Dear Lover,

you are my first
I followed you with fragile feet
I touched you with innocent hands of  infants
finally able to control my own muscles
everything has lead to you
breathing has lead to you
seeing color has lead me to you
I remember your dark hair
and something inside of me sinks
like a ship with a thousand souls
awaiting their death
somewhere in that bottomless pit of beauty and destruction
somewhere deep in those waters awaits my last sign of hope
something of a tragedy and meanings lost as to why I want
nothing more than to be with you
and something inside me now wishes nothing more
but to be swallowed by this dark and endless ocean
of your reluctant love and dimmed fire
something inside of me begs to be in that darkness
so that I may not know another day of suffering
I walk throughout my day invisibly bleeding
gushing red on every sidewalk
I am ashamed to walk into places where people
are happy, and stain their surroundings with my
invisible affliction
only those who know can see it
but I cant see them
I cant see anything because I am subdued completely
immersed in my catastrophic realm of a deep agony
your heart is a vast desert
and I am completely lost within it
and this famine and drought is killing me
I am starving
my skin sags, I can barely open my eyes
and I am growing into something far beyond emotionally weak
in one second if you tell me to go
I will exit this world that I have thrown myself into by will
and will never twitch at the thought of you again
I will exile myself from here never leaving a trace of my soul
behind

sincerely , Lover 1







Dear, Lover

I understand that you are tiered with me
and I am sorry that I make you bleed
but keep in mind that your invisible red
showers like a waterfall unto me
remember that I warned you about my senseless ways
about my chained spirit flying free
about my deranged childhood and my broken hands
I warned you about my shattered eyes and my wasted lands
I cant help but wither away like pedals falling off a rose
in the height of spring
when you bring yourself close to me
when you smile that simple smile
I can die in your simplicity
I can die in your beauty
I can live in your eyes
and Im sure you know that more than once
it is plenty of times because of the portraits of you hung in my head
I fall apart like an ancient wind and cry
Im sure you know many times I asked myself why
why life must I be in this displaced manner
of a starved love and barren core
for there would be nothing more satisfying
then enjoying the ocean and things like autumn and the red leaves with you
do you not that think I am hurting too
you saw how my skin grew bright when you were next to me
you felt me from the inside of me
I let you hold me like a mother would hold her child
even if it was for a second I let you give that love to me
and it hurt more than anything I can ever bring myself to write about
or put into words
I was not meant for this life
as much as I want to be
I was simply not made for this love
my heart shatters and blows like glass
only things of nature can burn how I burn
we have been through this before, I try to stay away from you
but when something sits in front of you, so undeniable it is hard to learn
it has taken me quite sometime to say this
but apart of me has refused to stay with me
and will forever stay with you
a part of me has loved you more than it loved me
and I cant take that back, it is out of my hands
you say my heart is a desert
if I could generate a spring for you to enter naked
simple and at ease I would
but the only spring I have are those which
flow through my eyes and upon my chest
Im sorry
Goodbye

sincerely, Lover 2

come my most adored pain
my most cruel love
lets us fly on the wings of infants
let us bathe in the paint of white innocence
come to me with your palms wide open
so that I may read those brittle creases
and see myself within them
come to me on your mornings
when your head hurts
so that I may kiss the indent of your
beautiful temple
come to me when when your eyes
have become drought
and your heart a famine
so that I may plant the seeds of my sorrow
into you
and rub the heat of your bruised cannon

come to me when all has withered away
crawl to me on your knees
so that I may give you the strength within me
when you come to me I want you to say
let us **** our hearts and shun this dismay
tell me its okay
that today will be that day
when blood turns from brown to red
and hearts burn and shiver under the sun
in the midday
our lips wont touch, fingers stilted in a wither
I beg you
I beg you
to stay

and look at you with eyes of wonder, gratitude, chastity
I
I
will always feel you this way

my solitude was the closest things to me
and please I ask you to take it and **** it if you may

I tiptoe like a slave escaping his prison
held for crimes that he never committed
to you
to you
I have forfited
towards your dark beauty
I am driven
lets bathe in the dust
of our elephants tusks
I will shower you with my skin
and whatever it is that is left of this
worlds luck

Alas afront standing before thee, brave
Cowish, unable to ask thee outright
Bewitched by thine beauty, oh humble knave
Oh whose virtue doth bloom roses anight

So elegant, set agaze even love
Drawn so, ah that love might set me aflight
To be carried by the wings of a dove
Standing tall with passions affect tonight

Oh, ready to sooth thy sorriest grief
To have seen thy don thy answer sincerely
To have heard thee breathe a sigh of relief
Fain heart o'mine, and let eyne see clearly

Cowish, cowish no more, fain for thy *****
Awaiting thine sweet roses answer, glum.

Though the pain from watching you
     walk away
has simmered to an intolerable
Scratch,
The fire of my love has merely been reduced
to smoldering embers, still wildly glowing
With my lingering love for you.

For I still cannot look at you without my heart aching
     just a little.
I still cannot see her face next to yours
without secretly wishing I were she.

I cannot think about your new life with her
Without feeling the cold, hard stab
    of jealousy.
Cannot dream about where your new life will take you,
without wishing I could experience that with you.

What upsets me most; however, is simply that
I think these things.
That even though its been almost a month now,
Since those "bells did chime",
I still cannot completely shove you from my mind.

Though I tell myself,
"Enough is enough, he has a new life now..."
My heart struggles to believe that it is over.

It is unbelievably irritating that the harder I try
to shoo you from my thoughts,
     The more you seem to appear there.

Memories of you, I didn't even know I had
Have suddenly emerged from whatever
Darkness they were hiding in.

Practically anywhere I go...
Anything I do leaves me with an old memory of you.
Something we once did...
Words you once said to me...
Secret love no one else seemed to notice.

Though I am doing better than expected,
Getting over you...
Forgetting you...
Deems to be a task I can hardly achieve.

The act of being strong, Is failing me by the minute.
Or perhaps I am failing it.
Or perhaps the issue
Lies with the fact that everything in my little world
Seems to be changing right before my very eyes,
Leaving me completely helpless, powerless to stop it.

Can I come to you as I am,
in secret-
brimming with the need to be held?
Can I lay hot whispers on your skin
then taste how they make you feel?
Can I show you how to touch me,
how hard to press?
If I cry
can I hide salty tears
in the soft curve of your neck?
Can I bite, ever so gently,
before I scream?
Can I be your lover,
without you loving me?
Can I, please?

An obscene, sickly beautiful scene
Met me with a ***** sheen
It dulled the tightness in my chest:
The butterflies when I misstep.
Like the second-guessed ache of paranoia
that left me curled at the foot of the sequoias
waiting still and tense, for your voice to fade.
Never for a moment dropping my charade
as I paraded proudly back inside declaring
my true innocence; I found you unsparing.
You swallowed my word and I found you even
Requesting repetition, so you could believe in
the obvious lies leaking my lips,
and you know what they say: loose lips sink ships.
So when you come to grips,
I’ll still be installing microchips
Inside that open wound of yours.
While you’re hugging porcelain on all fours
I won’t be sympathizing with all the ******
Who leave their lipstick napkins on your lap;
Who fall into your egocentric death trap.
I was never one of those,
To be used and then disposed…
So while you’re trying so hard to make me jealous;
I’ll just tell you your method is overzealous.
You had your chance before;
You’ll have no chances anymore.
You can finally stop trying to request the help of cupid,
I promise you I only ever loved you young and stupid.

Sunshine on bare legs,
feet on the dash.
Wind twisting through opened windows
and newly loosened hair.

Open road with the heat dancing
waves from the black top.
Petty and Mellencamp on the radio
sets the tone for our American adventure.

Let's head to Phoenix or Santa Fe,
anywhere as long as it's with you.

The sun is calling our names,
calling us away from these cold, barren plains.

You don't belong here,
your eyes are screaming for the summer.
Your soul is tires on pavement
creating it's own humming song of freedom.

My feet are planted here,
but it's time to uproot with you.

She walks in beauty, like the night
     Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
     Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
     Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
     Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
     Or softly lightens o’er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
     How pure, how dear their dwelling place.

And on that cheek, and o’er that brow,
     So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
     But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
     A heart whose love is innocent!