dating a writer
is like guessing the weather.
you think you know what you'll get,
but you never do.

you never know
because

she'll create a hero
from your weaknesses

and she'll write a great character,
from every last flaw.

she'll create a thousand plots  
from your worst nightmares.

she'll take every last thing you hate
and create something you'll love.

she'll turn your anger
into confessions of adoration,

and she'll make you,
everything you're not.

but worst of all,
she'll leave you wondering-
is it you she's in love with,
or things she's created from you?

but here's the beauty of it:

if you date a writer,
you'll never die.

1, 2, 3...
7, 8, 9...
11, 12, 13...
17, 18, 19...

Still no one stops,
Tears flows forever it seems.
As the time stops,
So does my heart.

I send my angels to protect you,
I send them to save you.
I want you to be forever mine,
I want your love to be mine.

Two woman stop in there day,
To make sure that I'm okay.
I cry as I tell them no,
I told them how you tried to go.

They wait and watch,
To make sure I don't end the same.
I never knew I could feel so much pain.

I love you with all my heart.
Stay forever beside me, my Wolfie.

1, 2, 3...
7,8,9...
11,12,13...
17, 18, 19...

One more I'll be on the floor,
More pain, soon peace.
Soon I'll be closing the door,
I want you back to me.

Pill by pill,
I end my will.
Pill by pill,
I soon will ****.

I close my eyes and wait for death,
Soon he lingers over me.
"Why my child you wish for me?"
I reach for his hand,
But he pulls it away.

"Child of mine, why do you cry?
'Child of mine, don't you love?
'Child of mine, won't you be missed?
'Child of mine, why do you cry?"

"Death take me now,
'Free my soul
'Death take me now
'Finish my goal"

"It's not your time,
Just wait and see,
Someday you will be
Exactly who you wish to be."

The first time isn't deep
It's basically just a scratch from the blade
It doesn't bleed a lot
But just enough
To feel the rush

The second time isn't much deeper
"It hurts to much"
But he still feels release
"The pain feels good"
One last slow cut across his wrist

The third time is deeper than before
It's bleeding more
It's hurting less
He loves it more
Hates it less

The fourth time he passes out
He cut deep enough to split the skin
"It makes me feel better"
He explains
"I like it. It puts the hurt on the outside"


The fifth time he goes to the hospital
It's an addiction
Just like other things
He can't stop
No matter how hard he tries

The sixth time there is no pain
He hates having a girlfriend
Then he will need to explain
She will leave him
He couldn't handle it

The seventh time it's his throat
He's home alone
Music blasting
He has a knife
Pressed against his throat
Crying
Hurting
Wanting to be gone

One quick swipe*
It's all over

Hiding behind the walls I made,
I'm not like everyone else,
I hope this thing will just fade.

As I get older it only gets worse,
My momma calls me a princess,
And sometimes it makes me want to curse.

I look in the mirror,
And sometimes I can only stare back in horror.

I have extra parts and missing parts,
My hair is too girly,
My clothes hug the wrong parts.

I just want to scream,
And I don't want to be here.
I wish no one to be near.

But other times I look,
And I can't help but smile,
This has all been worth while.

I look at the wall I built,
And my whole body fills with guilt.
The face I plaster on is not always me
How could I let this be.

Slowly I will take it down
And live my life.
I will be a girl or a boy,
Or both or neither
If that's that day.