I find myself doing the things you used to do.
The way you'd bite your lip when you were thinking.
The way you'd put your hands together
During a scary movie.

I find myself mimicking the little things
That I loved about you.
And it breaks my heart to feel this;
That I can't get you out of my head.

Your actions, your smile, your voice:
They're imprinted in my brain.
You became a part of me
And I think that's what made it hurt so much
When you left and took that part of me
With you, away from me.

Everybody tells me
"Just get over it"
"Move on"
"It was just a stupid summer crush"

But you were everything to me
And I don't think I'll ever be able to feel that again.
I steeled my heart and closed off my mind.

I'll never let anyone in like that again.
Never.

But sometimes... I want to

If anything awkwardness
Is an attractive attribute
A lot of people find enduring

And I am awkward,
A social pariah
I stutter and hardly make eye contact

I run my hands through my hair,
Bite the skin from my lip
Trip over what I mean when I speak
And over thin air

I am awkward
I am me

"You're like the sunset" I said to her

"Why?" she answered.

I stared to the sunset while saying,

"Sunsets are beautiful. Everyone loves it even though they can only stare or look at it. But nobody owns them. Nobody can own them."

"Just like you" I said quietly as if she won't hear it.

When its over, Im going to scream out of happiness until I lose my voice
When its over, I will leave my room
When its over, I will read that book I bought months ago
When its over, I never want it to come back
When its over, I will brush my hair
When its over, I will finally open my windows
When its over, I will make plans and keep them
When it's over, I'll let people meet the real me
When its over, I can do what I want because I'm no longer in control

When depression is over, I will be free.