Breathe
Find your voice
It's why you're
Here
In this place
A place of
Crossing
Between two roads
The dark and the
Light
Filters through old
Yellowed parchment paper
As
She sings her song
Filled with longing and
Loss
Is not hard to master
Or so I'm told by
You
Begin with a little then
Let your loss grow on
Regret
Fills her gentle heart as
He fills the rest of her body
With
Himself, not intentionally, but
Only because that is what he
Wants
Drive us to the brink of sanity and
Throw us into pits of
Guilt
Eats away all that she
Is to become
She
Falls into a black cave
She cannot fall out of
But
She is not yours
She
Belongs only to herself
Not to what you think
Of
Her eyes burn with hate as
They scream in her ears
Chanting
You are not one, not one
You are not a part of
This
World is poisoned by
Smiles and laughter
Laced
With deceit and degradation
To its innermost core
It
Makes the stuff
Of our worst
Nightmares
Run rampant in her childlike mind
For she knows not who she
Is
There a reason for her isolation
A reason for her constant
Loneliness
Will not be the end of me
I will not lose myself
I am stronger than
Anything
Say anything
To let me have hope
That I am who I want to
Be
What you are, I
Will be who I am and
No one
Will ever bring me
Down
In the darkest pits of
My blessed Hell
The
Only thing I see
Is a beautiful, cursed, face,
You
Ohhh, yes, my darling, I
Love you too

"Have a place just for me."

Even now, I'll admit he was special.
But he never did get his own box.

Thus began the rainy season.

Our secret journal, the emotions, and his taste.
It is all stashed
In in the same spot as the others
Mingled together, in a shoe box.

If boys were leaves
he would be one among many
scattered on damp ground in the humid fall
of my memories.

God I love Autumn.

No, he never did deserve his own box.

Spring is approaching.

Four years have passed without your face,
Your dark brown eyes missing without a trace,
You built me up,
Showed me what life could hold.

These four years are long,
And oh  I miss you so,
The fun times we had,
Pancakes at midnight,
Facials and laughs.

Your smell so clear to me ,
Your not only my friend,
But my savour who I love so.

Our time will come ,
As we will stand side by side.
A long lost friend found in the Summer sun.

The joy you gave me will be found again,
Our secrets and talks will start all over again.
The miles will shorten and the smiles will grow,

Oh long lost friend I miss you so,
The jokes and laughter and oddities we shared.
Not only a friend but a hero to me.
Oh long lost friend come back to me .

My night was spent freezing the fat on my body
and listening to a boy, younger than I,
speak about shooting his mother and sister.
Twenty-five minutes, scrolling through pictures
as I listen to a voice devoid of feeling
thinking about how I do not feel.
When I hear a gunshot, I flinch.
When I hear your name, I flinch.
And I repeat repeat repeat
I love your name in my mouth,
the taste of your tongue in my mouth,
the smell of you when I push my lips
scrunched up to my nose.
The scents on my body have changed,
and I flinch when I hear your name.

"Be perfect! Be Perfect!"
That’s all that you say.
And I swear that I will be,
I'm closer each day.

"You're perfect, you're perfect"
Words I want to ring true.
I'm not, but I will be,
Though I already am to you.

I make myself perfect,
In my very own way.
Some might call it insane,
But what can I say?

Each fight with my dad?
I go add some more.
Each time we get angry?
A brand new score.

I'm perfectly imperfect.
It says so on my skin.
With my sharp razor blade,
I'm carving it in.

So please don’t worry,
I'm only doing as you wish.
I can deal with the pain,
It’s hardly a pinch.

Perfect, it says,
With my very own pen.
And I smile at the word,
And write it again.

the coldness left in my room,
after you'd left,
leaves me wanting your warmth,
your beauty,
your breath on my neck.
the coldness left in my heart,
before you,
warms itself from your words,
your soul,
your eyes on my lips.
the coldness left throughout my house,
constantly dreary,
warms itself from your presence,
your laughter,
your hair, tangled in my fingers.

and you'd done it all with nothing,
but the simplicity of kindness and the complexity of love.
there's so much here, i feel it, but i still don't know what.
words haven't described such things;
shakespeare's sonnets won't even make sense of it.

and you'd made me almost speechless,
but the words always have found their ways through.
there's so much i want to say; still figuring it out.
give me time, my darling, i plead;
there's so much more that i'll be sure to soon admit.
                                                                                      mostly of the true beauty within you

the warmth i feel now,
after you came,
leaves me wanting your touch,
your kiss,
your love to be all mine.