the mirrors
using the inner freak to abstain my filthy measures
verging upon the cusp of a downward abyss
of severe mental health and nothingness

through smoke my vision's blurred
self respect depreciated and curdled
killing the strength that carried me through
looking at my reflection and thinking oh

you lil' wonder -
you lil' wonder, you
Jul 2016 · 327
Sanguine
Lexander J Jul 2016
Quietness caresses the Tulips,
the Roses all stand in abstinence,
the colours muted,
their leaves dripping with silence.

The wind's kissing the tears
that are running down my featureless face -
in an ageing body life departs
as death slowly takes it place.

Breath of an Angel,
catching as it sticks in the tide,
crumble does the rotten wall
behind which manipulation hides -

Pursed lips bloodied but clean,
one incarnadine stained soul
so beautifully sanguine

a single Ivory Rose, extracted
from the sweet substance of prayers,

choking and dying,
suffocating in a world that no longer cares,

standing its ground,
silently doing its hidden duty,

failing the infallible
being it's true blackened beauty.
Jul 2016 · 343
Ignorance Of An Insaniac
Lexander J Jul 2016
There's a difference in his eyes I cannot see
the thought of letting loose, of setting him free
enough to churn the stomach, to gurgle, to rile
his ammonic state of mind corrosive and vile

he lives his life surrounded by taunts and mistrust
hiding deviacy beneath lies and thick dust
the remnants of normality obscured but still there
he hears their cries but no longer cares

desperation desperation where hath thou gone
skin pallid upon where the sun once shone
***** cakes the carpet, blood up the walls
bits of babies and adult men strewn through the halls -

[Listen! Listen! Can you hear that sound?
It's the sound of your ignorance, of morality unwound]


I sat down today and looked into the mirror
through a curtain of cigarette smoke,
I never used to indulge in such filth
a fool to sin, guess I deserve to cough, to choke

there's a jittery malevolence within I can feel
with every tickety-tick-tock of the clock something unreels -
a prisoner to the past, I revel in divine incense
of pathetic excuses and irreverent adolescence

he's inside me now, there's nothing I can do
it's the way of the world, my little flower bloom I grew
now I'll nurture it, feed it, watch him flourish
then maybe someday I'll finally be ******* noticed.
Jun 2016 · 1.4k
Untitled
Lexander J Jun 2016
By the time he got out of the front door the morning sun had fully risen. Surrounding it lay a sea of blue sky, light coloured and peppered here and there with trails of white left from distant airplanes. The birds sang in the trees, all in harmony, and a light breeze whispered, left over from the night before.

As he jumped into his car, a dusty red little Citroën, he realised that in his rushed efforts to get ready he'd put his shoes on the wrong feet. A little while ago he'd seen a documentary based on people with abnormal deformities, and there had been an American 30-something year old with two right feet. Right now, looking at his shoes, he looked a little like him; all he needed now was a group of cameras and a well-spoken, polished presenter pretending to care but really just thinking about the paycheck at the end of night. He figured all TV presenters were pretentious, fixated on climbing up the great showbiz ladder rather than helping those in need.

He grabbed them off, scuffed black business shoes to match his tattered jeans and faded blue shirt, and swapped them over. Once both shoes were on correct, he lit up a smoke and set off down the road.

Ahead of him was Lancaster Road, a sprawling stretch of asphalt tarmac that served as the primary mode of navigation through Manchester. If you were to turn left it would take you all the way into the main city, and also a stodge of backed-up traffic, and, if you chose right, to the quiet town of Penitence which was where his works was based. Going right would technically be quicker, as the road to the left led to a series of zig zag-like curves where the road layout had been forced to compensate for the huge cliff several miles to the north. That being said, Will almost always chose left, as the dual carriageway that branched off Lancaster Road was always jammed up with traffic, comprising mainly of angry motorists and haulage lorries driving in from the east. Choosing right would easily add three quarters of an hour onto his journey, and quite frankly he'd rather stare at a wall than be surrounded by blaspheming mouths and ugly red faces.

This time however he went right, joining the steady stream of cars that were already beginning to slow down. There was no apparent reason for this, for over 4 years he must have consistently turned left every morning, but today his mind had thrown a curveball - albeit a stupid one. Already running late, it had chosen to go on the longest route possible.

Good work there mate, brilliant.


50mph - 45mph - 40mph

The speedometer slowly crept down, the shudder of the lower gears gradually increasing. Clouds had now gathered in the sky, not quite bloated nor dark enough to threaten rain but it was enough to dull the sunshine into a pale, white, glow. He was now going slow enough to see the bits of clutter and ******* - discarded newspapers, cans, broken bottles - littering the pavement. Then it suddenly gave way to a rudimentary dirt road and steel crash barriers as he approached the dual carriageway.

35mph - 30mph - 25mph

Sighing, he fumbled for the radio and flicked it on, momentarily averting his gaze from the road to the numbered buttons, tuning for a station.

--- Ssssshhhh ---

Nothing but static.

**** radio! If only I could -

When he glanced up his heart nearly stopped - directly ahead of him, on the highway, stood a man. He stood with his back toward Wills car, shoulders slumped, stock still.

What-?!

Will froze as the car lurched on, the distance between the bonnet and the mans body rapidly closing. No thought came into his brain, his legs distant from his body as if untethered.

Nothing but numbness.

The future series of events played like a stop motion video inside his mind; finding the brakes and jamming them down - only too little, too late. The old man would first lean as the bumper pressed into his lower back, then snap sickeningly in half, the momentum of the car causing his body to jackhammer up the bonnet and roll over the back of the car. There he would fall once again onto the road, spine splintered and blood soaking through his shirt into a puddle on the tarmac.

STOP! Will stop the **** car!!!

He smashed the brakes down and closed his eyes.

Although the first thing taught in driving lessons is to never close your eyes, particularly during an emergency stop, the overwhelming panic threw his nerves into a spasm, and in that split second everything he was told - brake hard, clutch down, don't let the car stall - was forgotten in an instant. He knew what he should do, knew that if the wheels were even slightly turned he could cause the car to skid, or worse, flip.

Brake down, clutch down, engine off, a mantra his instructor had once sang on one of his first lessons. Will had a feeling that if Ruth Carotene could see him, see this, now she'd have some sort of coronary, or maybe an aneurysm. She'd always been set in her ways of teaching, starting each lesson going through her seemingly endless list of checkpoints, and this right here smashed every single rule she'd taught him.
Break, clutch, engine off -
Eyes, open your eyes
He did, the windscreen before him doubling for a second. His heart was pounding away, nervous sweat lining his forehead and arms. The car had stopped, and in his dumb paralysis he hadn't the faintest idea how much it had skid. Safe to say it hadn't flipped over though, unless he was upside down and didn't realise it.
Nope, the sky is still above me, he observed, and it was then he also saw the fat bald-headed guy rapping his hands against the drivers side window. The world washed back slowly, the sun white and the air filled wit beeps and the Ssssshhhhhh static of the radio. He lowered the window, allowing the honking horns to fully enter and consume the inside of the car.
"What the hell are you playing at? I nearly ran into the back of you!" the bald guy barked at him, his pudgy face both pale and angry. Will glanced in the rear view mirror and saw about a dozen or so more cars behind him, scowling faces and gesturing hands sending out messages far from morning greetings or amicable hello's.
"Sorry... There was someone in the road," he croaked, pointing to the blank space in front. Empty, nothing there.
Can't be, he was right there! Stood right there! For a second he thought the figure had been an apparition, or maybe hadn't been there all along, merely a figment of his tired mind. That's when his gaze shifted to the opposite side of the road and the mis-shapen entity clambering over the crash barrier. Whoever it was, they had crossed the road while Will had been in his daze, and it was now he could fully see it in it's ghastly glory.
"I must be ****** blind 'cause to me there ain't nobody there -"
Grotesque was the only word he could think of to describe it. Under the pallid glow of the sun its skin glistened sick-white, partially covered by a tattered grey t-shirt that billowed in the wind like torn flags. It wore shorts, also grey, it's long stick-like legs poking out like splintered tooth picks. And it's face, oh God that face. He only caught a vague view as it glanced over its shoulder, but what he saw reminded him of the ghouls that would creep out of the crypts, the nightmarish beings that stalked late night TV shows such as the Twilight Zone seeking fresh flesh to feast on. But it was human alright - it's normal, albeit disintegrating, clothing the only sign of its former non-twisted self.
Oh God -
"Hey, are you even listening? There ain't no one there *******!"
Will faced the guy, now stood so close his flabby face nearly poked through the window, and then back to the crash barrier. The fiend was gone, much to his relief.
"Sorry it must have been a bird or something, I'm really really sorry mate I thought it was a man, or a kid."
"Yeah yeah whatever, just get going and get out of my way." With that he stormed off, only stopping briefly to exchange disapproving looks with the car behind him. He drove a black sports-like car, probably a Vauxhall, and Will briefly wondered how such a small car could carry an overweight ******* like that.
*******, he muttered to himself as he restarted the engine. Turns out he'd let the car stall as well.
Back to school I guess, what would dear old Ruth say?
Setting off was easy, the fat guy overtook him almost instantly, slamming his horn as he went, but looking over to where the misfit had been was not. He wanted to look, to check in case it hadn't really gone away and was instead lurking, contorting it's swollen lips into a grin.
Grinning at him.
"Gooood evening listeners, this is RADIO XFM!"
Halfway down the radio finally clicked on, interrupting his line of thought - quite mercifully, if he was being honest. The sight of that thing not only made him feel uneasy, but he also couldn't shake off the feeling of foreboding as well. Like it was some sort of warning, a sign.
Of what?
[smashing glass smashing]
He didn't know, didn't dare to think, and as he cantered down the carriageway in the steady stream of traffic he sat silently, the radio singing out its tunes like an uninvited guest. It was an oldie that was on, maybe Boston or Bowie, he wasn't sure, but as it played on he sat in silence, the shadows in the car cutting harsh lines into his face.
Lexander J Jun 2016
By the time he got out of the front door the morning sun had fully risen. Surrounding it lay a sea of blue sky, light coloured and peppered here and there with trails of white left from distant airplanes. The birds sang in the trees, all in harmony, and a light breeze whispered, left over from the night before.

As he jumped into his car, a dusty red little Citroën, he realised that in his rushed efforts to get ready he'd put his shoes on the wrong feet. A little while ago he'd seen a documentary based on people with abnormal deformities, and there had been an American 30-something year old with two right feet. Right now, looking at his shoes, he looked a little like him; all he needed now was a group of cameras and a well-spoken, polished presenter pretending to care but really just thinking about the paycheck at the end of night. He figured all TV presenters were pretentious, fixated on climbing up the great showbiz ladder rather than helping those in need.

He grabbed them off, scuffed black business shoes to match his tattered jeans and faded blue shirt, and swapped them over. Once both shoes were on correct, he lit up a smoke and set off down the road.

Ahead of him was Lancaster Road, a sprawling stretch of asphalt tarmac that served as the primary mode of navigation through Manchester. If you were to turn left it would take you all the way into the main city, and also a stodge of backed-up traffic, and, if you chose right, to the quiet town of Penitence which was where his works was based. Going right would technically be quicker, as the road to the left led to a series of zig zag-like curves where the road layout had been forced to compensate for the huge cliff several miles to the north. That being said, Will almost always chose left, as the dual carriageway that branched off Lancaster Road was always jammed up with traffic, comprising mainly of angry motorists and haulage lorries driving in from the east. Choosing right would easily add three quarters of an hour onto his journey, and quite frankly he'd rather stare at a wall than be surrounded by blaspheming mouths and ugly red faces.

This time however he went right, joining the steady stream of cars that were already beginning to slow down. There was no apparent reason for this, for over 4 years he must have consistently turned left every morning, but today his mind had thrown a curveball - albeit a stupid one. Already running late, it had chosen to go on the longest route possible.

Good work there mate, brilliant.


50mph - 45mph - 40mph

The speedometer slowly crept down, the shudder of the lower gears gradually increasing. Clouds had now gathered in the sky, not quite bloated nor dark enough to threaten rain but it was enough to dull the sunshine into a pale, white, glow. He was now going slow enough to see the bits of clutter and ******* - discarded newspapers, cans, broken bottles - littering the pavement. Then it suddenly gave way to a rudimentary dirt road and steel crash barriers as he approached the dual carriageway.

35mph - 30mph - 25mph

Sighing, he fumbled for the radio and flicked it on, momentarily averting his gaze from the road to the numbered buttons, tuning for a station.

--- Ssssshhhh ---

Nothing but static.

**** radio! If only I could -

When he glanced up his heart nearly stopped - directly ahead of him, on the highway, stood a man. He stood with his back toward Wills car, shoulders slumped, stock still.

What-?!

Will froze as the car lurched on, the distance between the bonnet and the mans body rapidly closing. No thought came into his brain, his legs distant from his body as if untethered.

Nothing but numbness.

The future series of events played like a stop motion video inside his mind; finding the brakes and jamming them down - only too little, too late. The old man would first lean as the bumper pressed into his lower back, then snap sickeningly in half, the momentum of the car causing his body to jackhammer up the bonnet and roll over the back of the car. There he would fall once again onto the road, spine splintered and blood soaking through his shirt into a puddle on the tarmac.

STOP! Will stop the **** car!!!

He smashed the brakes down and closed his eyes.

Although the first thing taught in driving lessons is to never close your eyes, particularly during an emergency stop, the overwhelming panic threw his nerves into a spasm, and in that split second everything he was told - brake hard, clutch down, don't let the car stall - was forgotten in an instant. He knew what he should do, knew that if the wheels were even slightly turned he could cause the car to skid, or worse, flip.

Brake down, clutch down, engine off, a mantra his instructor had once sang on one of his first lessons. Will had a feeling that if Ruth Carotene could see him, see this, now she'd have some sort of coronary, or maybe an aneurysm. She'd always been set in her ways of teaching, starting each lesson going through her seemingly endless list of checkpoints, and this right here smashed every single rule she'd taught him.
Break, clutch, engine off -
Eyes, open your eyes
He did, the windscreen before him doubling for a second. His heart was pounding away, nervous sweat lining his forehead and arms. The car had stopped, and in his dumb paralysis he hadn't the faintest idea how much it had skid. Safe to say it hadn't flipped over though, unless he was upside down and didn't realise it.
Nope, the sky is still above me, he observed, and it was then he also saw the fat bald-headed guy rapping his hands against the drivers side window. The world washed back slowly, the sun white and the air filled wit beeps and the Ssssshhhhhh static of the radio. He lowered the window, allowing the honking horns to fully enter and consume the inside of the car.
"What the hell are you playing at? I nearly ran into the back of you!" the bald guy barked at him, his pudgy face both pale and angry. Will glanced in the rear view mirror and saw about a dozen or so more cars behind him, scowling faces and gesturing hands sending out messages far from morning greetings or amicable hello's.
"Sorry... There was someone in the road," he croaked, pointing to the blank space in front. Empty, nothing there.
Can't be, he was right there! Stood right there! For a second he thought the figure had been an apparition, or maybe hadn't been there all along, merely a figment of his tired mind. That's when his gaze shifted to the opposite side of the road and the mis-shapen entity clambering over the crash barrier. Whoever it was, they had crossed the road while Will had been in his daze, and it was now he could fully see it in it's ghastly glory.
"I must be ****** blind 'cause to me there ain't nobody there -"
Grotesque was the only word he could think of to describe it. Under the pallid glow of the sun its skin glistened sick-white, partially covered by a tattered grey t-shirt that billowed in the wind like torn flags. It wore shorts, also grey, it's long stick-like legs poking out like splintered tooth picks. And it's face, oh God that face. He only caught a vague view as it glanced over its shoulder, but what he saw reminded him of the ghouls that would creep out of the crypts, the nightmarish beings that stalked late night TV shows such as the Twilight Zone seeking fresh flesh to feast on. But it was human alright - it's normal, albeit disintegrating, clothing the only sign of its former non-twisted self.
Oh God -
"Hey, are you even listening? There ain't no one there *******!"
Will faced the guy, now stood so close his flabby face nearly poked through the window, and then back to the crash barrier. The fiend was gone, much to his relief.
"Sorry it must have been a bird or something, I'm really really sorry mate I thought it was a man, or a kid."
"Yeah yeah whatever, just get going and get out of my way." With that he stormed off, only stopping briefly to exchange disapproving looks with the car behind him. He drove a black sports-like car, probably a Vauxhall, and Will briefly wondered how such a small car could carry an overweight ******* like that.
*******, he muttered to himself as he restarted the engine. Turns out he'd let the car stall as well.
Back to school I guess, what would dear old Ruth say?
Setting off was easy, the fat guy overtook him almost instantly, slamming his horn as he went, but looking over to where the misfit had been was not. He wanted to look, to check in case it hadn't really gone away and was instead lurking, contorting it's swollen lips into a grin.
Grinning at him.
"Gooood evening listeners, this is RADIO XFM!"
Halfway down the radio finally clicked on, interrupting his line of thought - quite mercifully, if he was being honest. The sight of that thing not only made him feel uneasy, but he also couldn't shake off the feeling of foreboding as well. Like it was some sort of warning, a sign.
Of what?
[smashing glass smashing]
He didn't know, didn't dare to think, and as he cantered down the carriageway in the steady stream of traffic he sat silently, the radio singing out its tunes like an uninvited guest. It was an oldie that was on, maybe Boston or Bowie, he wasn't sure, but as it played on he sat in silence, the shadows in the car cutting harsh lines into his face.
Jun 2016 · 929
THE PALLID BADROCK LOVER
Lexander J Jun 2016
The first thing he smelt was charred ash. A dour, stale smell that drifted in the air, staining the walls and ceiling of the room like a bad birthmark. If you'd have asked him 3 weeks ago prior to today never would he have considered smoking. That was before the bad thing had happened, and now he was puffing away 20 a day like a run-down steam engine.

Stacks of crumpled cigarette packets and empty beer bottles cluttered the floor, along with discarded business cards that seemed to taunt his name, William Shaw, with a bitter humour whenever he looked at them. He had it all - money, a career, an established identity, and yet never had he felt so lost, so meaningless. It seemed the period before when the black event occurred, when the tone and texture of life had suddenly dimmed like being turned down by a dial, was merely a gold and fragile vail, strung up in front of realities true, decrepit, face. A face that had clawed it's way through the happiness, the blistering rays of the summer sunshine, the mounting financial wealth and job promotions, like a pathetic wall of paper plastered over a back street entry.

The first thing he saw when he awoke this morning was the tan coloured ceiling of his flat. Through the sleep induced blurry vision of eyes that have not fully woke, this looked strangely like a vast desert, the minute crack that lay in the middle stretching before his tired eyes into a huge smiling ravine. It reminded him of the grand canyon, something as a child he'd always wanted to visit. He had spent a lot of his school holidays, and acrylic paint and canvases, drawing pictures of it, inspired by its many twists and curves, imagining it as an entrance to another mystical world below where dinosaurs and other creatures hid from the world above.

To a child creativity is essentially their way of interpreting life, and coming to terms with it, and for William Shaw the thing that got those cogs whirring was nature itself. He'd write stories, draw and paint pictures, and whilst his skill at all these was clumsy, his imagination was striking adept, confusing and wowing his parents who had been expecting a crude stick man drawing but instead were presented with a clunky, Van Gogh-style picturesque scene. Being an artist isn't all about the skill, anyone can perfect brush strokes, but looking at the ordinary and somehow visualising the extraordinary.

He never ended up going to the canyon, nor anywhere else for that matter - his mother was unemployed, utilising her time by taking piano lessons and gardening, and his father was a forklift driver at a logistics company. Barring the one-time trip to a seaside holiday camp, where the apartments had smelt of salt and the bedding was scratchy, Will had never been on holiday as a child.

But that was okay, he told himself, they struggled but never neglected me. Now, lying here as the amber hues of dawn startled trickling through the middle of the curtains, those days all seemed like a distant dream. Breaking down financially, they were exhausted and living in worry, yet he went on all the school trips, always had milk money and a cooked dinner waiting for him when he got home.

I have more than I could ever want, and had then, so why do I feel like this?

He knew why, it was because of the bad thing. It had lodged itself inside him, like a festering tumour. No amount of running or distracting himself would make it any better; it would be like running a race against a car or a train.

Or a speeding bullet -

[Hush! Don't want to think about that]

And it was in that split moment he felt an image rising to the surface, callous and cold - a champagne glass exploding into a shower of shards, and oh the screams all he could hear was their screams rising like a tidal wave, ready to submerge, to drown -

BANG BANG!!

He rose with a jolt and glanced over to the digital clock which blinked 8:49 in the far corner. He was running late again and needed to get a move on if he was to arrive at work on time. He hadn't been late ever, but over this week getting up had been a struggle. Sleep just seemed more of a priority right now.

He grabbed a cigarette and stuck it in his mouth, grimacing as the acrid taste filled his mouth. The first was always the worst; causing slight nausea as the nicotine rushed to your head. However the feeling of airlessness afterwards was amazing, temporarily stunning all the nerves in your brain, giving a confused floating feeling only drugs can better. His best mate John, who'd subsequently introduced him to smoking, often said the best cigarette of the day is the first as the 12 hour sleep hiatus allowed the brain to detoxify itself, thus catalysing the nicotine rush. The fact John also thought the Queen was an alien and that Donald Trump should be president made Will take his advice with a pinch of salt - but, in regards to smoking, he was almost spot on.

Much like himself, John was quite a skinny guy with a shock of scruffy black hair receding even though he was in his late twenties, and his black outlook on life often contradicted his bubbly personality. Will had known him for years since high school, and knew full well his stupid and often sarcastic jokes hid the darker side to him; John had served time in prison for a theft he didn't commit and, although he wouldn't admit it, had lapsed into a drug addiction upon his release. The slight gaunt dips in his cheeks said it all.

Looking at him coping, just, and carrying on filled Will with both admiration and guilt. His best friend was spiralling into a whirlpool right under his nose, and the worse part of all - he couldn't do anything about it. Again the feeling of helplessness, of meaninglessness, was there gnawing away like a bloated sewer rat.

He took another drag and glanced again to the clock. Now it read 8:57, almost grinning at him from the other side of the room.

Better get a shifty on, and with that he stubbed the cigarette out and stumbled toward the bathroom, catching his toe and cursing as he went.
A story I've just started, I would greatly appreciate and constructive feedback.
May 2016 · 995
Angel of Grotesque
Lexander J May 2016
I'm a self-centred beauty, an angel of grotesque
in leather and chains I love to dress
my sultry is not just mine but yours to keep
in the land of the whimsical there's no need to breathe, or even sleep

I caress broken bones with a forked tongue
trying to find the right within all the wrong
I'm amazing, my persona blindingly slick
spreading love from a mind worthless and sick

sweet abortion in my eyes
falling in love with everything I ever despised

addicted to the sins I strived to appease
my former self lingers like a disease
the sun dawns and I wonder what I've become
gazing at the cigarette in my hand, it's apparent I'm on the run

from a pain that burns just like the smoke
stale and acrid I cough and choke
but the dizziness distracts from the memories I find
helping leave what happened behind.
May 2016 · 840
Wildflowers
Lexander J May 2016
He'd invested his heart and soul
now he wants back to where the dead wildflowers grow
unawares to how things had gone, good or bad,
uneasiness the worst yet best feeling he's ever had

one thing contradicts the other
wanting to ask but not to smother
if only he could read her beautiful, obscure mind
then he could leave all this pain behind -

oh here I stand over my kingdom of dust
embraced by pity, betrayed by trust
sitting upon the throne of isolation I wallow in drink
slowly but steadily into despair I sink

am I not good enough, am I not fair
how can I be loved when nobody cares?
Can lies ever be lies without truth
I tear at my pathetic skin, spit upon my youth

Answer! Answer! Please just reply
with every passing second my mind does cry
I'm sorry but I'm desperate, I n-need to know
need to escape this black void where the spineless grows

smiling with tears running down my face
feeling insane, a pure messed up disgrace
she's opened up the scars, salted the old wounds
my head's crazy, stagnant, bitterly love exhumed.
Lexander J May 2016
I stare up at the ceiling, cracked
for I am not myself
surrounded by broken promises, pity
and empty wealth

the perverse constants throughout
my narcissistic days,
I awake every morning
to an alcoholic drug fuelled haze

sleep deprivation my volatile Jesus
licking my wounds, ignorant to my prayers,
I express my shattered soul to millions, only
for it to fall on ignorant ears that don't care

[YEAH! YEAH! YEAH?]

stitched up eyes, stitched up pride
sensibility running away to forever hide
capitalising on pain, that contagious emotion
an obsessive by-product of loves caustic devotion

f-falling for all the pretty ones
injecting sultry thoughts in my sick brain //-/-

f-falling for all the pretty ones
dragging me through acidic pools of disdain //-

LO' BEHOLD ANOTHER HUMANITARIAN CRISIS!

Most personally known as COMPULSIVELOVER-ITIS!

It sticks like spit, kills my sleep
something I don't want but really need to keep

and the desperation will make you a million
but also burn you inside out -

stuck in this loop of blackening silence
it's a revolution of the broken heart so let's scream, let's SHOUT!!!
Apr 2016 · 538
The Age Of Apostasy Trilogy
Lexander J Apr 2016
Age Of Apostasy

I was born with the sun shining upon my skin
I was born into a world saturated with sin
pestilence shone, through his void grinned
for the second I broke from the womb the sky above dimmed

birthed not from a mother but a sick man
my coming heralded an end, the age of apostasy began -
those I loved killed by the evil inside
cursed by a Devils backbone, there was no where to hide

[but inside their minds]

now I live with the beautiful people and their screeching cries
I avoid their clumpy fingers, their black empty eyes,
vying for flesh and choking upon lungs of rubber
floating with a ghastly gracefulness that makes the north wind shudder

[bullet wounds
gunshot holes -]

with the devil inside I know only fear
knowing nothing of love, my soul bedridden and queer -

[maggots and live thriving
between fleshy folds]

in the distance a woman cries, piercing the silence like a bell

surely that can't be -
surely that can't be the scent of *** I smell?

Alas 'twas only wishful thinking, my pretence playing unfair,
the beautiful people finally had prey and were stripping her bones bare -

ruthless, ecstatic, bodies twisted and vile
clutching strips of flesh only then did they laugh and smile.

The Beautiful People & The Mannequins Of Plague

I walk amongst the beautiful people
hide my face within the shadows around,
with lungs of rubber and skin that's latex
they drift about our world without a sound

[so deliciously dark
twisted and vile
they grin from faces ghastly
rotting and puerile]

formerly they were perfect humans
whose selfishness strived for more,
so they re-constructed their bodies and faces
using skin harvested from the dead and poor

[bullet wounds
gunshot holes
maggots and lice thriving
between fleshy folds]

organs replaced with mechanical components
immortality sewn together with surgical stitches,
greed and jealousy bloomed inside our narrow minds
thus we began practicing the work of witches

but the stolen skin rotted upon their ancient bodies
leaving their yellowing, pestilent, bones bare -
to defy death plastic and rubber were used as replacements
but of mortality they were now forever aware

[clumpy fingers, bloodshot eyes
midnight dreams plagued with their shrieking cries]

for upon the pursuit of immortal living
we lost the people we once used to be -

now I flee their hungry gazes and grabbing fingers
living only with empty shadows for bittersweet company.

The Beautiful People II*

I add insult to injury and bleed into the glass
they've starved this world and left me 'til last,
only through alcohol and drugs can I truly escape
but now I sit here knowing it's all too little, too late,

I tried curing them with injections of compassion and remorse
alas they only mocked me with smiles that were forced,
with greedy eyes that lingered upon my untainted flesh
'twas clear their resentment was caustic, broodingly fresh

hating their bodies and all that could be seen
so precociously perfect, but with souls disgustingly unclean
infected with an obsession mutating into disease
humanity swallowed by the cravings they strived to appease

they are the Beautiful People, yes I have spoken of them before,
but I must mention their ghastly existence once forever more,
for now I have been abandoned in this world barren and dead
my body digests itself as my nose and ears drip red

I'm not well, my skin has grown pallid and lumpy
my fingers twisted, knobbly and clumpy
they scream in the night, they scream in my head
my mind polluted with the paranoia the drugs have bred //--

[come with me, take my hand
I will lead you to the promised land]

wind howling, breathing heavy, lazy
visions of hope going increasing hazy //--

oh please-

please-

listen to me before my conscience fully dies

whatever you do //-


DON'T LOOK INTO THEIR EYES!
Apr 2016 · 354
Another Crack In The Wall
Lexander J Apr 2016
I sit with my back against the wall
exhausted by the life I have made for myself
why should I live these days fearing
of becoming something I'm not?

The sullen future ahead boasts as much promise
as the shadows around me do now
hope opens occasionally like a crack in the wall
it's false pretences just as cruel as its absence

I yearn for a high but he gives me a low
seems I am the only one God does not love
but then again why should I be surprised
I am unlovable after all

a birth mother caustic and warped
burning any happiness my father ever sought
wounds over 20 years old alas the pain still stings
cue the sister carried away upon Angels wings.

Ever watched the word burn before you?
It's beautiful to see all the ******* perish.

Here am I sat alone in the dark
as the black ****-stain of my life plays out
seems I am cursed to be this way forever -

oh lord is this play going to get any better?!

Stop the world, I wanna throw up.
Apr 2016 · 532
Gnarled Beauty
Lexander J Apr 2016
Laughing at his broken glasses, tattered clothes
they pelt him with gum and chewed up pieces of paper
name-calling; "Hey stupid! Stinky! Queer-boy!"
such does he retreat to the world inside his mind

it's utopia there, a place where
he need not worry
he can draw out his own history, control time, create sprawling vast cities
that the caustic breath of reality cannot touch

school the bane of his existence, a ****** minefield
the army of bullies seems infinite
but for each juvenile his imagination ignites
creates another heroic warrior to stave away the pain

[always one to be misunderstood
creative confusion running through his blood]

parents exchanging concerned looks
as he spends night after night immersed in books
absorbing the creativity, the literate equivalent of gold
he took his heart to passion's feet whereupon he sold

never one to rely on such a farce as hope
breathing even with depression grasped 'round his throat
20 years old, once again escaping to that distant faraway land
standing bare foot under a thousand suns and crimson sand

---

he sits where I sit now
confused, life as complex and transparent as always
but with eyes grateful, fully open
able to see the beauty that lies within life's darkest obscenities

even the horrifying can be beautiful

if one can truly gaze into its gnarled face.
Apr 2016 · 385
Dead-Ringer
Lexander J Apr 2016
Smoking his cigarette, a gold signet ring upon his finger
a complete antithesis to the other dead-ringers,
lips pursed, sipping at his golden liquor
in his eyes dancing excitement does flicker

diagnosed with cancer, he's re-living every dream in his head
for on the eighth day of this month he will be dead -
out and about, picking up ladies at the age of forty
days from kicking the bucket yet his libido still naughty

waking up on the sixth day with the first hangover in 10 years
the bloated pain distracting him from his fears -

no kids, divorced, a total loser
living the life of a player and a scheming user

alas, he'll never feel the wind upon his face
never again have the chance to experience love, hatred, anger or even disgrace
never see the kids he didn't have
never again able to make a decision - be it good or bad

and now sitting alone in his apartment as the eighth day looms
he burns the money in his wallet, exhales their fumes

"I'm... so sorry..."

his signet ring stained, still uncannily gold

attached to a finger now lifeless, stiff, cold.
Apr 2016 · 446
The Badrock Trilogy
Lexander J Apr 2016
THE THIN WHITE JOKE -

A martyr to love you can hear his cries
killing the joke he's always despised

bruised, battered, bloodied, broken
dwelling in the void where hope is woven

here are we; oblivious, transparently caring
blind to the torture at which we're staring
fooling him again, injecting pleasure into his silly brain
you do nothing but smile as he grows insane

what is it I should feel now
loss, anger, sorrow?
Is it normal to feel this uncaring
fixated on starting again tomorrow?

Here am I
eyes flashing in fury but without thunder
hot bathwater rising up my face
ears blind to the world I slip under

nothing but the muffled beats of my heart,
at first she was interested
but in bitterness now we part -

the 12am chimes call shrill and loud
in the pale lover's abyss he can be found
a figment of my ego, he's cold, pallid in state
stealing innocence he twists and pulls and manipulates

dressing in suits and designer attire
luring any woman that takes the time to admire
ignorant to society, forging his own fashion
dangerously devoid of any emotion or passion

sick from the sleep deprivation
sick of waking up with eyes bloodshot red

he collects the souls of his many lovers
sipping at their lives as their bodies lie frozen dead.

- THE PALLID BADROCK LOVER -

It's cold and dark but he no longer cares
probably safe to say he no longer feels
the lights are turned down dim
no sound 'xcept the wheeze of the wind outside

the walls are bare, at emptiness he stares
you only realise what you've lost when it's gone
nothing but half drunk cocktails and *******
within his callous pale facade he hides

what's done is done, but never forgiven
he gave it all, all of what could be given
they spat it back, threw it all in his face
now here he rots in isolation suspended in disgrace

conniving vultures they tore him apart
ridicule upon ridicule lashed upon his heart
bought them diamonds, gold, anything a woman could ever need
rather than love they acted out of jealousy and greed

---

once there were birds that sang at the start of every morn
right outside his bedroom window
oh how he regrets their sudden passing
their joyful tweets made this world seem so kind

now he wakes with a head crippled, a face tightly drawn
hunger being that of gnawing addiction
caring for nothing but the *Caviar
and it's forbidden magic
helping him leave all the pain behind

guided like a train to its next station
total self-destruction his only destination

languishing in drugs, *******-out ***
that it was all his fault I guess
the Pallid Badrock Lover will never accept.

- THE FINAL STATION -

There he sat at the Grand Piano smoking a joint
eyes eclectic blue, narrowed to a point
a lover in season, expressing attraction in rays
woman after woman falling under his gaze

[Oh here are we, transparently caring]

shirt casually unbuttoned, chest bare, white
radiating beneath his own spotlight,
thinking he's adorable, pledging their hearts to him
with the grace of an Angel he takes them in

[ignorant to the torture at which we're staring]

a masochistic shark of society devoid of a fin
addled with ******* and getting under everyone's skin -
cutting with words sharp as razors
thanking the Lord and his many ******* saviours

hammering away at the keys he sings a song of pure devotion
whilst sorely lacking in any physiological emotion
failing to see beyond this act, succumbing to all he may ask
it's only when the drugs ran out did he accidentally drop his mask

only a quick slip but a slip was enough
the smooth facade suddenly becoming corrosive and rough

backing up from the devilish contempt that had flickered through his eyes

the crowd around him exploded in startled cries

a thin white joke he cares for nobody but himself

forever dwindling into the abyss of eternal ill-health

with a crashing bang he threw his glass to the floor
erupting with anger in a blistering roar

reaching
chasing
hands clenched into fists

laughing in the face of death he blows it a kiss

["ARGH!"]

falling to the floor

clutching his chest -

heart suddenly stopping dead and, well,

I suppose you can guess the rest.

*RIP
Apr 2016 · 255
The Final Station
Lexander J Apr 2016
There he sat at a Grand Piano smoking a joint
eyes eclectic blue, narrowed to a point
a lover in season, expressing attraction in rays
woman after woman falling under his gaze

[Oh here are we, transparently caring]

shirt casually unbuttoned, chest bare, white
radiating beneath his own spotlight,
thinking he's adorable, pledging their hearts to him
with the grace of an Angel he takes them in

[ignorant to the torture at which we're staring]

a masochistic shark of society devoid of a fin
addled with ******* and getting under everyone's skin -
cutting with words sharp as razors
thanking the Lord and his many f^cking saviours

hammering away at the keys he sings a song of pure devotion
whilst sorely lacking in any physiological emotion
failing to see beyond this act, succumbing to all he may ask
it's only when the drugs ran out did he accidentally drop his mask

only a quick slip but a slip was enough
the smooth facade suddenly becoming corrosive and rough

backing up from the devilish contempt that had flickered through his eyes

the crowd around him exploded in startled cries

a thin white joke he cares for nobody but himself

forever dwindling into the abyss of eternal ill-health

with a crashing bang he threw his glass to the floor
erupting with anger in a blistering roar

reaching
chasing
hands clenched into fists

laughing in the face of death he blows it a kiss

["ARGH!"]

falling to the floor

clutching his chest -

heart suddenly stopping dead and

well,

I suppose you can guess the rest.
Apr 2016 · 374
The Pallid Badrock Lover
Lexander J Apr 2016
It's cold and dark but he no longer cares
probably safe to say he no longer feels
the lights are turned down dim
no sound 'xcept the wheeze of the wind outside

the walls are bare, at emptiness he stares
you only realise what you've lost when it's gone
nothing but half drunk cocktails and *******
within his callous pale facade he hides

what's done is done, but never forgiven
he gave it all, all of what could be given
they spat it back, threw it all in his face
now here he rots in isolation suspended in disgrace

conniving vultures they tore him apart
ridicule upon ridicule lashed upon his heart
bought them diamonds, gold, anything a woman could ever need
rather than love they acted out of jealousy and greed

---

once there were birds that sang at the start of every morn
right outside his bedroom window
oh how he regrets their sudden passing
their joyful tweets made this world seem so kind

now he wakes with a head crippled, a face tightly drawn
hunger being that of gnawing addiction
caring for nothing but the Caviar and it's forbidden magic
helping him leave all the pain behind

guided like a train to its next station
total self-destruction his only destination

languishing in drugs, *******-out ***
that it was all his fault I guess
the Pallid Badrock Lover will never accept.
Bit of an experiment
Apr 2016 · 513
The Thin White Joke
Lexander J Apr 2016
A martyr to love you can hear his cries
killing the joke he's always despised

bruised, battered, bloodied, broken
dwelling in the void where hope is woven

here are we; oblivious, transparently caring
blind to the torture at which we're staring
fooling him again, injecting pleasure into his silly brain
you do nothing but smile as he grows insane

what is it I should feel now
loss, anger, sorrow?
Is it normal to feel this uncaring
fixated on starting again tomorrow?

Here am I
eyes flashing in fury but without thunder
hot bathwater rising up my face
ears blind to the world I slip under

nothing but the muffled beats of my heart,
at first she was interested
but in bitterness now we part -

the 12am chimes call shrill and loud
in the pale lover's abyss he can be found
a figment of my ego, he's cold, pallid in state
stealing innocence he twists and pulls and manipulates

dressing in suits and designer attire
luring any woman that takes the time to admire
ignorant to society, forges his own fashion
dangerously devoid of any emotion or passion

sick from the sleep deprivation
sick of waking up with eyes bloodshot red

he collects the souls of his many lovers
sipping at their lives as their bodies lie frozen dead.
So I have just had "I'd rather be friends" after a first date - this poem is more to get **** off my chest.

Apologies for my language.
Mar 2016 · 339
Changes
Lexander J Mar 2016
Give me a reason why I should still breathe
explain what it is I should still believe -
all is not worthless, carry on even though it stings
is it not true that I had the Angel but broke her wings?

Oh here are we, one trans-androgynous moment in time
burying their dissident egos I over-inflated mine -

I'm sorry, but does my face show some sort of care?
You should know by now the world's both selfish and unfair

It doesn't need no explanations or excuses
reality is both exquisite and abusive,
as mere mortals how can we claim complete control
relying on hearts where spite hath grown?

Here are we, stood before the changing tide
rather than leap at the opportunity my heart simply sighs

Confusion! Confusion! Clarity where hath thou gone?

All is cold and dark, oh Lord why do I feel so alone?

Alas I sit alone beneath the stars
revealing both physical and emotional scars

the chance to start again has finally arisen

but do I still want to live in this world so disgustingly sin-ridden?
Pre-romantic date thoughts
Mar 2016 · 880
Slayer
Lexander J Mar 2016
[Swearing Alert]


- INTRO; Angel Of Grotesque -


They say they need my help.

Can you believe it, MY help?!

It seems the crimson **** tide has finally turned - now here they are, tails between their sorry legs beg-beg-begging me for help.

Here I am, chained to a steel bed post and clothed in nothing but orange dungarees and socks - I stink of stale sweat, the odour mixing with the backed-up toilet reeking in the corner of the cell. I haven't seen daylight in over 4 years (I think) and I burn away the hours sharpening my nails and quietly ******* -

(often the latter first, don't want a paper cut down there(!))

I'm a man of no mercy. I have no 'better' nature or gratuitous soul - my ego is wholly puerile, at times pugnacious and others vile. I'm a self-centred beauty, a dancing Angel of grotesque. Grinning behind this mask of smiles, in leather and chains I love to dress.

I've long forgotten my name, there's no use for it when you've been stuck alone in a metal box for half your life - the only connection with the outside world is the crude letter box the guards shove food and drink through. Well, I say food but it's debatable whether the floury **** they give me is edible. Then again anything's edible when you're starving - toilet paper, clothing, even your hair and nails.

How did I get here, I hear you ask. Well basically once-upon-a-time in the ****** underbelly of Manchester there was this blindingly vivacious dealer who got in a teensy bit of hot water - resulting in some ******-off yobs dismembering his wife and kids for ***** and giggles. Said handsome dealer (yeah you guessed it, me) was then framed for the ****** of his whole family and locked away in some mental institution for just shy of 35 years.

It's safe to say I went stir-crazy - my brain sicked up all logical sanity and shat it out along with any humanity left in my heart.

What should a man fear when he has nothing left to lose?

I didn't **** my family, but I did the two officers when they took me to the station for questioning. I got tired of the twenty questions game they were playing so I snapped the lock on the inside of the door, slit the first copper's throat with the hook of my handcuffs (had to dislocate one of my wrists to get it free) and choked the other ponce with his own tie.

It took ages for their colleagues to get in, I guess it goes to show that reinforced doors do work.

Shortly after I was carted off to court, restrained in a straight jacket and chains (oh I did love that **** look) where the judge declared me insane and sent me to Greyhound Infirmary For The Mentally Insane.

And the rest is pretty much history from there on - I've slaughtered 4 nurses (one was an accident, I promise!) and a couple of patients, although I don't hear the Infirmary complaining about that.

I can't stand people anymore, when I look into a living face - be it man, woman or child - I see the killers that took away the only people I've ever loved, took away anything I've ever had and locked me away in a world of emptiness and dark.

All I want to do is carve the pain that gnaws at my stomach into their disgusting skin, make them feel how it is to be the freak that's laughed at, locked away, all alone.

That's why I've been incarcerated in this little metal box, left to rot away.

Forgotten.

Until today, when the seemingly dead cell door finally clicks open and I peer up at the first human face I have seen in over 20 years.

And ****, was it an ugly one!
18+
Mar 2016 · 295
Star-Strewn Lovers
Lexander J Mar 2016
Face of stone she gazes at it's reflection
begging the darkness for its lurid affection
the silence doesn't care, for years secretly she's known
clearing the space where the bitter fury has grown

her bloodshot eyes hides a butterfly of crystal
fragile and delicate, majestic yet wistful
the world turned, her strength shattering like glass
a beautiful psyche intoxicated by its past

["Oh please! Don't go!"]

singing upon the banks of heartbreak's river
a voice once so strong now trembles and shivers
fingernails drawn, skin white, ribs concave bars
she gazes to the night's sky into a sea of stars

her babe flew away and left a whole
black and gaping in her heart and soul
whisked to another planet, a distant foreign land,
his kiss a statement forever lingering upon her hand

["The non-existent angels sing
I beg of them to guide me home -"]

and there's something in the skies above
there's something lurking in those stars

["but my ship's burnt, my virginity dead -
#sob#
oh baby what have I become?!"]

something watching from within the black
a transparent symptomatic entity masked by a farce.
Mar 2016 · 589
20 Years Wasted
Lexander J Mar 2016
Slowly burning it glazes my eyes
a sorrow so pitiful, quietly it cries
excitement subdued, older but not ready,
my mind exhausted as I go on twenty

I feel shattered, these past years I resent -
a chance to live life, but in mundanity they were spent
'tis only now that I can see those wasted years
older and wiser and closer to my fears

my ego blames others, alas the fault lies with myself
insecure, selfish and obsessed with wealth,
serendipity being the most lethal disease
becoming the recluse I strived so hard to appease

at times I'm angry, the fury both caustic and draining
and if it's not my hygiene it's my love that is waning
blood black, clumpy and running thicker
soul cold-hearted, callous, self-centred and bitter

I care about nothing, no one, only about how it all could've been better
oh why should looking back make my heart heavier?

March 12th 1996, the day I started my graceless fall

this Saturday I'll be 20

but I simply don't want to be older at all.

20 years wasted.
Mar 2016 · 365
Bittersweet
Lexander J Mar 2016
Propped up at the bar
her beauty sweetly intimidating
as my heart begins to skip
so do my legs start shaking

eyes set and sparkling
face narrow, cheek bones high
with the grace of an eagle
she moves around as if to fly

pulling pints and setting sights
her fellow girls glare
smiling, knowing
behind her back every man will stare

and I think to myself, I think
as I look into those eyes
how do I know I'm not good enough
if I don't even try?

It's that deep uneasiness I find so strange
the fear of beauty is enough to perplex, for when it comes to lust
you tread the fine line of wanting someone's love
or simply wanting them for ***

the days where I feel worthless are mounting up
I fear I may have to face this perpetual loneliness for the rest of my life
sitting alone inside my bedroom

sometimes I sit alone to cry

all around me love reeks
do I like them?
do they like me?
A blind prophet seeking truth
through blinding tears I try to see

wishing, why can't I be normal
normal just like her, or even you

when you're drowning in the sea of lies
it seems impossible to find the truth

this way, or my way
a scapegoat cut from the scenes

realising the mundane reality of it all
as pain slowly pulls me at the seams
Feb 2016 · 481
The Hearts Filthy Lover
Lexander J Feb 2016
Lavish peroxide and stiletto heels
a chilling chaos slowly unreels,

low lit phosphor covers you like dust //-/-
to abstain my filthy feelings bite I must

removing your clothes shamelessly you tease
I tried your love but all I tasted was ******,
skin pale as milk, breath perfunctory and sour
instilling resentment upon these low level hours

luring the dumb and friendly
with a body insipid, curvaceous and bendy,
drawing blood from the beaten heart
disgusting, disguised as a queen but truly a ****

oh what is her name, does she even have one?

How long has it been since she saw the daylight sun?

Is she human or a vampire wanting more and more -
she's this disgusting creature known as a *****

spending her soiled cash on dope, exotic cocktails and *****

cutting swathes with her razor-heeled shoes -//-/

[the heart's filthy *****
her love stings like a stitch -
sin bloated black and growing
oh gold help me where's this going

-now?]


took me for everything I was, alone and left to languish
embarking on a romance infectious and outlandish

-///--/-

now I've stitched my wounds, burnt all her clothes

pushed to the back of my mind

alas her sordid laughter still echoes.
Jan 2016 · 380
Berlin Lovers
Lexander J Jan 2016
Shivering to the thunder on each side of the wall
clutching each other, crouched to the ground where the bullets fall

peppering our bodies with lead, intoxicating us with gas and spray
two lonely strangers caught in a war, death lingering whichever way -

the cracks grow louder and you grip me tighter
smell of charred asphalt makes my head spin lighter

[for hours we convinced ourselves we'd be okay, praying for a cease-fire
ah but the gunfire's approach only proved our hope a liar]


children scream, cars explode and foolish men curse
idiosyncratic ideologies being the only first

brains polluted by a faith stagnant, an unwavering loyalty that decays
legions upon legions of khaki clad knights sent forth to erase

and yet in these flames of conflict our shrewd love blooms
growing like the little Daisy poking through the rubble at our feet -

lovers that have shared each other's lives forever
yet 'tis in the face of death that we truly meet

--// Prrrap-Prrrap-Prrrap //-

I look in your eyes, see the beauty I saw in our teenage years

specks of powdered concrete on your lashes

pupils dilated in fear -

oh baby, p-please don't leave me

--// CRACK! //-

I want to die in your embrace, right now, right here.
Lexander J Jan 2016
They arrived with grins on their faces
***** blisters upon their cheeks, cataracts in their eyes,

shambling side by side their former shadows
bringing along swarms of rats and flies

skin woven from the finest flesh
breath stolen and rattling,
mud and decay ran down their mutilated faces
washed by a downpour of rain that was battering

no longer human and not quite beautiful
frazzled brains driven by the lust for perfection,
hair twisted static-charged nylon
covering their faces marred by nightmarish complexions

fingernails grey, attached by permanent adhesive,
teeth black, gums bloated and oozing
septicaemia and gangrene
spread by the inferior equipment they were using

oh they stole unattended babies
farming them for fresh stem cells and skin,
crawling around beneath Manchester's sprawling city
living in their world claustrophobic and dim -

what is the meaning of their existence
where did these freakish misfits spawn from?
Ah that is a question we already know the answer to -

'tis from the paranoid mind of a greedy schizophrenic they were born

and they exist to serve as a constant reminder
that total perfection we will never gain

and to try such an impossible deed

would leave any man bereft, inhumane.
Jan 2016 · 404
Reaching Starman
Lexander J Jan 2016
A great mind departs into the winter's night-sky
wreaths and shrines adorning the ground where he may lie
died doing what he done best, knowing his time had come
now he traverses the stars with Ziggy and Major Tom

sitting in his tin can far above the likes of you and me
gazing upon our world through tears, alas now he's free -

wanted eagles in his daydreams, diamonds in his eyes
escaping the black side of reality he so very much despised

['Look up here man I'm in danger
I've got nothing left to lose.']

carried away upon a tidal wave of fame
albums meant nothing 'cause they'll sell again,
defying sexuality, pioneering the glam-rock scene
achieving goals only the common man can dream

['Ground control to Major Tom -
your circuit's dead, there's something wrong!']

now his voice is followed by the chilling whisper of death,
sang to the end with his very last breath
body failing but soul very much alive
empty silence filled with his hazy cosmic jive -

and yes, years will pass from this day, but we will never forget who you are

farewell Ziggy Stardust

our brilliant shining Blackstar.

AJ

["I'm happy... hope you're happy too..."]

RIP David Bowie
Dec 2015 · 720
The Raven's Clandestine
Lexander J Dec 2015
Guided by beer light down moonlit streets
pockets stuffed with stale tobacco and receipts,
pariahs of the night, queens of the teen-age
attacking their youth in a drug fuelled rage

shaking their bodies 'neath schizophrenic lights
a typical night filled with hatred and fights,
the bloodlust was fun, a midnight boogie,
danger both caustic and infectiously groovy

girls all wearing dresses too small for their *****
disk jockeys playing electro-pop to please the masses -

#WAM!#

#BAM!#

#OH YEA, OH MAN!!!#

like raving corsairs they arrived; guitars lean, leather jackets sublime

o'behold the rip-roarin' Raven's Clandestine

["People ARE YOU READY?!"]

they played rock that growled in your ears
snazzy lyrics metaphorical tears,
indulging in passion, ***, alcohol and heavy drugs
dismissing dire warnings with cockily executed shrugs

swaggering to blistering tunes in front of the crowds
singing songs '******-*****' and 'Rebel-Tastic' obnoxiously proud,
falling in love on the stage, falling in love in their beds,
adorning their wild hair with tassels and threads

blissfully ignorant they simply didn't care
wanted to do what they want, alas life ain't that fair -

the bassist met a rogue *****, contracted ***

the guitarist lost his sight, carried on playing though he couldn't see,

the drummer lost his cool and battered a fan
found high on *******, for 10 years locked away more than

and the lead singer, with his hip swagger 'n jive,
suffered a massive stroke, upon the stage in a screeching solo he died

[he hides his sinister within songs
died gazing at *******-clad chicks in fluorescent thongs]


promising to be legends they rocked the 1970's ambiguous nation

alas their substance abuse and ****** desires had already cursed them to damnation.
Lexander J Dec 2015
Gushes of tears run down my featureless face
I failed to find you, now I walk in disgrace,

the destruction was swift and everything but honest
now I stare at the black ugly wound of a broken promise

newspapers cartwheel alongside litter and soiled bank notes
as the northerly wind whispers, between each building it chokes

cathedrals and churches alike collapse
the sun burns blue, sky bloated and raging with thunderclaps

icy waves dancing to a dance-less tune
shadows arising from the corners to defile and exhume

I'm suffocating in my mind, I'm gagging on this dead world
my sanity like my nails - twisted and curled,

I've got cuts and bruises that can't be seen
I try thinking of you but the pain just plagues my dreams

over and over I see the tears in your eyes - stuck like a record, time does freeze,
catching your wail upon the wind I fall to my knees

[her body lies under the rubble of a society dead and gone
I've lost everything, alas I'm not the only one]

gazing at the black sky above, praying to a sun merciless and blue

yes, this world may be falling around me,

but I will still find you.
Dec 2015 · 386
Boogeymen Of The Modern Age
Lexander J Dec 2015
They cast perverted shadows upon walls
filling the empty streets with heavy footfalls

the neighbour's dog barks, the cat covers it's eyes
in the orphanage a new born suddenly screams and cries

glowing under the moon, skin milky and pale
arms knotted with muscle, fingers delinquent and frail

[they're out there after you
they know your name]


beneath balding scalps maggots wriggle and jive
mucus sticking to nostrils where dead flies hide -

[one look in their eyes
and you'll never be the same]


blind to all the adults, their evil nowhere to be seen
Boogeyman men of the modern era, suffocating children's dreams

they lurk at birthdays, stalk every Christmas Eve
damning every child that any woman may conceive -

inspiring infidelity with the tip of a hat

inflicting cancer with a killer rasp of their breath

they enter the unfortunate souls of their apostles
eating them inside-out until nothing's left -

squabbling and bickering amongst each other
instead of using words we descend into War,
alas these Harbingers of fear wait with bated teeth
for the protection of our faith to fully thaw

for where there is faith there is love
the only power in this universe true and pure
unconditional to a mother, devotional to a father
in every living heart it beats - of that I'm very sure

but orphans have nothing
to the Harbingers they're easy targets,
along with the countless number of homeless
eating from bins and begging at Christmas markets

so this year spare a thought for those out there -
prepare the Turkey, light the tree, do what you may

but please, please, don't delay the inevitable
for these people may not be with us another day.

#christmas
Dec 2015 · 421
Fatal Attraction II
Lexander J Dec 2015
Caught in the wind my fear plays unfair
in the eye of the storm at loneliness I stare,
a fool to suffer her divine incense
love verging unto predatory, albeit an offence

they say blood is thick, in clumps it runs
I see her flesh and so trepidation hums
her soul white, untainted, pristine and plain
doused black and sticky, sordid cravings to blame

beauty giving birth to an ******
quivers in my stomach I can't resist, or fathom
a vampyre in love battling it's thirst -

to be heart-broke and desperate it seems I'm forever cursed.
Dec 2015 · 743
A Strippers Delight
Lexander J Dec 2015
He took her mascara cast songs
turned them into something beautiful,
taking her pale shaking hands,
down the dark lonely streets he guided her through

hiding tears beneath foundation,
bruises under long sleeve shirts,
she'd downed shot after shot
but still the bitter pain hurt

flaunting powdered flesh beneath stage lights
eyes prying through the thick smoky haze,
weeping as she performed to hundreds
whilst all the perverted sickos gazed

[twerking to a cathartic post-punk sound
stale beer sticking her heels to the ground]

loving her flesh and all that can be seen
fully awake in drunken stupor they dream
drooling at the mouth, pants bulging at the seams
her stomach turns as she silently screams

[Mysterious stranger in the corner
why do you watch with somber eyes]

[ - why do you lurk within the shadows
wrapping yourself up in my pitiful lies?]

and that was when she saw him, at the back of the room,
not grinning like all the other dawgs but crying -
she flashed him a quick smile
her blue contradictory eyes telling him she was lying

4 hours later, he was nowhere to be seen -
throwing up she orders another tequila
stumbles all the way to her dressing room

and there he stood nervously to meet her

"W-what ... do you want?"

he wasn't there for the strippers

or the ***** -

or the *** -

...

he was there for his daughter

His heart breaking as she gripped him tight, "Come on love, let's get you a glass of water."
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