I wanted to want you enough
that I could be swept up,
not just distracted by
our enacted lust.

I wanted to do more then
spend time being bored
as your daytime boyfriend,
be more than a weekend
***** you are constantly
breaking in,
whilst I am pleasuring you
then leaving
cause I have
more important
things to do.

I wanted what most poets
aspire to,
to desire you
like an epic poem proclaims,
to feel your name
inflamed
on my skin
as you devour my flesh
and I sink in
to this loving authenticity
living in tranquil domesticity.

I wanted to want something normal,
but I am constantly seeking
the new thoughts
that need speaking.
I am constantly watching
and learning
which leaves little time
for burning
in your passionate presence.

I wanted you,
but not enough
to change
because I love
my freedom
more than the chains
love makes.

When next I see you,
I shall say nothing
Not that I have nothing to say.

When next I see you,
I shall feel nothing
Not that I have nothing to feel.

I shall not let words or feelings
Interrupt our communion

When you were young,
I played with you,
I read to you,
I tucked you in.

When you were older
I spoke words you enjoyed
I expressed feelings you understood

But, no, I shall say nothing,
I shall feel nothing,
It may only last a moment.

It will mean everything

one year has gone by
and he isn't sick of me yet

Then a wind blew from northern
To here up a skirt
And the silk stockings
Hued like mist tween the mountains
Over thigh through a valley to
here adrift woman scented
Smoky rushing through vein
As fire arush  through blushing
tip onto the pyre
lit anew
That brief heaven glimpse upon a promise grew
A future
I am here now
As I tilted and
Honored
My grandiose
Windmill
My darling