It's all coming down.
That which I built up over the years,
brick by brick
with bleeding hands.

I realise now
what it all meant,
those unthought actions and
unacted thoughts.

And I see it all before me
like the sad endings of the movies
you don't want to watch.
Your face in the mirror just like
you wish it wasn't.
Secrets in a drawer and
you regret having looked.

Each story they tell you is like
another dash
- on the canvas that shouldn't be
painted.

Maybe there's a reason for it all
and one day you'll be given a diploma
you don't really need.
Because they're telling us
you'll learn.

But what do you do when you
haven't learnt yet
and the mistakes are still
being made?

And that which you are hiding from
is chasing you
like the sea at your ankles and
it's too cold
so you're running
and you're scared
because this wave is bigger
than the one before.

Suddenly you're drowning
down and down
until you feel your palms press
flat
against the bricks from all that time
before.

You open your eyes for just the
slightest second
to see them stained red
and you know where that's from.

But they're in your way,
why won't they budge?
And you feel yourself
slipping away from under
whatever it was you used
to shield yourself.

It's all fading
and the bricks are
rebuilding themselves
but only in your mind because
that is what happens at
the end.

And you're wishing you had smiled
at the boy on the swing who
didn't yet know the world
and the girl running out of the
school gates on her last day
and the old couple who
kept on bickering.

You wish you had smiled
before it was too late.

If I seem a little shaky,
it’s just my nervous twitch,
but I'm starting to see double,
double the trouble,

crawling on my knees,
Trying to find my keys,
Tearing up the carpet,
Chewing it with my teeth,

Laughing hysterically at nothing at all,
hitting my head against the nearest wall,
continuously *******,
I just can’t contain myself at all,

Sitting in the bath fully clothed,
******* over the bathroom floor,
burning my arm with a lighted match,
trying to eat my nicotine patch,

I'm loaded up with pills,
expecting some big thrills,
but I'm left rocking in my chair,
Its just my ******* breakdown, yeah.

Live like an unappreciated stranger
in your own house.

Become the careless talk at family dinners
about the disappointing child
and pretend like it was all a joke
and slowly lose yourself with every
echo of drunken laughter.

Look into the eyes of someone you love
and realize how you can't feel anything
other than dread.

Become the lustful thoughts of someone
you can't love
and watch them cut themselves
into pieces for you, when
in the end
all you can say is a pitiful "thank you,
but I'd rather be a lonely wreck
drifting across the sea."

Ask yourself to be found
in a map with no direction
and with nothing but your
faulty heart to guide you away
from home.

Pretend like the music
disappears into the background
of the screenplay your life has become
and the screen slowly turning black.

Find the dread
in your own heartbeat.

Take off your clothes
and see how you sewed every misgiving
into your skin like a story you
never want forgotten
and marvel at how bad your stitching is-
can't even hold yourself together.

Hear the sound of the rain
and wonder why
the grey clouds of your heart
never go away with the same.

As clones we pride ourselves
born in light to die in darkness
we that flew like eagles with talons
to the edge of imperfection

We fall like broken toys
with our metal frames intact
dead to this world now
just me as their contact

They don't call me puppy boy
knowing may allegiance to you
yet seeing this earth in new relief
most here have no real beliefs

Our history, our story it will be lost
and the mystery of my kind gone forever
for like me, you are at that precipice
at the edge of imperfection


By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris

Lost my way in these salad days,
started to drown in your salad ways,
this distance keeps me from feeling whole,
causing disparity of the soul,

Cordially invited to share my fate,
you didn't show up,  you were fashionably late,
Id packed my burdens in a trunk of desire,
but you stamped on the embers, put out the fire.

And if credence could talk and was given a face,
it would be my companion in this fall from grace,
but for now I’ll just accept my plight,
take a walk in the shadows, avoiding the light.

MISSING YOU
Your slender body,
how I hanker for you.
I'm drawn by the power you exude,
My panic is blind,
I don't know where you are.
I searched from room to room,
In every dark corner,
I haven't seen you for ages,
Totally fed up.
Searched high and low,
getting rather stressed,
Losing my first chocolate bar,
The only one I've seen for weeks!
Found it now,
Stress relief.
Hell, how I love chocolate.
(C) Livvi

He was a rebun pchous a diminutive fellow
a tail wagging nightmare on four legs
and at night he would howl and swoon
to the glow of a full moon

He was a sucker for a sad luck story
especially from that ***** flea ridden
and as she never said, she loved him not
till her own distortion, she was self consumed

Yet as baleen whales notice
she was no pocahontas
she was just another *****
as the dog flew to the moon


By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris

you said you don't want to hurt me
yet words lash like a whip
rending flesh from the heart
what is done, cannot be undone
words cannot be unspoken or unheard
unapologetic and cold
there is no bandage for the wounds
as the blood falls from my eyes
in sulfur and ash

Like a rhyme in song
like the sound of colours
there is something of poetry
I call it, invisible music
I sing to it's harmonies everyday

She is my one true love
my mistress of imagination
for her I do build temples in words
not just to please her in my creations
just for I know I belong to her

I want all to hear such a wonder she brings
her voice with her invisible music
may the day that I die,stars fall from the sky
knowing that you will understand
for the beauty of invisible music

By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris