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Bella May 2019
I'm scared,

Scared that I'll go off the deep end.

Scared that I'll do something I regret.

Scared that I'll hurt the ones I love.

But life....

Life is hard right now.

Life is definitely not on my side at the moment.

I have so much stress

Way too much for a highschool student.

So yeah,

I'm scared,

And this time my friends are too.
Bella May 2019
I get it.

You've known her longer.

Been friends longer.

And I'm just a passing phase.

Just a play thing.

Something to get your mind off of her.

I get it.

But it hurts.

It hurts to know that I'll never be yours.

And you mine.

It hurts that she's my bestfriend.

Who hides nothing from me.

And surely didn't hide this.

I see the looks you give her.

The ones you don't give me.

I see the lingering touches.

So yeah I get it.

Just don't break her heart like you broke mine.
Bella May 2019
I'm not sorry for wanting to protect myself.
I'm not sorry for focussing on my health.
I'm not sorry that you're upset.
I'm sorry that I stayed so long.
I'm sorry that I let you do what you did.
I'm sorry that I let you lay your hands on me.
But no I'm not sorry that it's over.
I'm not sorry about what I said or did.
I'm not sorry for loving you.
But I'm sorry that I loved you for so long.
So no I'm not sorry.
Bella May 2019
Somedays I feel like a stranger in my own body.

I feel like I'm imposing on someone else.

Somedays I can't even look in the mirror.

Afraid that I'll see what I know is there.

Somedays I don't want to leave my house.

Scared that someone will notice what I'm trying to hide.

Somedays I don't want to be here.

Feeling like a burden to people that I love.

Somedays my body is not my own.

And I don't think I'll ever get it back.
Bella May 2019
Would you like me better,
If I looked like you
If I talked like you
If I carried myself the same
Or would you like me better,
If I was invisible
So you wouldn't have to look at me
Or see me in the halls
Or have to hear my voice?
Would you like me better,
If I just no longer existed?
Bella Apr 2019
You gave it all back.

Everything that I gave you.

Everything that meant something to us.

The memories remain though.

The smiles,the laughter.

Everything that went right.

Everything that was good.

Will remain.

To never forget.

You an I.

That's something you can't give back.
Bella Apr 2019
It creeps up on my like a monster in the dead of night.

Sharp claws ready to puncture my skin.

Giant mouth ready to devour my soul.

Piercing eyes to see my every secret.

Ears to hear all of my fears.

It knows that I'm afraid.

It knows that I'm alone.

Vulnerable.

And it waits.

Until the tears start to flow and the sobs tear my throat.

And then it strikes.

Filling my head with lies it creates to make my head swim.

Telling me that I would be better off dead.

And worst of all,

I begin to believe it.

I begin to succumb to wanting to die.

And I let this monster take over my mind.

Until I only have one option.

Death.
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