kyss - Hello Poetry

kyss May 2019

pretty.

starving for months
skin and bones
I was beautiful
and they ruined me

they put me in a gown
cuffed me to a bed
shoved a tube down my throat
needles in my arms

I was told I wasn't sane
but I knew what I was doing
I was dying to be pretty
and I was, but then

one day, I passed out
and wouldn't wake up
they took me in an ambulance
and told me I would die

I said I didn't care
I don't want to be ugly

kyss May 2019

do what you will

I.... am broken.
I still wake screaming
from that day
when you left me
on the corner of a street,
after you were done playing with me,
I was changed.
I was made to feel disgusting time and time again.
please, I begged you
please, don't touch me
please please please
it was never enough.
you did what you wished
with my body,
my emotions...
everything you could take, you did

and I will never be the same.

kyss Jan 2019

Once

Once upon a time
there was a broken girl
so worn down by the world
she couldn't carry on
she tried so many times
to leave this world behind
but she was stuck in a world that broke her inside

she gave up so many times
but convinced herself to keep going
she tried so hard
to make everyone happy
forgetting herself in the moments

much time passed, and suddenly she thought
well this isn't so bad
she left some people behind
no longer sad
she remembered how to be happy
remembered how to smile
found people that made her happy
she kept them close to her heart
she remembered how to love
forgetting all the dark

once upon a time
a girl was hurt inside
she wished that she could kiss this world goodbye

once upon a time
i was that girl
things get better, they do
don't be afraid to take some time

kyss Dec 2018

Sometimes

Sometimes I sit at home
And listen to the music you gifted me
Sometimes I wonder
What could have been
Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder how you’re doing
If you’re happier
If she’s better than I was
I’m happy, I really am
But sometimes I wonder

kyss Sep 2018

locker

shut away in the darkness
too small
my knees shake
everything is dark
and I scream, but nobody comes
I can hear her outside
laughing at my pain
as I rest my forehead on the cool locker door
I try to let the pain fade away
but I'm still there
so small and weak
drops of blood trickling down my cheek
a while passes
my name is buzzed on the intercom
over and over
but I stopped screaming
because my throat is raw and screaming at me
I start to shudder and wracking sobs course through me
someone comes up and banges on the door
"------- Are you in there?"
I reply with a sob
and she says
"I'll go get someone"
a teacher comes
and she says
"----- are you okay?"
I'm still sobbing
and they cut the lock
because she won't tell them the code
and I'm free
but I feel more trapped than I've ever been

this happened a long time ago, but I thought I'd write something about it

kyss Sep 2018

C.A.

she burned a bracelet on my wrist,
told me to remember who I am
she gave me a kiss,
told me she'd see me again

kyss Sep 2018

Change for the better

I just realized
How much has changed
In the month
I’ve been away

How much I’ve changed
As well as everyone else
And honestly, I’ve never been better

My head no longer swarmed
Of thoughts of death
Instead, I’m looking forward to what lies ahead
The meds have kicked in
The therapy is working
The time of reflection
Has changed my inner workings

I’m better, so much better
Now that I have space to think
Time to spend with myself
Free of my endless worries

I’m now saying
Some words I thought I’d never say
I’m okay, maybe even good
And I like things that way