Usually these poems do justice
They somehow explain the situation
The terminology gives it away
It's rather picturesque
But for once I can't
A story with no language to write it
Is one that cannot be told
And a story with one lead role
Has nowhere to go

All of these walls were built to keep you from entering my home
Damaged room after room, you kept wandering the halls
Tearing each brick down, wanting more
When will it be enough?

Till the floor sinks in?

When will it be enough?

Am I worthy of your sin?

It's your birthday and I cancelled the balloons
It's your birthday and I drank all your *****
It's your birthday and I'm sleeping in your shirt
It's your birthday and you're sleeping with her

Hey guess what I'm in love with you. Everything about you. And I can't stand it half of the time but the other half of the time I understand all those stupid stanzas and love songs and books because that's how I feel about you. You're the most amazing person and I don't deserve you. But I'm glad you came back.. However more than anything I'm glad you never really left.

it was an endless expansion of noise
human noise
people that you've been before
the ones who you can't help but care for
you're only as wise as the mistakes you've made
and you're only as free as the songs you play

A story concluded before it even began
An investment you wanted but could not plan
Pulling my guts, singlet inside out
Veins tainted blue, from what he did to whom
Centuries of tremors, convinced there’s no cure
If love can’t build bridges, what good is love for
You gave me the reasons, I begged for the cure
The next girl you date, a ring on her finger
But a perfect recipe from a faith filled member

Two years is a long time to fall for someone
In less than two minutes it can be all gone
From strangers we met as the music rolled in
And now I can't write to that song or your face
I can't sing at the top of my lungs like we did by the ocean
Or watch suits by myself cause this bed isn't yours
I'm still yours
You're just not mine

for there is a way
to utter words
the words that i could never string together
just as there is a way
to say goodbye
for now and forever

page after page
yet none could compare to this story
the story of a girl
who knew she actually couldn't take on the whole world
as separation is a form of punishment
a destroying factor in a lover's quarrel
the love between the sun and the moon
not between the earth and the sky
so why does the day remain angry with me?

when September interrupted
sleepless nights, eyes haunting
much too strong, you told me
addicted to the words, you sold me

One day someone is going to love me like you should have
And one day someone is going to cut you deeper than me
Then you'll know
That dealing with your kind can drive a person insane

I refuse to feel bad for something I didn't do
And I refuse to say that I wish the best for you
Even though I do
Because what kind of a boy gets hurt and then hurts you
One who's still in pain I assume

But that gives you no right
This isn't tennis
There's no hit for hit
Or *** for tat here
Defeating me won't defeat your past
All it did was break my heart

My heart isn’t broken
It’s dented in places
I’m rather accident prone you see
With damaged wipers and broken hazards
This muscle is the heaviest machinery

You’re next door curled up in bed
And I’m here replaying last night in my head
With three spoons of sugar
And two cups of tea
An attempt for sweetness and a plea from me

Control. control.
We held control
Responsible to a point of being in someone else's home
Restrain. restrain.
But don't push away
A worthy raincheck and a dance to your name

For the look in your eyes
And your place card on mine
Was a reception started two heartbeats too late

your lies are so pretty
your words are so sweet
you kiss me on the mouth to bring life into me

It's a night of poetic prowess
Tape over unresolved discussions
Don't go throwing another in the deep end
As the life preserver is already flat
The atmosphere has lost its beauty
And misconceptions
Misapprehensions
Filled with hope
Become my dividing force

I’m often told to write
for the feeling of escape
most times it does the opposite
i get bogged down in my ways
it taps into emotions
the ones riddled inside my brain
i’m wondering if the art is worth all of my pain.

Lately I’ve been reaching out
and my heart hits roadblocks
before I’ve had a chance to shout

The world spins faster
i’ve lost my seat
who here is left fighting for me

man if only i knew
what part of me
meant a part to you

A lack of care, consideration and desire runs deep within our skin
A clash of cultures leaves me wondering which bin do I fall in
You try to work the friendships that look similar so they win
But it’s often the ones from a foreign land who treat you like a king

For the purpose of waiting on a argument left for someone else's yesterday do you understand the depth of your own sweat
Almost like a beam of sugar hoping to sink you under
Cause you're not the only one that's wasted away

Why is it
that when a boy writes his feelings
you praise every heartbeat

But when I mention fondness
you break each part of me

You thought that Canada was a part of the states
You thought that making really cheesy comments and acting like you did when we first fell in love was the right thing to do
You think that saying you've seen what's out there but you realise you want me makes everything better?
You think that no other guy has a chance with me and you pride yourself in the fact that I can't rid myself of you
You feel like I should be all yours or nothing
But I just can't let it go
Let you go
Let this go
I should be though
Cheat
Liar
User
Those are some words to describe you
Lover
Handsome
Forever
That's what you once were
I want you but I don't
I need you but I don't
You make me sick but you make me want you more than anything
This cycle isn't ending
We aren't ending
Do I even want us to?

Take a look around and rub the smog out of your eyes
Back and forth wipe that mirror of disguise
Stuck in a frozen grocery store
2 and five won't get you past that door

Spit out you soul
Spit out those lies
Travel straight past the checkout sign
Grab him for a few days or nights
Self medicate with the one you like

the corsage is stained with your blood
the dress is in shreds
the jewellery gone rusty
the hair a mess
the gravestone non-existent
the photo's burned
the remains of you
no longer on earth

It’s the magic of the season
The twinkle in her eyes
She goes to sleep wishing
For every strength and might

Echoing in a room of memories
Struggling to understand themselves
Words stuck on a ruined tongue
Aiming to become anew
Benefits of a scam
Of a game
Of a plan
But the benefits of a failure?
That's one to undermine your proficiency
Not excluding the fact that your allocation of thoughts are all over the place
Varying off center
Unintended
But carried efficiently
Like the assumption of happiness
Of trust and honesty
Subtle hints that should not be ignored
Regardless of the fact that you're in another's door
And i'm highlighting the points that should have stood out
The warnings
The symbols
Screaming, get out.

It’s a song sung too often;
‘Why won’t he like me?’
I ask myself
As I pick the scars of his past to see
Where I could fit, so delicately
I’ll mould and shape, to suit your tastes
Who am I without one to please

Words are what own me
You string together those letters in a way that controls me

Waiting for phrases laced with clause
Falling victim to a precondition that I never saw

You speak in tangled tongue
Twisted vines of a past coming undone
Linguistically speaking
The damage is done

your tiny desk with subtle words
engraved into the stone
wishing on an invitation
to a death row

It's as if you have been stained
You aren't missing it
You're just constantly being reminded
When a single touch sends you into another's bed
But you never wanted to be in either

your tongue teases me
linguistically
writing the aftermath of my heartbreak
clean up efforts be ******

with a mission not to heal
but to make me feel
my words no longer made of steel
forgive my hands they’re fully stained
i’ll wipe them clean, make us whole again

you know that swans can die of a broken heart when their partner leaves.
people have said that on ice I am more graceful than a swan.
this adds up in ways that I don't appreciate
but its like i was born to tell you i love you and then just leave

The first time I saw you a bass was being cradled in your calloused hands.
Tousled hair
And I can't find the words to explain how ridiculous you looked covered in all that anger and the I'm too cool for anyone attitude.
It made me laugh
Your laugh made me laugh
It was contagious in the way that even if someone in the room hated you at the time they would release the smallest of smiles just because of you.
I don't have any photos of us left.
But I have memories worth a billion years.
The stupid code names and the stupidity in yourself

I remember the summer of 2009-2010 and how you became super reckless after you moved to New York and I moved back to Australia.
Jumping off your roof onto the trampoline
Getting into motorcycle crashes
I was 13 by then and you were 15 ready to take on the world
But you saw me as an equal
You saw all the things in me that no one else did
I was never a little girl to you
I was just...
Your girl
We kept each other just for each other
Not letting others affect out friendship or know about us to some extent
That's what made it
What made us so truthful

I remember when you told me about the leukaemia
I hated you
I yelled
Screamed
Cried
How could you let me in like that just to tell me that you're going to die soon and there's nothing I could do
And you didn't even tell me in person
You waited till I was back to the other side of the world
All those mystery appointments finally started making sense
You were dying the day I met you
You were dying when we played music together
You were dying when we had to say goodbye
Only I refused to say goodbye cause I was convinced I'd be back next vacation
I didn't get my goodbye
You were dying while I was flying over Europe
You were dying while I visited Paris and thought of you
You were dying while I travelled around India
While I celebrated my 13th birthday and you didn't know if you'd even make it to your 16th
You did though
But not your 17th
Or your 18th
Your 19th
20th?
And later this year your 21st
You didn't get to graduate
We didn't get to have our planned reunion
Or go on all those travel plans
Play music around the world
None of it came true
Because six months after your 15 they were scattering your ashes into the ocean.
So that you could go and visit every corner on the globe anyway

Tell me Zane
Is the world really as beautiful as we want it to be?
Because there's so much I could say about how much I hate it
How much I hate you having to go away
How I hate that I've spent the past four years not hearing your voice
How I hate that you chose to go away in the end
Because you knew you were dying and just like everything else you wanted control over it
You were so stubborn
And we fought so much
There'd be days where we would refuse that the other existed cause we both wanted hold over the situation
But in the end you'd scrunch up your eyes and I'd punch you lightly in the arms and everything was perfect

I miss you
More than anything
I'm constantly reaching into the air trying to grasp any remains of you
You would think after four years I would be used to it but the space that you occupied is empty and it's hard not to notice
I'm still drowning in the fact that you loved me as much as you said you did
I'm still praying that tomorrow when I wake up you'll be here
I'm still remembering conversations and tiny details
I'm still never going to let you go
Because even though you're not here, your the reason I'm still breathing.
I can never put all these feelings into words and if I had the time to write about you all the time, there would be a **** book saga by now and you would pay me out so much for it.
I love you Zane. So **** much. I've never stopped, I don't think I ever will because it's not possible.
Rest in peace my beautiful boy.

I don't wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your neck
I don't want this empty bed, or a text left unsent
I want a sip of coffee
That tastes just like you
I want the feeling of euphoria
One plus one doesn't have to equal two

A simple distraction
A week long attraction
Directed my attention from the one that couldn’t happen
Little infatuation
Oh **** I’m saying his name again
You calling on my cellphone is enough to forget him

I slip between the boundaries
I wonder if I’m bothering
And every time I see his tribe I know that this is foreign tea

You were the perfect plaything
He holds my heart in pieces
And now I know that loving him hasn’t disappeared for a second

What is home?
When you no longer feel life rushing through your bones.
What is love?
When even if it’s conditional it’s just not enough.
What is life?
When you’re constantly wanting to taste the clouds and have it stop.

There's always so much hidden beneath the words we refuse to say
Similar to when we leave thoughts to gather up a storm on their own
So why after professing ones love in actions do we return to avoiding messages and cutting phone calls?
How can you close your eyes and just say time flies when you haven't moved an inch
You don't even apologise
Or blame the way the earth spins
Just rid your horizon of the next transmission and all is well in your spectrum
As your face value rockets while mine plummets
Tell me how did you trap me in this simulation of fun

You were a never mind
Practically never mine
Caught between a line of lies
Filled with hate you never left behind

Somedays were a tsunami
You pulled me under to drown me
Lost in a sea of your demons
That you gave me to hold

6,380 days
That's how long I have known you for
In that time I've supposed to have taken 128,620,807 breaths
That's 12-16 breaths per minute on average
And as I'm writing this I'm holding my breathe again
Holding it and remembering the 6,380 days of memories
Because on that first day I feel in love with you and I just didn't know it
And the second day it happened again
And so forth the third
And the fourth
The fifth
Sixth
I just didn't know it

I realised it on the last second of the 6,379 day
The day we decided to forget everything
When I woke up in a bed smelling of your cologne
When you held my hand under the covers and stroked my skin
Not afraid of the possibility anymore of someone noticing
Cause I think they already did
That the two of us were in love and we just didn't know it yet
Or maybe when you made me breakfast and sat there quietly as I ate.
When I held you tightly as we zipped through the cold on your bike
The time when you held my hand while driving even though we were merely inches apart we wanted more
Maybe it was when I realised how effortlessly your arm drapes over my shoulder and I fit into your warmth
Or when we had five minutes completely alone and you wrapped your arms around my waist
Kissed my cheek
And we looked in the mirror
It was as if we were a couple
We always have been though
A couple of friends
But for one day we weren't

I raced for you like shelter
Until I realised you were the storm
And I could’ve been anything in the world
But all I wanted to be was yours

the five seconds apart from you is too much
the oceans somehow don't matter
relying on the transmission from one corner to another
and you feel as if you're dancing on water

repeating stanzas into misty doors
as if its a functional degree
raging on the alcohol
like its feeding you and me

You knew I was fragile
But you dropped me anyway
And even still it never took much of me to love you,
But it took all of me to leave you

k.g.

No I'm no poet
Or a writer
Or a heartless author
Merely some fingers that tremble to create a picture of a waiter
But not in paints
Nor crayons
Nor colours
Nor stitches
Just merely fragments of sentences and thoughts plucked out of not my but your brain
I study you
Read you
Breathe you
Want you
Combining sounds in hopes that it will do your figure justice
Your heart
Your mind
Your soul
Cause mine was lost the moment I met yours