My lips.. So numb,
so swollen,
so afraid to crack under the weight of the words that must be spoken,
because this is not what love is....
I ..I can no longer live ankles deep in misery know you're really not that into me,
I just make you feel good when need be
, but with your eyes half shut you cannot see me.... you're so full of lust
, no love,
I always knew that,
but that thought I would shove, because love can blind you so bad
, your heart can make you so oblivious
, so ignorant
, I need to leave you alone,
you've disgraced my throne, cracked my crown, every time you look me up in down
because I can never catch your eyes,
your gaze so distracted by what god sculpted you forgot to look at the soul god gave as a gift to you,


. Dear ex lover, by the time you read this you'll know why, baby it's been a year, you've never looked me in my eyes.

I lost myself
Somewhere between the lines of
LOVE
And
HATE

I lost myself
In the darkness
Trying to find you

I started to call you
But my phone told me not to
I wanted to text you
But my phone wouldn't let me do
I asked my phone why do you block
My phone said travel past not
For the future is in what you have
Not the things you lost in your past

"This is nothing," she says (like nothing is the touch of her lips or kisses of freckles or anything she says with her eyes that I'll miss when she turns away).

"It never was anything," I say (like never is the day I first met her and was swept under the current under the water under the sheets under her skin)

So we go now (so it goes, going, gone) our separate ways-
In a parking lot at midnight (asphalt gravestones and keys in our hands and does it say something about us (about me) that we're safer walking home alone in the dark than we ever were with inches between our hands).

No one ever told us we shouldn't try to make ourselves two of a kind but it's too late now (we meshed the parts that hurt and the buzzing of the streetlights reminds me of her and the way she looked at 2am when I first realized that she no longer made me smile)

I've been completely infatuated
   for how many years now?
You keep me just close enough
   that I can't get over it

How long did I tell you the truth
that I love you
   just to be ****** by your inability to accept it?

How long?
I can't stress enough
How long?
Before you believe?

Or do you-
   is that why?
You think that I
   won't see through this?

Because I'm not as stupid as you think
I let you get away with it
because I really do love you, you know
   and that's apparently my downfall

Dead tired before midnight,
Feeling like an old man
I hold onto this screen
To keep myself awake and sane
It's something of a safety blanket,
Don't you think?

Blues echo around inside
I'm inadequate to handle
The weight of tomorrow
If I fall asleep,
It'll be here now
If I lay awake,
I can delay it an hour

Yet your hands get so ****** on your side
A broken nose
Connect the dots
Beg for flowers
Wilted flowers
Anything leftover
Maybe in the sweat there is some love
That hasnt evoprated yet
Gaze into the eyes,
Found an unknown newborn blissless ignorance
Only knows the sky is blue
And cruelty is not something
Brandnew

In the small things.
Cooking a meal
Wiping away someone's tears
Dancing like no one is watching
Sharing an ice cream cone
Kisses on the cheek
Riding bikes through the park
Asking "how was your day"
A smile
Handmade notes
Saying thank you
Holding the door
Squeezing her hand
Hugs
Surprises
Watching a movie on the couch
Tucking her into bed
Making sure she's home safe
Compliments
Eye contact
Cuddles
Sharing a meal
Walks
Holding hands

Am I the rose? Or one of the thorns?
Can I be both? For that’s how I was born
Am I the sunshine? Or should be the rain?
Can I be that together? For there’s a rainbow in the end

Do you look like him? Or sometimes like her?
You’re so into him, and can live without her
Are you one of ‘him’? Or a part of greater ‘her’?
Living on both sides which sometimes you cannot bear

Can we be called the same when we felt so different?
We have the right to live, but to leave cause of their resentment
We keep on telling ourselves we are who we are
But sometimes ‘are’ has to be ‘were’, and change just for their arms

I tried to hide myself, but still I just can’t
Whenever I am in my best, they’re always there to comment
They always trying to put me down, or making fun of me
That’s their way of handling me, they’re questioning my reality

I just can’t defend myself, I know I can but maybe I’m just tired
My existence is like a game that I haven’t gone too far
Expecting any sort of disappointment, every night and day
Sometimes I have to sing these words, ‘baby I was born this way’

Acceptance is just a word, and sometimes can no longer be found
You feel so sorry that at times you just can’t hide your heart
You put your mask on, so no one will ever see
That you are a boy loving a guy, you’re afraid of enmity

This thing is a choice, they say, but inside of me it is not
There’s no man ever wished that he will be living in this life
Full of hatred, full of pain, full of agony and despair
You cry, you smile, but you still strive to be in fair

This is a tough world, and I should be a tough one
Withstand all the anguish, and don’t let them make my walls down
Please don’t get me wrong and talk as if you ever tried
How to love unconditionally, how to live in a different life

Oh yes! I am ‘pink’ at least I know I’m not fake
I know I am unique and this thing you cannot break
I am too much to conceive that you just can’t even take
Try to understand and there your soul will be awake

I do still have feelings, don’t judge where I should belong
I have all you have, and I have more, and that’s make you think I am wrong
I can do more of what you did, and start what you haven’t done
Being a survivor of this world, that’s how we measure a true man

Sometimes I am red, and most of the times I am blue
See, I am colorful and it is something that you cannot do
I have been burned and my wounds were the living proof that I survive
I’ll be fighting till I can make it, and my strength will be revived

I may be far away of being a real man
Or not enough to be a good son
But I’m still part of the brethren and of God’s plan
I’ll be the most beautiful flower, and I will not be gone

Am I the rose? Or one of the thorns?
Can I be both? For that’s how I was born
Whoever I may be, I know I’ll be proud of me
And there's no one can ever play the best part of me except me.