what am i trying to say
what am i trying to do
why am i here today
pouring myself out to you

i guess i don't need a reason
needed someone to listen
even if it's out of season
that's not the way i am leaning

i've had enough of my thoughts
wish i could be a robot
something that can shutdown
and will never frown

but that's not very healthy
in any case it's not stealthy
i tried to sneak around the issue
leave it in my rear view

but the reflection's still there
and sometimes i'm still scared
afraid of something real here
never given a real cheer

another beer, drown the fears
liquid courage with no tears
ain't no purpose here
i know that is clear

whatever needs done
i hope i figure it out
i'm the only one
who can hear my shout

if i need to take walks
or someone to talk
it's a part of a plan
for now, just what i can

this isn't a letter
it's a manifesto
to someday feel better
without too much hassle

this is not a revolution
just my resolutions
things i need to sort out
now that i've got my words down

little by little
i think everything changes
little by little
i won't be the same

is this what they call fate
and can it ever change
is that what they all say
the opinions stay the same
that bar just keeps on raising
and i'm shriveling up like raisins
been like that since the beginning
but by the end i hope i'm grinning
cause birds gotta leave their nests right
so i'm gonna live my best life
or drop like a deer in headlights
paralyzed in my dreams and nightlights

i walked down an empty road
it felt so free and open
i wondered why no one took it
but then the pavements were crooked
and i could see the flickering lights
turning the dust into a glimmering sight
i walked halfway only to realize something
that all these paths, they led to nothing
and i'm not the first to notice it
for all intents and purposes, there were red flags
i just didn't want to be dead last

did you check the time?
it must have slipped your mind
you went home so late
look at these cold plates
bet you think i wouldn't notice
bet you think you could control this
i don't like it when you lie to me
when you said that you would die for me

i can understand
if you're not making plans
cause it's only autumn
it's the time for boredom

sun is coming down
i can't feel the ground
raindrops on my head
even on my bed

nothing i can't solve
it will soon dissolve
find a new solution
start a new discussion

turn off the alarm
stay here in my arms
if you need just call
walk you through it all

the forecast says that it will rain
but right now the sky looks the same
we might not even see grey clouds
but let's not worry about that now

cause the rain will come one day
but that day is not today
and i'm not trying to delay
don't you get me wrong

i know i can't pretend
i know that it all ends
when it slips away from my hands
i hope i'll be gone

keeping safe in the meantime
that's a tape you can't rewind
don't know what tomorrow brings
can't let go of anything

i can't run if i don't have the energy
it's no fun if you straight up just answer me
i'd thank you but i know that you won't notice me
so thank god for me, thank god for me
i can't lie if i don't know what's my truth
i can't try if i don't have something to prove
i'll win but i know i still have something to lose
so thank god for me, thank god for me

call me when you get this
you don't wanna miss it
you don't wanna wait too long
they're playing your favorite song
can you wake up when you hear my call
i'll be waiting until next fall

i need to find some strength
to get through today
cause the more that i wait
i might make a mistake

cause everything happens for a reason
and flowers never bloom out of season
it never goes according to plan
with my feet still stuck in the sand

it's all just target practice
i miss and miss till i got it
i never really aimed correctly
but once in awhile i get lucky

most of the time i'm tired
of all these shots i've fired
and i don't have what's required
and the date has now expired

ever wonder why it rains when you cry
ever wonder why it shines when you smile
i guess this world changes for you
i should know cause i do too

it's a concept
it only works on paper
a beautiful mess
cleaning's saved for later

looking through the photos
reading through my memos
where did all the time go
back when all the lights glowed

sometimes nothing
could turn into something new
but i'm still hunting
and i won't find it in you

i won't be your prom date
cause i will break that promise
but i'm still up at home late
cause i was never honest

once upon a time i had a dream
of going places i've never been
somehow it all went with the wind
not now not then, i'll never win
i'm still chasing this runaway train
hoping one day it'll erase the pain
the pain of failure, of knowing i've lost
but i'm not really sure if i know the cost
i forgot how it feels to be on cloud 9
i forgot how it feels to just free my mind
just give it time, that's what they all say
this is a game, that's what they all play
and all day all night we pray to God
and fight to keep all that we got
why is it so hard to get what we want
why do we fight to be number one

but we do it anyway, yeah we do it everyday
and we'll trade what we can trade, everything for better days
it's insane to run away, it's insane to hide my face
yeah we're all used to it, yeah we're not new to it
it's a struggle but it's life and it won't always be nice
but all we got are dreams and dream is what we'll do
it's ups and downs, it's wins and losses
and by the end, we'll be our own bosses

ain't no apologies can ever make this right
i know a part of me is costing my sleep at night
but when i hide my face they never see me frown
and if i look away they'll never bring me down

not looking forward to it
but it's some progress i guess
not that i'm bored of this yet
but i wish that i could forget

so am i the villain in your fairy tale
not even close to winning when our mates are stale
and if i break that mask will i see through you
and if your friends were asked would they say it's true too

something's not right
what happened last night
i can't recall your name
something's not fine
i don't know why
but i won't play your game

why are you so cryptic
don't you know i'll miss it
why you leaving hints babe
did you mean it this way

puzzle pieces everywhere
scattered pieces here and there
leaving all these breadcrumbs
all over this bedroom
no space in my headroom
assuming you exist still
assuming that it's all real
it's something i can go with
but now i can't control it
now it's out hand
i don't understand it
help me to expand it

Waking up another day
Waiting for this month's pay
Hoping one day that I can say
All of this was worth the wait
Maybe then I'll be OK

This 9-5 is frying my mind
These Friday nights are my only lifeline
And down the pipeline are my pipe dreams
Back when life seemed just like a rainbow
Now the rain pours, where the pain goes
Now I just stay low, wait it all out
Wait out this drought, till I can shout

Money doesn't come for free
But **** I wish it came from trees
This ladder that I have to climb
It's all just a matter of time
Wondering when I'll finally strike gold
That'll be when I finally let go

This idea of a home doesn't match what I know
It's clear in my soul that I need to go
Changing is hard but the pain's the same
I won't get far looking for something to blame
The world don't know, the world won't show
Where is my home? Where is my home?

What if I stay for a couple more days
What would you say 'fore I go away
What would you do? What would you lose?
I don't know you, I don't know me
I just can't seem to find my peace
If I go back, back to my past
Can I make it another lap?
Just let me know, please let me know
What is a home? Where is my home?

is there anything worse than losing yourself
i can think of many things stuck on the shelf
must be something else that slipped my mind
perhaps a feeling that someone left behind
i can't just pretend that it isn't there
i cannot see it so i shouldn't care
that sounds fair but i keep having nightmares
then it hit me, it was always right there
paranoid nostalgia just thinking about ya
now my voice is louder but it doesn't have the power
the power to lead me away from my misery

i always have to guess what comes next
i always try my best then end up with less
the less you expect the less the stress
chances to correct your mess and rest
a messy head and a messy bed
paint the room a depressing red
dread is a part of my culture shock
can't get far before those vultures knock
poltergeists they haunt my nights
don't need to fight, they're gone, i'm alright

There's no shortcut in this game
I want to make a move, but every time I do
You come out of the blue, always so brand new
I guess I'm trying to keep it tame
I don't need to guess the weather
Cause the less I know the better

Second guessing all my doubts
How many strikes until I'm out
Am I the only one this patient
Are you sick of all this waiting

I love and hate your poker face
I won't say it right away
I wish I could read your mind
But I hope you can't read mine

I'll try and try again
But every now and then
I find it hard to tame myself
I can only blame myself

i gotta wake up soon
light shining in my room
but i don't see any rays
i just hear the pattering rain

when should we stop dreaming
the alarms have been ringing
everybody's in a hurry
everybody seems so worried

i know i made a promise
but if i'm being honest
everything's so fragile these days
everyone's got debts they can't repay

but i'll see you in america
one day when it's all better
when i make it i'll make up to you
as long as we believe the sky is blue

can you stop me from leaving
can you stop me from breaking
if you can that's good
cause i don't think i could
stop myself

i always flipped a coin to decide
it's like i don't even own my life
it's getting harder to decode my own mind
it'll take too long going by my own time

the risks or play it safe
the glue or let it break
can you help me out
it's so roundabout

should i have listened to my inner voice
the one that keeps yelling bad choice
and maybe i should have sacrificed
the things i could've done without in this life
but in this life, there's no easy goodbyes

can i stop being foolish
and try to be little bit selfish
when it's you i can't help it
but deep inside i'm glad
that i can't stop myself

privacy is really a thing of history
nowadays it's all up there like a gallery
even when i'm alone there's always eyes
it's exhausting putting on such a disguise
when the lights are off and blinds are closed
it would be fine to be blind i suppose
glancing at my back like there's a ghost
staring at every single tweet i post
no such thing as being invisible
still just a student dodging the principal
some of you might say i'm just paranoid
nah i'm just worried about my word choice
twisted voices can make terrible noises
life is a bumpy ride and i'm getting nauseous

it's just another raincheck
just another delay
waiting for sunny days
it's just another raincheck
till the clouds go away
but they always seem to stay

how much longer can i wait
how much longer can you stay
another day is just another way
to say i'm not here today
missing out on what matters
just in case a storm gathers

i can't get out of here
until the weather's clear
an endless loop of waiting
being cooped up, delaying
nothing's ever changing
and it's still raining

let's just take a minute
and try to slow it down
before i let you finish
i wanna take a bow
let's just have a toast
we made it this far
i'm not one to boast
but i think we're on mars
imagine if i quit back then
repeating the past again
imagine if i didn't try
i wouldn't be able to fly
got a lot to thank for
i'll be here for the encore
we endured, now let's enjoy
**** it, make some noise

i need to know
if i can ever let you go
let me know
if i will ever make it home

you are my addiction
the part that i'm missing
going through withdrawal
i can't keep it casual
with you i can't choose
with you it's lose-lose

can't live with you, can't live without
can't leave this hanging with no way out
i need closure for my toxic exposure
i want you closer but it's already over

what's left to say
what's the right way
my contradiction
my addiction

i'm writing this down so i won't forget
so that this hobby won't be a cause of regret
what am i doing this for? what's the bottom line?
is it to settle a score or just to waste time
am i writing for myself or somebody else
not really, i'm just writing to write
my mind feels better when there's a bit of light
and i really just want to create
at least then i won't procrastinate
that's not a promise i can keep
but this is one seed i'll be sure to reap
and if i am known for this that's a bonus
we're all trying to curb our loneliness
so i guess that's where my goal is
trying to stop myself from being complacent
in the end, that's my mission statement

the sandcastles we built
i imagine it still
on the beach, out of reach
are the things we never had
the present became the past
questions never asked
nothing left but the waves
why can't i look away

when i was a kid, i wanted to be superman
i was a super fan, to all the caped crusaders
to all my childhood saviors, wish i had them back
always hung up on the past, stuck on what i lack
that's a bad thing i bet, i guess i need to get
over it. first place's overrated
do i need to go places to really live
i feel relieved just lounging
i don't mind that i'm frowning
my achievements were never crowning
i'm just clowning and that's fine
i guess there's always time

sometimes i think of paper
and i ask it a favor
show me what to do
i don't have a clue
a simple piece of paper
more reflective than a mirror
they ask me how i cope
i just show them my notes
paper is my mind
floating over time
jumping between rhymes
sometimes i'd lie
and say that i'm fine
but never to paper
it never says later
always in the now
that's what it's about

you were in my dreams
caught in tractor beams
i don't know what it means
i can't tell lately
my answer's maybe
maybe i'm insane
do you feel the same

how do i describe
the things in my mind
or is it my heart
oh, how do i start

i wasn't prepared
part of me's scared
to be out in the blue
to be something new

and so i have changed
broken from the frame
where do i begin
starting from my dreams

hello, computer
how does it feel
when everything's real
is it the future
or still the past
and will this last

the monotony changed
things are not the same
my plain and simple ways
seemed to have gone away

what is left
and what is right
what is dark
and what is light

the more i think
the less i know
it seemed so simple
oh, so long ago

they say life is a highway
that way or my way
where it ends i can't say
that depends on the places
the places i'll be
and faces i'll meet
the names that i'll greet
and friends that i'll keep
but how many will leave
and how many are left

will you follow me
to where this life ends
when i'm on my knees
will you hold my hand
will i get to see
flowers on my grave
a familiar face

cause at the end of the day
when i'm gone, far away
and you're left here to stay
will you hold on to me
like a sweet memory
will i make you laugh
or just make you cry
be the tears in your eyes
will that be too much
or just enough

I think I missed my train
I must've overslept
Just waiting in the rain
Zero promises kept

From station to station
They all looked the same
From faces to faces
I lost track of names

I can't tell the time
What's wrong with my mind
Am I left behind
I thought I was fine

If nothing changes
Then is it me or you
To get to places
What will I have to do

Can you hear me from the other side
I'm knocking on the wall for you
Waiting on you to decide
If you will ever let me through

Why'd you think that you can't share
Why'd you think that I won't care
Your heart looks sad all painted blue
How can I get through to you

Will you please unblock me
I know it's unlikely
And I have no keys to unlock
So I'll keep on knocking
Until you unblock me

The way you're hurting hurts me too
But I will bear it just for you
You always seem to be offline
I must've checked a hundred times

If you have some words to say
I'm just one call away
And maybe you won't see this
But still, unblock me

Why do we have to fight?
It's always one or the other
Always has to be wrong or right
It's such a shame to see us bicker

What was it for? Who started first?
I can't ignore that each time is worse
Lines getting blurry between banter and insults
Flying off the handle is more like an impulse

We can't see eye to eye
How can we compromise
It seems that you and I
Exist on parallel lines

Should this be the end
Have one final dance
And then it's never again

another night of overthinking
looking too deep for some meaning

i count the years that passed
and the years yet to come
mapping out the path
to the person i'll become

the life that i want
i can't hope to realize
running on 0s and 1s
and there's no compromise

all this pretense
just means to an end
one day i'll crack
and i can't go back

who is it you think you see?
is that the person i should be?
perfect lies to make a perfect life

so i'm patiently waiting
for a single notification
a sign of a chance
that it's not over yet
i can't divert my glance
i'm afraid that i'll lose this bet
it's getting to my head
and i know i might be wrong
but one misstep and then i'm gone
maybe my mistake was at the start
all the million other parts
of the puzzle i need to solve
god i feel like i'll dissolve
it's confusing and exciting
finally i'm struck by lightning

what am i doing on a saturday
nothing just hoping these clouds would go away
what a waste of time, being bored out of my mind
summer was supposed to let me unwind
but now i just want to rewind
at least that'll be something to do
at least that'll get my mind off you

oh look at that, it's already 3am
and i have no idea where i am
i just drank how many shots
and now i'm ******* lost
i've been to how many bars
and is this even my car
it's all a blur in my head
now the curb can be my bed
i miss that comfy feeling of a home
in my humble abode, being alone
i feel quite free, with no one but me
if only that life was easy
now i'd rather spend nights
hiding from the light
avoiding any fights
relationship's a drag
i got enough in my bag
check the ones under my eyes
i wish my shadow was more my size
i wish this smile wasn't a disguise
i already know the why of my conflict
i need to find the how,
i think i'm ready for it to end now

it's harder to dream lately
i'm so caught up with reality
that i can't imagine like i used to
i guess part of me just refused to
let myself take it easy or relax
like it's just gonna hold me back
i guess i'm just bored and dead
with nothing going on in my head
i need more distractions
before these thoughts gain traction
then it'll be ******* bad
cause by then i can't go back

Since when did this whole thing begin?
I think I'm playing a game that I can't win
Who fell for whom first?
Who will say those final words?

Playing a game of chicken with our hearts
When mine stops, you're the jump-start
On our marks, get set, go
but everything else seems to move so slow

I don't want to see you in my rear-view
I wanna ride shotgun with no one but you
I'm in no hurry to reach the finish line
But know that my endgame is to make you mine

All the thinking, all the dreaming I have ever done
The person on my mind is you. You're the only one
I don't wanna go too fast and lose my self control
But I just can't escape your grip around my soul

i just keep running away
i don't know when to stay
no this is not my stop
no i will not get off

lonely is the wanderer
roaming this wonderful
wonderful world
to forget someone's girl

whatever i'm looking for
i won't get it here
maybe less is really more
is it as simple as it appears

are we alone, searching through stars
looking for home, drifting afar
no one hears you cry in space
i'm way off course from my familiar place

am i alien to you, like you are to me
i don't know what to do to make you see
what's right for you is wrong for me
we're red and blue, from different galaxies

i'm looking at you, why can't i see your eyes
i'm lost in your blue, reaching for stars in the sky
why can't we meet halfway, where's that connection
did it ever go both ways, our affection

i want to remember dreams
but they just flow away
like water in a stream
to a bigger place

at the back of my mind
all the things i've buried
left to the winds of time
landfill of memories

do you remember me
from way back when
you used to know my name
and we used to be friends

it's all gone now
nothing's left behind
i don't know how
but you're out of my mind

memories that make me
that i can't recall
where will life take me
is it down a fall

i never left breadcrumbs
now i can't go back
the person i've become
doesn't remember the past

i only did it because i should
a sacrifice for the greater good
but good is never enough
nothing is ever too much
there's always something more
there's always another door
another room with nothing
leaving me wanting something
anything to fill it up
but nothing is enough
a lot to give, nothing to get
always prone to loss and regret
regressing in the name of progress
nothing wrong with the current process
can't bear to glance at what's behind
yet it screams in my ears all the time

every time i wake up
it's like the day's been set
and there's no way to shake up
the way things go ahead

feels like i'm stuck in a mold
and all the options are gone
i have to either be gold
or just settle for bronze

is it better to be on a path
or to throw out the map
should i know where to go
or just dive in the snow

who i'm meant to be
and what i want to do
i wonder if i'm free
to change my point of view

start the day with a reminder
not to waste the remainder
opportunities come and go
some of them won't even show
how do you know which road to take
just try to make it for heaven's sake
workers on the grind
nothing but our lifelines
just trying to get by
that's just the life
no way up all the way down
feet planted deep in the ground
close your ears and say la la la
i don't need that brand new car
i just wanna pay my student loans
and hopefully not die alone

this is the greatest time of my life
and there's nowhere i'd rather be
one day i'll look back on the highlights
and miss when i was free

when i wake up in the night
arm reaching for the light
i think of where i'll be
but i don't want to see

too many choices, but not enough time
i think i'm losing my mind
each one could be the worst of them all
my mental powerball

sometimes i think i try way too hard
when there's nothing i can do
i like to think that i can still restart
but there's too much to lose

i've been watching the clock tick
for who knows how long
why do i feel so weak
like everything here is wrong
this feeling of unease
just won't let me be
it won't let me fall asleep
it's getting hard to see
but still i'm wide awake
wondering how long it'll take
to clear my head of these thoughts
until i can untie my mental knot
so while i stare at this frozen clock
my way to rest will remain blocked

guess i'll see you when i fall asleep
i hope the sea i'm diving is not so deep
i feel like i'm wasting time, counting the days
instead of just saying what i gotta say
there's always tomorrow. that's what i thought
i guess i forgot how little time i've got
so day by day, you drifted further away
and i never realized 'till you're replaced by the waves

now i'm singing my ocean blues
it's not the same without you
i'm so sick of radio tunes
so i hung up my phone
left it at dial tone
better to be alone
out of sight, out of mind
'till the end of time
so don't worry, i'm fine