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Bella Mar 2020
i feel this empty cavern in my chest

it's not a new feeling

only this time it's for a different reason

i know i can't be with him

i've tried this all before

gone through all this pain already

i thought i learned my lesson

about falling for him

about letting my feelings get in the way of our friendship

i'm sorry

i know that i mess things up

i'm sorry that i can't be the perfect friend

i'll try to be better

to not let this happen again

i promise

so please

don't leave

don't leave me

not now

not when i need you the most
Bella Feb 2020
I'm falling

Falling apart piece by piece

Soon enough there won't be anything left

I won't be recognizable

I'll only be pieces of myself

Pieces that won't come back together

No matter how hard I try

I can't ever be my full self again

Not the one my mom wants back

Not the one my family remembers

But only pieces

Broken pieces

Pieces that no one wants

Pieces that dont glue back together

I fell myself falling

And there's no stopping it now
Bella Feb 2020
my mom placed me on suicide watch last night

she said that she's scared of what i'll do

what i'll do if i'm pushed too far

she told me that she's concerned

for my well-being

that i have too much on my plate

i told her that she was wrong

that i'm fine

no need to worry


as the day goes on

i'm starting to worry too.

today i put myself on suicide watch

because who knows what i'll do

when i'm pushed to the edge
Bella Sep 2019
She told me it was her heart

Something was wrong with it

That she needed to see the doctor.

She said that everything would be okay

And not to worry.

She’s really sick now

She can barely breathe

I tell her not to give up

To keep fighting

Keep pushing.

To look death in the eye and tell him to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.

She laughs

And tells me that when it’s her time, she’ll know

She thinks it’s soon

I’m not ready.
Bella Sep 2019
Death takes the beautiful ones

The ones with the purest souls

The ones who aren’t quite done living

The ones who didn’t deserve it

Death takes without remorse

Death doesn’t leave a note

An explanation

He takes

And never gives

Death has taken from me

Many times

This time

It’s too many

Too many gone

In a short time period

She was so young

So excited for the future

And now...

She’s gone.

Death took her like he took the rest

Suddenly and without warning

And her...

She’s ready to give up the fight

To let death win

Let him win the race of life

The race that not only leaves you breathless

But with a tight feeling in your chest

One that never leaves.

Death inevitably wins

As this is one race, that humans have no chance in winning.
Bella May 2019
I want you

He wants you

You want me

But you're scared

Scared of what your parents will say

Scared of the people at school

Scared of hurting me

Scared of yourself.

I want you

So bad

And I know you want this too

So whats stopping you?

Who says you can't be mine?
Bella May 2019
I'm scared,

Scared that I'll go off the deep end.

Scared that I'll do something I regret.

Scared that I'll hurt the ones I love.

But life....

Life is hard right now.

Life is definitely not on my side at the moment.

I have so much stress

Way too much for a highschool student.

So yeah,

I'm scared,

And this time my friends are too.
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