will I keep my secrets?
shave my legs on the shower floor
imagine how things can be
cool **** by chastity belt playing on my apple tv
check back soon, check in with me

a vegan soup diet
black coffee
diet coke from the bottle
one potato cake
and savoys: an australian classic

poems, poems, poems
words that rhyme
off rhymes — no rhymes
forced a non sequitur
confess, confess
confide and abort

remake dating app profiles over and over
pictures of me: two years old
women - women - women - women
a cup *******
not even a cup *******

***** mirror — bathroom sink
want a cortado? — past memories
mediterranean wholesalers — sydney road
buying glassware in south melbourne

i dream of mozzarella
dairy — unethical
and oysters — the cruelty

be cruel to me, be my bully
kiss me on the lips softly
your tongue in my mouth
you taste like campari
my americano
negroni lesbians

discuss films
you'll mention jim jarmusch
coffee and cigarettes
winona ryder — taxi cab
in los angeles

and i was once an actress
consider me retired
break down the barriers
scream inside yourself
let everyone in until you can't take it
be left alone

What time is it in Philadelphia?
What's a mile in k-m's?
How much is that in Australian?
What the heck is a chimichanga?

Our liberal party is right wing
We drive on the left side
I'll educate girls: American
I'll share my way of life

And even though the differences
Instructs the way we live
We will still form bonds through our phones
I'll stay appreciative

We text through the night when you should be asleep
We text through the day when I should be writing

And I hold this close, you're special to me
This attachment that's forming

I'm frightened
I don't want to be naive

This time around, I am scared to let my guard down
We'll exchange letters like two kids in a playground

My mouth creates a smile and my body feels warm
All I want from you is your trust and to be enjoyed

Maybe we could share a kiss, maybe we could share our bodies
This is exactly where I don't want my thoughts to go

Can I relish in the fun and in the cuteness we exude
Without getting in too deep, without becoming the fool?

it rains outside, the grey sky provides
a comfort here at home, the linen wraps around
my skin. i find solace in this melancholy
the tiredness controls every move i make

the rats are asleep in their cage
the warmth my body feels whenever we text
a conversation to last an eternity
and the distance feels like nothing

the light is too bright
can you dim the dimmer?
boygenius is on the stereo
a bluetooth speaker
via spotify premium — student account
my brain feels like a butterfly house
humid and stuffy and filled with insects
we moved on from tinder
to talking over text
you are so cute
the butterflies move
to my gut, heart's a flutter
my foot in my mouth

my heart belongs to tofu
soy milk runs through my veins
silken or firm; dressed up or naked
straight from the fridge and straight to my heart
dine with a passion, this curd is an art

juicy and delicious, chewy gooey soft
bless me with your bean, bless me with your froth
on the top of my latte, you glisten in the sun
oh soy, my boy, my joy; you are my life blood

oh, how the boys try to impress the girls
with their kickflips and the slam of the wheels

oh, how they skate and the noise that they make
the teenagers at the bus stop — a public mistake

oh, how they'll shout at the top of their lungs
on this public transport — i am the alpha

testosterone takes charge, oh how the confidence of boys
creates the environment of irritated discomfort

oh, how the ridiculousness of teen boys provides
entertainment when we forgive their misogynist vibes

and bad behaviour — we will say boys will be boys
"i'll have *** with your sister" — the conversation they employ

and oh, how they will fare evade — but hey, so will i
i wish i had their confidence at certain times

and how i wish my teen years were filled with much more fun
if i was less dysphoric and more proud of myself

and when they leave the bus a peace is then regained
the energy they took with them; a calm it creates

incomplete
lost
unscrewed
without a pair

i'm sick
             of being
                             mentally ill
       but then
                       what would i write about?

i want to shave my legs, i want to be a girl again
i want to be like you, i want to be feminine
i want to be pretty, i want to wear pink
i want to pluck my eyebrows, i want to wear a dress

i want to paint my nails, i want to wear lipstick
i want to have the softest skin, i want to wear the pinkest blush

i want to write queer poetry, i want to write love songs
i want to be gay, i want to be a lesbian
i want to write about your *****
i want to write about my lack of a *****

i want to wear cute glasses — i have cute glasses
i want my hair to fall down to my lower back
i want to tuck it behind my ears
i want to put it in pigtails, i want to wear it in a scrunchie

i want to be a feminist
i want to be an intersectional feminist
i want to be an angry feminist

i don’t want to suffer under patriarchy
i don’t want to be told to be quiet a man is talking
i don’t want to be told to smile
i don’t want to be stared at with beady eyes
i don’t want to be *****
i don’t want to feel unsafe

i want to feel free, i want to be me
i want to be published
i want to win poetry prizes
i want to show trans girls that we can do anything

I didn’t want to miss out
                        I love going to parties

So this is my attempt
                        To find some new friends

I’ll try my best
                        I’m a shy extrovert

It’s a poetic challenge
                       Words and people I love