Sleep escapes me
when the waking dream seems to fade
back into it's dull reality,
piercing pain and endless disappointments.

my face is hot with anger
and I scream in silence,
clutching my pillow, clutching onto what's left here
hoping you don't let me go
as easily as you took me into your life.

the past will not be altered
you've made your mark.
I can't erase it even if I wanted to.
I'll try to reassemble the shattered trust
but it's harder than it would ever seem.
can't you see that i'm trying,
can't you see that i care?

I steal the breath, the sleep runs away from me
all of my fears taunting me and my fatigue,
and as it sets in,
I look up, begging,
don't let me go- just like that.

I wish I was blind
To leave the superficial behind,
Take a breath from drowning
In the insignificance of my surroundings.

Beauty is the illusion that escapes the surface of me,
I can never find it in the reflection I see.
It has been defined in straight lines
And by the passage of time.

You see that magazine girl?
It makes my head swirl,
Popping off the page
SHE owns the stage.

I once vied for so-called perfection,
Clawing at my face and body
Ripping apart, section by section.

Epiphany struck me to no longer chase it
For it is a mirage that disappears the closer you get.
I peer through transparent skin,
Searching for what lies within.

I desire to find something more,
To learn to shut out the ramblings of a shallow world.