I step to the rhythm of the beat;
   But slowly.
I walk along in the paths of life;
   But the other way.
I see happiness and joy around me
   But not my own.
I try to restore balance and peace
   But I'm so conflicted.
I understand other people's problems
   But I can't forgive myself.
I
   But
I
   But I...................


****.

I am taken at night
In the twilight hours before I sleep.
A breath of death
Whispering to me what I dare not hear.

I am an empty shell;
My personality is a mask over nothingness
Cracks everywhere;
And I left hoping that they do not show.

I could have done better--
Things could have gone my way
Had I only tried harder--
Instead of taking the easy way out.

I haven't done anything but deceive:
Even what is real is actually fake.
Empty accomplishments
Built on a bed of lies.

Each of these things and more I am told
My mind reeling with despair.
In the morning these thoughts will be gone.
Their effects will remain.

The monster that is me
   Is carefully suppressed.
My wildest desires
   Tucked neatly in a corner.

My mind rules everything:
   Even my heart is its servant.
Feelings are no match
   For the fear of losing control.

Because it will happen:
   my eyes will see through red.
Control will be lost.
   All in my path destroyed.

Help me.
For I am losing control.
One day.
I won't hold back.

Die.

What a powerful word
Yet spoken so lightly.

Die.

A word filled with hate
And the rage of a fleeting moment.

Die.

A word screamed by many;
Cowards hiding behind a digital veil.

Die.

A word that is despair,
a tune that lays those who hear it to sleep.

Die.

Die.

Die.

You know you want to.

Hell
Is merely the devil's chest.
An empty hole
He is desperately trying to fill.

We are all strays
Searching for a home
In the secret places
Of each other.

one.

    When she cries herself to sleep
    six out of seven nights a week you must
    say nothing. You must simply take
    her in your arms and kiss her gaunt,
    pale cheeks and wait for her to
    slumber at the sound of your heart.

two.

    On the days where she wishes she
    were part of the stars, tell her
    no. Tell her that there are too many
    lights in the sky and that just one
    would be forgotten the moment you looked
    away from it. Tell her that she is perfect
    the way she is: completely human.

three.

     Don't let her think about the scars
     that no one but her can see. If she
     says "I think I'm broken" smile like you
     know a secret and say, "No, you're mending."
     But do not be the one to fix her - no, she
     must be the one to do it herself, and you
     merely are there to quietly encourage her.

four.

     Read her poetry (even if you are
     not a poet), the kind that uses
     flowery words and compares girls to
     the moon; the kind that you will
     rewrite for her. Make her a warrior.
     Make her a goddess with eyes like a
     wolf's and a smile like a tiger's.

five.

     Laugh with her the first thing in
     the morning and the last thing before
     you fall asleep. Tell her cheap puns
     that you've been thinking of for weeks.
     And when she smiles - the type of smile
     that could bring you to your knees if
     you aren't careful - know that for the
     moment, she's yours. She is whole.

six.

    Love her. Love her like a fish loves
    the sea or a bird loves the sky. Love
    her in the way that your heart feels like
    it's going to burst at any moment every
    time it beats. Love her skin and the way
    it feels against your own, soft and warm
    and utterly flawless. Love her for the way
    her voice trembles when she can't keep it
    together anymore and love her when she
    holds onto you as if you were the only
    thing that was keeping her alive.

seven.**

     Love her, because some days she just can't do it herself.

When you see her cry
     you get a rag,
a gentle delicate cloth.
                                        Lovingly grasp her hand
                                               and dab its tip;
                                       dry each tear as they come.
                                                           ­                               And ask each drop
                                                            ­                                   why it'd leave
                                                           ­                               such beautiful eyes.

  If she wishes
to be in the sky,
  tell her to go.
                              Take the sun ransom,
                              and replace its shining
                                    with her own.
                                                            ­          So you can see her every morning
                                                         ­                          and wish for her
                                                                ­                  return each night.

When you see her scars
  both visible and non-
    touch each gently.
                                             And remind her
                                       that each and every hurt
                                            she has survived,
                                                       ­                                 has only made her
                                                                ­                   that much more unique;
                                                         ­                              that much stronger.

  Show her that she
  is a special person
and is worthy of love.
                                     That she deserves the love
                                            she fears to give...
                                            show her so that
                                                            ­                     one day after you're gone
                                                            ­                      she can find the strength
                                                                ­                    to go on without you.

    Tell her that while
she might not be a goddess
far above worldly desires,
                                          that she is amazing,
                                         for just being herself
                                    for being that beautiful girl
                                                            ­                   who thinks herself damaged
                                                         ­                         when in truth she's just
                                                            ­                    a different kind of beautiful.

   And finally, love her.
  Like a boy loves a girl
Till she finally remembers
                                            that that's what she is:
                                          not a scar, not a goddess,
                                             not a star. But a girl.
                                                           ­                         That deserves to be loved.

You can't toy with me anymore;
I love you.
Your ploys aren't going to work anymore;
I love you.

No more beating around the bush.
No more thinking you can pull and push
My heart

I love you.
There, now it's out in the open.
I love you.
My words are my only token

That I love you.........................

I wake up sweating
My sheets are drenched from my dream.
My dream..........

I see you now;
All the walls are back between us.
Living like friends
When we know there could be more.

I'm back in my bed
Lying on the sheets I still haven't washed.
Thinking of the pain
matched only by my feelings.

........................................

Once again I'm in a dream
I see you off in the distance
I want to run to you and hug you
Like I've done so many times before

But I stop short
And walk the other way
I'm done trying
It's useless.

I wake up to the smell of bacon
My roomate made a special treat.
The pain I have is fading
Numbness is taking its place.

Woes, put into poetry
Coming out as a jumbled mess
Left for passers-by to decipher.

Making no sense
Throwing my emotions together
Hoping that it makes a rhyme.

Inconsistent
Syllables and stanzas mean nothing.
All I want is attention.

The finished product
Even I can barely understand.
All that matters is that I got it off my chest.

Why do I keep writing?
Maybe it's the feelings
That never go away.

All I write is stupidity
Words spewing out of my head
That mean nothing at all

Each time I create
There is a sadness that grows inside me
Threatening to ***** me out.

Why do I write?

Why? If it is all just stupidity?

If it has no meaning, even to myself?

I'm just a Jumbled Mess,
And my poetry reflects me---
But there is nothing there.

My heart should remind me
  That I am alive.
My mind should remind me
  To keep it that way.

So why doesn't it?

Love is a terrible and gentle beast
  Living inside my chest.
Killing me softly with a tender word,
  Devouring me with silken teeth.

And it feels so good.

For every girl who was a "*****"
    because she said no to a boy;
For every girl who was a "****"
    because she said yes.

For every girl who was "asking for it"
    because she wore a short skirt;
For every girl who was a "*****"
    because she wore a long one.

For every girl who was a "challenge"
    because she liked other girls;
For every girl who was "easy"
    because she liked both.

For every girl who was "fat"
    because she had dessert;
For every girl who was "anorexic"
    because she didn't.

For every girl who was "insecure"
    because she wore make-up;
For every girl who was "ugly"
    because she didn't.

For every girl who smiled
    because she thought she was pretty;
For every girl who cried
    because she was told she wasn't:  

Here’s to you.

What have they done to her?
   Ravaged and plundered
Ripped her and bit her.
   Tied her up and pinned her down.

Why would they do this?
   To satisfy their perverse desires.
To infect someone else
   With the hurt they've endured.

How could this happen?
   Because she'd been hurt before.
After the pain had dulled,
   It was the only thing that excited her.

Please stop.
  Stop hurting her.
Hurt me instead.
  Just make it stop.

Please.

I'm scared.

While wandering through the valley of my soul,
Disheartened at all the grey;
By chance I came across a single rose
Shining like all the colors of the day.

Said the rose, "Do not pluck me, for I am thorny
And have pricked many a passer-by."
Said I, "I care not, for you are lovely
Fairer than you I have never seen."

Hearing this, she burst into sobs, crying:
"These thorns I have grown to cover my wounds;
Scars left by those who failed to pluck,
And I left in the dirt.

Do me a kindness, sir, and do not try;
I am sure you will fail like all the others.
Rather--save your hand, and my heart:
And leave me here, alone."

So departed I along my way;
Pitying her as I went.
For she was truly beautiful--
But did not know it yet.

When an angel cries,
The whole world stops to listen.
When an angel dies,
The whole world weeps and mourns.
When an angel cries,
The whole world stops to listen.

So why don't they see her?

In my world there's fun and adventure;
In your world I sit alone.
In my world we're always together;
In your world my heart's a stone.

Our worlds are worlds away--
If you can forgive the pun.
I can only live in one of them:
Try and guess which one.

Do you want to know something?
A secret the world has yet to know?
Something everyone thinks is a lie,
But merely the golden truth.

You are the most beautiful you.
You are never alone even when it may seem so.
You are LOVED by so many but you may never know.
You have no flaws in my eyes.

Take my hand, see the light.