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I hope the world will see your happiness
I wish they witness it all
and I wanna stand by your side
and bathe in your glory
and I wanna say
that you are my best friend
Written 05/05/2019
What if I don't feel the happiness I read in books
What if I don't get a glimpse of my own happy ever after
What if I don't really exist for a purpose I'm just a cruel joke
What if I end up not making people around me happy
What if my fears and anxiety never leave me alone
What if my nightmares become my reality
What if I stop being able to express myself

What if there isn't a soulmate out there for me
What if all my Nos were meant to be my Yes
What if all the truth I told never did anybody good
What if I never get to feel the glory of Heaven
What if I came into this world with an alignment
What if I never amount to anything
But what if you end up achieving your dreams
What if you felt happiness like never before
What if you overcome all your worries
Just what if?
They ask me if I still love you.

I blush, grin and say;

of course.


Because your eyes are of the most utter ocean blue,

but other days they're the currents of the stormy grey sea.

I see a current of salty water, deep, once blue, but now a faded grey.

I see a bundle of darkened grey clouds in the distance,

and the thunder rumbles from your irises,

and I hear it pound in the back of my mind.

I wonder if you knew.

I see a spark of lightening flash, only once in a while,

while you look at her.

My throat corrodes with bile.

She says she sees green demons lurking in the depth of my own ocean currents,

and I shrug.

What am I supposed to say?

I know you think about her.

Night and day.

The hardest part,

is a generic, old saying.

If you love them,

you let them go.

If they love you enough to stay,

or to come back,

you never let go.

But you haven't come back.
EDIT: Wow. Never expected this to blow up as big as it did. I thank you all so much!
EDIT: 2/15/14
i would say i never loved you, but that is a lie.
they say that your *first* love makes *you realize*, your first *love* wasnt really your first.
i pray for the day this happens.
*getting over you was the best thing i ever did.
and i did it for myself.*
so, one last:
EDIT: 9/14/14
i still hate you.
and you don't deserve her.
EDIT:   12/01/14
im sorry. you still arent
the same person
and neither is she.
but we all grow up.

I was going through my bookmarks
on my old computer and found my old writings.
I just wanted to update this one last time to say things are better,
things are good. Thanks again for all the likes and comments.
Never fall in love with a poet
for their words are sometimes lies
on occasions they're a shield
on occasions a disguise

They will take you on a journey
upon which they bare their soul
in a bid to ease your burdens
in a bid to make you whole

But in every word they choose
for the stories that they tell
lies a little piece of heaven
and a little piece of hell

Tormented souls we poets are
sometimes quite broken and despaired
in search of lost expressions
missed by others who once cared

Never fall in love with a poet
unless you're prepared to share their pain
to hold them close on the darkest nights
over and again
Follow me on Twitter @athomashawkins
the time when
we stayed up
till morning
on the roof,
watching stars?

Just you
and me
the world?

how we felt,
hands and souls

Like glue.
I get
To you.

But you are
a moment-
just fleeting,
never to
be held down,
even by

you don't
that night.

I do, though...
always will.
The heartbreak
that you left
reminds me.
I know that one day I'm going to see you at the grocery store or the movie theater or somewhere out shopping with someone who has taken my place next to you. When I see her, all I'm gonna think is, "that used to be me." I used to hold those hands and kiss that stupid face of yours. I used to be the one who could make you smile just by looking at you.  I don't know where things went wrong, or if they ever really did. Maybe things just stopped. My world just (SweetPlacidity_).   stopped.  I wish it could still be me with you, but there's nothing I can do. I just hope she makes you feel weightless. I hope she makes you feel warm. I hope she makes you smile. I hope she does everything I couldn't. I hope she doesn't make you sad. I hope she holds your hand so tight that nothing can get between you. I hope she kisses you softly. I hope her heart aches when you're not around. I hope her lungs collapse when you leave. I hope her bones shatter when you scream. I hope when you see me, your world stops too.  


— The End —