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 Sep 2018 Lefa Mzondi
Physically, I'm okay, emotionally I am colder than any winter.
Its a moment in time,
it finds me ever so often.
Like a vague dream that lingers throughout the day,
Or like a childhood home that isn’t gone but isn’t the same.
I miss it with so much of my heart,
And I go back to it often,
It reminds me where I came from, why I am me,
It reminds me of true friends who deeply care.
The moment seems passed,
but the friend I think of often,
I can’t think of a better person than the one of this moment,
I wouldn’t wish any life without them in it.
Its funny because they’re here,
But consistency doesn’t come often,
I see a future in their eyes that I can’t forget,
It’s home and I feel I am always chasing it.
They’re not the one,
at least now,
But their character stays with me often,
Like your deep passion that leads you to a life career,
Like those postcards of paradise that lead you to your own .
I don’t know why she’s stuck around so long,
I don’t know why it comes back so often,
The peacefulness is kind of melancholy and lonely,
But the kind of lonely that you share with another.
Its almost taunting its place in my life,
How it follows between friends so often,
It never seems to fit, like a daisy taken with the weeds,
Like a singer in the shower, with no audience to listen.
I want my friend close,
But how with pain so often?
I can’t seem to bring the past to the present,
I just want to acclimate to the change without loss.
I could go on forever,
My heart cries often,
This may just be a guide for one to come along,
It may just lead me to a home with similar peculiarity.
I will carry this flower,
I will smell it often,
I won’t forget the past with all the good it brings,
I will take what I’ve learned and trek to my home out there.
 Aug 2018 Lefa Mzondi
Acina Joy
You were.
You were the sun.
You were the pale moon.
You were the nebulous skies.
You were the large, hidden forests.
You were the perilous, unbound seas.
You were the large, hailing pandemonium.
You were the warm, dangerous, crackling fires.
You were the distant winter upon a loft near the lake.
You were the heat that rushed through my terrible flesh.
You were the cold present through the frozen snow.
You were the sad rain upon the garden below.
You were the dispensation of last spring.
You were the ruling law on land.
You were the due on my lips.
You were our sad kiss.
You were the burn.
You were here.
You were.
We were.
thinking, hoping, wondering.
for so long it was a question of
when life would begin to progress
forward - until now, when it is

am i ready? can i handle this?
for so long i'd only dreamed of
the mere possibility to the point
that, perhaps, i never believed
it would happen.

and now, here i sit. wondering.
everything i've been waiting for,
everything i've been working towards.
every day when i thought i couldn't go
on, every night when i didn't want to;
the dream was all that held me.

and now it is here. and i sit.
am i ready?
apparently impossible to please.
// she falls in love the same way that she falls apart; quickly and all at once.

tumbling into his outstretched palms with a startling intensity, his fists clench and she cries.

she wants him to hurt her, leave smouldering bruises around her neck. Force your fingers down her throat and make her beg. maybe this love; choking sounds and blood.

it’s almost funny, the fact that she still hasn’t learned yet; make him your everything and you will be left with nothing.

and it feels like hell, almost romantic.

her lips part in the dimly lit room, gasping for air.

that’s the thing, there is nothing he could do to her that she wouldn’t do to herself. hold a knife to her neck and watch her soul drip from her mouth

one rib at a time you snapped them all like twigs and complained that she made too much noise. too much,

too loud.

lungs swimming in fluid yet she breathes out flowers, because that’s what pretty girls do; that’s what you wanted isn’t it babe? beauty. perfection.

don’t let him inside your head, keep him between your thighs or else everything around you will become white noise; fading into the background.

go on, romanticise it. i dare you.

force its unwilling bones into a metaphor or a simile.

pretend that we fall apart into beautiful, tragic spectacles and simply glue the broken fragments back together

she sat in the dark with a cup of tea between her shaking hands, resisting the urge to split her veins over the white walls and string her organs from the ceiling like fairy lights.

wanting to die in the most violent of ways is a lot less convenient than it seems; an unholy addiction of the rawest degree.

darling, i’m sorry he made you feel like you are hard to love,

because loving you is the easiest thing in the world //
the sun drips
yellow yolk

the gold knots
of my spine
breathe the first of Spring days
the radio plays our favorite song

i see you backwards
all the times we had

the sky is blue, the lake is blue
your eyes are blu
and they say i look like your
oh gods. help me
i can’t feel anything
except you
and everything here is you
Edit: Thanks everybody! I didn’t realize this was a daily until later.
 Jun 2018 Lefa Mzondi
I want my love for myself
To overflow
And I want my overflow of love
To seep over onto you
But for now
My cup is empty
And maybe you can sense
That I have nothing to offer you
 Jan 2018 Lefa Mzondi
You know all those songs you introduced me to?
All those songs we used to listen to together?
I still listen to them today
Even though you're long gone and I'm still stuck in the quicksand of our love.
It hurts, but it's okay.

The memories flood back to me and
I welcome them all wholeheartedly.
For it reminds me of better days
Where the blue from the oceans stood out more
The crimson hues of the sunsets painting your very being
Where your onyx eyes bore far away
Past me and our galaxies.

And I always asked you, 'what do you see?'
And although you never really told me I still thought it was perfect for it was so worthy of your attention.

Now that that's all over and you've blown yourself away like the sand on the rocks
I can't help but wonder though.
Amidst the waves you sailed away from me by
During the thunderstorms you know I sent you
Did you ever look back to me
To us?
It may seem selfish but I really hope so.
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