I am getting so sick,
Sick and tired of the day to day.
The same motions,
Zombie potions keeping you awake.
The reports are stocked,
The chairs locked in the upright position.
In a sea of fake smiles,
Judging Trials--always graceful disposition.

Yeah, the grass always looks a little greener on the other side.
Yeah, the grass always looks a little greener on the other side.

Well good morning to you,
how ya doin' on this nice, sunny day?
Are you ready now,
to sit and **** and ***** your life away?
Well my boss's boss,
he will toss and turn late in to the night
And it's a wonder how,
I see it now through my father's eyes.

Yeah, the grass always looks a little greener on the other side.
Yeah, the grass always looks a little greener on the other side.

There was a man
sitting at the end of the bar
so I bought him a drink.

“Thank you, miss,”
he said.
I smiled
and left the bar
being carried by gusts of warm wind.

I went to my apartment
and cleaned the entire place
blasting music
loud enough for the neighbors
to hear.

I drew large,
colorful
pictures
and taped them to the wall
by my bed
to look at from time to time.

I drank an entire bottle of wine,
white wine,
and went to sleep
wrapped in warm blankets
and warm thoughts.

The next morning
I woke up with a smile
taking up residence on my face.

Then I opened the door
and almost stepped out into the hall
before the cold, gray
ghosts
pushed me into the pool
of cold, ***** water.

I sat on the floor
wrapped in blankets
but unable to ward off the cold.

I banged my head on a table,
repeatedly
but didn't feel a thing.

I looked at all of the bottles
of pills
that I had collected.
And I contemplated taking a few
or the whole bottle.

But I didn't.

I downed half a bottle
of *****
and hated myself.

I looked at myself,
scowling in the mirror.
“Go **** yourself,”
I told the reflection.

All of the sudden
the warmth came back
and I put flowers in a vase
and gazed at them lovingly.

I smiled at myself in the mirror,
proud of who I was
and everything I had ever done.
I thought excitedly
about everything I would do tomorrow,
the next day
and the next day.

Then I purposely knocked the flowers
off the table
with my closed fist
and downed an entire bottle of pills.

Dozens of voices
scream out at once
in different tones and accents
each with it's own personality.

I don't blink,
I don't sigh,
I don't think,
I don't cry.

You will never understand
angst like this.
You will never understand
rage like this.

I know why,
I won't stare,
I don't lie,
I don't care.

One little voice remains
telling me to stop.
I erase it.
I erase myself.

Blink and you'll miss it.

I was in love with anatomy
the symmetry of my body
poised for flight,
the heights it would take
over parents, lovers, a keen
riding over truth and detail.
I thought growing up would be
this rising from everything
old and earthly,
not these faltering steps out the door
every day, then back again.

They say I am a terrorist
Yet they don't even know my name
They have never met me
And still they call me names
I wonder if they see
That I don't like their games
That I don't wanna play
With my life on the line
See I don't know what to do with theses crazy stereotypes that DON'T define me...

your finger tips, they speak of days, they speak of places far away,
of lakes and lochs and fjords and bays, they speak what you're afraid to say.
they tell me much of what you fear, your need to be held close and near,
they tell me who you are my dear, they scream and yell and dance and cheer,
your finger tips they call to me, they drag me far far out to sea,
they show me who you want to be, and they do this all so silently.
this is why i miss your touch, it seems so simple but it's much,
much more than that, you are my crutch, that's why your hand i'll always clutch.

At one end of the couch
you sit, mute as a pillow
tossed onto the upholstery.

I watch you sometimes
when you don't know I'm watching
and I see you. Who you are.

You are a self made man.
Hard suffering. You are grey
stone and damp earth.
A long scar on a pale sky.

The television is tuned to CNN.
The world's tragedies flicker
across your face like some
foreign film.

You are expressionless.
Your usual gestures ground to salt.

How do you explain yourself
to people that do not know you?
How do you explain to them,
this is me; that is not me.

However many words you choose
in whatever context with
whichever adjectives you use
could not compare.

Even you describing you
would not be you.
Not totally.

Your hands are folded
together, resting in your lap.
I study those hands until
every groove becomes familiar.

Like a favorite hat,
you wear your silence
comfortably.

I sometimes can not help
but wonder what we will
talk about if we ever
run out of things to say.

You are the curve
I burrow into. The strength
I borrow. You are the red sun
rising over the mountain.
You are the mountain.

One day with courage I asked her if she loved me.
I held quiet the sound of my singing heart
So soon I could hear what she’d say.
One day with courage I gave her everything I owned.
Stripped clean my bones of young flesh still red
So then she’d know for her, I’d let it all go.
One day with courage I held close her hand
To tie her to a world we made but her mind spun
And her hair took flight in autumn,
And fell with the leaves in the wind.
Her skin shown limpid and grey,
Circles danced beneath her eyes.
I held her hand still anyway–one day I had courage
And held my heart quiet
For words I’d hope she’d speak.
But even time unwinds,
All things do,
They still and die,
Circle then fall,
Make grey the sky.
But that day I had courage,
And upon her fingers I kissed
Each reason she gave me–
All her love, my tender bliss.
And then,
I let her go.

Weeping Willow please don't stop your tears
Fill the lake with salts that restrain my fears
Ignore the handkerchief for drops to dry
And release them full and fast, just cry


Swims in your sea of pains keep mine at bay
Youv'e wept for long, continue i pray
If you're not falling apart then i will be
Sacrifice your smiles and sob also for me


Your base is stronger than mine i am sure
If i lament as you do i would not long endure
So i'll give you my troubles to keep the lake high
For if you cease wells will form in mine eye


I'm too weak to give the pool it's due pay
Without you the lake and i will waste away