it's been so long, you've moved on.
i try, i try so **** hard
to not have you constantly on my mind, overwhelming me.
i'm so angry, with myself.
someone is making you happy
that someone isn't me.
i loathe myself because i couldn't give you what you deserve.
but i want you, parts of me need you.
but time has passed, and you're still gone.
and i'm still here, trying to grasp you, holding on to what we had.
but you were ripped away from me, leaving parts of you with me.
and here i am, still wanting you. still missing you.

i wonder if you can see
     a single beauty in me
  just like I see the whole universe
           in you.

I see my reflection in your teeth
Between cracked lips
My body reflects off of the most violent part of you
That you use everyday.
I try to pry myself from your skin
Your stench saturates my sanity
I cannot look at myself the same way
I cannot look at you at all.

You continue, to chew & chew
And I continue, to wash & wash

Violently trying to cleanse myself of you.

Breaking down is not so hard to do
As I spiral into some sort of psychosis
Disillusion is the ultimate form of madness
Because you just keep spinning
Until you hit the ground
Unaware of the fact
you are even broken.

I wear your conquests like a chain around my neck
i.
The first time you violated my body
ii.
The time I told, embarrassed of myself, and for what?
iii.
The time I thought I had let go, but still could not stop tearing my up mind
iv.
The times I lost sleep because I feared you would find me

I hate you
I don't.
I hate you
I make excuses for you
I hate you
I hate me.

You taught me things I must consciously forget to remember
You remind me of things I must consciously remember to forget
As you chew, rip, tear at my skin
And my beating heart
I hope your teeth crack with every bite.

By a kitten's innocence,
A boy was fascinated.
"She hasn't met the world,"
The boy said.

"Have you met the world?"
Asked his brother.
"I know of killers and thieves,"
Was the boy's answer.

Not of sights, adventures,
Of love, life and its secrets.
By the world's cruelty,
A boy was disenchanted.