We're all just labels on legs.

makes me feel giddy and happy.

my heart is just-

aaasdhjksj

i dont think you understand.

you dont understand how much i wanted you back.


i cried. for so long after i lost you the first time.

first time.


i considered finding people because you.

you dumped me.


and we got back together.



i was happy.


but i was scared, thinking

"is she happy?"


"if i do this, she'll be jealous.,, i better not then."




like you said.


did i feel jealous?


do i feel jealous?



hell yeah.


imagine watching someone you love,


someone who was your best friend,

who you hung out with all the time,


slowly get taken away.

from people you dont even know.



well-


that was me for what,

2-3 years.


i ******* loved you.


with everything i ever had.


everything.


i wouldve given up anything to see your smile.



but it seemed like you didnt want it.


but its okay.


its okay.



maybe i will kiss her in the bathroom.


like how we did.



little awkward idiots in the bathroom.

“ you guys get so ****** when i leave but treat me like **** when i'm there
specifically for matt and robin soliel”


****.

thanks.


though you are the one who said that you wanted to avoid us.

you are the one who dumped me. twice.

the one who crushed on one of my best friends during our relationship.

you took out your anger on me by dumping me didn’t you.

you.  

started this drama,

didn’t you?


now your friends are targeting me.


i’m sobbing over you.


because after all, we’ve shared our moments together.



you had my first kiss.

had the title of robins first serious girlfriend.

robins the first one who had a relationship in the group.

robins girlfriend is so nice.


do you even know how much i showed you off to my friends.


“guys this is my girlfriend. isn’t she so pretty? she’s super nice and god- i think she’s the one. i really do.”


“she’s actually really hot.”


“yeah but she’s mine and not yours, loser. she’s mine. she’s my world. i just don’t wanna think about when the relationship will have to end..”


“i’m sure it won’t any time soon. you guys are so happy together. meant for each other!”




**** you.


****.


i hate this.


i’m not one to hate people but i’m starting to hate you now.


please, do tell your little friend so she can glare at me during class again.


i want you out of my life. you dumped me twice and you’re lying on the internet saying that i treated you like ****.


i really guess those nightly texts didn’t mean anything. those facetime calls. they didn’t mean anything, huh?

I've made her mad, haven't I?

She misses being kissed.

Does that mean SHE wants you back?

That she misses you?

That she wants your relationship back?

You, have a boyfriend.

But you, also miss her kisses.

You want her back.

You miss her.

You WANTED the relationship back.


But YOU, have a boyfriend.

AND, that boyfriend means everything to you.


He means everything to YOU.

But you COULDN’T do anything to hurt him.

You wouldn’t. You couldn’t.

Because you love him so much.


So you picked up your phone,

wrote out “I’m sorry.”

Sent.

DELIVER.


The End.

yet youre the one hanging onto us.

and i hate it but you “love” each other so **** IT MAYBE I JUST WONT ANYMORE BECAUSE IF IT WAS THAT EASY TO REPLACE OUR 9 YEARS WITH HER THEN SO BE IT.

one dinner. just one ******* meal PLEASE i just want to have one meal without hearing you curse me under your breath.

yes my brother spilled his drink.

ONE ******* SPILL.

one.

spilled.

soda.

that’s what ******* set you off huh


THATS IT??

crying my ******* eyes out because

all i wish is to be okay.

i just want to be ******* okay

i want to know how it feels like to be in a loving family.

where i have both parents.

where my father isn’t abusive

where my mother isn’t struggling.


where i’m- loved.


and now, i tremble at the sound of footsteps walking by.

trembling, shaking, as i hear the shouting.

it’s my fault isn’t it

if i weren’t born none of this would happen.


none.


of.


it.


now here i am.

sobbing in the bathroom.

locking myself in the bathroom.


hoping i could at least figure out how to survive.


i just need to survive

move out when i’m 18,

think i’m crazy?

if only you ******* knew what happens at home.


all i really feels by now is pain and sadness.

A sun, shining bright into her eyes.

She opened them, cooing at her mother, laying in the hospital bed.

A little girl has been born,

but she has yet to find out what will happen.

Little Soleil will no longer,

feel.

michael, is it fake?

about the fights

the arguments

the ignoring


the sleepovers

the playdates

the parties

the birthdays


the everything



no ones perfect and i don’t expect you to be,

i wish you would talk to me more,

hug me more,

look at me more,

is this a sign of “hey,, i love you?”

god i don’t know anymore

i’ve broken my heart so many times

you’re all that’s on my mind

god i wish i could see you one more time



but youre hers.

and she’s yours.



she’s mine.

i’m not sure if i’m hers.


feelings are dumb

feelings are stupid


i really do think i love you

but as you said


“i think it was platonic”

“i think i lost feelings”


i don’t blame you after all

it was 3 years ago


i just wish i had you all those years


i wish you were my girlfriend?


maybe it’s the loneliness.


maybe it’s the mood swings.


maybe i don’t want anyone right now.


i honestly don’t know.


but believe me when i say,


i love you

cause then i wouldnt have met you

*******'re really dying huh?

no no no no no no no no no no non onno no...


alex dont leave me


dont leave us.


we love you so ******* much


we need you?


yeah.


we need you.



i hope youre well.



you'll be in a better place.





i dont want you to die.

when you complain about how you dont want people looking over your shoulder when your writing.


im hiding things because youre hiding things.



at this point im too scared to write anything because you'll see it

Be thankful, they say.

What is there to be thankful for?

SOMEONE JUST HELP ME PLEASE I HAVE NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL.

HOW DID I SPEND MY "THANKSGIVING?" I SLEPT AND WORKED.

WHY?

BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE IN THIS ******* HOUSEHOLD HAS A BRAIN AND THEY DON'T MAKE ANY MONEY.

I just thought that this year might've been different.

I love the feeling of knowing I have a girl's heart wrapped around my fingers.

The feeling of being loved.

Just knowing that someone's mine,

and that I'm her's.



I don't have that anymore.


Cause she left.


She left me.

the more i realise how much you mean to me

i wanna die
“no you don’t. you’re asking for attention.”

let me **** myself
“you’re overreacting.”



i’m hungry
“deal with it. you’re getting fat anyway”

i want to leave the conversation but i can’t

you’re being lovey dovey and i no longer feel comfy

and i don’t wanna make you feel bad

I'm sorry. My best isn't good enough. When I try, I don't try hard enough apparently.


I'm sorry. I shouldn't be happy. BECAUSE WHENEVER IM ******* HAPPY SOMEONE SAYS **** TO ME TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD. WHY CANT I BE HAPPY WITHOUT YOU ******* ON ME *******

i̸̧͈̣̳͔̮͚͙̘͂̾̏̌̋͠m̸̨̨̝͍̬͑͂̀̇̾ ̸̢̫̼̝̩͉̗̦̈́̽̾̀̑̚͜͝ģ̸̯̤̱͕̤̣̰̲̞̍̃͝ơ̵̯̊̎̎͊̏̊͋͠ṋ̸̈́̌̿̀n̴̨̼̗͓̬̆͌̌͆̈́̓͝­̼a̶̧̞͍̹̰̗̤̖̟̘͗́̇̿̈́͗̕͝͠ ̶̡̛͙̮̿̿̈́́̓̒̿͝ǩ̸̡͍̼̟̝̈́́͒i̵̻̭̘̯͆͑l̸̛̤̱̖̣̞̠̓̀̓l̷̡̻̰͎̾̐̒̌ͅ ̷̡͙̜̰̞̪̜͓̀͑̾̈́̋̐̾͜͠m̵͚̗͚͕̣̓y̸̛̠̥̻̠̝̬̋͆́̃͊͝s̶̡̡̨̛̲̞̬̻͎̟̚ͅé̷̢̼̝̈́̆̚l­̵̝̭̠̬̬̠̫͈͊̇͛f̴̬͖̬͂̌̒̓̍.̷̢̛̛̳̦̣̟̖̬̘͒̋̊̈́̔͘͘

wanna hang out sometime?

I,

a biological female,

I have nothing.

Everyone else?

Had $20+ spent on them.

I have nothing

Christmas shouldn't be about gifts.

It's about the thought.

The care.

That's what counts.

NO ONE CARES.

NO ONE EVER ******* THOUGHT ABOUT ME.

IF YOU ******* CARED,

YOU WOULD'VE AT LEAST WRITTEN A CARD.

SAID MERRY CHRISTMAS.

GAVE ME A HUG.

BUT I GOT NOTHING.

NOT EVEN A SMILE.

NOT EVEN A LOOK IN THE EYES.

AM I INVISIBLE?

******* TELL ME NOW AM I INVISIBLE?


sure as hell feels like it.

lovis bought jenny stuff

matt bought kai stuff

robin? well robin bought themself stuff.

i hate you so much youre such an ***

"trying to? you dont look like youre trying to"

no **** sherlock im not showering in front of you

why cant you ever leave me alone?

you always bother me no matter what

what the **** why cant i have a life without you barging into it

i hate it

i hate it so much

i wish youd just leave me alone


so i can die


dont you ever bring up ,y health ever again

mental or not i ******* hate your guts and i know you hate mine too


but dont worry ill be dead soon *******

i love you

no one:

me: this is all i'm allowing myself to eat today

i made this account for us.

to tell people how much i loved you

how you were mine

without you knowing.

i bragged and bragged on how my girlfriend is the best

how she’s amazing.

how she makes my day by just smiling.



and she’s gone.

absolutely nothing

like right now.

Where is it?

i’ll disappear


everything will be fine. i wouldn’t ******* be-

if i told you that the girl you like,


i feel like it’s slowly happening.


slowly falling for her

because i thought we were over.

no talking,

no nothing.

and you messaged me.

the sick feeling in my stomach wont go away.

You.

we shouldnt be doing this because i just broke up with her?


but i said 3 years?



but to be fair,

she said she liked him, one of our best friends, for 9 months.

for 3 of those 9 months, we were dating.



but still.

3 years.

you asked about it.



ive just been pushing down these feelings to the point where they dont exist.


or at least i thought.


i saw you again and they came back.


every time i saw you.


they came back.


so i gave up.


theres your answer

i saw that bandaid on your wrist

i dont ever want to tell you these things because


you dont know the abuse that lies behind the door

Am I young?

Too young to be writing these things?

No.

I'm not.

You don't know what I've been through.

You don't know what happens at home.

You don't know anything about me.

Yes, I'm 14.

Fourteen.

Not even of legal age.

But, you have to understand that I,

I've gone through ****.

You don't know anything.

Don't assume anything.

I'm broken.

Shattered.

Weak.

I just-

Need help.

and that’s all that matters

i need to stop writing about you.

but this is what happens when someone falls in love,

and feels... so.. so giddy.


you might just be an ordinary person,


but to me,

god-

to me you’re like my whole world.


your bright brown eyes lighten up the day.


your beautiful smile makes me warm inside.


your hugs- god your hugs make me feel comforted.


i can’t wait to see you tomorrow