"Did you ever get help after that night? After seeing me like that? Did you talk to someone?"
"I couldnt talk about it. It was too hard."
At this point we're both bawling.
I wrapped my arms around him.
See that's the thing about attempting suicide and surviving.
If you're lucky enough
You have to witness the pain everyone around you feels.
Because of you.
I never use to think it was selfish.
Not until Christmas Eve.
I broke my brother.
6 years ago.
And he's still haunted.
Trigger warning. -word for word conversation with my brother this Christmas eve. This was not written to offend anyone. But rather to hopefully open the eyes of those considering attempting. It doesn't stop the pain, it truly does just pass it on to the people who love you most. Stay strong, hold on.
Artists are often broken people using the fragments of themselves to create something new and although being healed feels so complete sometimes i want to be broken again sometimes i want open wounds so i can use the blood to paint sunsets so i can use the torn off pieces of skin as a canvas so i can carve masterpieces with the jagged bones left behind but I can't bring myself to break my own heart in the name of Art
If I'm still alive when I turn 27 years old I want to live somewhere in the North of Europe and watch the stars visit the forest in the morning maybe read by the lake ah! how wonderful it is to just appreciate life but now I can't do that not just yet I need time.