Alyce Black Dec 2017

It's 5:30 in the morning
and something is breaking
my heart.
The seams that split
and the cracks that spread
leave splinters in my chest.
I can't find the cause
and I won't bother trying.
I stare at the ceiling.
It's 5:30 in the morning
and my heart is already breaking.

It's 5:35 and something
is wetting
my cheeks.
The chest pains that woke me
and kept me from sleep
have brought tears to my eyes.
Overwhelming emotion,
long pounding behind my mask,
has found a way out.
The waterworks come
with the force of a sprung
leak,
taking my boat down with me.
It's 5:35 and
tears are wetting my pillow
and running
down my cheeks.

It's 5:45
and I don't feel anything.
A violent and silent eruption
has left a cold volcano
in it's wake.
I'm empty,
and my warmth left me
with the waste
I so recently expelled.
My aches
and pains
and spins don't subside,
but fade to the background
in the still moments of early morning.
Every morning, the same.
I go on the porch for a smoke,
replace the warmth that fled
with something warmer.
It's 5:45 and I
don't feel anything.

It's 5:55,
and I'm ready to start my day.

Alyce Black Dec 2017

It was dark and cold
(Night's end on my end)
While I told off my troubles
To a friend.

I had thought I had me
figured out,
but,
darn it all,
I went and changed again


Half a world away,
I heard him sigh.
He said,

Listen now,
you still stay the same somehow,
that's the core-
And exactly this should
be accepted and loved,
at least by yourself


So I suppose what keeps me,
me,
in the end,
is more or less confusion,
And a wealth of careless wisdoms
from distant friends.

Alyce Black Nov 2017

Willowy silver you sway
on bell bottomed legs,
legs long and lean and soft
as swan down.
Flower stem fingers spread light
in a pool around your feet.
Glowing like the moon,
you lower
as if to reach me.

Radiant, you bloom.

If I could fill a cup with you,
I'd never thirst again.

Radiant, a vision,
a Goddess of
sunrise softness
and stolen urges.

You sway,
radiant,
with slender wands for fingers,
wands that spread
light and sorrows,
with a magic
that slices
hearts.

Alyce Black Oct 2017

This morning I saw a
blue jay from my window.
I was high,
and for a moment
all I really saw
was sapphire on sapphire,
the late morning sky.
An eternity seemed to pass,
Jay on a wire
and me in my chair,
eye to eye.

This morning I saw a blue jay,
and an eternity,
a lifetime,
a brief moment went by.
I looked down,
lit my bowl,
and looked back up...
He'd flown away.

I understood he couldn't stay.
I just wish he'd bothered
to tell me why.

Alyce Black Sep 2017

Words cascade and
turns of phrase
tumble through my teeth
like water against stones.
They touch my lips,
caress my breasts,
and pile at my feet to lift me up.
I only ever wanted to be loved.
And beauty is love,
is it not?

Yellow circles of light
and bright
green stars at night
come floating off my pages
and into my world.
I couldn't do that without verse,
without the beauty of words.
I'm crippled
by my shortcomings.
The words piled
at my feet will lift me up,
the stars hanging from my ceiling
heal my heart.
Beauty and love are
temporary, fragile things...
but so long as
I have these words
I will not rot in dark.

All I wanted was to be loved.
To be beautiful
in a human's eyes.
I just wanted to transcend
my dark reality and steal
something that was never mine.
So let words cascade
and let the turns of phrase
tumble across my bookshelves
and into your dusty heart.
Let me pretend,
for only a while,
that I can be free in a work of art.

Alyce Black Sep 2017

Fear is powerful.
Fear has left
me breathless
and immobile
in the face of safety
and normalcy.
Fear has kept me weeping in corners,
fear has sealed my lips
in moments of injustice
and fear has stripped me to the bone
with it's ruthless
exposure.

Yet I am strong.
I am stronger than fear,
watch my lungs catch breath
like a wide net
that scours the sea floor.
I am stronger than fear,
and I weep in corners no longer.
I am stronger,
so much stronger
than the fear that fills me.

I am strong,
and I will rip my mouth open wide
and I will weave my words
into new layers of
sinew and skin.
I am stronger than fear,
and I will cover my bones
with nothing more or less
than my own self.

You were the cry in the night.
You were the voice,
toxic and tar-black,
that oozed into my mind
in all the fright.
You were the shadows
that kept me from light.
Fear of you has made me
strong.

Fear was everything,
until it wasn't.
Fear was the only thing,
until it grew one thing more.
Fear once kept you safe,
but now I'm knocking on your door.
I will rip my sealed lips
open wide,
to drown you in
those screaming words
and to drown out
all the doubt.
I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU

Alyce Black Sep 2017

Does it feel like love,
the hard wood pews
pressing into your back?

Does it feel like truth,
when the hollow tunes
whistle from your mouth,
well worn and overused?

Does it feel like love
when you look above
and silently plead with your Father,
praying for the pure intentions
Daddy couldn't give
enough of?
I hope it feels like love,

I really hope it does.

Everyone deserves to feel loved.
Who you turn to for that feeling...that's your choice.
Choose wisely.
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