Why do I feel so confused?
Why must everything be so complicated?
....I feel lost in nothing, yet lost.
Lost FOR nothing.
I just want another night,
another chance to not blow it.
I want to be the girl of his dreams.
I want to be the best me for him, for me.

God what is wrong with me?
Why did you make me this way?
What is it that you want to be for me in this situation that you couldn't in another?
I want to see,
I want to open my eyes,
my mind.
I'm not gonna give up,
on me.
God please show me what it is you want me to be opened up to.

Help me be happy God I want to be happy.

.
                             Whacka
                     doodle Whacka
                    doodle Whacked
                   oodles Whackado
                      Whackadoodle
                      Whackadoodle
                      Whackadoodle
                      Whackadoodle
                      Whackadoodle
                      Whackadoodle
                      Whackadoodle
                      Whackadoodle
                      Whackadoodle
                      Whackadoodle
                      Whackadoodle
                      Whackadoodle
               Whacka                 doodle
           Whackadoodle    Whackadoodle
    Whackadoodle Whackadoodle Whacka
     Whacka doodle Whacked oodles Whac
         Whackadoodle      Whackadoodle
             Whacka                      doodle

found, held loosely
in lovers arms,
while listening
to child's laughter

one muse, refreshed
by the words of kindness
spilt from the pens
of distant friends

poised to write
poised to live
poised to .....

the writer and muse
together again

found

I hope you're happy, really I do
I'm better off without you
I don't miss you too terribly
I only think of you sometimes
I can forgive easily
I never wanted to be in your life anyway
There's plenty of other people to love
I'm just waiting for the right one
I left the house enough times this week to call it progress
I swear I'm doing okay
I eat when I'm supposed to, I don't drink like I need to, and I stopped smoking
My lungs are full
So am I

I hope you're happy, really I do
I'm better off without you
You're girlfriend is better off not knowing
I want her to be happy too, really
I am happy
Really, I am
I got out of bed today when I was supposed to
I brushed my teeth, flossed, cleaned
And I did all of it without you,
Didn't I?
Not once did you cross my mind
In fact, you hardly ever do
I am too busy for distraction,
Writing poems about other things than the crippled dream that was us
I use past tense purposefully
I am over you

I hope you're happy, really I do
I'm better off without you
I can sleep in these sheets without feeling your phantom limbs grazing mine
It's okay that you left so little behind
I can swallow the shells without choking
I can listen to music without hearing your voice singing along
Your absence is what I've always wanted
I hope you're happy, really I do
I'm better off without you.

This melancholy
Sits on my shoulders
It's weighing me down
I'm drowning in the blue
Of salty, unshed tears

This gloom
Sits on my chest
It's holding me down
I'm suffocating in the black
Of this oxygenless state