cute chuckles
what’s so funny
absolutely nothing
she is nervous, angry
& sad
all she can do is laugh
all she can do is pretend,
act like things are okay

“residents only”
you opened a gate to
an apartment complex
one bottle of soju
you and me
i drank most of it though
the sky is getting darker
i need to leave
but i stay a bit longer
bottle almost empty
you said i was cute
you were smiling at me
the sight of my drunk ***
singing and dancing
im sweetly spinning around

that beautiful face of yours
you give this aura with your smile
you must be in a good mood
i took a glimpse of your eyes
it’s completely different
you look vulnerable and scared
i asked what’s wrong
Im greeted with silence

think to yourself
and just breathe
take something
to make you feel
above the clouds
past the moon,
past the stars

her legs are aching
she isn’t running
she is actually walking,
with her head down
attention...
she doesn’t want any of it
everything is a red flag
stone cold
just from a noise or a touch
nothing but fear inside her soul

sickening world
let me out
i never asked for this
to be sad,
to be frightened
miserable individuals
that's what we are

flowers are blooming
do you hear that?
birds are chirping all around
the harsh cold is over,
the sun giving me warmth
something you never gave me

i broke a little bit
as i read your response
worthless, that word
thats what you said
you described yourself
as worthless
“don’t think like that”
“you’re not worthless”
i said that as tears were falling

upbeat songs
the kind of sound that
makes your mood brighter
or slow ballads
those few lines that give off chills,
because you can relate
i dont know what to listen to
im feeling quite down
am i in the mood to jam out?
or should i be a sloth?
you know
just let the uneasiness seep in
do i even have the energy
to make myself feel better?

so it was true
i wasted my time
and you told me from the start
don’t you feel bad for me?
i cried and cried
i was patient for the longest
thats just down right selfish
and the thing is
you don’t even realize that

i dont want this
im in such a vulnerable state
i was uncomfortable
and you knew that
you had the nerve to
make me feel bad
when i already have my death bed laid
so beautifully
i didnt have a choice
i just wanted to sleep
but you kept begging so i gave in
you got what you wanted
and im just there
laying there, i was shaking
if you held a gun to my head,
just pull the trigger
let it happen
I have nothing to lose at this point

The concert just finished
I had the time of my life
But my body gave out
dehydrated, exhausted
I remember being scared at how pale my hands were
It was midnight
Im inside an ambulance
And my mom was waiting at the hospital
I laid on the bed as if I was dead
I recall my mom telling me that my blood sugar
Was very low— around 60 mg
That moment, I didn’t feel anything
And I liked it
My mind wasn’t jumping from wall to wall
I felt at ease
I was taking a break from myself

i like pain
but that doesnt mean you
have the right to hurt me
why would you want to do that,
hurt the ones that you love?
im not very kind with myself
the meanest person is myself
im already suffering

These past few days
Seemed long
Longer than usual
i hate it