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Alana Ray May 2020
I wish I could describe the empty I fill...
But there aren't enough words to
feel it.
Alana Ray Sep 2019
That night I almost went crazy
Seeing her posted up with my baby.
Not my man, it can't be...
Is this really how he doin' me?

My body on the ground
Knees to chest, heart to feet, mind gone...

This is starting out like a song...

My heart sings pain, my mind harmonizes insane...

Should mean I'm a genius but I'm just...

Heart broken.
Alana Ray Jun 2019
Motivated... yet unmotivated to write...
Scared of what secrets my pen will tell,
afraid of the pain my heart will remember.
It's not writer's block,
more like heart-block.

That feeling of breaking into pieces,
scattered across the floor
rolling under the bed... my senses.
My fears cling to the ceiling,
my tears fill my bath tub.

That night my lover proved to me
that I was living a scripted TV show.
What I thought was my reality
was fake.

Pathetic I was,
for lowering myself for a man
that was never worthy to call me his.

Visions of my future disappeared,
everything got hazy.

How in four months can I get over what I though was the love of my life?

Unfortunately, I have to report that I'm DOA.
Alana Ray Jul 2018
You erode my thoughts like
battery acid to an engine.
Thinking about is like
oxygen deprivation,
I'm suffocating on my desire
to be with you.

You play traffic in my mind--
at green I go
at yellow I slow down
at red my heart stops,
come to a complete halt.

If madness drove Vincent van Gogh
to cut off his ear
I wonder what extreme infatuation
will cause me to do?
Alana Ray Mar 2018
Leaving me to wallow in my mistakes of yesterday that
will plague me
Alana Ray Oct 2017
Because I love you
I am willing to let you go
to become the person
you always wanted to be.
This by far is my most
selfless act.
Letting go of the only person
I have ever loved...
love heartbreak selfless
Alana Ray Oct 2017
Happiness called my name... but I didn't answer.
I knew that it was another trick, used to get my attention.
A set-up for the ultimate defeat and heartbreak.

I loved before... it was pure. It was good. It was quite
literally everything.
Just how the mind wakes you up
after you die in a dream because death is something
outside of our imagination so was the amount
of feelings I could have for another.

The time has come where I must let my lover
love life. That means never having the
life we talked about. All those wishes
will never be granted.

So that's why I say when happiness called I
didn't answer.
I responded the last time and now I'm sitting
here writing about having to let go the love of my life
in a puddle of tears.
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