the uncanny feeling wells up inside
my chest
bursting along with a thousand butterflies
this is not a happy day, and we knew this
was creeping
crawling
awaiting to arise in the
awkward silence and steadiness of the
night
you’re gone

and i do not know how to describe it
their doors are decorated with
wreaths and flowers
like a welcoming symphony
a philharmonic of hospitality
their lights are always on at the right time
and it seems that they are friendly to the environment
because
their solar panels gleam like a diamond
catching the light at the perfect time
they pile into the car in the morning
with three beautiful children
prim and proper
the husband looks as if he is
something out of a magazine
and his wife
resembles themis
carrying daily
the flames of passion
but the neighbors next door look sad
maybe it's just me
but when i wave, they do not wave back
they do not even smile
the neighbors next door seem rude
to those who pass
but i understand because
everyone wants to talk about the
neighbors next door
when they don’t realize
that
they are the neighbors next door
too.

I place myself alone
sitting on a wooden dock
overlooking the ocean
imagining myself as
the wind because I believe
that would make me happier than
the emptiness I constantly feel
at least the wind has the water
but
I fight fire with fire
I **** out poison, yet not enough
I am toxic
so I sit, so I envy
and I curse a higher power
and I wait for you to walk
with a heart of steel to comfort me
to hold me, to love the poison
that is I
I don’t let you in
and I am still alone
I watch the snakes wrap themselves
around you
but still you do not understand
even though you do not feel them
and I don’t believe that you ever will
so in turn, I will sit alone
until my demons escape
until the wind and water show me
that I am free

There is strength within the masses,
For women who face injustice.
But as you walk with your head higher,
Your voice speaks to trust us.

Because you are so much bigger,
Than the monster that lives within.
Than the marathon you ran,
As you walk away with a win.

Even though you're tired,
And even though its hard,
Your beauty resonates stronger
For your heart will aways guard.

Now your footsteps turn to gold,
Once you battled evil with glee,
Just know I walk alongside you,
A perfect roll model you are to me.

And the women who could not stay,
To tell the tale of their feat,
Will rejoice up above,
For you have not walked away in defeat.

I'm here to say I'm proud,
And I hope one day you will see,
That the strongest are these women,
And the faith we put in she.

there is a comfort in the silence because you are with me
replace the ringing in your ears to steady whispers and
abolish the goosebumps caressing your flesh into silk
if i wanted to be afraid (oh i had been) i could
but
you make it impossible
everything is more consolidated in your arms
even death
and maybe if all i can see is a sparkle in your eye
than i have achieved the greatest realization
of      them     all

oh how i  have witnessed a miracle

why gorge and wallow in the darkness?
why take in substance less likely
to harm the living?
minds deteriorate quicker
than flesh after all!
and bodies
were not built for fear.
so build the strength while you have it.
folding words like origami,
and stretching beyond
the sick feeling of failure

you lived.

you cannot write about
what you don't feel.
and heavy weather
cannot stop a driver
from reaching a destination.
really, vitamins were only
long stings rolling down internal skin.
you always got sick anyway...