I don't want to do this without you.
Now that I know
what it was like
having you
by my side,
the thought of facing
stuff alone is so
much more
frightening.
The darks are darker
and the shadows have faces.
I have logical reasons
to be going places
but with you...

it was different with you.

It was you
and
me
taking our world by storm
and we
were gonna be
something
weren't we?

I guess knowing I had someone
to face everything with
made it better.
You were supposed to be
a constant
in a tumultuous and
uncertain world.
An anchor.
I keep thinking if I had
someone
it would make things better
again.

But we both know
that's not true.
No, I remember you
still and I am filled
with longing.
I didn't just
fall for your presence.
I fell in love
with your very essence.

I can't take it back,
I sure as shit can't replace you.
And now the time
has come to move on
to new places
and new faces
and go forward
into the dawning
of young adulthood.

I am so afraid love.
Afraid to date,
because I don't want
to contemplate
replacing you.
Afraid to move,
because it was supposed
to be your name
on the boxes, too.
Afraid to leave
afraid to stay...
the darks seem darker
now that you're away.

I remember you every day.

I know what I need to do...
I just had all my bets
out that I'd never have
to do this
without
you.

I would compare
loving you
to
the slow beauty of the dawn
gold and soft indigo and brilliant flames
of smoky clouds with a crescendo
of birdsong
and the smooth smell
of coffee

I would compare
hating you
to
the dull glow of dying fires
and the salt of the ocean
in an open wound
where my
bleeding
bruised skin is cold and wet
and burning
and all I smell are
ashes and sweat

I would compare
forgetting you
to
the beiges and browns
on faded papers
and the blinding glow of sun through
the sunroof
and the smell of
smoke and mildew and gin
and the tan growing
over the porcelain skin
you so dearly admired

Alyce Black Apr 13

Your body
glistened
with sweat and your lips
dripped
with my juices

I was looking up at you
your face
contorted
in pleasure
and your cock grinding
painfully
sweetly
against my cervix

You were a God
in that moment
That moment
was an infinite
vacation
of lust

I hope you enjoyed your stay.

It was my pleasure

Alyce Black Mar 20

Blue
Bright
Fading
This is how I like
my bruised skin
humming
And how I like my sin
buzzing

Pretty lights
are
zing-zing-zingzinging
across heavy flesh
ripe and warm
and wet
with the waters of
heaven

Sometimes I wonder if hell
is just a
fever dreamt
spell
from the disorderly mind
of someone with issues
like mine

Alyce Black Mar 9

You're beautiful
like
a freshly peeled grape
glistening
in the summer sunshine

You're sharp
like
the metal doorframe
that caught
and cut up
my favorite dress

Terrified you'll judge me for even thinking about you.
 Mar 8 Alyce
Scotty 

She smells of jasmines and lillies
I reek of whiskey and cigarettes
She prays for good health and peace
I pray for an office and bigger checks

Her words frolic past her lips
My words stumble past my teeth
Her heart is filled with such love
My heart is filled with such grief

She sings like nightingales at dusk
I sing like felines caterwauling
She dances with elegance and grace
I dance like I'm on my way to falling

She's text book gorgeous
She rocks that Grace Kelly steez
I rock that Cousin It look
In hopes that noone else will see

She's the best thing about me
I'm the worst about her
Either I must've done something right
Or I'm the luckiest guy on earth

Alyce Black Mar 8

At 2:30 this morning
I was jerked from a
steamy
erotic dream
back to my cold
dark
bedroom and I reached
for my vibrator
hiding the soft
buzzzzz
of my shame under
the thick
covers

I opened my phone
to browse
erotica and the
plan
was to take my time
and
start my morning right
five hours later
it's morning
and my vibrator lays
forgotten
on it's side
because Google has led me
on multiple searches
(one after another after
another after
another
after)
and now
I'm reading reddit threads
of breakup stories
because it still hurts
(less,
but still)

Eroticisizing
emotional trauma
is definitely
a healthy
coping mechanism
but for some reason
I can't get off
to anything
this morning
so I guess
I'll go back
to sleep

Nothing makes me more nauseous than 7 consecutive ruined orgasms. I need help.
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